“Okinawa, Japan. I head there Monday.”
I force a smile. “Wow. Sounds like an adventure.”
“Yeah.” He furrows his brow, and it looks like he’s deep in thought as he stares at his plate.
We both focus on eating our food, the silence hanging heavy between us at his impending departure. When the bill arrives, I offer to pay, but Ryan refuses to let me, so I thank him for dinner before he takes my hand and we head back to the car. Neither of us speaks as he drives us back to my place.
It isn’t until we’re inside and I’m stepping out of my shoes that he grabs me and pulls me to him, crushing his lips on mine. He kisses me slowly and deeply, with the taste of his after-dinner mint still fresh on his tongue. I slide my hands down along the hard planes of his chest, tugging at his shirt until it comes untucked from his pants. I may not know how to talk to him about what comes next for us, but this, I can do. My fingers tremble with anticipation as I unbutton his shirt and admire his masculine perfection.
“Unzip me?” I turn and sweep my hair off to the side, shivering when his fingers trail behind the zipper, sliding against my skin from the nape of my neck to the small of my back. He presses his lips against my bare skin, kissing each shoulder blade before the shoulders of my dress slip down my arms and the material pools at my feet. I turn back around to face him in just my red lace bra and no panties.
“Jesus, Samantha…” He pulls me roughly to him again, and I grin against his mouth when I feel his desire pressing into my belly.
He lets his mouth slide along my jawline and down my neck to my collarbone, kissing me reverently on every inch of my skin. I let my eyes falls shut as my head falls backward, savoring the way his mouth closes over one of my nipples, his tongue gently lashing at the hardened bud. My back arches into him as he moves to the other nipple, and a gasp escapes my lips when his teeth graze over it at the same time he dips a hand between my legs, the tip of his middle finger slipping inside my pussy.
“Mmm, I can see you’ve been thinking about me,” he says, hooking his finger inside me and swirling it twice, making my hips jerk forward. “You’re so wet for me. Have you been thinking about this all night? Fantasizing about my tongue fucking your sweet little cunt, knowing how addicted I am to your taste?”
Without waiting for an answer, he presses me against the wall and kneels in front of me, placing one of my legs over his shoulders and licking once between my sensitive flesh. My hands grab at the wall, desperate to find purchase as he circles my clit with the tip of his tongue, lavishing it with gentle strokes. I roll my hips, frantic for more, but he denies me each time.
“Ryan, please.”
He chuckles, knowing just how much his light touches are driving me wild in the most pleasurable and maddening way. Every time he works me up to the edge, he retreats, wanting to tease and tantalize until he’s driven me completely insane. He lets his tongue work my clit as his fingers slip in and out of me in slow, shallow plunges until I’m writhing against his face, begging shamelessly for more.
“Ryan… please…I need more. I want to come. Please, make me come.”
At my words, he growls against me and pumps his fingers inside me while his tongue focuses on my swollen core, sucking and licking it with punishing lashes until I’m screaming with pleasure as my orgasm crashes through me like a tidal wave. Heat sears my body as he fingers me through my orgasm, and when I finally come down, he gently lowers my leg and stands, taking my mouth with his.
“God, you’re so fucking beautiful when you come.”
I blush when I taste myself on his lips. “Take me to bed.”
With our lips still connected, he lifts me and carries me to his room, laying me gently on his bed. He removes his pants and boxers and crawls onto the bed, until he’s hovering over me and the thick head of his cock is aligned with the entrance of my body. “Shit. Condom.” He reaches over me to the nightstand, but I stop him.
“No. Not tonight. I want to feel you and just you inside me.”
Ryan’s nostrils flare as he crushes his mouth to mine. His fingers thread with mine as he pins my arms above my head and thrusts inside me, and I moan in pleasure. “Fuck, I love your pussy. I don’t care that I’m going to be overseas, this pussy is mine.”
“Yes,” I moan.
He pulls back and then buries himself to the hilt again, and I cry out, feeling so incredibly filled. “Say it,” he demands as he pulls out and slams back into me. “I want to hear you say it.”
“Yours,” I pant in between moans. “I’m yours.”
He rakes his teeth down the shell of my ear, and I shudder. “Don’t you ever fucking forget it.”
Wrapping my legs around him, I can feel every single glorious inch of him as he reminds me with each thrust just how much I’ve been his since the first time he kissed me. He worships my mouth with his tongue as he fucks me at a relentless tempo, driving into me until I’m thrashing beneath him, crying out for more. When he reaches down and slips a finger into my pussy, putting direct pressure on my clit, I know it won’t be long before I climax again.
“Ryan…Ryan, oh God…” My thighs tense around him as my second orgasm of the night tremors through me. The orgasms Ryan gives me are like a 10.0 on the Richter scale—absolutely devastating. He continues to pound into me, chasing his own release until his muscles flex and he throws back his head in ecstasy.
“Ah, fuck,” he bites out, his jaw clenched, and the muscles in his neck grow taut. “You…make me come…so. Damn. Hard.” His skin is slick with sweat as he grabs at my hips, battering into me. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” His release is riveting to watch as he comes like a feral animal breaking loose of its chains. His entire body goes rigid as he milks his release for as long as he can until his body goes slack and he collapses next to me.
We lie in his bed, just kissing and holding each other until I hear the soft sound of his breathing even out. I kiss him softly again and begin to stand up, but his hand finds mine. “Stay,” he says quietly. “Please. Stay with me.”
Maybe it was all the alcohol I consumed earlier, but my eyelids begin to feel heavy, and I know sleep is creeping in and I won’t be able to fight it, so instead of trying to move and go to my own bed, I let him wrap his arms around me and hold me tonight.
“Goodnight, Ryan,” I whisper.
“Goodnight, beautiful.” His voice is soft and sleep-laden. “I know it’s crazy because it hasn’t been that long, but I think I’m falling in love with you.”
And just like that, I’m instantly sober and wide awake. I don’t know whether he’s expecting an answer, but I know he won’t like the only answer I have to give. So, instead, I remain on my side to hide the tears pricking at the edges of my eyes, knowing that tomorrow I’m going to have to do the one thing I don’t want to. I’m going to have to break Ryan’s heart.
Chapter 11
I WAKE THE NEXT morning feeling Ryan pressing gentle kisses along my back. I open my eyes to see sunlight streaming in through the windows.
“What time is it?” I ask.
He slips his hand beneath the sheets and moves it up my stomach, cupping my breast as he rolls my nipple between his fingers. “Almost noon.”
“What? Shit.” I jerk upright and swing my legs over the side of the bed. “I slept in.”
He lets out a deep chuckle and grabs me by the hips, pulling me back onto the bed. “Relax, beautiful. That’s what Sundays are for.” He rolls me over so that I’m looking at him and brushes his index finger against my cheek. “Damn. I could get used to waking up to this view.” He bends and kisses me softly, and I sigh contentedly until I remember last night and what Ryan said before falling asleep.
I think I’m falling in love with you.
Does he remember that he said that? Maybe he didn’t mean it… After all, there are plenty of people who can’t be held accountable for their words or actions post-orgasm. Deciding I’m not quite ready to broach the topic, I toss the covers back and wriggle o
ut of his grasp to get dressed. Ryan watches me with rapt fascination while I put on my favorite blouse and a pair of skinny jeans, and I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing that ending things with him is the right thing to do.
“I need coffee.” I make my way into the kitchen and flip on the Keurig, grabbing two mugs from the cupboard and getting my favorite creamer out from the fridge. I’m standing in front of the coffee maker, listening to the familiar noises as it brews my dosage of energy, when I feel the heat of Ryan at my back.
His arms slip around my waist, and he nuzzles against my neck. “You and Allie should come with me.”
“What?”
“Come spend the summer with me in Japan.”
My heart starts to beat too hard, and I rub my fist over my chest to relieve some of the pressure. “Ryan, you know we can’t…”
“Why not?” He grips my biceps, and he turns me around, his eyes wide and pleading, begging me for something I can’t give. “Allie’s out of school in two weeks, and you could take a vacation from work. Come see the sights and the culture. Try new foods, experience new things. Be with me.”
“Ryan—”
“I’m not ready to say goodbye to you.”
I stare up at the ceiling, knowing that I have to end things now. This has gotten to be too much. Too messy. Too soon. I don’t doubt that Ryan’s feelings for me are true, but feelings change, and what happens when a few years down the road, he realizes I’m not what he wants anymore? Gravity isn’t kind, and it’s only a matter of time before he stops finding me attractive and finds someone younger, just like Joel did. No, I can’t give him what he wants, because in the end, I’m just not strong enough to brave risking my heart again.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I promised you five days, nothing more.”
He shakes his head. “No. That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“It’s not. I don’t regret sleeping with you, and yes, the sex is fantastic, but that’s all this is. It was never going to be anything more.”
“You’re wrong. It was never just about sex. Admit it. You and I, we have something. Why are you fighting it so hard?”
“We don’t. I’m sorry if you thought this would lead to more.” I turn my head to avoid seeing the pain etched on his face. “I don’t want to be with you, Ryan.”
“You’re lying. If you really meant it, you’d look at me when you say you don’t want to be with me.”
I take a long, deep breath and force my eyes to meet his smoldering stare. God, the man really is beautiful. I remind myself that this is what’s best for everyone. He’s an amazing man, and he’ll have no trouble moving on and finding someone who can give him what he wants. Cutting him loose now is the kind thing to do—even Kelsey said so.
He looks down at me with a determined expression. “Samantha, give me one good reason why we shouldn’t try to make this work.”
“Because.”
He lifts his eyebrows in amusement. “It’s a good thing you didn’t want to be a lawyer when you were growing up, because that’s a fucking flimsy-ass argument if I ever heard one.”
I throw my hands in the air in exasperation. “Because! You’re just going to break my heart! You may think you want me, and maybe right now, you do, but what happens in ten years when you are no longer attracted to me?”
He growls and takes a step toward me, moving his hand to my hip and pressing his erection firmly into my belly. “You feel that, beautiful? You feel how fucking badly I want you? I could cut diamonds with how fucking hard my cock is every time I’m around you. Every. Single. Time. You can say all the bullshit lies you want to yourself, but know this: I will always want you. Nothing will ever change that.” He grabs the clip holding my hair up and releases it, letting my blonde waves fall around my shoulders. “You were mine the second I saw you.” He fists a handful of my hair and tips my head back. “The moment I kissed you, I claimed you. You. Are. Mine.”
His lips capture mine, persuading me to let him in, and I let him. We become a frenzied mix of lips and tongues, our teeth gnashing together as we scramble for purchase against one another, desperate to be closer. We kiss each other because we can’t not. I soar whenever I’m with him, my heart grows wings and just takes flight, pushing me to heights I never knew existed. I moan against his lips, and he trails his lips along my jaw, down my neck and along my collarbone before finding the shell of my ear, nibbling on the sensitive skin.
“Say yes,” he pleads. “Say you’ll be mine.”
His words act like ice water, dousing me back into reality. I press my hands firmly against his chest, and I push away from him. Both our chests are heaving as we try to catch our breaths, and I tuck my hands into my pockets to make sure I keep them to myself. Kissing Ryan may make me feel like I’m high on cloud nine, but the problem with allowing your heart to fly is, once you reach the top, there’s only one way down.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. My answer is still no. I can’t be with you.”
His jaw clenches, and he stares at me in disbelief. “Fine. If that’s what you want, I guess I’ll just have to accept it. Thank you for this week, Samantha. It meant more to me than you’ll ever know, but I think it’s best if I stay at a hotel tonight.”
“You don’t need to leave…”
“Yes. I do. I can’t stay in the same house as you, because as long as you’re near me, I’m going to want to touch you, kiss you, own you.” He disappears into his room for a few minutes, and when he returns, he has his duffle bag slung over his shoulder. Reaching in, he pulls out a pink teddy bear with a crystal tiara. “This is for Allie, if you can make sure she gets it.”
“Of course.” I nod slowly, biting down on my lip to keep myself from begging him to stay. This is what’s best, I remind myself.
He bends down and places a lingering kiss on my lips. “Goodbye, beautiful.”
“Goodbye, Ryan.”
I watch him walk out the door and climb into a cab, his hand splayed against the window in a final farewell wave. It isn’t until the cab rounds the corner and he’s out of sight that I walk back inside my house and collapse on the couch, finally allowing myself to cry.
***
I’m cleaning up the kitchen later that night when the doorbell rings. I frown when I see that it’s already past eleven. Grabbing my cell phone and keeping it clutched in my hand in case I need to dial the police, I walk through my living room and peer through the peephole. I open the door, shocked to see Kelsey standing on the doorstep, holding a bottle of my favorite wine in her hand.
“I thought you might enjoy wine more than a white flag.” She smiles at me and holds out the wine.
“A peace offering?”
“And an apology. I feel awful about the way I behaved on Saturday and the things I said to you. Can we talk for a minute?”
“Okay.” I open the door wider and gesture for her to come in.
She sets her purse down on the credenza and slips her shoes off like she’s done so many times before. “Where’s Allie?”
Kelsey’s been at my home a million times over the years, but never because of an argument. I hate that there’s a rift between us, but maybe after she knows I ended things with her brother, we can go back to the way things were before.
“At Joel’s. I pick her up from school tomorrow, though.”
She nods and follows me into the kitchen. I grab two wine glasses from the cabinet while Kelsey digs through my utensil drawer for the corkscrew. She jabs at the cork for a few seconds before letting out an exasperated grunt. “Ugh! I swear, these things hate me. You’d think that at twenty-seven I’d be able to uncork a bottle of wine.”
I laugh and take the bottle of wine and corkscrew from her, making quick work of popping it and pouring us each a glass. I pass her a glass and sigh. “We all have things we’re not good at.”
“Like you and relationships?”
I know she doesn’t mean the words to be cruel, but I flinch anyway. “Yes, I suppose.”
“I spoke with Ryan earlier. He told me he asked you to be with him and that you said you couldn’t.”
“Yep. You’re right. I’m not the relationship type, and it’s better that we end things now before things got too far and someone got really hurt.”
“And you’re sure that’s what you really want? Because it seemed like Ryan was convinced you wanted to be with him, but you’re just too scared to try.”
My eyes cut to hers, and I take a long sip of wine. “You’re the one who told me I should cut him loose, remember? And yes, it absolutely killed me to tell him I didn’t want to be with him, but what choice do I have? You know how my last relationship ended… I can’t risk my heart like that again.”
She mulls my words over as she drinks her wine, both of us remaining silent for a few minutes. “I was wrong,” she says quietly. “I never should have told you to end it. I should have been supportive of you together, but I wasn’t, because I was in a bad place at the time.”
“And you’re not now?”
“No. Alex came over last night and we had a long talk about what we each want. I told him my mind was made up about wanting a family and a house and a life with him, and that if he didn’t want those things, then I’d move on and find someone who did. I thought he would walk away, but he surprised me and said that he couldn’t imagine living his life without me.” She lifts her left hand and shows off a beautiful solitaire diamond ring. “I said yes.”
“Oh my God, Kels!” I screech, leaping up from my seat and dashing over to her. Throwing my arms around her, I hug her tightly, letting my excitement for her flow freely. “See, I told you he’d come around.”
“Yes, you did. You are always so supportive of me, and you’ve never once made me feel like I didn’t deserve the world. I realized last night that I think you deserve the world, too, and I think Ryan is the person who could give you that.”
I laugh humorlessly. “You do realize he’s leaving tomorrow to move halfway around the world for the next year, right?”
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