Lois waited for her pounding heart to slow before considering what happened. Self-abuse. Well, nobody had to know, and she wasn’t going to feel badly about it. It felt amazing, and she was going to practice it a great many times in the future. The tap on her door instantly made her rethink her decision, and she guiltily put both hands behind her back like a child.
* * * *
“Graham. Gray, you need to stop.” Kennedy wished he wouldn’t listen, but she had to tell him.
“Honey, I don’t want to stop. Let me…” He didn’t lift his head, his words muffled, and she wondered if she could ignore the Lois issue for another minute or so. She was so close. But it felt too weird.
“Graham, Lois was watching. I don’t know for how long.”
Graham shot to his feet, his face incredulous and covered in her cream. “What the fuck? Lois? She’s not home! She’s not here!”
He grabbed a handful of tissues to wipe his face before gently tending to her. Kennedy hitched a little as he pressed against her engorged clit. “Untie me, Graham.”
He hastened to comply, muttering under his breath about a man not being able to do what he wanted in his own castle, and she hid a smile. The pregnancy curtailed some of their bedroom activities because he wouldn’t risk the baby, but Graham was still the randiest man she’d known. He’d gotten his tonight, although he’d never turn down seconds, but she’d had none. Jeez. She relaxed as he rubbed her wrists and ankles after releasing them, wanting to be sure her circulation had returned. Graham helped her up and slipped her robe over her shoulders, pressing a kiss on the nape of her neck. Kennedy shivered beneath his questing lips but strengthened her resolve and stepped away.
“I’m going to go talk with Lois.”
“Want me to come?”
“I’ll call you, Graham, if need be. But we may be looking for a new nanny.”
“She wasn’t supposed to be home!”
“You sound like Nathan when somebody takes a toy from him, babe.” Kennedy didn’t add that he looked like his son, too, hiding another smile. Graham was actually pouting.
“I’ll listen for him. In case he wakes.”
He was such a good father. Kennedy could hardly wait for their little girl to be born. Graham looked green around the gills when the ultrasound disclosed their baby’s gender, probably thinking ahead to the time when boys just like him would be interested in his baby girl. She smiled her thanks and went to find their nanny.
Chapter Two
Lois decided not to slide under the bed and stick her fingers in her ears. They knew she was home and how on earth was she going to face them? She swallowed, squared her shoulders, and marched over to answer the door. Mrs. A stood there, wrapped in a robe, her petite form belying the strength of her personality. Lois made herself smile but couldn’t make any words come. How could she ever look at Mrs. A again without seeing her stark naked and restrained? God. The woman had no pubic hair!
“Lois? May I come in? Or would you prefer to talk with me in the kitchen?”
That was Mrs. Alexander. Always alert to the comfort of others. Lois didn’t want her personal space intruded on. She was afraid she’d catch whatever exciting Lifestyle her employers led.
“Kitchen, please.”
“I’ll go make some tea. See you in a minute. Graham won’t be joining us for now.”
She knew. Mrs. A knew Lois had seen them. She’d lose her position here and rightfully so. Employees didn’t spy on their bosses without repercussions. Lois blinked back tears. How was she going to leave Nathan? And the Alexanders? They were her family. One stupid lapse in judgment was going to cost her, not only her job but people she liked, a child she loved, and a home she couldn’t bear to leave. She pulled herself together and went to face the music, knuckling the tears from her eyes.
Mrs. A had the table set with two cups and a container of honey, spoons resting on a saucer. She’d even put out the fancy napkins. Formally fired. She stood by the sink, rinsing the teapot in boiling water. Lois had shown her how to make a real English pot of tea, minus the scalded milk. They often shared a cup at some point during the day, usually when Nathan was otherwise occupied or down for his nap. He soon wouldn’t be napping anymore. Nathan would be off to preschool. Lois’s eyes watered again at the loss.
“Lois? Please sit down. Here.” Mrs. A offered her a tissue from the pocket of her robe, and Lois blindly groped for it.
“I’m sorry, Lois. We didn’t mean to cause you this kind of upset. You’re planning on leaving, I would guess. I’m not sure what to say other than I wish you’d reconsider. Hear me out.”
Lois folded her body onto the chair right before her knees gave way. They thought she was leaving? They felt responsible? Her innate sense of doing what was right surged to the surface. She shook her head.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you fired me.”
“Excuse me?”
“I spied on you and Mr. Alexander. There’s no excuse. You should fire me.”
Lois finally garnered the courage to look up when the silence stretched out. Not really silence. There was kind of a garbled noise going on. She was astonished to see the other woman holding her hands over her face in an attempt to muffle either tears or laughter. Mrs. A peeked through her fingers and caught Lois’s eye. She dropped her hands and laughed out loud.
When she brought herself under control, her voice was nearly breathless with mirth. “Sorry, Lois. Really. You reminded me so much of me a couple of years ago. I should explain.”
“You don’t have to explain anything. What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. And I spied on you twice.”
“Oh, boy. I’ll bet you got an eyeful. S’okay. I’ve been watched before thanks to that man of mine. I get over it. But we need to talk, Lois. That’s if you will stay on as our nanny.”
“I don’t want to leave!” Lois heard the desperation in her voice and dropped her eyes to the tabletop so as not to plead like the worst kind of supplicant.
“We don’t want you to leave, Lois. Seriously. I think I’ll ask Graham to join us for this discussion.”
Lois jerked upright in her chair. “Oh no. I mean, can’t you and I just talk?”
“I don’t think so, Lois. This is between the three of us. I don’t have any secrets from Graham and really don’t want to repeat myself. He’ll be able to answer some questions I can’t.”
“We don’t need to talk about it. We don’t. Let’s just go on the way it was before, okay?” Lois heard herself begging.
“Lois. Please look at me.”
She forced herself to meet Mrs. Alexander’s gaze. There was nothing to alarm her in the younger woman’s eyes. Instead, there was compassion and understanding and a calm acceptance. Lois nodded and Mrs. A got up to go fetch her husband. She carefully poured a cup of tea, barely managing not to spill the golden liquid and lifted the mug to her lips with both hands. This was worse than the time she’d been called to the principal’s office when she smacked Jeffrey Simpson for snapping her bra strap and broke his glasses. Considerably worse. How was she going to look at either of her employers?
Mr. A strode into view. He’d changed, now wearing a loose shirt hanging outside of his jeans. Lois was relieved he looked so normal. He held a chair for his wife and sat down beside her, slinging his arm casually around the chair back. It looked casual, but Lois recognized the possessiveness in the action, and she fiercely wished, just for a moment, that someone might care for her so deeply. He was a big man, handsome and confident, and his silvery-gray eyes, so like Nathan’s, were fixed on her. No, they weren’t at all like Nathan’s. Mr. A had a look about him, and Lois could never imagine her employer being an impish, sweet-natured little boy. Mrs. A reached over and placed a gentle hand on hers, and Lois was instantly comforted.
“Kennedy tells me you have a window into our Lifestyle, Lois, but you don’t want to leave your position here.” Mr. A spoke quietly, but with authority.
She wet her lip
s with her tongue and made herself reply. His tone brooked no subterfuge, no dishonesty. “I don’t want to leave. But as I told Mrs. Alexander I would understand it if you let me go. I can’t explain what came over me. The first time was accidental, spying on you that is. The second time was on purpose. I didn’t know I’d been seen.”
Mr. A smiled. He turned to his wife and said, “Submissive. And titillated, some of that, I’ll bet my bottom dollar.”
“Graham, not every woman in the world is submissive,” Mrs. A responded crossly. “I’m not, and yet you persist.”
“Ah, honey. But you do submit on occasion, and it makes it so much sweeter.”
Lois felt like she’d entered a new reality. Submissive. Like those women on the website. He thought she was submissive. Well, compared to Mrs. A, Lois was a veritable pushover. Except when it came to children. She was always the boss of them, if in a “mother knows best” way. But she could acknowledge she was possessed of a quiet, unassuming personality, always wanting to please. But submissive as in sexually? Surely one had to have sex to be that kind of submissive. Maybe it was part and parcel.
The Alexanders appeared to have resolved their disagreement when Lois turned her attention back to them. Mr. A smiled and patted her other hand.
“I might be overstepping here, Lois, but would you be interested in coming to an evening at our club?”
“Club? Like a BDSM club?” Lois heard herself ask the question for clarification while making an attempt to sternly admonish her prurient curiosity to take a back seat. Prurient curiosity won.
“Exactly. I admit I’m surprised you know about BDSM, but if you haven’t already packed and run screaming from this house, you might want to explore the Lifestyle.”
“Graham, give Lois a little time! Remember how you pushed me and how that nearly turned out.”
Mr. A gave his wife a look promising all kinds of excitement, and Lois threw caution to the winds. What would it be like to have someone look at her like that?
“I might,” she said cautiously. Oh, she was going to hell, if in good company. A ridiculous urge to laugh stole over her, and she gave into it. The Alexanders joined her after a startled moment. When the hilarity passed, Mr. A leaned back and stared at her again.
“Ask.”
He was a mind reader, too. “It’s really none of my business.”
“We’ll let you know if what you ask can’t be answered.”
Okay. Lois took a breath. “Are you one of those dominant guys?”
“I’m a Dom. Kennedy is my sometimes submissive.” The two again shared one of those moments they often had. The ones that made Lois feel she was missing something special, or at the very least wasn’t in possession of the key to the code.
“And uh, Nathan’s mother?” Probably not the smartest thing to ask, but Lois was beginning to put the pieces of some strange puzzle together.
Mr. A’s face tightened but he nodded. “I met her in the club, Club Pleasure.”
“And Mr. Payne?” Surely not that courtly older man.
“A visiting Dom. He met her there, too. There’re all kinds of Doms.”
Holy crap. “And your friends?” Was she the only so-called normal person in their circle?
“Some are, some aren’t. Most of them know our interests and are okay with it. You need to know, Lois, our motto is safe, sane, and consensual. There’s also a hard-core element, but we personally don’t subscribe to that. Not to say you can’t if you find it’s what you need. We don’t judge.”
Lois shivered. “I don’t know. It’s all too fast. And I’m kind of getting on in age.”
Mrs. A laughed her infectious chuckle. “Lois, dear. There are no age limits. It’s not all about sex, really. It’s a big part of it, but it’s about relationship and power exchange. Although I concede it makes the sex much better. There are so many layers. I’ve hardly scratched the surface, and I work for the club owner.”
Lois blinked. Mr. Morrison and his beautiful wife. They were married, too, and had a family. Layers. Now that she could handle. She was an excellent researcher and could learn all about the subject before she accompanied them to the club, this Club Pleasure. Then she sobered.
“I can’t leave Nathan.”
“You’ll be going with Graham, Lois. I’ll stay with our son.”
“But…” Lois shut up. It wasn’t her call who cared for Nathan. She needed to relinquish her intense need to care for the child she’d raised for eighteen months to his parents.
“Lois. I understand your attachment to Nathan. You’ll always be part of his life, you must know that. But maybe it’s time you got your own.”
She nearly hated Kennedy Alexander in that moment. Truth will out, Lois. Her mother’s acerbic voice battered her thoughts, and she fought against it even as she accepted it. She, Lois Wright, had no life. She’d been a caregiver from the time she could meet any of her mother’s needs and, by extension, her father’s. Then she moved right into the field of child care to take care of other people’s kids. Maybe she deserved something more. Just maybe.
“When?”
“This Friday night, Lois. Kennedy will show you some Internet sites to visit and answer your questions. What she can’t I will. Think of it as a study group.”
There was that sly wit of his. She’d witnessed it a lot but was rarely on the receiving end. A wall she hadn’t realized stood between them came tumbling down. “Thank you, Mr. Alexander.”
“First thing, Lois. It’s Graham and Kennedy. We’re past formalities, wouldn’t you say?”
Well, seeing other people’s private parts and sexual preferences probably qualified as informal. “Okay. Yes.”
She’d try.
Chapter Three
The next few days flew by. Nathan likely sensed the heightened emotion and changing dynamics in the household because he was cranky and unsettled for a short time before returning to his sunny little self. He did gravitate more and more to Kennedy, and Lois encouraged him. He’d have a little sister in five months’ time and would have to share all the caring adults in his life, but she wasn’t really concerned. There was lots of love and attention to go around. Even if she didn’t take to this so called Lifestyle, Lois wasn’t going anywhere. She was calling her employers by their first names more often than not, and she supposed her increased comfort level had a bearing on her ability to let go of Nathan. If she wished for her own child, and she did, Lois didn’t share that with anyone. Kennedy likely guessed, but said nothing, merely included her in the discussions about the progress of baby number two, as well as all the things one did to prepare for a new arrival. Kennedy professed to get some comfort from talking with Lois. She was thrilled to be pregnant but scared, too, and didn’t have a mom. Lois was honored, if feeling ill equipped.
Lois read and researched BDSM. The more she understood it the more she thought it might well be for her. Graham explained the opportunity to be placed with a Dom of her own if she wanted that once she explored all the options. Lois tried to hide her irreverent mirth at the idea of a dating service via a sex club, but Graham naturally picked up on it. He truly missed very little when he focused on a person.
“You’re loosening up, Lois. I like it. We both do. I’m enjoying this other side to you.”
She smiled at him. “I like it, too, Graham. It still feels a bit awkward, but I’m actually more comfortable over all.”
“You made me feel a little incompetent as a father, Lois, even as I was grateful for your help. You’re very confident with Nathan.”
“And with my peers and librarians, museum curators maybe. But not with much else. I haven’t a clue in other social situations, having no experience whatsoever. So I just hang back and keep quiet, like a wallflower. That’s probably why you think I’m submissive.”
“That’s not why, Lois. I know subs. And Club Pleasure is hardly your average social situation, but at least we all play by the same rules. Are you ready to attend?”
“Kennedy
has answered all of my questions, at least all I’ve come up with so far. I’m intrigued. Terrified, but intrigued. Theory is far different than practice. I learned that in college.”
“And look how well you translated it! Friday night then. Kennedy will help you choose appropriate clothes. You can observe a scene or two, meet a few people. There’s no rush. In fact it’ll probably take you awhile to decide. And then you’ll need to pass the membership tests before you can formally join. We’ll leave at nine.”
Graham wanted to make sure Nathan was settled before he left. It went without saying, and Lois liked him for it. “Fine.”
* * * *
She stared at the woman reflected in the mirror. Kennedy had perused her wardrobe and suggested she wear the pencil skirt and simple white wraparound blouse she wore when out with her staid acquaintances. Lois expected something different, something more va-va-voom, something she didn’t own, but was advised she was observing, not participating. If she chose at another time to connect with a Dom or request training, he would tell her what to wear, more often than not. Lois thrilled to the idea of someone taking care of her, making decisions for her. It made her excited and relieved somehow. She was tired of taking care of herself and everyone else in her life, although she wouldn’t be able to totally erase her care-giving self. It was a bit of a conundrum. She wondered if there was a way to strike a balance.
Fulfilled [Club Pleasure 5] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 2
