“I do—I mean—we do. I was just angry.”
“You can’t be blurting out and doing things just because you’re angry because one of these days you’re going to do or say something you can’t take back and there…” my throat caught and it took me a second to pull it together, “there can be consequences.”
“Yes ma’am,” he said with a nod.
“And quit all that rocking. What did your counselor tell you? You have to start being aware of what you’re doing.”
“Yes ma’am.” And then a tear rolled down his cheek. Ugh! The whole situation had me so damn frustrated. Why did I have such a soft spot for this kid? Yet even though I’d rather not be bothered, part of me wanted to do whatever I could to help him.
“I forgive you, but next time, I’m going to be the one popping you upside your head. You understand?” I said bluntly.
He nodded. “Yes ma’am.”
A small smile curled my lips. “Now come and give me a hug.” I rose and he came around my desk and I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him almost as tightly as he was holding me. “Just because I’m no longer with your dad that doesn’t mean I can’t still be a part of your life.”
“Okay.”
I rubbed his back and kissed his cheek the same way Uncle Todd had the day he found out Daddy had used my right shoulder as an ashtray.
For years I had felt guilty believing it was my fault that my father had been killed. That just my mentioning our family secret it had come back to bite me in the ass. Until a few days ago, Uncle Todd had never mentioned that day and neither had I. Now I knew; I did have a hand in my father’s death.
According to Uncle Todd, they had been called to investigate a possible burglary at a warehouse. The intruder fled the scene and dropped his gun onto the floor. Once they found the building all clear, Uncle Todd confronted my father. When he told him he was going to bring him down, revealing what Daddy was doing in front of the entire city, Daddy snatched the gun and shot himself.
He was more of a coward than I had ever imagined.
Uncle Todd covered it up so Daddy died with honor and Mommy could collect his pension. He had also hidden the gun, making sure no one was ever arrested for murdering a cop.
It was going to take a while for me to get used to the two of them being together but since Mommy was home and looked happier than ever, I was willing to try.
I released CJ, then gave him a stern look. “Now just because I’ve forgiven you that doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. For the next few weeks, you will be working here in the restaurant a few hours a week, after school.”
“Oh cool!” he said and I couldn’t believe the way his eyes lit up.
I smiled. “My cousin is leaving, and we need to teach someone else how to make the cornbread. You think you can handle that?”
CJ nodded his head eagerly. “Yes ma’am.”
“C’mon let me show you the kitchen.” I draped an arm across his shoulders and led him down the hall.
“Ms. Jae, I think counseling is really helping me,” he said as we were walking.
“Really?” I didn’t see any real improvement but maybe I was missing something, “Good for you. I was hoping it would.”
“Can I tell you something?” he said then stopped.
I turned to face him. “Sure, what do you want to tell me?”
“I think…,” he started slowly, “I remember my mother getting killed.”
* * *
“Thanks for letting me know he was here.”
“No problem.” I was standing behind the counter taking a delivery order when Kaleb stepped into the restaurant. Every woman in there was staring at him but the only woman he seemed to have eyes for was me. Not that I was surprised. “I figure this will give him something to do until you get off work.”
“I agree.” He looked at me as if he was trying to figure me out, which I don’t understand. I was the best thing to ever happen to that man. But like so many before him, he was just too stupid to realize it.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?”
“I need to grab some paper towels so you can follow me to the storage room.” I turned and walked back and was glad I had worn a yellow sundress with high heel black Jimmy Choos. As soon as I reached the door, I punched in the passcode and waited for him to step inside before shutting the door behind us. “Before you get started, I wanna talk to you about something.”
He nodded. “Sure.”
“A while back CJ mentioned he remembered his mother.”
Kaleb laughed like what I said was ridiculous. “He was too young to remember her.”
“That’s not true. I remember my father tossing candy into my crib when I was two.”
“Yeah, but CJ has always been a little…” he cringed like it was hard to say. “a little slow, and he’s never mentioned his mother to me.”
“Maybe because you’re too busy yelling at the kid that you rarely listen.” My voice was laced with sarcasm. “He’s mentioned her to me. And today he told me he remembers seeing his mother’s murder.”
He laughed. “That’s impossible.”
“Why?”
“Because CJ was with me.” He dragged a hand across his hair. “Listen, I think my son just wants attention. He misses you.”
“I think it’s something he needs to start exploring with his therapist. Maybe there’s something hidden that is the cause of all his pain. He still has the little men his mother bought him and that might mean something.”
He shrugged and didn’t look the slightest bit convinced. “Maybe. I’ll have his therapist talk to him and see what she can uncover.” He said then cleared his throat and changed the subject. “Speaking of therapy, I want you to know I’ve started counseling.” Leave it to Kaleb to always make things about him and his needs. It was apparent his son would always come second. I guess that’s why I felt so sorry for CJ.
“Good for you. What are they treating you for?”
“Bipolar disorder.”
Hell, I coulda told him that and saved him a few hundred dollars.
“She’s started me on a medication. She said my mind was racing all over the place with negative thoughts.”
“Good for you,” I replied and was really happy for him.
“I can already feel a difference. I don’t know how I was living with that hell in my head for so long.”
Neither could I.
He reached for my hand. “All I want to say is don’t give up on us just yet. Please, just give me a chance to get myself together before you find yourself an apartment.”
I stared up at Kaleb wanting desperately for things to be different between us but then I thought about my father and all the years my mother used to listen to the same pleas. “I don’t know,” I started and shook my head.
“Babe, please. I’m going to be a changed man. I promise,” he said softly.
He reached for my other hand. And when I stepped away I felt something in my hand. It was my engagement ring.
“Kaleb I told you—”
He backed away out of my reach. “Keep it. That ring belongs to you and when you’re ready you can either wear it or mail it back to me.”
Without another word, I reached for a roll of paper towels for the bathroom. I was stepping out of the storage room when I ran right smack into someone. “Sorry, I—” my voice stalled when I realized that person was Frankie.
“Hey, I was just in your office looking for you.” He was grinning until he saw Kaleb come out of the storage room behind me. Of course men can be so territorial.
“Babe,” Kaleb asked eyes narrowed with curiosity, “who is this?”
“I was getting ready to ask her the same thing.” Frankie stepped forward and placed his hand at the small of my back.
I looked from one to the other. “Kaleb this is an old friend. Frankie this is Kaleb.”
Frankie instantly knew who he was but Kaleb was clueless. I could see him struggling to stay calm and the last t
hing I wanted was a repeat of what happened at Alphonso’s shop. Kaleb was probably two seconds away from going off when CJ picked the perfect time to come out.
“Dad, come see! I made the cornbread for dinner.” He signaled with his hand for him to come to the kitchen.
“Here I come, son.” Kaleb then turned back to me. “Babe, I’ll call you later.” He leaned down and kissed my cheek.
As soon as they disappeared I knew it was only for a few minutes and then Kaleb would be back so I needed to get Frankie out of there.
“So that’s your fiancé, huh?”
I squeezed the ring inside the palm of my hand. “Yeah, that’s him.”
“Are the two of you getting back together?” I was getting ready to say no but something in my eyes must have said something else. He held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, do you.”
His comment provoked nothing but attitude. “What the hell does that mean?”
Frankie looked at me, clearly disappointed. “It means you need to figure it out because you can’t have it both ways.”
I rolled my eyes. Frankie knows how I feel about ultimatums. I get enough from Kaleb. “Who says I’m tryna have it both ways?” I was just feeling overwhelmed right now. That’s all. I felt as if I was being pulled in two different directions.
He shook his head. “It’s no secret how I feel about you but I’m not gonna sit around forever waiting for you to figure it out. Either you want me or you’re gonna be with dude. You need to decide.” He pressed his lips to mine, letting his tongue explore my mouth. And then without another word, Frankie turned and walked out the restaurant.
45
NYREE
I woke up on Sunday and it took a few moments for me to realize I was staying back at my house, with Janelle sleeping across the hall.
Is this what my life has become?
I still couldn’t believe what Jeremy had done to me after all the promises to come clean and no more lies—only to find out he had lied to me again.
I curled into a fetal position and laid there crying the way I had for the last week. I don’t know why I was wasting tears on a man who was truly not worthy of my love but I guess we can’t control who we fall in love with.
What I can’t understand is how could one man lie so much? It just didn’t make any sense to me, especially when I had proven time and time again I was willing to accept him and all his kids despite the lies. Yet he still couldn’t just be a man and be honest with me. But why?
“Please Lord. Please take the pain away,” I prayed. I just wished I could fast forward my life six months from now. By then, I would be over Jeremy and my life would be back to what it was before.
By the time I made it to the kitchen, Janelle was sitting at the island drinking coffee and Honey was eating from his bowl.
“Hey girl, you going to church this morning?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yes, I can’t hide from my mother forever.”
She gave me a look like she’ll believe it when she sees it but I ignored her and headed over to the coffee pot.
“You doing the Sunday brunch this morning?”
Janelle nodded. “April took the day off to spend it with her husband’s family. So I’m gonna hold it down today.” She usually had the day off but every now and again Janelle covered for her. I filled a cup with coffee then reached for the creamer and headed over and slid onto a barstool at the island.
“Have you spoken to Frankie?”
She shook her head and for the first time I saw something on her face that was so unusual for Janelle—frustration.
“Girl, just call him,” I urged her.
Janelle took a sip for her mug then looked over at me. “Frankie’s not having it. I either come correct, or don’t come at all.”
“Okay so what’s stopping you?”
She tried to look like she had no idea what I meant. Then her expression softened. “I don’t know. It wasn’t until Frankie gave me that damn ultimatum that I realized how much he really means to me. And that’s what really scares me. I thought I was in love with Kaleb, but now I think I feel sorry for him and CJ more than anything else. I just don’t know anymore.”
I leaned forward. “So what does your heart say?”
Janelle gave me a sad smile. “That’s the problem. I don’t trust my heart. I’ve always operated on what I wanted, not what I needed. Now I just don’t know which way to turn.” She sounded exasperated.
“That’s easy. Crazy or sanity?”
Janelle gave me one of her Kool-Aid grins. “You know I like them crazy.”
I blew out a long breath as I stirred my coffee. “I know and that’s the problem. At some point you need some stability in your life.”
“That’s what you thought you had with Jeremy and you see how that turned out.”
I turned my head, avoiding her gaze and took a sip. “True.”
“The beautiful thing is I don’t have to make any decisions about my life. You married your crazy mothafucka, I didn’t,” she replied with a hand at her hip.
She was right again.
Between sips, she looked at me with skepticism. “I’ll be honest. I am really feeling Frankie and I don’t want to lose him but at the same time I feel like Kaleb, especially CJ needs me. There is something more going on with that boy. Kaleb said he was too young when his mother died but CJ says he remembers his mother reading and singing to him. I really think his problems…, all that rocking shit, has something to do with her.”
My brow rose. “And you wanna save the day?”
She looked like she was trying to digest the idea. “Yeah, actually I do. I went through a lot growing up. More than I’ve ever shared with you. Frankie knows my pain but not too many others. I know the scars a past can bring. For some of us those wounds never heal.”
My eyes shot open wide. “You really do have a heart.”
She pointed a finger at me. “Yes and you do too. So do you, bitch, and follow your heart. Nothing worse than living a life of regret. I’ve been regretting shit for the last twenty years.”
There was something sad in her eyes. “Is it something you wanna talk about?”
“Girl, no. That’s a closed chapter in my life,” she said and waved her hand like she was dismissing me even though something distant in her eyes said her demons were far from gone. Whatever it was I hoped someday she would share with me. “If Jeremy is where your heart is then take his crazy ass back and work through your problems, but he’s gotta quit all that lying! Damn! Ain’t nothing worse than a liar.”
Her eyes met mine and I nodded. Janelle was right but I was starting to think that Jeremy had been lying for so long he didn’t know what the truth was anymore. And that was a damn shame. “I don’t know anymore. Like Mama always said just turn it over to the Lord and that’s what I’m planning on doing.”
Janelle nodded. “I better get out of here.” She put her mug in the sink then grabbed her Prada purse off the counter and left the house.
I arrived at church a little earlier than usual. Daddy was up on the front row with all of the deacons but Mama was sitting in her usual spot fanning herself. Knowing her, she had been shouting this morning and worked up a sweat. I decided to seat on the end of the pew near Ms. Chapman. I knew my mother wouldn’t dare say anything about Jeremy in front of her friends.
“Good morning, Ms. Chapman,” I said, with a wide grin, as I scooted past her and took a seat on the other side.
“Good morning, Nyree,” she said softly.
I waited until I was seated to look over at my mother. She just smiled like everything was right in the world. Maybe Jeremy hadn’t called her. Or maybe she was putting on a good front. Either way I was sure to find out by the end of service.
I waved and lowered my purse to the floor in front of me and got ready for the choir to perform. Within minutes they had the entire congregation off their feet and rocking to the rhythm of the music; I was listening to every word of Kirk Franklin’s, Imagine Me
. By the end of the song, I looked over at the door and gasped as I saw Jeremy walk into the church, holding hands with two beautiful little girls. Anyone could see they were his. They had the same chocolate complexion and big brown eyes. I couldn’t move as I watched him point in my direction and then the girls came over.
“Hi, Ms. Nyree,” they both said, and had members close by laughing and smiling.
“Hi sweethearts,” I answered and patted the spaces beside me. Jeremy took a seat on the other side of Caitlyn. I refused to look at him and focused on the minister as he spoke. Halfway through service Jasmine fell asleep. She was resting her head on me and I draped an arm around her. I truly didn’t think I had room in my heart to fall in love with two little girls but I already felt protective of them.
While praying, Jeremy reached over and took my hand in his, and instantly I felt that electrical charge. I turned my head and our eyes met.
“I’m sorry,” he mouthed, with tears streaming down his cheeks.
I squeezed his hand and bowed my head, and prayed to the Lord for guidance.
After church I stayed long enough to talk to the girls and Jeremy, as he introduced them to my parents. Of course my mother was already in love. Jeremy promised to bring them by later.
“You have time to go with the girls and I to McDonald’s?” he asked, searching my eyes, trying to get a sense of what I was feeling. I nodded then climbed in my car, and waited until he had already pulled off before I texted him and told him I couldn’t join them. I know it was the cowardly thing to do but I didn’t know how else to handle the situation.
I got back to the house, let Honey out and then took a shower. Once I was under the spray of water, I started crying until I couldn’t cry anymore. My heart hurt on so many levels. I loved that man so much and his girls were so adorable I wanted nothing more than to be a part of their lives. But—not if I had to live a life of lies.
Talk a Good Game Page 29
