by Rita Lakin
“Yeah, yeah,” says Judy scornfully. “Can’t you think of a better excuse?”
“Well, we’re off,” says Rose. “Aren’t you going ashore to see Antigua?”
We look at one another. What with all yesterday’s excitement, we never got around to discussing that.
“Probably,” says Evvie. “A little later.”
“See ya,” the Dolls say as they head out. We can hear Rose comment, “I told you they’d share.”
Our oatmeal is cold, so we are glad when our warm scrambled eggs arrive. Just as we’re about to dig in, we hear:
“Hey, detectives. How are ya?” Elio and Angelina are hurrying toward us. What’s this? Angelina is wearing a yellow pantsuit?
“How are you?” I ask her gently.
She manages a small smile. “Life goes on. Elio went ashore early and bought me this.”
“I like color,” he says shyly. “And this is for you.” Elio whips out a check already filled out. Sophie grabs it, attempts a whistle. It comes out a whoosh. “That’s a lot of money.”
“You don’t owe us anything,” I say. I hear Bella and Sophie groan.
“Yes, we do,” says Angelina firmly. “If it weren’t for you we never would have learned the truth, and he would have gotten away with killing my cousin.” She quickly wipes away tears.
“We have news,” I say. “The captain called this morning to tell us Bob sang like a canary as soon as they grabbed him. He wants to make a deal, dumping all the others.”
“Always thought he was a coward,” Elio comments. “Never could figure out what she saw in him. Always dancing around on tippy-toes. What kind of man is that?”
“We’re leaving the ship,” Angelina adds. “We’re taking Amy with us. We need to get home and be with our families.”
We get up and take turns hugging the Sicilianos.
“Please stay in touch,” I tell them. “I mean it.”
“If we don’t see you sooner, we’ll expect you for Christmas Day dinner,” Elio says. “We throw a hell of a party. And if you play your cards right, there might be a little something under the tree for each of you.”
They wave and head out.
We brush away tears. Poor Amy. I wonder if she’ll ever get over this trauma. All of it such a sad misunderstanding.
Our eggs are cold.
“I like this,” Bella says.
“What? Cold eggs?” Ida asks.
“People coming over and throwing money at us.”
Hugo, our gorgeous waiter from Stuttgart, brings us coffee and an assortment of luscious-looking pastries. The girls dig in fast before anyone else can come over to distract us.
“All right,” I say. “Thanks to Robert telling the captain all, we finally have the last piece of the puzzle.”
Evvie takes a notepad and pen from her purse. “OK, let’s get it down.” She writes names and draws lines along the names. “Margaret is killed by Tom, Elizabeth’s husband. He was a male nurse and knew how to cause a heart attack with a hypodermic needle.”
“Causing a bubble of air forcing an embolism,” I add. “Her husband, Dick, gave Tom her golf schedule.”
“Okay,” says Evvie, making a check mark next to Margaret’s name. “Let’s call this one Death by Hypo Needle.”
Taking another bite of her bear claw, she goes on. “Josephine is killed in her spa by Dick, Margaret’s husband, who used to be a plumber.”
“Right,” I say. “Dick snuck in and rigged the temperature, making the steam so hot it would boil the poor woman. Death by Steam.”
Evvie writes. “Elizabeth has an asthma attack brought on by a parrot, urged on by Harry, former veterinary employee and Amy’s husband. Obviously her husband, Tom, informed him of Beth’s phobia. Death by Parrot.”
“And Amy would have been killed in ‘an accident’ by Bob ‘Roberto’ Martinson, who knew in advance that she was going on this cruise and got a job as a Latin dance teacher, his former occupation.”
Evvie adds, “She would have been Death by Falling off a Cliff.”
“Oy,” says Bella, “I have such a headache from all this meshugas.”
“They all used their former talents to do the job,” I say. “That’s pretty diabolical.”
“Yeah. Strangers on a Train with special skills.” Evvie looks me straight in the eye and says, “It was not about heart attacks, after all.”
I know she’s referring to our talk about my being obsessed by murder. “Ironic, though. I wouldn’t have paid attention if I’d heard they were ‘accidents.’” And I think to myself how close I came to not coming along on this trip at all.
“Got it?” Evvie asks the girls.
“No,” say Sophie and Bella together.
“So,” Ida says to me, ignoring them. “And what about all those coincidences you say you never believe in? Like coming aboard this ship and meeting Amy?”
Says Bella, “And you going to a funeral for a rich dead lady and finding out she’s Angelina’s cousin?”
“Yeah, and then meeting the Sicilianos in the restaurant in Puerto Rico. We could have been on board the whole trip and never run into them.” This from Evvie.
“And then finding out we’re all on the same ship,” says Ida.
“And us meeting Roberto ’cause we took dance lessons,” says Bella. She sighs. “How could such a dreamboat be a killer?”
“And,” says Sophie, “my winning a cruise in the first place and the ship turns out to be this one.”
They all look to me to hear what I say about that. I take a slow bite of my prune Danish. Then a sip of my coffee. “I don’t consider any of these coincidences,” I say grandly.
“What!” Evvie says in disbelief.
“What!” echo the others.
I wait for a few moments and I smile. “It was all beshert.”
I don’t have to translate for them that “beshert” means “meant to be.”
Yes, it was definitely meant to be.
Epilogue
Lovers Take Flight
We are in the atrium, with sun hats and cameras, ready to go ashore to visit Antigua. As we glance through colorful brochures, we hear the PA system announce: “Mrs. Gladys Gold and companions, please report to the captains conference room.”
“Now what did we do?” Evvie asks sarcastically.
“Maybe he just wants to have more fun at our expense,” I say. I wonder if hes married. Nah! What woman would put up with him? On the other hand, hes got a sense of humor. Weird, but funny.
Bella suggests, “Maybe he has money for us. Everybody else does.”
A man in a Dolphins cap hurries to where a small group of passengers are getting checks cashed. “Hey,” he says to his friends excitedly, “you gotta see this. Therere cops outside.”
In a flash, we hurry out after the curious passengers, onto the nearest deck. Sure enough, we are just in time to see Robert Martinson being led into a police car.
The Sicilianos are also there. I can see Elio, being restrained by a policeman, as he shakes his fists and shouts at Bob, but Im unable to make out his words. I can guess, though.
“Should we go down there?” Evvie asks.
I am torn. Id like to force pretty-boy “Roberto” into taking another look at the women who brought him down. Gloating would be such fun. But the captain is waiting for us.
“Youre not such a great dancer!” Bella yells down at her Roberto. I hope that sad shout eases her disappointment in her idol. Sophie can only turn away.
“Come on, girls. Lets see what new surprise the captain has for us.”
There is a surprise. And what a wonderful, unexpected surprise it is. Chatting with Captain Standish are Morrie and Jack. My Morrie and Jack! Amy is there, as well, and also the first mate.
Jack and I take one look at one another and ignore our usual caution. We run into each others arms.
“What are you doing here?” I ask breathlessly.
“I came to keep you from getting into more trouble.” His smile co
uld light up the room.
“Im so sorry I left without calling.” I want to run my hands through his hair. I want to touch every part of his face. And morebut I dont dare.
“No, Im the one to be sorry for being so stubborn.” He is also restraining himself in front of this group, all of whom watch with great interest. Except for the captain, whose demeanor says hes seen it all.
“No, its my fault, not yours.”
“Kiss him already,” says Bella delightedly, “so we can find out whats going on.”
And I do. And for once Im not concerned what my girls might be thinking. And neither is he.
We get a smattering of applause.
“How did you get here?” Evvie wants to know.
“A private plane,” says Morrie, “compliments of the Boca Raton police department. They sent us to make sure Martinson gets extradited back to them.”
“See, and you guys never believed me.” I am quite smug now.
Morrie says, “Thats because youre senile and we never listen to old people, let alone women.” He grins.
Bella reaches over and gives him a gentle swat on the tush. “Behave yourself.” Bella, old family friend of the Langfords, feels she can take this liberty.
Jack chimes in. “Come on, you never believed it yourself at the beginning. In fact, you made the whole thing up just to get attention.” He reaches around my waist and holds me tightly. I hope he never lets go.
Morrie says, “I thought you gals would like to know, right now the police in West Palm Beach, Sarasota Springs, and Miami Beach are picking up the husbands of Elizabeth Johnson, Margaret Sampson, and Amy Larkin.”
“Is there a reward,” Bella asks brightly, “for catching these killers?”
Everyone laughs at this. Except me. I stare at her in sharp reproach. Enough already, Bella.
Morrie takes a check out of his wallet. “As a matter of fact, Ive been holding this for you until you got home from your cruise. This is for finding Mrs. Johnsons diamond ring.”
“How much?” Both Sophie and Bella chime in on that. Bellas hand shoots out to take the check. She shrugs and grins at me. Shes on a roll. Money just keeps pouring in.
“Just one moment,” I say coolly. “Who paid this reward?”
“Thomas Johnson, her husband.”
“The same Thomas Johnson who murdered Margaret Sampson and arranged for his own wife, Elizabeth, to be killed by Harry Larkin? No, thank you. I call that blood money.”
“Spoilsport,” Bella whines.
“Give it to charity,” Sophie says, mimicking me.
“We were right!” Evvie says excitedly, practically jumping up and down. “The initials on the treasure chest! HL! Harry Larkin.”
With that, I dig my elbow into Morries stomach. “I told you so!”
“Ouch,” says Morrie.
“Next time listen to the old broad.”
“Well,” says Captain Standish, looking at each of us in turn, “I might thank you for giving us such an exhilarating voyage. Then again I might not.” Here goes droll again.
“Youll probably be seeing us on the next bingo cruise,” Evvie informs him.
“I can hardly wait.” With that he turns and leaves with his first mate. His first mate winks at us behind the captains back.
There is silence in the room.
“Well,” says Ida, “time to go sightseeing.” Our man-hater hasnt even peeked at Jack this whole time.
The girls head eagerly for the door. Then they glance back at me. I havent moved and Jack hasnt let go of me.
Here goes nothing. I take a deep breath. “Would you mind if I left the cruise and went back with Jack? And Morrie?” As if Morrie is supposed to be a chaperone. No ones fooled.
More silence. I almost wish stony Standish was back again to pep things up.
Sophie takes a wild shot. “Youll miss the last bingo day. The big prize is five thousand dollars.”
“Go for it,” I tell them. “With your winning streak, youre bound to win it. Just remember,” I say, staring directly at Sophie, “Im still your partner.”
The girls now look to Evvie. Last chance.
She and I exchange a sisterly look. Time to let go, Ev, is the message Im sending. She nods. She got it.
“You go on, Glad. You never liked bingo anyway.”
“Will you be okay?” This is me to all the girls.
“You think were kids or something?” Bella says, insulted. “We got maps.” She giggles. “And lots of money to spend.”
“Yeah,” adds Sophie, “we can take care of ourselves.”
“Evvie can take your place,” says Ida spitefully. Then she smiles a truly loving smile.
“Hey, girls,” I say, “one more thing.” I speak with great assurance now. “I know how to find out who the Peeping Tom back home is.”
“Oh, yeah,” says Ida. “How?”
“Remember all the poems crazy Greta Kronk wrote? And her apartment, where we found those drawings of our neighbors that matched the poems on her wall?”
“I remember,” says Sophie. “Tessie is fat, thats that. I loved that one.”
“So?” Ida is waiting.
“She had one on the wall about someone who was a sneaky, peeky. Anybody remember that?”
A shaking of heads.
“I do, but with my memory, I cant think of who she meant. Good thing we saved all those drawings.”
We all hug. They say good-byes to the guys. And leave. Not even a last look back. Theyre out of here. And on their own.
Morrie announces tactfully that hell wait for us downstairs. Then he grins at me.
Finally. “Alone at last,” I whisper to Jack.
“Not an easy place to get to.”
Another big kiss. When I come up for air, I say, “We better leave before they change their minds. Lets go to my cabin and Ill get my things.”
As we head down the corridor to the elevator, Jack says, “Ive never seen Antigua. Want to find a place here?”
“No way. Pick somewhere else. Anywhere in the world but here.”
Jack is puzzled. “Why?”
“Because theyll find us. I promise you they will. As Evvie likes to say, You can run, but you cant hide.”
As we get into the elevator, I say, “I have something important to tell you.”
“I know,” he says.
He holds me tightly. I feel the ice around my heart finally begin to melt.
Acknowledgments
Camille Minichino, Jonnie Jacobs, Margaret Lucke, my mystery-writer pals. Thanks for all our kitchen klatch sessions, so much fun and so helpful.
Caitlin Alexander for being the perfect editor. Always right on!
Josh Jason and Sharon Propson for guiding me through the perils of PR.
Dick Katz for great last-minute insights.
The Women Who Walk on Water in Wisconsin for being first readers. And to Margaret Sampson, who gave her life to Chapter One.
And yes, Judy and Rose again, the bingo mavens.
And to the Bingo Dolls, who couldnt come aboard.
And again for all my friends and supporters. You know who you are.
About the Author
Fate (aka, marriage) took Rita Lakin from New York to Los Angeles, where she was seduced by palm trees and movie studios. Over the next twenty years she wrote for television and had every possible job from freelance writer to story editor to staff writer and, finally, producer. She worked on shows such as Dr. Kildare, Peyton Place, Mod Squad, and Dynasty, and created her own shows, including The Rookies, Flamingo Road, and Nightingales. She wrote many movies-of-the-week and miniseries, such as Death Takes a Holiday, Women in Chains, Strong Medicine, and Voices of the Heart. She has also written the theatrical play No Language but a Cry and is the co-author of Saturday Night at Grossingers, both of which are still being produced across the country. Rita has won awards from the Writers Guild of America, as well as the Mystery Writers of Americas Edgar Allan Poe Award and the coveted Avery Hopwood A
ward from the University of Michigan. She lives in Marin County, California, where she is currently at work on her next mystery starring the indomitable Gladdy Gold. Visit her on the Web at www.ritalakin.com or e-mail her at [email protected].
If you enjoyed
GETTING OLD IS THE
BEST REVENGE,
you won’t want to miss
Gladdy Gold’s return in
Getting Old Is
Criminal
by
Rita Lakin
Available from Dell Books
in Spring 2007
Pick up your copy at your
favorite bookseller.
GETTING OLD IS THE BEST REVENGE
A Dell Book / April 2006
Published by Bantam Dell
A Division of Random House, Inc.
New York, New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved
Copyright © 2006 by Rita Lakin
Map and ornament illustrations by Laura Hartman Maestro
* * *
Dell is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.
* * *
www.bantamdell.com
eISBN: 978-0-440-33590-0
v3.0
