I looked at the enormous birds as they peered down their beaks at me, judging me unworthy. I believed them. They were right. There was nothing I could do. “I am poison. You are right.” I looked down at my hands and foul florescent green puss dripped from them.
“Kate.” Mel’s voice was a whisper. “You are not poison. You are the epitome of love. Your heart is so big and so open. There is no way that you are poison.”
I watched Mel as she dangled between the two birds. Her face grimaced in pain. They were wrenching her apart. It might as well be me up there. I felt like I was being wrenched in two. The part of me who hated Kate, the part of me who loved her, struggled back and forth in a tug of war.
“I poison everyone I love,” I cried. “I hurt people and push them away. What is there to love about that?”
“Listen. Listen to the song inside of you.” Corey sat on his knees beside Donnie.
The music was already playing, it seemed to play continuously, and only when I thought of it did it come to the forefront of my mind.
The voice sang to me in such intimacy and tenderness. I could sense a great love reaching out to me. I glanced at Corey. It wasn’t him. It was different. I strained to hear the voice. “Come and press your heart to mine.”
I had the image of a warm wax block being pressed over a beautiful sculpture. When the wax came free, the image of the sculpture was left in place. The voice sang again. “Come and press your heart to mine.”
This beautiful deity, this loving and perfect being was inviting me to be like him. I could shed the husk of the mess I had made of myself by locking away my fears, pain, and rejections and start fresh. I had locked myself inside a prison of tears and pain, cutting myself off from his beauty. He was giving me a choice to change. I could stay damaged and broken, hiding from my emotions, or I could be beautiful. Like him.
I accepted. With spirit arms I reached out and embraced the beautiful One. I opened my eyes and saw that the birds had changed. They were angelic creatures with their wings stretched over, not Mel, but me. I was the one who was in between them, but I was not alone. The beautiful One was there with me. We were embracing, and I was changed into his likeness. Suddenly, there was no room for self-loathing. All of the space in my heart was taken up by the beautiful One, and because he loved me so dearly, it was impossible not to love myself.
I crumbled to my knees and cried a flood of soul cleansing tears, pouring out all of the years of poisonous lies and rejecting their hold on me. Mel embraced me. The side of the world that the cliff and sea was on broke apart into tiny pieces and rained down. Blue skies took their place.
“You aren’t done, yet, Kate.” Mel looked over my shoulder.
I turned to the mound of pangolin and walked over to them. They were so creepy looking, tiny prehistoric dinosaurs in miniature. I sucked in a breath, steeled my courage and picked one up and looked it in the face. I recognized Holly Simpson, the mean girl in fourth grade. My heart was so full of love, that I wrapped my arms around the prickly pangolin and hugged it. “I forgive you Holly Simpson.” She faded away.
I picked up another one. This one had the face of Uncle Joe. I hadn’t thought of him in years. He died of alcoholism when I was very young. I did remember the vile thing he tried to do to me, though. I hugged the pangolin, his scales digging into my arms. “I forgive you, Uncle Joe.”
Another, then another, I picked up every pangolin, hugged it and set myself free of that hurt. Days and nights passed as I continued forgiving and embracing. My arms were a shredded mess of blood and torn flesh. Some of the pangolins wrestled with me, refusing to be forgiven. Others would disappear, and then come back with a stray thought. After what seemed like years, I forgave the last pangolin. It had Tara’s face. I hugged it and it materialized into Tara, hugging me back. The third wall shattered and disintegrated into blue sky.
“One more.” Corey turned me to face the monster from the woods.
Trip was clearly dead. His life’s blood spilled upon the ground seeping into the dirt. My protector was taken away. I had to face this monster on my own. No, not on my own, the Beautiful One was with me. I could hear his song and feel his strength. Tara held my right hand, and Corey held my left. Mel and Donnie stood behind me placing supporting palms on my shoulders.
The monster clicked his deadly talons at me and roared. My hair blew back away from my face and I relinquished my hold on my friends and took a step forward. The monster became agitated and whipped his tail around ferociously. It hooked my jacket and ripped a large chunk out of it. I took another step forward. I locked eyes with the monster. Anger and malice seethed from his expression and he belched out green vapors that spilled down his chin and mingled with the green mist. I took another step forward.
This monster had once been my dad. I could see his likeness in the mask of the monster’s face. This was the monster that took over my dad and caused him to leave my mom for another woman. This monster consumed the good man my father had been and caused him to leave me and my brother alone, fatherless. He left us motherless, too. This beast had cored my mom emotionally; ripped her heart out and left her bleeding and dying just like Trip.
I glanced down. Trip was gone. I was lying on the ground dead under the deadly tread. I hated this monster as much as he hated me. I wanted to kill him just like he had killed the warrior in me.
A long sword appeared in my hand, it grew to a deadly taper, and I knew I could use it. Suddenly, I knew everything that Trip knew about using this weapon. I knew exactly where and how to swing it to kill this creature. I was a warrior, a conqueror. No doubt entered my mind, only self-assured confidence that I was about to put an end to this foul enemy. The last monster, the last obstacle and we could jump back home.
I swung the sword around my head and landed in an attack stance. The beast roared at me. I attacked with vengeance. Swinging and jousting, slicing and jabbing. He blocked each blow with his claws and our dance became a rapid-fire flirtation with death.
Holy fury rose in my breast and I struck with power. The sword clanged against the talons and ricocheted down his left leg. I spun around to reposition myself for another volley of strikes. I noticed the creature did not bleed from the wound, but the flesh seemed to peel back instead. There was something inside of the monster.
It angered me that this being was false. That this was a facade and the beast beneath was trying to trick me. I sliced at the pseudo-armor of the monster and peeled away part of the arm. A man’s arm was revealed.
This alarmed me and I changed tactics. Instead of trying to kill him I began trying to expose the man beneath. My blade sang with victory. The brute did not know what to make of this change in tactics and he moved too soon or whirled too slowly. I had pared him down to one claw on his foot like a boot and the head piece. A quick jab removed the boot claw and a final upper cut split the head piece in two. The monster fell away and my dad emerged.
“Katie Lynn? Can you hear me?” The roar changed to screaming. The threatening moves of his talons were just defensive posturing. “Katie Lynn, please don’t hate me! Katie Lynn, I love you! I am so sorry. I am so sorry.” He fell to his knees on the ground in front of me, sobbing.
“If I could take it all back, I would. I can’t now. It is too late. I have remarried and have to remain true to her.” He sobbed and sobbed.
The sword slipped from my grasp and hit the ground with a thud. I looked down at the pitiful man wailing in deep sorrow and something shifted inside of me.
My heart melted and the hate vaporized exposing my core. I was surprised that they had been right about me, Tara, Mel. They saw right through me. Love lived at my core. It was the basic element of who I was.
“Daddy?” I ran forward into his arms. “Daddy, I forgive you.” I landed against his chest with a thud and he held me, crying in my hair.
“I forgive you, Daddy. I love you.”
The forest behind him shattered into a million pieces and as he dissipated, we fell in
to a sea of blue sky. We fell into the sphere and jumped back home.
We landed in QHR. Mel jumped up and ran to the wall. She slammed down on a red button and a blue force field fell around us. An alarm sounded and a robot voice came over the loud speaker. “Emergency EMQ field generated. Quarantine in effect. All jumps suspended.”
We stood up and looked at her with shock. “What’s up?”
“The Quantum Field is tainted,” Mel said and Donnie nodded.
“What does that mean?” Tara asked rubbing her arms.
“I am not sure, but until we can talk to Mama Ty, nobody else needs to jump.”
A voice came over the speaker in the room. “Identify EMQ emergency.”
Donnie walked over to the squawk box and pressed a button. “Possible infiltration at the origin.”
“What? That’s not possible.”
“Get Mama Ty here now!” Mel instructed. “Validation code alpha, sigma 2.569 beta epsilon 5612 delta.”
“Processing.”
I turned and saw Trip alive and well. “Trip!” I flung myself into his arms. “I thought my protector was dead.” I cried into his jacket.
“Steady there, Katie, girl. I’m good.” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms while I shivered from the rush of adrenalin and exhaustion. He kissed the top of my head and held me tightly. Tara and Corey walked toward us and I relinquished my hold on Trip and fell into Corey’s arms. Tara wrapped her arm around Trip’s waist.
We turned to watch Mel and Donnie with their desperate glances and strange behavior. The alarm was shrieking and the robot voice blared her warning every thirty seconds. This was freaking me out. What was going on?
“You okay?” Corey pushed my hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek. “That was pretty intense back there.”
“Yeah,” I nodded still shaking and panting from the battle and its emotional climax.
“Here,” he reached into my backpack and pulled out a bottle of water, uncapped it and handed it to me. “Drink this.”
He escorted me to the chairs at the table and we sat down. I took sips of the water and Corey stroked my arm until I stopped shaking. Tara and Trip joined us and passed out their remaining water and Dr. Pepper bottles. I was surprised that the Dr. Peppers came back through.
“I wouldn’t drink those.” Donnie pointed to the soft drinks.
“Yeah, let’s keep them for testing, though,” Mel replied.
We stared at them like they were about to explode. I pressed into Corey’s side and felt my brow crease. He wrapped his arm around me.
Finally a familiar voice came over the speaker.
“Mel, Donnie, this is Mama Ty.” Her accent seemed African or Jamaican. I still couldn’t make it out. “What has happened?”
“We would rather talk to you in private, Mama Ty,” Mel stated.
“Very well. Do you think you are contaminated?”
“No. I think we are fine. I cannot say the same for the Quantum Field, though,” Donnie answered.
There was a long period of silence from the squawk box, only the blaring warning sounded. After a few moments, the alarm stopped and the door at the end of the room opened.
Mama Ty stepped into the room. The force field wavered as she stood in front of it. “We have scanned you for microorganisms and you seem to be safe. Follow me.” She pressed a few buttons on a panel and the force field blinked off.
We followed her into the processing rooms where they ran us through the detox showers and put us in fresh jumpsuits, but did not question us. We came out of the “car wash” separately and waited for the rest of the team to be completely detoxed from the jump. Mama Ty waited patiently until we were all cleared.
We passed through the terminal and emerged from a double door to a waiting golf cart. We piled in and she drove us to the large administration building at the center of the circle across from the Staying Well fountain. She pulled right up to the steps and we ascended onto the gray slatted wrap around porch and through the large decorative, oak doors.
The admin building was a mansion. Sweeping stair cases embraced a large foyer with a beautiful chandelier at the center. Mama Ty led us through a door to the left of the hall and we entered into a sumptuous study lined in book shelves ten feet high. Identical couches faced each other on four sides of a square coffee table.
Mama Ty pointed to the couches and we filed in and sat down. Corey and I took the one opposite from the large oak desk. Mama Ty walked to the desk, pressed a button and ordered sandwiches and tea for us.
Mel and Donnie sat on another sofa and Trip and Tara took a third. Mama Ty settled her frame into the couch directly opposite of Mel and Donnie.
“Now, you may speak freely in my study. We have complete privacy.” She set back and folded her hands in her lap, the picture of perfect ease and confidence.
“The jumps are changing,” Mel started. “We noticed when the first two jumps did not include a team leader and then jumpers coming back scarred or injured at times.”
“And then Trip and Kate jumped with Dirk and Gregory. Mixing teams is unheard of, and I guess we can see why!” Donnie exclaimed.
I glanced at Trip, the loss was still very heavy on our hearts. His eyes mirrored my own deep grief.
Mama Ty nodded her head. “Yes, we have taken note of those issues. We find them disconcerting, too.” She held up her palm for Mel to continue.
“Then of course you know about the third jump. It lasted 212 years. Unbelievable! The psychological repercussions to the team were…” She swallowed.
Donnie wrapped his arm around her shoulder. I remembered them saying that Mel had lost a baby when she came back from that jump.
“Wasn’t that…I mean wasn’t that my fault?” Corey asked, “Because I didn’t acclimate with the culture?”
“No dear, it was not your fault. “ Mama Ty reached over and patted Corey’s knee. “The passing of so much time should have not been discernible to you. It is true each jump takes a different amount of time, but the quantum field disguises the length of time passed so as not to place psychological burden on the jumpers.”
“For you to have experienced two hundred years.” She rubbed her temple. “I simply cannot fathom.”
“Then in this jump,” Mel continued. “Time and space, the laws of nature, were completely suspended. That has never occurred before.”
“And the foggy feeling,” Donnie reminded Mel.
“Yes, Mama Ty, it was as though we were drugged in there. Our thoughts were jumbled and scattered. We spent the first part of the jump just walking without a goal.”
“I just thought it was the green fog,” I muttered.
“Yeah, that is another thing.” Donnie interjected, “The green fog was in the last jump, too.”
“It was in Trip’s jump, too. Just light green, almost white,” Tara added.
I remembered the mist. Lands! That jump seemed eons ago. I couldn’t imagine how it felt to the others who had lived hundreds of years between them. I glanced around the room and realized excluding me, Trip, and Mama Ty there was a representation of over 800 years of life experience. My little brain protested at the incredulous thought.
“This is the first I have heard of green mist.” Mama Ty’s worried expression was fleeting, but I caught it. I looked around at my team mates. They caught it too.
“Gregory’s eyes,” I whispered. “They hazed over in green cloudiness, just before...“ I swallowed the lump in my throat and Corey squeezed my hand.
“Mama Ty, why are the jumps continuing?” Donnie asked. “Isn’t it obvious that something has gone wrong at the origin?”
“That is impossible, Donnie.” Mama Ty shook her head. “The Inner Circle maintains.”
“Uh, excuse me…what is an Inner Circle?” Trip raised his hand.
“I do not think we can discuss it with jumpers,” Mama Ty started.
“Mama Ty, they are jumping without team leaders! They need to know everything they can about this place!�
�� Mel looked around, “Besides, they have all completed their own personal jumps.”
“Have they?” Mama Ty sized each one of us up with a calculating expression. “Very well. This is highly irregular, but I supposed Mel has a point.” A bell rang. “Ah the sandwiches are here. Enjoy your dinner and then I will take you to the Inner Circle.”
Mel and Donnie gaped at each other while a butler passed through the door that Mama Ty held open. She exited, and the butler left a huge serving tray on the table between us and then left too.
“I can’t believe this,” Mel whispered and reached for a sandwich.
“What?” Corey asked filling a plate and passing it to me. I poured juice into the champagne goblets for everyone.
“The Inner Circle,” Donnie whispered. “No one gets into the Inner Circle.”
“I have led here three years, and I have never heard of anyone seeing the Inner Circle.” Mel said.
“Then, why is she taking us?” Corey asked his face a sketch of suspicion.
“Something we said must have gotten through,” Trip mumbled around his mouthful of sandwich.
“Either that, or it is much easier to get in to see the Inner Circle than it used to be.” Corey cut his eyes to me.
“That seems to fit with it being infiltrated,” I whispered and set down my plate. My hand trembled as I lifted my goblet to my lips. I took a sip, set it on the table, then leaned back into the cushion and crossed my arms in front of me.
Suddenly, I just wanted to go home. I had things I needed to say to my dad and my mom. I wanted to set them free from my angst and anger, wrap my arms around them and tell them about the loving voice that can heal pain and heartache.
I felt Corey’s hand on mine and looked into his fathomless gaze. If I did go home, I might never see Corey again. I couldn’t imagine life without him. He was the biggest part of me, he was my heart.
“Hey, Kate of a Thousand Years,” he murmured softly. “You good?” He touched my face and everything was good.
The Torn, Book One of the Holding Kate Series Page 24
