I snorted. “I’m surprised that he didn’t also call me a pain in the ass.”
“Actually, he did. I just didn’t want to repeat it.”
I scowled. “Wow. What an asshole.”
Raptor chuckled. “He can be. I’m his brother and he won’t even join us for the holidays.”
“A real Mr. Grinch.”
“Guess so. What was he like, anyway? You were together for a couple of days. I don’t anyone else who might have gotten to know him as much as you did. ”
I grunted. “Cocky. Arrogant. A real ‘Mr.-Know-It -All’.”
“That’s probably what Adriana would tell you about me,” he said, laughing. “So, in other words, he’s a dink?”
“Yes,” I said and then sighed. “But, there’s a man struggling to get out of that wall he’s built around himself. He says he doesn’t need anyone in his life, but his actions show otherwise.”
“What do you mean?”
I wasn’t about to tell him how Jordan had held me in his arms and had kissed me with such passion that I’d felt it all the way down to my toes. So, instead, I told him about the cabin he’d purchased. The one he would someday leave for Sammy.”
“You’re kidding?” he replied, shocked.
“I know, right? He’s definitely a man with many layers,” I said softly.
“I guess so.”
“Don’t tell him that I told you about the cabin,” I said quickly.
“He might come looking for you,” laughed Raptor.
I smiled slowly. “Actually, maybe you should tell him.”
“Damn girl, what happened between the two of you?” he asked, a smile in his voice.
I bit my lower lip as I pictured Jordan’s smile. At that moment, I wanted to kiss him just as much as I wanted to slap the big jerk. “Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that out myself.”
Chapter Thirty-nine
The funeral was scheduled for nine days later. My mother was handling it hard, spending hours in their bedroom, crying and going through photo albums. Even though they’d only known each other for four years, she’d said it had seemed like a lifetime.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do without him, Jessica,” she kept repeating.
Tank was also taking it hard, but handling it differently. He became distant and moody, not wanting to talk to anyone about how he really felt. Then there were the times that he’d flip out over the smallest of things, and I began to wonder if he was self-medicating with drugs.
“He’ll be fine,” said Raptor, when I talked to him about it right before the funeral. “He was like this when Krystal died.”
“He was not like this when Krystal died,” whispered Adriana, when Raptor stepped away from us. “If you want to know the truth, I think he might be using. He used to snort cocaine with Krystal, sometimes.”
We both looked over at Tank, who was with some of the other club members, talking quietly.
“Well, he’s definitely hung over right now,” I said. “He stayed at Mom’s last night, drinking a bottle of Jack. Drank himself into a stupor while watching television. Never said anything to us, either.”
“You’d better watch him,” said Adriana. “He might need some kind of intervention.”
I grunted. “Right. Like he’d listen or even allow it.”
She smirked. “Yeah. I know. He’s been voted in as the club president now. He needs to get his shit together or they’ll vote him out. Raptor is even concerned about Tank.”
“Maybe he just needs time,” I said, my heart going out to him. No matter what happened, Tank was still like an older brother and I desperately wanted him to be okay.
“Yeah. Maybe.”
Tank looked over at us and I could tell he knew that we were talking about him.
I smiled at him.
He turned away.
***
I sat in the front row of the church with my mother and Tank. The place was packed with other Gold Vipers from different chapters, coming to pay their respects. Even Bastard and April showed up.
During the sermon, Raptor and a couple other club members went up to the podium and spoke of their love for Slammer. I held my mother as she cried, while Tank stood next to us quietly. I noticed that his eyes misted over once, but other than that, his face was like stone.
When it was over, I turned around to walk my mother out of the church, when I noticed him in the back row.
Jordan.
My heart skipped a beat as our eyes met and I immediately felt my insides turn to mush. I’d missed him so much, even as angry as I’d been. I knew at once that if he asked me to jump on another plane with him for anywhere in the country, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
As I raised my hand to wave, people everywhere began to get up and move and I lost sight of him.
“Jordan is here,” I whispered to Adriana, who was in the row behind us.
“Who?” asked my mother.
“The Judge,” said Tank, speaking for the first time.
“Did you know that he was coming?” I asked.
Tank nodded.
I sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because he’s not here to see you,” he replied bluntly.
“I realize that,” I said, his words stinging me.
Raptor tapped me on the shoulder. “He’s not staying, so if you want to go talk to him, now’s your chance.”
I looked at my mother.
“Go ahead,” she said, dabbing the tears on her face. “You two obviously have some unfinished business. We’ll meet you back home.”
“Are you sure?” I asked.
Frannie smiled sadly and then leaned over, to whisper in my ear. “I lost my man. Don’t let that one slip away. Not if he’s worth it.”
“The problem is, he doesn’t think he is,” I whispered back.
“The good ones never do,” she said, squeezing my shoulder. “Do what you need to do.”
I looked at Adriana.
“We’ll take care of your mother,” she said, smiling at me. “Don’t worry.”
I gave her a hug and walked ahead of them, in search of Jordan. When I made it out of the church, I scanned the parking lot until I saw him, getting on a motorcycle. He started the engine and I watched in disappointment, as he began to drive away.
“Coward,” I mumbled, walking down the steps of the church. When I reached the sidewalk, I decided to go and wait for Mom and Tank, in the parking lot. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone and didn’t know many of Slammer’s friends. Being alone sounded like the best thing to do.
As I began walking toward Tank’s truck, I heard the rumble of a Harley behind me. I turned around and there he was.
“Get on,” said Jordan, nodding to the back of the bike.
“Why should I?” I asked, raising my chin. As much as I wanted to jump on, I wanted an apology even more. He owed me one.
His lip twitched. “Fine. Don’t, then.”
Grinding my teeth together, I got on behind him, thankful that I’d worn black dress pants instead of the dress, I’d originally picked out.
Jordan handed me a helmet.
I slipped it on and we took off.
Chapter Forty
I didn’t know where we were going and the truth was, I didn’t care. I had my arms around Jordan Steele and my heart was racing in my chest. He’d come back for me and I was feeling breathless.
I knew right away that I still loved him.
We drove for about forty minutes and then finally stopped at a secluded picnic area, by Center Lake.
“Get off,” he said briskly, shutting down the engine.
I took off the helmet. “Really? Get off? That’s how you’re going to ask?”
He shrugged. “Fine. Stay on, then.”
“Do you ever get tired of giving orders?” I snapped, uncurling myself from him and the bike. “I mean would it hurt you to even say ‘please’?”
He removed his helmet and ran a hand through hi
s jet-black hair. “At least you listened this time. Jesus, it’s hot.” It was eighty degrees and he was wearing a black suit. Although Jordan looked very GQ, it was obvious that he wasn’t used to dressing up.
“Let me guess, you’re still pissed off that I came and saved your ass?” I stated.
Smirking, he removed his jacket and laid it over the bike. “Oh, you saved my ass? That’s really how you remember it?”
I put my hands on my hips. “It’s exactly what happened. Reaper had you on the ground and I rushed out, distracting them so they wouldn’t shoot you. You were about two seconds from dying.”
He grunted. “You’re definitely the expert on distractions.”
I folded my arms across my chest and smiled coldly. “I’m also a pain in the ass, apparently.”
His eyes twinkled. “You’re finally finding yourself, huh?”
“Did you bring me out here to insult me or is there another reason?”
“I brought you out here because I heard that you wanted to talk to me.”
My eye twitched as I stared at him.
Really?
“So, talk,” he added, rolling his sleeves up...
“Fine. I guess that I just wanted to know why you left and never came back.”
Sighing, he looked past me toward the water. “If I would have stayed, they’d have arrested me.”
“I understand that, but why didn’t you ever come back after that night?”
“I was going to,” he said, his voice trailing off.
“And?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just changed my mind, I guess.”
“What? You just changed your mind? That’s… that’s… not a good enough answer,” I stammered. “You left me! I was scared and I didn’t know what to do. The cops were questioning me and hell, I didn’t even know if there’d be more of Reaper’s guys around, waiting to kill me!”
“There weren’t any left. I took care of them and made sure that you were safe.”
“No you didn’t. You left like a coward,” I said angrily.
“I was still there, until the day you stepped on the plane and headed back here,” he said. “I never left Anchorage. I just left you.”
My eyes filled with tears. “And that’s supposed to make me feel better?”
He reached out and grabbed my arm. “No, but you need to hear this, Jessica.”
My voice broke. “What exactly do I need to hear, Jordan? That you have no room in your life for me?”
He stared at me in silence, his eyes stormy.
“That’s just it, isn’t it? You came back to tell me this in person. To make sure that I’m not pining after you. So you don’t have to feel guilty about it.”
“You can’t love me, Jessica.”.
“But, I already do,” I said, the tears running down my cheeks. I’d thought that maybe I’d been caught up in the moment, when I’d said I’d loved him originally. I’d even thought that after I returned to Jensen, I wouldn’t feel the same way. But I’d been wrong. All I’d been thinking about was Jordan. He haunted my days. My nights. My dreams.
“You hardly know me.”
“It doesn’t seem to matter,” I replied, feeling almost foolish. Here I was, professing my love for him and he obviously felt nothing but pity for me.
He clenched his jaw. “It should. You have to forget about me. I mean it.”
My eyes burned into his. “Jordan, no matter how many times you try and order me to stop caring about you, I just can’t do it. It doesn’t work that way.”
He grabbed my face with both of his hands. “What are you doing to me?” he asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks with his fingers. Then his lips were on mine.
Surprised, I opened my mouth, kissing him with everything I had.
“I don’t care if you ever love me,” I said, when he suddenly broke away. “But I’m not ready to let you go yet.”
“What do you want from me?” he asked in a ragged voice. His pupils were dark and full and his lips glistened from the moisture our kiss.
I bit my lower lip. My body was on fire and I knew that he couldn’t give me everything that I desired, but he could at least give me something that I needed. Right now, I needed him. “Just… make love to me.”
He stared at me hard. “You’re not ready for that.”
“There you go again. Deciding what’s right for me. How about you let me decide what I’m ready for?”
“That’s what you really want?”
I nodded.
He looked around the park and then grabbed his jacket. “Put your helmet on.”
This time, I didn’t argue or ask questions.
We got back onto the bike and he drove a few more miles up the road, finally stopping at a small camping resort. He parked in front of one of the cabins and we both got off his motorcycle. Then he grabbed my hand, and led me inside.
“Are you staying here?” I asked, as he locked the door behind us. It appeared to be a three-room cabin. Nothing fancy but comfortable and private.
“Yes,” he said, taking the helmet from me. He tossed it onto the sofa, pulled me back into his arms, and didn’t waste any more time with words.
Kissing him back, I pulled his jacket away from his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor and began unbuttoning the white shirt underneath. As I did this, his hands went to my blouse and he began fumbling with the small, round buttons. When he couldn’t undo them fast enough, he grabbed it with both hands and ripped it open, sending them everywhere.
“Sorry,” he whispered, cupping my breasts. “But, I just couldn’t wait.” He unclasped the front of my bra and lifted my left breast to his mouth.
I moaned as he swirled his tongue around my nipple, sucking the tip. Then he moved to the other one, teasing the nub while he kneading the other breast with his hand.
“You smell so good,” he said, moving his lips up to my neck, giving me shivers.
“So do you,” I whispered back, inhaling his cologne, which reminded me of the night at the boathouse.
He picked me up into his arms and began walking toward the bedroom. “We’re doing it right this time.”
I smiled up at him shyly. I felt like a bride being carried over the threshold.
Jordan brought me inside and set me down on the bed. Staring down at me, he removed his shirt and was about to unbutton his slacks, when he changed his mind.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He crawled onto the bed. “You’re not completely naked yet,” he said, smiling wickedly. “That’s what’s wrong.”
I began unbuttoning my slacks, but he stopped me and began doing it himself. Then he pulled them down and away from my legs. I stared down at him in only my panties.
“You know I got to ask this again,” he said, crawling back up to me. “Are you sure that you’re ready for this?”
“I’m ready for you.”
Smiling, he leaned down and kissed me. As I opened my mouth for him, his hand reached between my legs and he groaned in the back of his throat. “I guess you are ready. Well, almost,” he whispered, sliding his fingers under the fabric.
I moaned and clung to him as he played with my clit. When the panties began to get in his way, he pulled them off and started kissing me again, slipping his hand back between my legs. Meanwhile, his lips moved to my neck and he whispered below my ear. “I guess if we’re going to be honest here, I have to admit something to you.”
“What?”
“I can’t get you out of my mind.” His fingers moved faster.
“I… know… what… you… mean...”
“I want you so much, Jessica. Do you want me?”
“Yes,” I said breathlessly. “Oh my God, yes.”
His lips moved to my breasts and then down my stomach. As he went lower, I began to anticipate his tongue between my legs and they began to quiver. He grabbed my thighs, placing them over his shoulders, and then licked my slit slowly.
“Fuck,” I moaned as he d
id it again.
Gripping my hips, firmly, he found me clit and began teasing it with his tongue. I grabbed the headboard behind me, whimpering and moaning in pleasure. He added his fingers and as his tongue became more demanding on my clit, I felt the tension building from deep inside. Arching my back, I exploded into his mouth, screaming his name as the flesh between my legs spasmed.
“Oh my God,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I could feel tears streaming out of the corners from what had just happened and I wiped them with the back of my hand.
Jordan grabbed my other hand and kissed my knuckles. Then, he placed it on his stomach and let go. “You’re in charge. Touch me or don’t. Do whatever you can handle. If you’re not ready, I’ll understand that, too.”
I bit my lower lip.
“I’m serious, Jessica,” he lay down on his back and kissed my knuckles again. “We can also just lie here, if you want.”
I smiled and then crawled on top of him. “I think we can do a little more than that.”
He pulled me down to his lips and we began to kiss. Closing my eyes, I could feel his hardness under me. I hadn’t yet really touched him there, but I needed to. For many reasons. I reached down and placed my palm on his bulge.
Jordan groaned against my lips.
Encouraged, I made a trail with my finger, along the hard outline of his erection and he began to breathe harder. Enjoying the effect I was having on him, I slid my hand to the waistband of his pants, and boldly unbuttoned them. I then unzipped the front and touched him through his underwear.
Jordan’s entire body seemed to stiffen up.
I slid my hand under his Jockey’s and wrapped my hand around his cock.
He gasped in pleasure.
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, enjoying the way it felt in my hand. It was thick and hard, its skin smooth, especially the head. I stared at the tip, noticing it was slightly wet.
Jordan stared up at me, not speaking but his eyes saying everything.
I rubbed the wetness away and then leaned down until it was by my lips. I opened my mouth and began licking around the edge.
He let out a ragged breath, thrusting his hips out.
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