“I would.” Caelius looked so relieved by the offer that Gaidres was able to ignore the little voice telling him he was getting too close.
It seemed awkward to be there. This was a private time between a man and the memory of his wife. But when he glanced up and met Caelius’s eyes, he was glad he’d stayed. The man looked like hell, blood staining the front of his robes, face weary. He knew they had fought often, Caelius and his wife, but at the same time he knew Caelius had not wished death upon her. Gaidres couldn’t help but think of Kerses then and his head lowered. How could a Roman, a man he was meant to hate, make him feel such sympathy? But oh, he knew that feeling. The guilt. The crushing responsibility for the death of the person you were meant to protect.
Some part of him could not leave the man like that. In pain. Afraid. He had never seen Caelius so vulnerable.
Caelius glanced down at his robes, covered in blood, and rose from the bed. “A moment, Gaidres. Let me clean up first.”
Gaidres nodded and watched as he shed his ruined clothes and washed at the basin. Then he donned a simple tunic before turning back to Gaidres.
“Come, Dominus.” Gaidres held out his hand. Caelius crossed to him, taking his hand, and let Gaidres tug him down on the bed.
He twisted back to douse the lamp, plunging the room into darkness save for the moonlight slicing in through the large window on the opposite wall. When he turned back, he hesitated before drawing Caelius against himself and tugging a light blanket up over them both.
Caelius tilted his head back to look up at him, dark eyes seeming edged in silver from the moonlight. “There is kindness in you, my gladiator. Soft edges one would never expect.” He sighed as he laid his head upon Gaidres’s chest. “I find it a charming surprise.”
“I was not always a gladiator, Dominus.”
Caelius stroked his fingers along Gaidres’s arm. “No, I suppose you were not. I would dare say you have always been an enigma, however.”
Gaidres shook his head with a light snort. “I am as simple as they come.”
Caelius laughed, tilting his head back again. “If you are simple, Gaidres, then I would not want to see what you believe to be complicated.”
Gaidres could tell Caelius’s mind was scattered. So much had happened and he hadn’t slept more than an hour. Gaidres turned, their faces very close on the pillows. “Sleep, Caelius. All will be well in the morning.”
Chapter Nine
Caelius shifted Faustus in his arms as Felix droned on about the funeral arrangements. The babe had the shape of Valeriana’s face and mouth, but the wisps of curling hair on his head were black and his eyes had remained dark.
“Dominus, if we are leaving as soon as you wish, I must get him ready for his first journey.” Helene cut into his thoughts, holding out her arms for Faustus. “And you need to take some rest yourself before you fall ill. You do not need to oversee every task.”
Surprised by the scolding, Caelius handed over Faustus without argument and then passed a weary hand over his eyes. “My apologies. You were saying, Felix?”
His scribe and friend regarded him for a moment as if he wanted to say something else, but then he picked up his slate again. “I was saying that all the funeral arrangements have been made, Domina rests at your villa in Caere. All that waits is your arrival, Dominus.”
“Helene assures me that Faustus has gained strength. We shall leave at dawn,” Caelius decided. “I do not wish a large group. You, Helene, the wet nurse and a few trusted to see to our needs on the way to the villa.”
“What of Nikodemos for your personal guard?”
Caelius almost agreed and then hesitated. He wanted Gaidres. Lying in his lover’s arms awakened such a need in him that he ached with it. There were many reasons why he shouldn’t take Gaidres. The man wished to kill him. Though after seeing that softer side to him, Caelius had a hard time believing he would go through with it. Not after Gaidres had tried to ease his pain.
And the sound of his name on Gaidres’s lips that night, without having to ask him to use it…Caelius’s breath had caught and the ache in his chest had intensified. The sound had been so sweet to his ears and he realized how much he’d come to care for this man who carried so much pain inside him. But to speak of those feelings would only drive him away.
“You think of Argon again.”
Caelius cast Felix a quick glance and then shrugged in admission. “Am I so obvious?”
“You are, Dominus.” Felix hesitated, then set his slate down. “And it becomes more evident each day. He has a hold on you.”
“Perhaps.” Gaidres was not for him, however. His lion’s heart belonged to another and that was something Caelius would have to accept. Caelius hadn’t sent for him since then, though he hadn’t been able to stay away completely. The brief conversations each day, under the guise of Gaidres reporting on the men’s progress, were not enough. He missed his lover, despite the fact that Caelius strove to ignore his feelings.
“You think me foolish to have one man occupy my thoughts so much.”
“No, not foolish. Besotted, Dominus. Yet I realize that will not stop you.” Felix flashed him a gentle smile. “It is interesting to see this side of you. Take Argon if it pleases you to do so.”
“His true name is Gaidres. It is how I would have him addressed in Caere.” He would take Gaidres if he’d agree to come. “Hold on Nikodemos and send for my gladiator. Let me speak with him before I make my decision.”
Gaidres glanced up as Hierocles appeared beside him, his face tense.
“You are summoned.” His voice was taut and Gaidres wondered what concerned him. He would have asked, but before he could speak, the other man turned and began to walk away, leaving Gaidres to follow.
“Is it well with you, Hierocles?” He caught up to the older man.
Hierocles cast him a quick look, jaw tightening. “All is well.”
“Your new duties suit you, then?”
There was a brief pause, then Hierocles shrugged. “Dominus is generous.”
“He is. I am glad you are well.”
There was no time for more talk as they approached Caelius’s chamber and Hierocles stopped, gesturing Gaidres on. Gaidres gave him a nod and ducked through the curtains, eyes lowering to the floor.
“Dominus.”
Caelius approached, reaching out to take Gaidres’s forearm, and drew him farther into the room. “Come. Share the evening meal with me. I would speak with you on an important matter.”
“As you wish, Dominus.” He let Caelius lead him over to the dining couches.
It wasn’t until they were comfortable with laden plates and wine at hand that Caelius spoke. “I would ask a favor of you, Gaidres.”
Gaidres’s gaze lifted from the floor. A favor? What could Caelius possibly want that he could provide? Other than his cock, of course. “Ask it, Dominus.”
“Would you swear to me not to seek my life this eve?”
He hesitated. Caelius had asked that before and he had given his word. One day, though, he wouldn’t be able to make any promises. That would be the day he did what he had to. “I do swear.”
Caelius smiled and took a sip of his wine. He didn’t say anything and after another moment, Gaidres broke the silence.
“Dominus,” Gaidres began and then paused, setting down his goblet. “You haven’t sent for me in many nights. Have I offended you?” He’d thought of Caelius often, wondering how he was since Valeriana’s death, how the babe fared.
Why he cared, Gaidres did not know. Perhaps because he’d always had a fondness for the little ones, a fondness Kerses had encouraged. His lover used to laugh at the way the children of their village would follow him around, wanting Gaidres to play swords with them. His concern over the babe did not bother him as much as the concern he felt for Caelius. Over the past days he’d found himself almost worrying over the man. Wondering if he was eating properly, getting enough rest, who—if anyone—was comforting him. It was unsettlin
g.
“Not at all,” Caelius replied. “It has been a difficult period and I did not wish to burden you. But I am leaving for a time and I wish to have you travel with me as my personal guard. This is a request, not an order.”
He glanced down for a moment, startled, and then back up to meet Caelius’s eyes. “Why would you request me as your guard when I have told you I would see you dead?” It was foolishness.
“I trust that you, of all others, would protect me best.”
“For what reason would I?”
Caelius shrugged one shoulder. “I do not think you would allow another to take my life before you could do so yourself. And for that reason I think you would keep me safe with far more zeal than another…for you it would be personal.”
Gaidres did not understand how Caelius could be so calm, sitting there discussing Gaidres’s wish to see him dead. And yet the man appeared not at all perturbed.
“Where do you go?”
“To my villa outside Caere. Valeriana is to be cremated there, near her family, and Helene has suggested that the villa there would be a more suitable place for Faustus. He grows stronger every day, but he is still weak.”
“And for how long do you intend to stay?” It had been a very long time since he’d been anywhere that was not a ludus or an arena.
“A month, perhaps a bit more,” Caelius replied. The way he said it told Gaidres Caelius wished for longer.
“A month is long time to be away from the ludus, Dominus. The others would train without me. How would I compete with them when I returned?” He missed the crowd, the rush of battle. It wasn’t bringing death that he loved. It was the battle itself. It was a way to vent his fury, and glory in the arena also meant privileges outside of it.
“There will be more than enough opportunities for you to train and opponents for you to test your skills against, I promise.” Caelius pushed aside his plate, his face weary. “A guard trains in much the same manner as a gladiator does. I do not wish to rob you of your one desire, Gaidres. I’ll not keep you permanently from the ludus.”
Gaidres considered it, reaching out to push Caelius’s plate back in front of him. “Then I would be able to train with the other guards while we are away?”
Caelius’s lips curved into a wistful smile as he began to eat again. “You would. Does this mean you will agree to come?”
Gaidres hesitated another moment, then nodded. “I will.” Caelius was right. Gaidres would protect his life with everything in him, if only so he would not be robbed of his own vengeance, should he ever find his courage again and fulfill the deed he had set upon three years earlier. Soon, he told himself. Perhaps in Caere the opportunities would be greater. He ignored the whispering little voice in the back of his mind reminding him how many opportunities he’d had so far. And asking what of Faustus, was the babe not also of the Laraniia line? Gaidres shoved that thought away immediately. The babe was innocent.
He shook his head free of the troublesome thoughts and focused on Caelius. He sighed at the way the other man picked at his meal. “You need to eat better. And you look like the underworld spit you out.”
Caelius chuckled, sounding weary. He had changed greatly, no longer the saucy, quick to laugh dominus Gaidres had come to expect. He was…soft. Vulnerable. It made Gaidres feel strange. It brought to mind all the thoughts and concerns about this man he’d spent the past few days and nights trying unsuccessfully to ignore. He had more and more difficulty remembering his purpose, remembering that Caelius was still the enemy. He seemed anything but at the moment.
“I feel much the same way.” Caelius reached out and placed a hand on Gaidres’s arm. “I will be much better once I am home and Valeriana is put to rest. I am not such good company tonight, I fear. I should let you get back. We leave at dawn.”
Gaidres shrugged. “It is not as though my cell is any more interesting, Dominus. If you wish me to stay, I will do so.”
“I do.” Caelius caught Gaidres’s hand and brought it to his lips. “I do not think you want food any more than I do.”
“You should eat,” Gaidres said, though his insistence was half-hearted.
“Perhaps we can awaken each others’ appetites.” Caelius rose, linking his fingers with Gaidres and drawing him up. “Would you lie with me, my gladiator?”
“You know that I would, Dominus.” He slid his arm around Caelius’s waist and started walking him back to the bed.
Caelius’s heart fluttered, even as he tried to tell himself that this was only a mutual exchange of pleasure, nothing more. Now that Gaidres was here in his rooms again, Caelius couldn’t take his eyes off him. He both hungered for Gaidres’s fierce passion and longed to see the gentler side of him again. The desires wreaked havoc on his heart and mind. Gaidres seemed to be in as subdued of a mood as Caelius was. It made him want to kiss Gaidres with tenderness, hold him close and run caressing hands over his body.
He wrapped his arms around Gaidres’s neck and pressed kisses along his jaw. “Would you allow me to pleasure you?” he asked, his voice husky as the back of his knees touched the bed.
“I have always found pleasure in your bed.” Gaidres still held Caelius against him. Not breaking eye contact Caelius leaned in and kissed him as he had yearned to kiss him for longer than he realized. He sank his hands into Gaidres’s chestnut hair and let loose all the conflicting emotions rioting inside him.
“There is pleasure, Gaidres, and then there is pleasure.” Caelius gave him a slow, almost secretive smile as he pulled back and brought his hands up to the fastenings of Gaidres’s arm guard. His dark eyes flicked up to Gaidres’s face. “I never would have imagined armor would seem so…arousing.”
Gaidres snorted, shaking his head in faint amusement. “You are an odd man, Dominus.”
“Yes, I believe we’ve discussed that before. I do not deny it.” He eased Gaidres’s armor from him and then knelt to unwind the greaves that protected his calves and set them and the wool binding underneath aside. He moved slowly, his touch worshipful.
It must be very strange for Gaidres to see his master kneeling before him. But he no longer seemed to make Gaidres squirm as he used to. They had gotten to be more…familiar…more comfortable with each other. And Gaidres had ceased to look over his shoulder as if waiting to be dragged off to have his cock separated from his balls for acting in such a manner toward his dominus. In truth, Caelius did not feel as if he was this man’s master, never had. Gaidres’s strength defied ownership.
Caelius ran his hands over Gaidres’s legs, up and down along his thighs and then rose. “Bathe with me. You’ve had a long day’s training and tomorrow we travel. If you would allow it, I wish to care for you tonight.”
“Who am I to deny you what you want? I have no doubt that your baths are as different from mine as our meals are.”
Caelius laughed, pleased that Gaidres would now allow him this intimacy. Gaidres had come to him for one thing only—to ease the ache they aroused in one another. As much as he would like to hope that this increased trust meant Gaidres’s feelings toward him would change even more, he didn’t really believe it would happen.
He would do well not to forget that the arena, the battle, was Gaidres’s life. “Come, my gladiator.” Caelius led Gaidres to the baths near his rooms. The small, waist-high pool was more than sizeable enough for two and Caelius was impatient to be alone with him. As soon as the slaves laid out everything they would need, he dismissed them.
Without speaking, they stepped close again and stripped each other of the rest of their clothes. Gaidres slid his hand down the curve of Caelius’s back, his touch more caressing than demanding and Caelius sighed in pleasure. “Your skin is always so soft.” Gaidres’s gaze moved over Caelius’s naked body.
Caelius laced his fingers with Gaidres’s and stepped down into the pool, smiling as Gaidres joined him. “You can touch my skin and look upon my body anytime you wish. I know it pleases you.” There was no mistaking the hunger in Gaidres’
s eyes when they were naked together.
Gaidres’s gaze raked over Caelius. “It does, indeed, Dominus.”
Caelius sluiced water over Gaidres’s body and reached for the strigil and oil. Gaidres’s body was perfect even with the scars and Caelius would see to every inch of him. “Relax, Gaidres, place yourself in my hands.” He kissed Gaidres’s shoulder as he stepped around him to his back.
“I do not know your meaning.” Gaidres glanced back over his shoulder at him.
Caelius brushed his fingers along Gaidres’s skin with a knowing look. “Just relax. Allow me.”
Before Gaidres could ask what he meant by that Caelius poured a thin stream of the oil, scented with herbs and flowers, over Gaidres’s shoulders and back before setting it aside and beginning to sweep his hands over Gaidres’s skin, massaging.
Gaidres’s eyes closed, exhaling at his touch. Caelius kept his hands firm as they kneaded the sore muscles and scrubbed sweat and grime to the surface only to gently whisk it away with the fine metal strigil.
Caelius reached under the water and his slick hands came around to close on Gaidres’s cock. “All of you needs bathing, does it not?” His voice was teasing and Gaidres chuckled.
“Whore.”
“Guilty.”
He could touch Gaidres for an eternity and not grow tired of doing so. He kissed the nape of his lover’s neck before pouring more oil down over Gaidres’s chest and stomach. Caelius stayed pressed against his back as he massaged the oil into his skin before turning him around to wield the strigil again.
“I have never met a man who would tend to a slave in such a manner. Or in any manner at all.” Gaidres studied him as if trying to figure Caelius out.
Caelius brushed his mouth against Gaidres’s. “I tend to the man that I take to my bed. Is that so strange?”
“Perhaps not, in a normal situation.” Gaidres’s breath caught as once again Caelius’s hands slipped underneath the water to tease his cock. “But ours is not a normal situation, Dominus.”
The Gladiator’s Master Page 11
