by Leah Cook
I told her again I was just sleep deprived and thanked her for the food. Reluctantly she left, taking a bored Phoenix with her.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the dark flower, it was so beautiful and enticing and yet ominous and menacing as well. I had absolutely no idea who would have left it for me. Only two people had been to my house from school, and I had been with Scott when the rose was left. That left Mikayla. Why would she do something like this? And, if it was Scott, then when did he have time to put it in my room?
With more questions than answers I fell into a restless sleep, not waking until late in the afternoon. I switched on my laptop and waited for my emails to load.
There was an email from someone I didn’t know, again it was filled with more questions than answers.
Have you figured it out yet Ruby?
I sat staring at the screen, the cryptic questions were getting increasingly frustrating and I could feel myself getting angrier by the minute.
If you want me to know something then tell me otherwise just stop with the cryptic crap. I hit send with more force than was needed sending the laptop flying off my legs. Within seconds I heard the tell-tale ping of a new email message. Sighing I picked up the laptop and gently sat it on the bed to read the next message.
You are the only one who can figure it out. You have more than enough clues. I won’t message you until you do. It was signed A Friend.
Some friend I thought, my anger building further. What the hell was going on? I thought about everything that had happened since the move. Krystal’s death, Mikayla, Scott, even my parents had changed dramatically in the way they treated me.
How was it all connected? Was it all even connected? Was someone just enjoying messing with my head, and if so, why? I started pacing in my room, letting out a deep growl of frustration as I threw my arms up into the air. At the same time my bedroom window smashed, falling into hundreds of sharp pieces on the ground outside.
I squealed in shock and was still standing staring at the open window when my mother came in to find out what the noise was.
“Ruby? Oh my! What happened?” She went over to the window and looked outside to wear the glass had fallen. There was no glass on the floor, anywhere, it had all fallen outside.
“I was just sitting here and it just smashed!” My face was red with anger and confusion as my eyes filled with tears that I refused to let spill over.
“It’s okay Ruby, it was probably just faulty glass,” she rubbed my shoulder. “It is a bit odd the way the glass shattered out like that, saves us cleaning it up in here though.” She paused for a minute and an odd expression came over her face. “It almost looks like…doesn’t matter. I’ll call someone to come and fix it, hopefully they can come today.” Her hand moved from my shoulder to my back. “Honey, are you feeling okay?”
“Sure Mum, I’m fine, I think I just got a fright. I’m going to have a shower.” I turned my back on her facing the wardrobe before she saw the first of my tears fall down my face. Quietly she left the room without saying anything else and I silently thanked her for it.
Eventually the tears dried up and I grabbed some clothes and went to leave my room, with my hand on the door knob I decided to go and low out the smashed window. I’m not great with heights and I would normally have steered clear of an open window, but something made me want to look.
I cautiously looked down to where the glass had fallen and suddenly knew why my mother had seemed so confused. In the garden bed below, the fallen glass had formed a star with a circle in it.
I looked up at the sky before taking in a shaky breath and looking down again, my hands shaking as they gripped the window sill so tightly my knuckles were white. This time when I looked down all I could see was a mess of glass on the ground below. There was none directly under the window though, it was all further into the lawn, about five metres from the house. The shards of glass had fallen away from the house, like the window had exploded instead of shattered. What the hell? I knew I what I had seen just seconds before, but yet here it was, just fallen glass. No stars, no circle. As the tears threatened to form once again I pulled myself together and decided I needed some answers and I knew just where to get some of them.
I stayed in the shower until it went cold, my muscles easing and relaxing in the flow of the water. I washed my hair and lathered myself up with body wash. I shaved my legs and under my arms and trimmed my bikini, I was overdue for waxing. I tied my hair up into a high pony tail as tight as I could get it and pulled on my running gear. I was going to work off this anger and clear my head so I could think properly.
I told my mother where I was going, grabbed my iPod and strapped it on, only stopping to find my running playlist. I jogged slowly for five minutes, giving my body the chance to warm up before I pushed it as close to my limits as possible. As the songs started to increase in tempo so did my running speed. I was halfway around the lake and still wasn’t puffing hard. I felt my heart pumping in my chest, a feeling I relished, and the reason I had become so addicted to running in the first place. It grounded me, helped me think clearly and made me feel alive. I pushed past where Krystal had died without stopping or looking to the spot on the grass where I had seen the light fade from her eyes. A flash of a memory hit me from the seconds before she died, reminding me that her eyes had turned green just before she collapsed on the ground.
After I’d done a full lap of the lake I pushed my legs harder, feeling them burn. I was drawing air into my lungs faster now but knew I needed to push it further. After hitting the halfway mark again I pushed even harder hitting my stride at full speed I couldn’t go any faster. I ran the last half and kept pushing and pushing until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I slowed down and bent over at the knees drawing in deep rough breaths. After a few seconds I threw up into the reeds on the side of the lake, heaving until my stomach was empty. Catching my breath, I sat down on the grass and stared out to the lake, sweat still pouring off me.
My head still wasn’t clear, my life in Primfield was swimming in circles inside my head. After twenty minutes, I figured I’d had enough, the sun was starting to fade and I’d run as far as my legs were going to take me. I was glad for the pain as I stood up, feeling every step as I slowly walked home.
I was quiet during our family dinner, my parents trying to engage me into conversation but eventually giving up. I thanked Mum for dinner, cleared the table and told them I was going to bed. On the way up the stairs I heard my father’s voice.
“That boy had better not hurt her J, I hate seeing her this torn up and not know why. For goodness sake he must have done something!”
“Robbie,” she said using her nickname for him. “She’s not a child anymore, we can’t protect her forever. She needs to experience love and hurt for herself, even if that means she does get hurt. She will come to us if and when she needs us.”
I went into my room without hearing the rest of their conversation. My mother sounded so wise, settling my father wasn’t as easy task and I thanked her for managing to do tonight. I wasn’t about to go back to the over protective parenting style my father had used when we were in the city.
Scott hadn’t hurt me at all, quite the opposite. I was so drawn to him physically, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was just lust. I knew in my heart it wasn’t, I was falling for him hard and fast, and I didn’t know if I could stop. Not sure I could stop myself even if I wanted to.
I dressed into my pyjama pants and a singlet top, and went to my desk with my laptop, barely noticing that the window had been fixed.
I opened my emails and while they loaded I opened the internet browser and clicked on Google. In the search field I entered black rose, hit enter and waited.
There were over three hundred and sixty million results. Great I thought, this is going to take forever. I started to scroll through the various links. There were so many that were completely unrelated to gardening or flowers. Some made reference to bondage and S&M, cafes, Goth online shops
and much more. I clicked on a link for a gardening site that stated there is no known true black rose, most of the ‘black roses’ were in fact dark reds. To get a black rose you needed to dye them, paint them or burn them. In my head I saw Scott near the rose bush when he had picked me up the previous night.
Clicking in the search bar I changed my search to include ‘meaning of’ and got over eighteen million results. At least that was slightly less time consuming.
Surprised I found sites that had me interested almost immediately, from Yahoo, Wikipedia, and lots of unknown sites.
Words flew around in my head as I researched, death, new life, sacrifice, sadness, mortality, immortality, tragic, love, hate, magic, voodoo, grief, impending doom, rivalry, and new beginnings were just a few. After hours of pouring through various sites, I closed the laptop without remembering to check my email. From what I had discovered only the giver of the black rose determined the context of its meaning. So unless I knew who left it for me, there was no way to know for certain what it meant.
As I lay in bed, I stared out the open curtains into the clear sky that was filled with stars. There was a small knock on the door and my mother came in quietly.
“Ruby, I thought you might want some company.” She placed a very excited Phoenix on my bed, kissed me on my forehead like she did when I was little and left the room.
After a play and a cuddle my gorgeous puppy fell asleep on my feet. I had neglected him all day and would make up for it tomorrow.
With my head still full of the things I had read and the things I still needed to figure out, I eventually fell into a deep sleep, my run having drained me of all my energy.
CHAPTER 9
Monday went by in a complete blur. I was too distracted with Krystal’s impending funeral to have any form of concentration span. I was dragged around to my classes by either Mikayla or Scott and at lunch he wrapped me in his arms and didn’t ask me what was wrong. At home, my mother’s concern for me grew as I withdrew further from her. I didn’t chat with her over dinner and excused myself after, heading straight to bed.
Tuesday morning I woke up at dawn. Today I had to face Krystal’s parents at the funeral. Part of me desperately wanted to stay wrapped up under my doona, but the adult in me knew that I couldn’t hide forever. I showered and dressed in a long black dress, knee high boots and put my hair half up. I didn’t wear any make up, it wasn’t something that I associated with funerals. I wasn’t there to look my best, I was there for Krystal’s parents.
I was quiet all through breakfast and in the end I gave up. My stomach clenched too tightly to finish it. My parents chatted to themselves like it was any normal day, but to me it was the day that a family would bury their daughter, their sister, niece and granddaughter.
I took Phoenix for a quick trip to the lake, picking one of my mother’s beautiful roses before leaving. I was amazed at what she had done in the garden in such a short space of time. Everything was in full bloom, the vegetable patch was green and luscious and seemed to be growing at super speed. Even the young fruit trees looked like they had grown at least a foot.
I walked to where Krystal had died next to the lake and knelt down on the dewy grass. I placed the rose I had picked on the ground and said a small prayer. I prayed that she was happy wherever she was, that she would find peace there. I stayed there until Phoenix tried to bowl me over by jumping at my head and I knew it was time to go.
“Goodbye Krystal.” I said quietly and turned for home. I didn’t notice the lone black clad figure watching me from the other side of the lake.
My mother had offered to go with me to the funeral for moral support, but I had turned her down. I didn’t want her reminded that it was someone who was my own age. Someone so young and who still had so much to live for.
I walked to the church which wasn’t much further than the school. There were cars everywhere. People milled around outside, a sombre tone overshadowing the many embraces and the shaking of hands.
I hesitated just outside the gates not seeing any familiar faces. I saw a woman stare at me, her eyes bloodshot and red. She noticed me and waved me over, offering a weak smile. Standing next to her but not touching her was a tall, slightly overweight man, his grief visible in the way he held his shoulders. The distance between them was obvious, even to even me.
“You must be Ruby, I’m Julie and this is my husband Tom, we’re Krystal’s parents. Thank you so much for coming, it means a lot to us that you are here.” She embraced me in a firm hug, her body trembling with unshed tears as she struggled to hold back her sobs.
“I’m sorry about Krystal. I didn’t know her very well.” I had no idea what to say to these people, I felt like a fraud. I didn’t belong there.
After she had finally let go of my hand I went into the church, no longer unable to share their immense grief with them. The first thing I noticed was the large white coffin at the front of the room on the altar. It was cascading with red and white roses. Bouquets and wreaths lined the floor around it, no visible floor space was left except for a small path leading to the coffin. The coffin was closed, and I was relieved. I was glad to not be expected to pay my respects; it had been hard enough to watch her die. A large framed photograph sat in the middle of the casket; Krystal smiling, her blue eyes shining as the sun glinted off her blonde hair.
I sat in the middle section, away from the front but not up the back, trying not to be noticed. I took a deep breath and relaxed, noticing my hands were shaking slightly. I hadn’t realised I was that nervous. Sitting in the pew, I watched as people came in, some already crying, unable to contain their grief. Some as uncomfortable as I was, immediately taking a seat and averting their eyes from everyone.
A young man caught my eye, he wore a dark suit, his black hair not quite suiting his skin tone. I didn’t see his face as he walked directly up to the casket and placed his hand on top. I saw a small white spark under his hand and stared, not sure what had just happened. He turned back towards the pews and his eyes caught mine. His amber eyes pierced into mine and in that second he knew that I had seen him. He nodded slightly towards me and then continued down the aisle to the doors, not looking at me as he went past the aisle I was in.
Ten minutes later I was still trying to figure out what I had seen. Lately it seemed I spent more time trying to figure out what I might have seen than what I was seeing. I was all a little confusing.
Music began to play sombrely and Krystal’s parents came into the hall arm in arm, both with tears streaming down their faces. Behind them was the young man I had just seen at Krystal’s casket. Must be her brother I figured, an older brother.
The funeral passed slowly, there were numerous readings from the bible, and various family members spoke about how Krystal had touched all of their lives with her vivacious attitude, her tendency to find trouble wherever she went and her amazing ability to make people believe in themselves. Krystal sounded like the type of person I could have easily been friends with. Now neither of us would have that chance.
Black Suit Guy stood at the end after the priest had said his last few words and thanked everyone for coming and that the funeral procession to the cemetery was going to be for family members only. He looked directly at me when he said that, I was secretly grateful for the early reprieve and after the church was empty I continued to sit in the pew, feeling strangely content and at home. The beautiful stained glass windows threw a rainbow of light across the floor and over the altar. For the first time in a long time I found myself praying. Silently I knelt on the floor and prayed Krystal had found peace, that her death would mean something somewhere. That it was necessary for some reason.
I prayed for God to look out for me, although I wasn’t sure from what.
CHAPTER 10
I woke early again on Wednesday, after a sleep full of dreams and things I couldn’t quite remember in the light of day. I decided to take Phoenix for a walk and he bounded along happily without pulling on his lead. I saw only a
few other people out walking, running or cycling and was glad to have some time with him before school.
I chatted with my parents over breakfast and made my lunch. After feeding Phoenix I put him outside in his yard with some toys and food and went up to get ready.
Once I was showered and dressed, I grabbed my completed homework, my laptop and shoved everything into a bag and headed downstairs. I kissed my mother on the cheek and left for school, still managing to arrive earlier than normal.
I headed into the library and got some extra study done, only realising that the bell had gone when the librarian asked me if I needed to get to class. Thanking her, I quickly packed up and left.
The day went quickly. I spoke as little as possible to Mikayla and gave excuses at lunch so I wouldn’t have to sit with her. She didn’t mention Krystal’s funeral or the coincidence of me having the same day off. I figured someone would have told her I had gone. I was getting an odd vibe off her, but she didn’t directly say anything either. I left the group before Scott had arrived. I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to be with him, and I knew if he was close enough all logic would leave me.
Sitting around the side of the library where students weren’t meant to be, I sat and ate, sketching absentmindedly in one of my books.
“That’s interesting Rubes.” I jumped when Scott suddenly appeared standing over me smiling, his dimples deeper than ever. “So, why are you avoiding me?”
He sat down right in front of me not giving me a chance to not look at him. As soon as my eyes met his I knew that I was completely lost in him.
“I just needed some space, I’m confused with what this is between us. I’m confused about a lot of things actually.”
“After what happened the other night? You’re still not convinced that we’re meant for each other?” His green eyes searched my face and he reached for my hand, gently rubbing his thumb back and forward of the back of it.
