Church Camp Chaos

by Annie Tipton

  “But, ma’am, we’re a merchant ship,” Katy says. “What are we going to do—throw loose tea and coffee beans at them and hope it gets in their eyes?”

  “Just do as you’re told, cadet.” EJ’s voice has a warning in it that makes Katy jump to action and disappear down a ladder.

  “Ahoy, matey!” Weird Beard shouts from the deck of the pirate ship. The pirate is famous for his love of Tyrannosaurus Rexes—like the Jolly Roger flag with the dinosaur head. And now that he is close enough and EJ gets a good look at him, she sees that the parrot on his shoulder isn’t a parrot at all, but a bird-sized T-Rex toy that he pretends is real … and can talk.

  Weird isn’t the half of it.

  “Arrrgh, what do we have here?” Weird Beard says out of the side of his mouth in a high-pitched voice—obviously his best try at being a ventriloquist with the dinosaur on his shoulder. “It be a pretty little boat sailed by a pretty little girl.”

  “Stand down, you vile dinosaur!” EJ doesn’t know why she’s talking to the toy. “Weird Beard, I can see your lips moving. You’re not fooling anybody.”

  “Oi, don’t listen to her, Cap’n,” says Weird Beard’s first mate, a cute pirate with dimples named Cory. “And taking this ship from girls will be like taking candy from babies!”

  “I am First Mate EJ Payne of the Merriweather,“ EJ says, stepping up on a wooden crate to appear a little taller. “And like it or not, girls can do anything that boys can do.”

  “Arrrgh, now there’s where you’re wrong, me beauty.” Weird Beard was talking for himself this time. “Girls can’t get to ramming speed like boys can. Full speed ahead!”

  The pirate ship lurches forward, straight toward the Merriweather. In a split-second decision, EJ yanks the helm and swings her ship at the pirate ship.

  BOOM! The two boats careen into each other, rattling the bones of everybody on board.

  “Good form!” Weird Beard laughs. “Again!”

  “Is that all you’ve got?” EJ shouts. “It felt like your ship just bounced right off the Merriweather!”

  The ships pass each other and circle around, readying for another collision.

  “EJ, I found these under the seats!” Katy showed EJ two double-barreled water guns.

  “Excellent!” EJ smiled at Katy and grabbed one, keeping it low enough in the boat that Isaac and Cory couldn’t see it. “Full water assault when I say ‘now.’ ”

  “Got it!” Katy grinned.

  EJ held the gun between her knees and grasped the steering wheel with both hands as she squared up to the boys’ boat.

  Just before EJ was about to jam the boat’s throttle to the floor for ramming speed, she heard a pop of static come from the floating boat dock behind them.

  “ATTENTION: girls in the red bumper boat!” Gene’s voice seemed to be amplified over the surface of the lake. “The day camper’s lifejacket isn’t secured properly. You must snap the top buckle now, or I will take away your boating privileges.”

  EJ saw that Katy’s top buckle had gotten unclipped somehow, so she reached over and snapped it together quickly.

  “There, we got it.” EJ waved and gave the thumbs-up sign at Gene. “We’re good!”

  First Mate EJ urges the Merriweather ahead at full speed, eyeing the oncoming pirate ship. If she doesn’t time this right, it could be a head-on crash that might sink both ships.

  “Cannons ready,” EJ gives the order to Katy.

  “Ready,” Katy replies.

  “Steady …” EJ waits for the right moment. “NOW!”

  EJ and Katy raised their water guns and sent two colossal streams of water toward the boys. EJ’s hit Cory right in the chest, and Katy’s cascaded like a waterfall on the top of Isaac’s head. EJ wished she could’ve taken a picture of their shocked faces.

  Isaac lost control of the steering wheel as he wiped water out of his eyes, but their boat still sped ahead.

  “Ahhh!” Cory tried to grab the wheel, but it was too late. “Look out!”

  The boys’ bumper boat did a spectacular spin and smacked into the floating boat dock—hard—before bouncing off, no harm done to the boat or the boys. The dock lurched from the impact, throwing Gene off balance so he stutter-stepped off the side of the dock, headfirst into the water.

  A couple seconds later, Gene broke the surface of the water, coughing up lake water and arms and legs flailing before he got his feet under him in the shoulder-deep water. With his red hair hanging in strings on his face and water dripping off him, he looked a little more like a drowned fox rather than a camp counselor. He slowly lifted the megaphone from the water, the strap still firmly around his wrist.

  The campers in the boats and on the shore collectively held their breath, wondering what would come next.

  He pulled the trigger, and the megaphone siren gave the saddest little wail EJ had ever heard before the sound faded and sputtered to silence.

  A cheer erupted from the crowd. Isaac didn’t know it then, but it would be a Camp Christian story that would be told for years to come.

  Chapter 12

  OUTWIT. OUTPLAY. OUT IN THE WILDERNESS

  July 24

  Dear Diary,

  It’s Thursday, the day campers are back at home, and this afternoon we’re heading out into the woods to sleep in tents tonight in the wilderness. I don’t really know what to expect because most of my camping has been in Nana and Pops’s Winnebago. I guess we do stay in tents at family camp—but Dad lets us watch movies on his laptop at night. I don’t think anyone would call that kind of camping “roughing it.”

  I kind of hope wilderness camp will be something like that TV show called Survivor. It’s one of Dad’s favorite shows, and sometimes I watch it with him. The best thing about Survivor is the immunity challenges that the contestants play. My least favorite thing about it is the bugs. And the nasty food they have to eat to stay alive. (Dad told me about one time when the contestants cooked a rat and ate it! GROSS!)

  Macy told me she’s a little nervous about being out in the woods in the dark. I told her there’s nothing to worry about, and I’ll protect her. Unless there are baby alligators in the woods, in which case I’ll be terrified, too. But if there are fuzzy bunnies, we’ll be fine. (Honestly, Diary, I had no idea I was such a wimp!)

  So I’m packing my backpack for overnight in the woods. (Note to self: don’t forget to pack the bug spray!) You’re going with me, Diary. So at least if I don’t survive out there, there will be a record of who I was.

  EJ

  EJ slapped her left elbow, ending the life of one of about a million mosquitoes in the woods.

  “Yuck!” she said, wiping away the remnants of the bloodthirsty bug with her T-shirt sleeve.

  The girls of dorm E were making the mile-long hike to wilderness camp. Each girl toted a backpack and a sleeping bag and pillow under each arm. Susan led the way, stopping the group every now and then to point out an interesting tree or bird.

  “Everybody here?” Susan asked, doing a quick head count. “CoraLee, you still with us, girl?”

  “I’m here!” CoraLee sounded breathless due to the fact that her backpack was positively stuffed with enough pink ruffles and accessories for a weeklong stay in the wilderness. Back at the dorm, EJ overheard CoraLee telling Susan that Michael Draper “volunteered” to carry her camp gear out to the campsite, but Susan said no, CoraLee had to carry her own stuff because boys were absolutely forbidden to set foot on the girls’ campsite. EJ thought for sure CoraLee would pack a little lighter after that, but apparently fashion was more important than being practical.

  “For some of you, this might be your first time camping out in the woods, so I want to show you something to avoid,” Susan said.

  Susan gathered the girls around a tree that had poison ivy growing up the trunk and pointed out the way the plant was divided into three leaflets. “That’s how you can identify poison ivy,” the counselor explained. “Remember the old saying, ‘Leaves of three, let it be.’
”

  They passed a pretty little brook and a sign that pointed in opposite directions, one to the girls’ latrine and one to the boys’ latrine.

  “Susan, what’s a latrine?” Anna Baker asked the question that everyone else was wondering.

  “The outdoor commode,” Susan said matter-of-factly. Some of the girls still looked confused, so she made it even clearer by saying, “The outdoor toilet.”

  “The outdoor WHAT?” CoraLee’s voice reached a shrill pitch at the end of the question.

  “It’s not all that bad,” Susan said, trying to hide a chuckle. “Besides, this is wilderness camp, ladies. No plumbing, no electricity. Let’s enjoy God’s creation to its fullest!”

  EJ grinned at Susan. She thought the camp counselor might just be the best adult she knew. She made another mental note to ask Susan what she needed to do to become a camp counselor someday.

  A few minutes later, the trail opened up to a large clearing marked by a carved wooden sign that said GIRLS DORM E. Ten small tents were set up in a circle, and in the middle was a fire pit surrounded by several large stumps that looked like the perfect place to sit to enjoy the fire.

  “Home sweet home, ladies!” Susan said, smiling. “Pair up and find a tent.”

  There was a moment of scurrying as everyone found a partner and sprinted for a tent. EJ and Macy grabbed hands and ran to the opposite side of the tent circle to claim their space.

  Inside the tent they found two thin air mattresses lying parallel on the floor. The tent was just big enough for them to crawl inside, unroll their sleeping bags on the mattresses, plop their pillows at the head, and set their backpacks on the floor between their sleeping areas.

  EJ and Macy sat cross-legged on their sleeping bags and gulped water from plastic bottles to try to cool down from their hike.

  EJ pulls the bottle away from her mouth and gasps.

  “Macy, slow down!” she says frantically. “We never know how long it’ll be until we find fresh drinking water again.”

  “You’re right, EJ,” Macy says solemnly, twisting the cap on her water bottle and stowing it in her bag. “What’s for supper tonight? Do we have any rice left, or are we going to have to scout for edible bugs?”

  “The rest of the tribe ate all the rice this morning,” EJ says. “Looks like it’s bugs for us tonight. And maybe a mango or two if we can find them.”

  The best friends are braving the wilderness together with the hopes of being the last two standing—to win Survivor and the cash prize that goes along with it. It’s a battle of wits and survival skills, and one they are both committed to.

  “Girls, come out of your tents as soon as you have your beds made,” Susan called. “We’re going to have a little competition against the other dorms.”

  EJ and Macy gathered with the other girls near Susan’s tent. Susan crawled out of her tent a few moments later, a red bandanna folded and tied around her head like a headband and a bundle of red fabric under her arm.

  “Here are our team bandannas,” Susan said, passing out red handkerchiefs. “You can wear them however you’d like; they just have to be visible.”

  Girls got creative with their bandannas, some loosely tying theirs around their necks like a cowboy, others wearing them as armbands or bracelets. One girl tied it in a knot around her leg, just above her knee.

  “Are we ready to win?” Susan, the leader of the all-female tribe, asks.

  “Yeah!” the girls shout back.

  “Then follow me,” she says, leading them deeper into the woods.

  EJ tightens the red bandanna around her head, keeping her hair away from her face. She’s feeling lucky to be on the red tribe since red’s her favorite color and is, in her opinion, the most powerful-looking color.

  Susan leads the red tribe to a clearing, and they come face-to-face with the four other tribes—yellow, purple, blue, and green. As the crowd parts, the red tribe gets its first glance at an epic-looking obstacle course that crosses over a creek flowing through the clearing.

  “Whoa.”

  As EJ took in the sights of the obstacle course, she realized she didn’t really need to imagine anything—what was going on in front of her was just as good (if not better) than she could’ve made up in her head.

  Susan explained each part: a climbing cargo net led to a platform about ten feet off the ground. Once the entire tribe got on the platform, they had to complete a wooden puzzle that unlocked a hatch to a slide off of the platform, back to the ground. Next was a maze made out of hay bales stacked five feet high—with only one correct way through, Susan said—and lots of dead ends.

  For the final part of the obstacle course, Susan pointed to a rope bridge about forty feet long that spanned the fast-moving creek. EJ didn’t think “rope bridge” was a very good description of what she saw. It was more like three thick ropes suspended across the creek: one to walk on and two that were waist high to hold on to and keep your balance.

  “The first team to get everyone across the creek wins,” Susan said. “And the winning team will take back to their campsite the fixin’s for a hot dog and s’mores roast.”

  “What do the losers eat for dinner?” someone shouted from the orange team.

  “Something we like to call a ‘wilderness buffet,’ ” Susan said, smiling. “Beef jerky and trail mix.”

  The crowd of girls let out a groan. After finding out there were hot dogs and s’mores on the line, the wilderness buffet sounded downright disappointing.

  “Okay, girls, here we go!” Susan cupped her hands around her mouth—nearly as effective as Gene’s megaphone, but much less annoying. “On your marks. Get set. GO!”

  EJ’s quick reflexes helped her sprint out ahead of the other girls, and she was the first from the red team to jump onto the cargo net, climbing as fast as she could. She glanced back to see the hungry eyes of her teammates. Hungry for the win—and hungry for the hot dogs and s’mores.

  EJ lost her foothold on the cargo net, and she dangled for a second, dangerously close to losing her hand grips and falling on top of her teammates at her heels.

  “Keep going, EJ!” Susan cheered from below the cargo net. “You’ve got this, red team!”

  EJ regained her footing and looked up to see she was only a couple of feet from the top of the platform. Suddenly Macy leaned over the edge and smiled down at EJ, offering a hand to help her up the last little bit.

  “That’s my best friend—the gymnast!” EJ called to no one. “Thanks, Mace!”

  EJ and Macy sat on the edge of red team’s platform and helped their teammates up. CoraLee was having an especially difficult time with the cargo net because she was wearing high-heeled sandals instead of athletic shoes like everyone else.

  “CoraLee, just kick off your shoes!” Susan yelled. “It’ll make it easier for you to get up the net—I promise!”

  “I’m not kicking these off just to get lost in the underbrush!” CoraLee clung desperately to the cargo net, unable to go up or down. “They’re designer!”

  “And they’re super cute, but they aren’t going to help the team win,” Susan said. “Toss them down to me, and I’ll keep them safe.”

  CoraLee poked her arms through the cargo net, reached down to her feet, and retrieved the impractical shoes before dropping them into Susan’s outstretched hands below.

  “Got ’em—now go!” Susan motioned to CoraLee to hurry.

  EJ had never really thought CoraLee was very athletic, so she was surprised at how quickly the barefooted CoraLee scrambled up the cargo net and was catching her breath on the edge of the platform next to Macy.

  “Who is good at puzzles?” Sara Powers asked.

  “Me!” EJ and CoraLee said in unison.

  “Okay, both of you, over here,” Sara said, pointing at the wooden puzzle pieces.

  EJ and CoraLee narrowed their eyes at each other. Could they really work together?

  “Two heads are better than one,” EJ said, testing the waters with CoraL
ee.

  “No way am I eating beef jerky,” CoraLee said. “Let’s do this thing!”

  EJ and CoraLee spread out the puzzle pieces on the platform, and the rest of the team formed a half circle around them, cheering them on. They would have to assemble the puzzle in a frame that was built into the hatch that led to the slide, and only when the puzzle was completed would the hatch swing open.

  “I see letters and a design,” CoraLee said as she finished flipping over the puzzle pieces to all face the same way.

  “It seems familiar….” EJ closed her eyes for a moment and a picture started to take shape. “C. H. R. I…. It’s the Camp Christian logo!” she shouted, opening her eyes.

  “Yes! You’re right!” CoraLee picked up the first four letters—CAMP—and put them in the puzzle frame. “Nice job, EJ!”

  EJ and CoraLee finished the puzzle in no time flat, and soon everyone was barreling down the slide to the beginning of the maze. EJ was running on pure adrenaline now. The race against the other teams was extremely close.

  The red team entered their maze and immediately hit a dead end. The narrow passageway and tall hay bale walls made for difficult communication among the girls, so there was a lot of confusion about which way to go and who was leading. EJ was getting frustrated quickly. She jumped up into the air to try to see which way they should go. All of a sudden, she realized there was someone on her team that could see above the walls without jumping.

  “Sara, you have to lead us through the maze!” EJ said. “Guys, let Sara Powers go to the front of the line!”

  “What? Why me?” Sara looked confused.

  “You’re tall! You can see over the walls so you know which way to go!” EJ said, nudging her forward. “Hurry!”

  Sara got to the front of the line and quickly led the girls through the maze, only hitting one more dead-end that was in a really tricky spot, so no one blamed her.

  The red team was the first out of the maze, and they all ran toward the rope bridge, nearly tripping over each other as several girls unsteadily made their way out on the rope. A few seconds later, five of them screamed and fell in the creek, wet from the waist down.