by Fiona Harper
They wandered from picture to picture in silence for a while. Nicole was glad. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say to him today, where this thing between them could go. They stopped in front of a picture of Kat de Souza, the acoustic singer-songwriter whose every album topped the chart for weeks. Instead of her posing in jeans and T-shirt, her guitar slung round her body, as she was usually photographed, this one was taken outside on a sunny day. She was wearing a simple floral dress, sitting in long grass, her knees pulled up and her chin resting on them. The sun was behind her, creating a kind of mistiness, and the soft smile in her eyes was bewitching.
‘I can see why you idolise this guy,’ she told Alex. ‘I’ve never seen her look so soft, so…approachable.’
He nodded. ‘That’s why I like Gatson’s work. He strips stuff away, gets to the truth of a person with his camera. In these days of constant retouching and airbrushing, it’s a rare thing.’
Nicole studied the picture again, wondering if this soft vulnerable creature was the real woman behind the charttopping success, not the angry young woman who graced her album covers.
‘Why don’t you take more portraits?’ she asked.
‘With all the weddings I do, I take hundreds of portraits every Saturday. When I get to choose my own subjects, I suppose I want a rest from faces, to do something different.’ He sighed. ‘I would like to do this kind of thing, though. Be able to take my time, create an atmosphere, not just snap away like a mad thing, trying to make sure I don’t miss an essential moment.’
Nicole turned her head to look at him. ‘You should.’
‘Do you remember what you said to me at the wedding the other week, about dreams?’
She nodded.
‘Well, it’s time for me to start chasing mine, to do the kind of photography I really want to do. I’m cutting down my wedding commitments and making time to travel. Maybe I’ll do up my studio, think about doing portraits as well.’ He looked at her. His voice was light but his expression was serious. ‘One life, one shot, right? It’s time to get rid of all of my safety nets.’
Nicole smiled at him. ‘I’m so pleased. I think you’ll be amazing.’
He smiled back, just enough for his dimple to hint at an appearance, and he raised his hand to gently trace his fingers over her cheekbone. ‘I’d like to photograph you.’
As much as Nicole wanted to lean into his touch, she stepped away. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for Alex to take her picture—for a whole lot of reasons. What would he see if he looked at her down the lens? She wasn’t sure either of them was ready for what he might discover.
His smile faded as she backed up. He dropped his hand. ‘Are you having second thoughts?’
She shook her head. ‘No.’
He didn’t look convinced. She closed a little of the distance between them. ‘No, really, Alex.’
‘Then what is it?’
She sighed, stared back at the photograph. If only she could look so free, so peaceful. ‘We both said this was complicated…’
Hope flared in his eyes, causing the corners of his mouth to lift. ‘But I told you…I dealt with that.’
‘You dealt with your complications. I still have a few.’
His mouth thinned into a line. ‘Are you telling me you’re involved with someone else? That you need to end it?’
She shook her head. ‘No…It’s nothing like that.’
‘Then what is it?’
She sighed and moved along to the next photo, an old rocker who wore the excesses of his life on his face. Gatson had caught every line and wrinkle, but he’d also caught the rebellious spirit that was still raging strong. She turned and found Alex standing very close, his expression serious.
She swallowed and sent him a pleading look. She so badly wanted to tell him. Not just about her job, but everything. She felt as if she’d been wearing a corset that was too tight for years and was desperate to unlace it, just so she could breathe properly again. And it was because of Alex that she’d realised just how tightly it had been knotted, just how much it had restricted her. If it wasn’t for him she’d never have realised how stale and…beige…her life had become.
But not every secret that needed to come out was hers to tell. And even if they were, she would still have to move cautiously. She remembered what Saffron had said about Minty stealing her boyfriend. Would she see Nicole in the same light? While, technically, Alex hadn’t cheated on Saffron, it might be too soon for her to find out there was someone new in his life, especially someone she had sent across his path.
And then there was the proposal.
Would Saffron tell him what she’d been planning? Most girls would save themselves the humiliation, but Saffron wasn’t most girls. She was used to putting everything out there. Nicole had to give her the chance to tell him, or at least have some closure on the relationship, before she discovered the man she’d wanted to marry had moved on.
She needed to tread carefully. Not just for herself and Alex, but for Saffron’s sake too. Nicole really didn’t want to see her hurt. And then there was Peggy and Mia, depending on her not to mess things up for Hopes & Dreams and lose them all their savings. If Saffron got angry about this, there was no telling what she would do, no telling how the bad publicity would affect their business at such a crucial time.
‘What do you need?’ Alex asked, his voice soft.
She fell a little bit more for him because he was willing to wait, willing to give her the space she needed.
‘Time,’ she said hoarsely. ‘To sort things out.’
He nodded. His hand returned to her face and he stepped in and rested his forehead against hers. ‘I want to see you still.’
She let out a shuddering breath. ‘I want to see you too. But I don’t want to sneak around.’
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers, just briefly, before pulling away again. ‘Then we’ll see each other.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think dating is a good idea.’
One side of his mouth hitched up. ‘Who said anything about dating? If you need space before we make it anything official, I can handle that.’ He glanced at the photographs on the walls around him. ‘But if I go to an exhibition, or a certain coffee bar, and you happen to turn up…’ His smile kicked up a gear. ‘Or if you wander into Déjà Vu again this December thirty-first, for a New Year’s Eve party…’
She smiled back at him, grateful for his ingenuity. They couldn’t be together, not yet, but at least she might be able to see him sometimes. That would have to be enough for now.
She hoped it wouldn’t be too long, though, because she’d finally grown weary of planning everyone else’s happy-ever-afters. It was high time she started nailing down her own.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Nicole stood in the courtyard outside Hopes & Dreams. It was late on Sunday afternoon, the kind of time normal people were tucked up in their living rooms, drinking hot mugs of tea and arguing about who really should have gone through on Strictly the night before. Her dad’s Merc pulled into the yard.
Normally the landlords were pretty hot on parking outside the shops, but nobody minded at this time of day on a Sunday. When her dad got out of the car, she went over and hugged him. ‘Thanks so much for this.’
‘What else have I got to do with my Sunday afternoon but search round all the hardware shops in South-East England for a couple of cans of Pouty Pink?’ he grumbled, but he kissed her on the cheek all the same.
‘You found it?’ Nicole said as he went round to the boot.
He just shook his head and lifted two cans of paint out. Nicole squealed and ran over to hug him again. ‘Dad, I don’t know what I’d do without you!’
A glimmer of a grudging smile crossed his lips. ‘I know. Now…how about we get this stuff on the walls so I can get home before midnight?’
Nicole grinned and took a can from him then led the way upstairs. She’d had a flash of inspiration riding home on the bus aft
er meeting Alex at the National Portrait Gallery. She just hoped Peggy didn’t go nuts at her for changing it back without asking, but somehow she guessed her friend wouldn’t moan if there was one less beige wall in the world.
As she put the can of paint down on the sheet she’d laid out to protect the floorboards, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She smiled and pulled it out. It was a message from Alex. The third one today. Like the previous ones there were no words; it was just a photograph.
The first had been a shot of Trafalgar Square, one he must have taken on his route home from the National Portrait Gallery. Nelson’s Column had risen proud and silent against the silver grey of a winter’s afternoon. Then there had been a picture of a funny advert on his Tube carriage. This one was a close-up of a leaf in a wonderful shade of gold floating on a near-black puddle.
They were little things that had made up Alex’s day. Ordinary things. The landscapes of his life. Somehow it made her feel as if she were with him, spending time with him, even when she couldn’t physically be near him. She smiled, but left her phone on her desk and went over to help her dad start prepping the wall.
‘I know what your brush skills are like,’ her dad said as he opened a can of Pouty Pink with a screwdriver. ‘So you can do the roller and I’ll do the cutting in. Otherwise we’ll be here all night cleaning the mess off the skirting.’
Nicole saluted him and he called her a cheeky brat, but they chatted amiably while they worked on their respective patches of wall. By seven-thirty they were cleaning their tools and folding up the drop cloth.
‘What do you think?’ she asked him, as they both stood there, hands on hips.
‘Looks like a tart’s boudoir, if you ask me,’ he said. ‘But if you chose it, it must be perfect.’
Nicole hugged her dad again. For some reason she had a real urge to do that today. ‘You’re the best,’ she whispered into his ear. He patted her on the back in an indulgent way, but when he pulled away there was a twinkle in his eye and he was looking a little redder.
She felt sad to see him go when he pulled out of the courtyard in his beloved car and headed back to Orpington. He’d hated the colour, no matter what he’d said, but he’d helped her anyway, no criticism, no trying to persuade her to change it to something else, and she realised what a gift that was.
Saffron had only talked about her father a little bit, but Nicole had got the feeling she’d had to fight for every scrap of attention she’d got from him, and even when he was paying attention to her, he forced her to measure up to his own high standards. Her parents had never done that. They’d always loved her so completely, so unconditionally. Maybe that was why she’d subconsciously tried to pay them back all these years, by being the best daughter she could be.
They always accepted her, no matter what, and it made her heart heavy to think she’d been taking them for granted. Giving that speech to Minty and Celeste yesterday had made that crystal clear in her mind. She shouldn’t have to apologise for who she was or where she came from.
Her phone beeped again. She went over to her desk and swiped the home screen. This time it was a picture of a clear and frosty moon that had turned the edges of the clouds silver. She walked over to the window and looked up in the sky. The same moon was there. The wind had moved the clouds a little, but it was almost identical. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine him wherever he was right now.
As yet she hadn’t been brave enough to send him a message back, but now she impulsively grabbed her phone and snapped the fuchsia wall. He didn’t know where it was, so it couldn’t give her away, but it felt nice to share a secret with him rather than hide it.
She sighed. This had to work out. It just had to.
But she wasn’t looking forward to tomorrow. Not only because Peggy was going to find out she’d changed the office single-handedly again, but because she had a two o’clock meeting scheduled with Saffron to go over some last-minute details of the proposal. It was possible that Saffron might not even show, and even if she did it wasn’t going to be easy.
She felt so bad about this. But what could she do? You couldn’t help whom you fell in love with.
Hang on…Whom you fell in love with?
Shaking her head, she gathered up her paintbrushes and headed for the little kitchen. It was too soon for that. Far too soon. Wasn’t it? It went a lot deeper than just ‘like’, but that was as far as she was prepared to label it right now. It would be different in the new year, when they might be able to see each other properly.
A fluttering started up in her stomach. She supposed tomorrow’s meeting would be an indicator of whether that could ever happen. If Saffron was sad but determined to bounce back, it might be okay. But if she was a snivelling mess…It might be a long time before Nicole and Alex could be together, if at all.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
When Nicole and Peggy arrived at Hopes & Dreams the following morning, Peggy didn’t say anything. She just walked over to Nicole and hugged her tight. After about thirty seconds, Nicole tapped her gently on the arm. ‘Peg…? I think you’re cutting off my air supply.’
Peggy laughed and released her. ‘Sorry. It’s just…’ she pressed her lips together and smiled ‘…you’ve been behaving a bit oddly for ages now, but I suddenly feel as if I’ve got my friend back.’
Nicole closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘I know, I know…The last few weeks…This whole thing with Alex and Saffron. It just got to me.’
‘It’s more than that,’ Peggy said. ‘You’ve been more and more uptight ever since you started planning Hopes & Dreams.’
Nicole frowned. ‘Have I?’
Peggy nodded. ‘When I think back to the fun-loving girl who answered my flat-share ad about a million years ago, she seems like a different person.’
Nicole searched Peggy’s face for the truth in her words, found it in the little nod her friend gave her. Really? She knew she’d changed, but surely that wasn’t a bad thing. Surely that was all about growing up?
The door opened and Mia walked in. Nicole had sent her a message the night before asking if she could make time for an emergency investors’ meeting. She needed Mia’s practical and no-nonsense advice if they were going to save Hopes & Dreams now Saffron’s proposal was going to be cancelled. Obviously, having done all the planning already, they’d get paid, but they weren’t going to benefit from that all-important publicity boost.
‘Wow,’ Mia said, looking at the wall. ‘It’s back.’
Nicole gave her a sheepish look. ‘I shouldn’t have changed it in the first place. I don’t know what got into me.’
Mia dumped her coat and bag on her desk then came back to join Peggy and Nicole, who were still staring at the wall. ‘So…what brought all of this on?’
Nicole sighed. ‘I think it was the wedding on Saturday.’ And she launched into the whole tale of Celeste and Minty. Peggy had heard it already, of course, but she didn’t seem to mind getting second helpings of all the gossip.
Mia frowned when she’d finished. ‘Well, good for you for telling those girls what for, but I don’t quite see what this has got to do with repainting the wall pink.’
Nicole went over and sat on the purple sofa. Mia joined her and Peggy leaned against the old-fashioned shop counter. ‘Since school, I’ve always felt I had to compete with those kind of girls, be better than them to be happy.’
Peggy folded her arms. ‘That’s ridiculous!’
Nicole nodded wearily. ‘I know. But what’s even worse was that I realised I wasn’t just trying to outdo them. I was trying to be like them. I don’t like to admit it, but I think I’ve just been plain jealous that girls like that seem to have everything.’
Mia shook her head, laughing.
‘What?’ Nicole asked. ‘What’s so funny?’
Mia sighed. ‘Those girls don’t have everything.’
Nicole folded her arms. It sure seemed like that to her.
‘Their lives are just as complicated as ours, just i
n different ways.’
Peggy nodded. ‘Yeah, just look at poor old Saffron!’
‘It’s that stupid school you went to,’ Mia said, ‘and that stupid man who let you slip through his fingers. They’ve got you believing this is all about class and privilege and it isn’t.’
‘It isn’t?’ Nicole echoed, slightly dazed by the way Mia had nailed her down so effectively when she was only just coming to realise some of these things herself.
‘No,’ Mia replied firmly. ‘There’s only one thing those girls have got that you haven’t got…Self-confidence.’
Peggy gave her a rueful smile. ‘Bingo.’
Nicole looked at both of them in turn. That couldn’t be right, but Mia’s words had lodged inside her like a stone, something solid and real that wasn’t going to be moved, probably because it was the truth.
She’d always known she hadn’t had Mia’s quiet self-assurance or Peggy’s belief in her own inherent wonderfulness, but she realised that not only did her parents love her the way she was, but she had two amazing friends who accepted her with all her foibles and neuroses. And then there was Alex…He liked her. And he’d seen all of her, even the bits she didn’t normally let people see.
Nicole breathed and looked round the room, craned her neck to see the expanse of pink behind her. ‘You’re right, Peggy.’ She turned back round to face them. ‘We don’t need a new office. We’re fine the way we are. Maybe we don’t have to always be trailing in Detest and Squinty’s wake, trying to do business the way they do.’
She walked over to her desk and picked up the polka-dotted pot, prepared to drop a pound coin in, but Peggy followed her and took it from her before paying the fine herself. ‘Just for using those nicknames, this one’s on me,’ she said, grinning, and then she put the pot down on the desk and gave Nicole another hug.
Mia, not wanting to miss out on the bonding session, skipped over from the sofa and joined them. When they all pulled apart, smiling, Nicole said, ‘And what’s wrong with planning proposals for the Warrens and Cheryls of this world? They deserve love and romance just as much as the beautiful young things. We’ll just have to find another way to encourage them to go all out and book the full proposal service with us, maybe tweak the business model a little bit. Let Celeste and Minty have the society clients…They’re welcome to all the drama that goes along with them!’
