If I was Arthur, who was Guinevere?
25
A claxon was sounding in the distance by the time we reached Heaven city? Capital Heaven?
“Dang!” Michelle said which didn’t seem quite strong enough of a word to me because the entire fucking horizon was alive with dragons. Just a cursory glance netted me almost a dozen, and what’s more, the ground was literally alive with lizard men and beholders. Ravagers stomped through the distance, so numerous I almost wanted to cry.
“How is that possible?” I asked, sprinting toward the far gates, my heart pounding, even though everything in me told me that maybe, just maybe, I ought to run the other way. “Has there ever been a force that size before?”
“No!” Michelle cried right before she took to the air in a massive flurry of beating wings, her flaming sword in hand.
Well, that wasn’t good at all. I had no idea how we could take so many… unless… The waves were supposed to be comparable to our strength, had something happened? No… surely it couldn’t be?
As Michelle flew straight at the closest dragon, sword-whipping around her, I glanced over my shoulder at the Knights of the Round Table who were easily keeping pace with me. “Can you guys do something?”
“Yes, my liege!” Lancelot replied, and before I could blink, the twelve knights were just gone. I stopped and stood there blinking for a three count before turning back to the fight as death cries filled my ears. The knights had charged into battle, but I wouldn’t call it that.
No. It was a fucking slaughter.
In the time it took me to reach the gate, the knights had decimated the forces coming toward us. Dragon, beholder, ravager? It mattered not before their might.
Like a scythe cutting through chaff, they cut down the armies of Darkness, laying waste in a way I hadn’t thought possible.
“Holy fuck,” I mumbled, finally stepping onto the battlefield. Only there was only a handful of enemies left.
“Where the fuck did you find those guys?” Uriel asked, glancing at me. She was covered in blood, but if it bothered her, it didn’t show. Only when she caught me looking, she smirked. “It’s not mine.”
“Those are the Knights of the Round Table. I freed them, and now they fight for truth, justice, and the Arthurian way.” I nodded to them as the last of the enemies fell, and we found ourselves standing on an empty battlefield.
“Well, I hope the boss shows up soon. Otherwise, this fight just got kind of boring.” Uriel glanced at her wrist. “Fortunately, I’ve got a big old knight to seduce.” She pointed at Lamorak and licked her lips. “Yummy.”
“He’s gay.” I shrugged. “And doesn’t have a penis.”
“Well, that’s a bummer.” Uriel sighed. “So, you busy?” She waggled her eyebrows. “Seems I’ve got a few minutes—”
A shriek erupted from the horizon, and I turned in time to see what looked like a giant scorpion cross the breach. It had claws the color of blood and a stinger the size of Uriel. In fact, as it moved, I was wondering how big it actually was because I could only see the front half and it blocked out most of the horizon.
“To arms!” Lancelot cried before leaping into the air, Claymore a blur of steel. As his blade slammed into the man-sized claw, an earsplitting crack resounded across the horizon.
The claw tore from the scorpion’s arm in a spray of black ichor, and as it crashed to the ground, Percival hurled his sword right into the creature’s eye stalk. The scorpion shrieked again, eye exploding like a pus-filled balloon as it tried to backtrack into the Darkness.
Only, before it could take even a few steps, Galahad and Lamorak rushed forward, taking out its legs with swings of their axes. The scorpion tottered, trying to regain its balance before slamming headfirst into the earth, throwing up a wave of sand as the rest of the knights charged in, tearing the creature to pieces in the time it took me to exhale.
Then it was over, and we were all standing there with nothing to do.
“That was insane!” Uriel shrieked, grabbing me by the arms and shaking me. “Your bros are awesome!”
“My liege,” Lancelot called, coming toward me with the massive chunk of dark blood that had been taken from the corpse of the scorpion. “What would you like us to do with this shiny rock?”
“That’s Dark Blood.” I pointed to it. “Can you collect them from all the corpses and bring them to…” I stopped.
Normally, I’d have Sally process them before sending them to Sam for use or to Buffy for sale. Only Sally was still running the infirmary. There wasn’t anywhere to take them.
“This is where I’m going to ask you a question, and you’re going to tell me an answer that I hope isn’t ‘we crush them and sprinkle them on salads,’” I said, turning to Uriel. “What do you do with them?”
“The rocks?” Uriel shrugged. “Nothing really. We used to store them in a big building on the North side of town, but once it was filled, well, we just leave them on the field now. They dissolve after a few days which is good because, as I said, we have a building full of them.”
“Can you direct Lancelot to the building so he can bring them all in,” I said, trying not to get mad. I mean, it wasn’t their fault they didn’t know how to utilize them. We could change that though. Giving the angels Dark Blood infused weapons and armor would make them considerably stronger, you know, for the time when the knights didn’t run roughshod over the entire field of battle.
“I guess.” Uriel shrugged. “Do they really taste good on salads?”
“You know, I’ve never tried it.” I shrugged. “I was making a joke.”
“I kinda wanna try it now,” Uriel mused, scratching her cheek as Lancelot approached.
Leaving the two of them to hash it out, I went to find Sally. As I went, I sighed. While I’d managed to get the Rebuild Heaven achievement to twenty-five percent, and the Outfit the Troops achievement had climbed to fifteen percent on account of the repairs Sam had already done to their weaponry, the Heal the Rift achievement was only at seventy-five percent. I’d figured it would be nearly done what with the alliance between Heaven and Hell, but all that work had barely gained me five percent.
I wasn’t quite sure why. I’d have to make a point of asking Raphael about it when I got the chance and also ask her about the Grail. Now that I’d found the knights, maybe new information would reveal itself. After all, in the story, Galahad had found it. Maybe I just needed to send him on an epic quest and wait a while?
Either way, now wasn’t the time to deal with that either. Now was the time to address the Dark Blood issue. To do that, we had to get processing. The walk to the infirmary didn’t take long, and when I arrived, I quickly found Sally leading a group of both demons and angels. There were more of the battle clerics, especially since it seemed many of the angels had an affinity toward it, which made sense, but there were also healers from the Guild below. That was good because they were a lot better, at least on the infirmary side.
“Hey, Sally. How are you?” I asked, walking over to her. She looked a bit worn around the edges, and when she saw me, she tried to smile and run a hand through her blonde hair.
“I’m okay.” She took a sip from her steaming porcelain cup. “Now that we actually have staff, things are running smoother.” She let out a long breath. “Bit of a learning curve though. I never thought I’d be running an entire infirmary.” She shrugged. “Maybe you wanna think about getting some admin staff from Hell…”
“Nope.” I shook my head. While I knew a good administrator was worth its weight in gold, I didn’t even want to try to use Hell’s entrenched bureaucracy for the task. No, that’d just lead to Michelle smiting someone.
“Was worth a shot.” Sally leaned against the counter. “So, is this a social call?”
“Unfortunately, no.” I gestured at the infirmary. “You’ve done a great job with this, but there’s a problem.”
“With the infirmary?” She looked around the room, eyes fixing on one of the battle cle
rics for a moment. A girl with long red hair and freckles. “How so?” Was it me, or did she seem annoyed?
“Not with the infirmary.” I shook my head.
“Arthur, I’m getting confused, and maybe it’s because I haven’t slept in two days, but can you just tell me what you’re going on about?” Sally turned her gaze back to me and sipped from her cup again.
“We have a warehouse full of raw Dark Blood.” I wanted to gesture at it but realized I didn’t know where it was. “On the north side,” I added sheepishly. “Some from Dragons and beholders, and every other kind.”
“And you need someone to process it?” Sally asked, sighing. “Do you know how long that would take?” She shook her head. “Even if we had an Alchemists’ lab, which we don’t, I can’t do that job and this one.”
I wanted to say something like “Not with that attitude” which was what my old boss would have said after laying down an impossible task, but I didn’t because I was a kind and considerate person. Sort of.
“If I have an alchemist’s lab set up, will you be able to do it? Do you want to do it?”
“Hmm,” Sally mused, thinking. “I suppose I would. I always enjoyed the alchemy a bit more because it’s quiet. If you got me a couple apprentices, I could probably knock out the easy stuff quickly enough, and Shara can basically run this place.” Sally gestured at the redhead. “Get the lab, and we’ll talk.”
“Awesome, Sally. You’re the best.” I gave her a hug. “I’ll go talk to Maribelle and Buffy.”
“Right.” She nodded, right before she got really serious. “And, Arthur, don’t even consider coming back to me with this alchemy business until Crystal is in Heaven.”
I flushed. I’d completely forgotten about her friend. Well, not forgotten about her, but had forgotten she’d stayed back in Hell. I’d just naturally assumed she’d come up with the merger, but evidently, that hadn’t been the case.
“I’ll take care of that too, Sally. I honestly feel bad about it.” I sighed. “Really.”
“I don’t want you to feel bad about it. You’re busy, but if you want me to do as you ask, I’d appreciate it.” She gave me a wry smile. “And you will really appreciate our appreciation.”
26
“How’s my favorite carpenter?” I asked, sidling up to Maribelle.
“I’m your only carpenter,” Maribelle snorted, turning and giving me a quick hug.
“That doesn’t matter.” I touched my heart. “You wound me.”
“Is that so?” Maribelle asked, raising an eyebrow at me. “Because, truthfully, I find that hard to believe.”
“Either way, you’re still my favorite carpenter.” I grinned and surveyed the building she was working on. It was mostly just a frame, so I couldn’t even tell what it was without looking for a tooltip.
“What do you want, Arthur?” Maribelle gave me a sidelong look. “Sex is out of the question. I’m all sweaty.” She looked down at herself. “I’d have to take a shower, and I really don’t have time for that.”
“Wait, sorry, give me a second.” I looked her up and down. “I’m picturing you in the shower right now.”
She flushed. “Please tell me that’s not why you came here.”
“No, of course not. You are a valued member of this team.” I finally stopped picturing her naked, but it was hard because well, she’d brought it up, and now that I thought about it, the two of us hadn’t had near enough sex since we’d got to Heaven. In fact, we’d had no sex, and that was very upsetting to me.
“That is not at all what the look on your face says.” She glanced back at her apprentice from Hell who was starting to scream at a carpenter angel. “The kids are starting to get rowdy.”
“I was just thinking I needed to take you out for a nice dinner, maybe crack open some wine—”
“I’ll be done around seven.” Maribelle glanced at her non-existent watch. “And instead of all that, how about you grab a couple bottles of beer and meet me in the shower?”
“That sounds like a plan.” I nodded, wondering where the showers were. So far, I’d only seen baths here, and they’d been communal. I’d been sneaking off in the middle of the night to bathe when no one was looking, which, yes, was odd, but after I’d accidentally walked in on a pair of indisposed angels, I’d decided discretion was the better part of valor.
“So, why did you really come here?” Maribelle asked once again. “Because I have things to do. I know it may not seem like it because I stop and give you attention when you come around, but really you’re just absorbing time from this whole city.” She gestured at her apprentice who was now bludgeoning the poor angel’s board with a hammer like it owed her money. “It’s going well, as you can see.”
“We need an Alchemy shop.” I twisted like I could point to Sally who wasn’t anywhere near us, realized I was an idiot, and just smiled dumbly.
“That’s not in the plan,” she said, and when I looked at her dumbly, she reached into her back pocket and pulled out a rolled up piece of parchment. “Here.” She offered it to me.
I took it and unfurled it. I couldn’t read it, of course, but the tooltip accompanying it gave me the gist of the idea.
“Why is the alchemy shop not even on the plan?” I asked, looking back at her. “You have a menagerie on here.”
“The menagerie is a joke.” Maribelle rolled her eyes. “It’s to make sure people are reading.”
“It’s made of glass.” I tapped the paper. “Is that so you can see the animals better?”
Maribelle looked at me for a long time, and I was getting the strong impression she was rethinking our earlier deal.
“Do you want me to build an alchemist’s lab?” She raised an eyebrow. “Because if you do, we’re going to have to kick something else off.” She gestured at the frame. “This is for the fletcher.”
A quick glance at the paper let me know fletcher was eighth on the list, after armory, blacksmith, infirmary, and a few other important seeming buildings. Oddly, showers was seven. So, they hadn’t existed. Well, that made me feel better. Let no one say that Arthur Curie wasn’t one perceptive individual. That’s for damned sure.
“We can kick off the glass menagerie,” I said, cracking a smile.
“Done. We will put it in place of the imaginary building.” She wiped her hands. “That was easy.” She turned to go back to work.
“Can you turn this into the alchemist’s station?” I gestured at the not-yet-a-fletcher.
“We would have to retrofit some stuff. It’ll cost another…” She tapped her chin a couple times. “Twenty percent? Maybe thirty? Depends on a few things.” She kicked at the frame. “Framing is the same, but there’s a lot more ventilation in an Alchemy Lab, and that requires some ducting and other things. Needs a stronger floor too. Maybe bomb proofing.”
“Do we have the extra materials?” I asked
“Probably.” She pointed at the list. “I’ll have to reorganize that a bit, I think because it’s sort of based on materials. We probably won’t be able to do the apothecary because the ducting was earmarked for that.” She bit her lip. “You can tell Uriel you stole her ducting, by the way. She was really into the whole herb thing.”
I laughed, and when Maribelle continued looking at me, I wiped my eyes. “Wait, you’re serious?”
“Yeah?” She gave me an odd look. “She said she grew lots of different herbs, had all sorts of strains, and asked if we could work in an apothecary.” She shrugged.
“Right, you can tell Uriel I shut down her pot farm.” I rolled my eyes. “Do the Alchemist’s next. Evidently, there’s a ton of Dark Blood just waiting to be harvested.”
“On that note, I have a request.” Maribelle pulled out her hammer and showed it to me. “Look.”
“It’s a hammer?” I replied, confused.
“With your Builderness.” She waved a hand at me.
“Oh, okay.”
Journeyman’s Hammer
Type: Tool
Class: Carpentry
Grade: B
Durability: 475/1,700
Enchantments: None
Ability: None
“I’m not understanding.” I shook my head. “It seems like a normal hammer?”
“Exactly.” Maribelle crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m not following you at all.” I shook my head.
“I want a better hammer, you fuck.” She shook it at me. “Everyone else gets better swords and armor and whatever. I have a normal hammer and a normal saw and a normal everything.” She glared at me. “And I’m really good in bed.” The last part sounded suspiciously like a threat, like she wouldn’t have sex with me anymore unless I got her some upgrades. I knew she didn’t mean it, of course, but either way, I still felt bad about it.
“Oh. Well, we can get better tools for you.” I tried to shake off my confusion. “That shouldn’t be a problem.”
“It is a problem.” She sighed. “It’s not just the tools. It’s my standing in the Guilds. I’m really not feeling like I’m progressing at all. I’d have earned a better hammer, maybe Journeyman three, if I could go back and take the test, but I doubt you have the weeks I need to do that.” Maribelle sighed. “Buffy even got me a Master’s kit, but I can’t use it for some reason. Everything gets all fucked up when I do, so I’ve been stuck with this hammer.”
“Oh.” I think I was starting to understand. Maribelle wanted better gear, but she wasn’t high enough level to actually equip it.
“Yeah. ‘Oh.’” She sighed. “Can you figure something out?”
“Give me your hammer,” I said, and without a word, she gave it to me.
Do you want to upgrade Journeyman’s Hammer to Grade A? Base cost 3 steel ingot (Grade A).
“Do we have steel ingots somewhere?” I asked, looking over at her.
The Builder's Wrath (The Legendary Builder Book 4) Page 15
