by Carré White
“Remain the same for whom?”
“For Wesley.”
“Do you love him?”
“Who?”
“Either of them?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?”
Ryan. “I’m trying to figure that out, sir.”
“I think you know that answer already.”
“Everyone wants me to wait until Wesley returns. I wish he was here already.”
“Someone’s gonna have a broken heart.”
“I’m sorry, but that can’t be helped. I won’t marry, unless I’m hopelessly in love…and that’s something I’ve only recently felt.”
He patted the horse. “Come on, I’ll help you up.”
Nothing had been resolved as a result of this conversation. My life was still at a standstill. “Thank you, Nathan. You’re a sweet man. You’re one of the few people I genuinely like.”
“You’re just tryin’ to get on my good side.” His grin was lopsided.
“No,” I giggled. “I mean it.”
“You’ll figure it out, Jane. You’re a smart girl. You’ve got plenty of spirit, but that makes you even lovelier, I suppose. I think the future is pretty darn bright for you, once you figure out which way you’re gonna go.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Nothin’ worth havin’ is ever easy.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“You go on home now, before you’re missed.”
“They’re probably all awake. I’ll just say I went for a ride.”
“Then you better skedaddle.”
I called to the horse, “Go on, Sally Anne. Take me home, girl.”
As I made my way to the road, he stared after me, his face partially hidden beneath a broad-brimmed hat. Although I had been caught with Ryan—again, I was glad I had come. I was now certain that I was in love with him—hook, line, and sinker.
***
Getting ready for church the next morning had set the house abuzz with activity. Fanny had the iron out in the kitchen, while Mary and Susanna fussed with their hair, fighting over the single mirror in the bedroom. I calmly went about my business, choosing a purple morning dress and working my hair into a simple bun, which would be hidden beneath a straw bonnet. When we all were ready, we filed out of the house in our Sunday best, climbing into the wagon, while Jack commandeered the reins.
“For once, we’re on time,” he said, grinning.
“Oh, drat!” exclaimed Fanny. “I forgot the pie.” She stepped down from the seat. “I’ll be back.” We were due for brunch at Paulina’s after the service.
When we were finally on our way, the knowledge that I would see Ryan today left me in high spirits, a hint of color brightening my cheeks. It was a glorious morning; the sun, although stark, shone warmly upon my shoulders, while a hint of a breeze caressed my neck. There was another wagon up ahead, and I assumed it belonged to either Hannah or Louisa, as they lived in this direction. Once we had reached the outskirts of town, the newly reconstructed city stretched out before us, although most of the shops were located in the center along one thoroughfare. There were wagons already at the church, people milling about and talking. I spied Nathan’s wagon, as his family stood next to it with Ryan, who looked bruised and battered, but who stood proudly, holding his head high.
Eager to join them, I nearly sprang from the wagon after Fanny slid from the seat. I made a beeline towards them, my strides determined. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, Jane,” said Hannah.
“How are you feeling today?” I gazed at Ryan, who smiled, although it looked painful to do so.
“I’m well.”
The urge to take his hand was almost overpowering, but I resisted. “I’m glad you’re on the mend.”
“Hello, all,” said Pastor Bailey, brushing past us. “I’ll just get the door.”
We followed him inside, while others arrived, the empty lot before the church overflowing with conveyances and horses. The smell of freshly painted wood greeted us, along with a hint of incense, because the church had been rebuilt not that long ago. As promised, Ryan sat next to me, and being this close to him with all my family nearby felt not only fitting, but also comforting. When the pews had filled in, Pastor Bailey appeared before the pulpit, his expression bland, but the determined tilt of his chin signified that he would be speaking on a topic he felt strongly about. His face sported some bruising, but it wasn’t nearly as pronounced as Ryan’s.
“Welcome, everyone.” The parishioners murmured in reply. “It’s good to see you all. We’ve had a trying week, I dare say. First there were the attacks on the supply trains and then the grasshoppers. I spent two days helping my brother-in-law and his family save their fields, but we were outnumbered. We were in the fields from sun up to sun down beating the pests with flails and digging trenches for coal tar. Still, in the end, we were not victorious.” His gaze swept the room. “In times of strife, we are left with the question of why. I repeatedly asked myself why, hoping for an answer I could comprehend, but I wasn’t able to make sense out of it. When a community like ours, after all the calamity that has befallen us, faces an even greater challenge, it does leave us with the question why.”
I glanced at Ryan, who stared straight ahead. He acknowledged my stare with a slight smile, his head tentatively tilting towards me.
“What I saw this week has heartened me,” continued Pastor Bailey. “I realized that the family I’ve stumbled into is more than an assemblage of men and women and children. These people, these hardworking people, would give me the shirt off their backs, if I asked. I didn’t truly understand it until the disaster, but I am a very fortunate man. I am humbled today to be in their presence, and I rejoice in my choice of wife, which I now see as fortuitous.” He glanced at Fanny, who smiled at him. “And this from Proverbs (3:5-6 NIV) Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” He paused in thought before continuing. “One of the people who aided us during this time of crisis was a ranch hand by the name of Ryan Hartsock. He’s been employed at the Weaver farm for several weeks, and you might have seen him in town. I mention this because he has agreed to read for us today from Matthew 7:1-5.”
He nodded towards Ryan, who stood. There was a buzz among the congregation, as voices whispered, and I assumed it was either because of his ethnicity or the horrible bruising on his face. When he had made his way down the aisle, slowly taking the steps towards the pulpit, I felt an intense burst of pride at the courage it required to face the citizens of Denver City, especially after his vicious attack.
“There you are,” said Jack. “You’ve got the floor now, son.”
“Thank you.” He gazed at the people, his left eye swollen and purple. Then he began to read from the Bible. “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.” He glanced at Jack, and then continued reading. “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, ...” When he had finished, he turned to Pastor Bailey. “That’s all I have, sir.”
“Thank you, Mr. Hartsock.” As Ryan made
his way back to his seat, he sat next to me, lightly brushing my hand with his. “That man may look like something you’ve come to fear, but, rest assured, he’s as tame as the wheat that grows in my field. We’d all be obliged, if you could give him the benefit of the doubt before judging him based solely on his appearance.” He glanced at Mrs. Holmstedder. “You may play now, Bessie. A hymn or two should lighten the mood.”
“Yes, Pastor Bailey.”
I grasped Ryan’s hand, squeezing, while smiling. Whether the service changed anything in respect to how people treated him, we would not know for some time, but I was entirely grateful for Jack’s efforts.
“You were wonderful,” I whispered.
“So are you, sweet Jane.”
Chapter Fourteen
Feeling jubilant after the service, we gathered outside the church to talk, and, to my surprise, several members of the congregation approached Ryan, offering to shake his hand.
Nathan, who had been standing next to Hannah, strolled over. “That went pretty well.”
“Yes, it did.”
“I’ll bring him to the saloon later in the week. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been half seas over. My old drinkin’ mates are wonderin’ what happened to me.” His smile was lopsided. “Yes, ma’am. Domestic bliss has taken its toll.”
I grinned. “I can see it’ll be a hardship for you.”
“Certainly. One of those bar stools had my name on it back in my bachelor days.”
“I’ve heard Hannah mention it. You’ve certainly changed your ways.”
“The love of a good woman will do that.”
“Thank you for all you’ve done.”
“I didn’t do anything. That boy will find the acceptance he’s looking for. I get a feelin’ he’s plannin’ on staying in Denver City.” His expression softened. “I wonder what that’s all about? There’s only one reason a man would want to give up the life of freedom and coffin varnish.”
“Coffin varnish?”
“Whiskey.” He patted his belly. “Oh, yeah. Those were the good ol’ days.”
“You’re incorrigible, Nathan,” I laughed.
He tipped his hat. “I’ve been called worse.”
“I’m sure you have.”
Pastor Bailey chatted with the mayor, who had brought his wife. There had been a rather odd assemblage of parishioners, including miners and several “soiled doves”, although they had dressed modestly. Even the notorious madam, Ruby Wallace, was present, wearing a broad black hat with feathers. She was in the company of two men, but they had already taken their leave.
Before we were on our way, I sat with Fanny in the wagon, while the other members of the Hoffman family took to theirs. We would meet at Paulina’s house for the weekly brunch.
Fanny grasped my hand. “I say, things will be looking up for Mr. Hartsock now. He has a quiet manner when speaking, but I think he’ll eventually overcome some of that shyness. I imagine being singled out wherever he goes hasn’t helped. Life must’ve been trying for him looking the way he does. Once people know he’s no different than they are, they’ll accept him.”
“I hope so.”
“Go on, Sally Anne,” called Jack. “Go on, girl.”
We followed Hannah and Nathan’s wagon, while Louisa and Paulina were behind us. Ryan sat with Mr. and Mrs. Hoffman, as they had room to spare in their conveyance. Once we arrived at Paulina’s house, she enlisted the help of the men to erect two tables in the backyard, while the children brought out chairs. The trees they had planted a few years ago were still rather small, but one offered a little more shade than the others. Food was arranged in various bowls and ceramic tureens, with biscuits under cloth to keep the flies at bay. They occasionally roasted a pig in the ground, as they had done today, beginning the process the night before.
“I forgot the lemonade,” said Mrs. Hoffman. “It’s on the kitchen table.”
“That pig’s about to come out soon, fellas,” said Samuel. “I’ll need help then.”
Jack removed his coat, draping it over a chair. Then he rolled up his sleeves. “I’m ready for duty. Nothing tastes as good at your roasted pigs, Samuel.”
He grinned. “We certainly enjoy them.”
The younger children ran around, while the older ones practiced their horseshoe tosses and played with marbles, but we had to keep the glass balls away from the toddlers, as they liked to eat them. Paulina brought out a rocking horse for the little ones.
A hand at my elbow had me glancing over my shoulder. “Your poor face,” I said, smiling sympathetically at Ryan. I longed to reach out to touch him, but there were people watching.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I know I look pretty darn hideous like this.”
“Well, at least half of you is handsome.”
He tilted his head. “You think I’m handsome?”
Something flipped over in my belly. “Yes.”
“Even with a purple eye?”
I nodded, as bashfulness suddenly left me without a response.
He led me away from the table, murmuring, “I’ve been thinking a lot. A lot about you.”
“This…sounds serious.”
“I’m frustrated that our evening was ruined. I wanted to dance with you. Those drunken idiots ruined what should’ve been a very nice time.”
“We’ll have other opportunities to dance. They hold them every week you know.”
“Then will you accompany me next Friday?”
“Yes.”
“I…” he seemed hesitant, his posture stiffening. “I want to do more than dance with you.” The implications of his words were shocking. He shook his head, realizing his error. “I mean, not that! I mean I want us to go to church together and have dinner together and things of that nature.” His smile was sheepish. “I’ve gone and stepped in it now. I’m not all that good at making small talk, especially with women.”
“I want those things too.” Movement near the kitchen door held my attention, as a man appeared, dressed in trousers and a vest and coat. He’d combed his hair back; his appearance was of youthful success, his expression earnest. He scanned the backyard, searching for something. “Oh, my God.”
“What?”
A trap door had opened beneath me; the feeling was like a sudden drop. “It’s Wesley.”
Ryan glanced over his shoulder. “The elusive beau has returned. It looks like he stopped by the Men’s Emporium before he came here.”
It was then that Wesley’s eyes widened. “Jane!” He bounded down the steps, racing towards me.
Everyone had stopped to stare, even Jack and Nathan, who worked with Samuel to remove the pig from the ground. As Wesley approached, I mustered the biggest smile I was able and prepared myself for what might come.
“Wesley! I wondered if you’d ever return.”
“I sent letters, but the last few didn’t make it. I was told a supply wagon was ambushed by Indians.” He glanced at Ryan, stiffening. “What on earth?”
“This is Ryan Hartsock. He works for Nathan and Hannah.”
Ryan had extended a hand in greeting, but Wesley ignored it, leading me away instead. “I’m grateful to be home, Jane. I hurried as much as I could. I worried about you the entire time. How have you been?”
“We’ve had our challenges this summer.” I searched for Ryan, spotting him with Nathan and Jack, standing over the pit.
“I’ve saved enough money to build a house now.” He grinned, clearly pleased with himself. “I’ve chosen a prime spot of land. It’s south of here, but only by an hour or two.”
That was alarming. “An hour or two is quite a distance. All my family is here.”
“They can visit as often as they like.”
“You’re taking a great deal for granted, aren’t you? I don’t recall an offer of marriage.”
“I know, I know. It’s always been implied.” He lifted his chin, while his look remained relaxed, complacent. “We’ve known each other long enough, Jane. Marriage wa
s a given, no matter how you look at it. Now, about the property, it’s truly lovely. It’s what took me so long to get here. I’ve made a deal with some land barons. The final price was less than half what they were asking for. It’s prime acreage with a little creek and a small forest. It’s the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, besides you, of course.”
“That all sounds wonderful, Wesley.”
“I’ve been luckier than most prospecting. I found a creek loaded with the stuff, but I’ve had to keep it quiet.” He glanced around warily. “There’s not much left, but I plan to return to sift out the dregs.”
“I see.”
“You may have the house of your dreams very soon, my dear.” He glanced at Paulina’s two-story structure with it second floor dormer windows. “Even better than this place.”
He was offering me the world, but I felt strangely detached from the process, which was perplexing. “It’s what I’ve always wanted.” Those words sounded hollow. “I’m glad you found success. I’m happy you returned prosperous and healthy.”
He grinned. “How about lemonade? Whatever’s cooking sure smells good.”
“Thank you.” I watched him stroll to the table, pouring fluid into two glasses.
Hannah neared. “Well, he’s back.” Her look was inquisitive. “You don’t seem overly happy.”
“I’m…” I searched for Ryan, finding him standing near where Charles was on the wooden horse, rocking back and forth. “Excuse me.” I felt compelled to go to him, my feet carrying me swiftly. When I approached, his solemn expression broke my heart. “He’s offering me the world,” I blurted. “He wants to marry me. He wants to build a house.”
“I figured.”
Tears were in my eyes. “What am I going to do?”
“What do you want?”
“All those things, but…they won’t be enough. They can’t replace…love.”
“That’s the only thing I have to offer.” His smile was bittersweet. “And a tipi.”
Panic hit, as I saw Wesley striding over. “Are you saying you love me?”
