by Julie Benson
You have no idea. “We’re kind of dating,” Emma said as they headed for the shelter parking lot and Avery’s car.
“That sounds like you’re not sure.”
“We’re dating. I’m sure of that. What I don’t know is where our relationship will go, but for now it’s what I need.”
She deserved to have some fun and that’s what she was doing, but her eyes were wide open. No rose-colored glasses for her. While she loved him, that she couldn’t deny any longer, she wasn’t expecting a commitment. She was simply enjoying their time together and the fringe benefits of having him in her life for however long it lasted.
“Has Jamie said anything about when he plans on going back to New York? How long is his vacation? Not that he’s really had one with all the hours he’s put in at Halligan’s and with your band.” Avery’s forehead wrinkled and Emma knew she was thinking about what she’d just said. “Something doesn’t add up here. Who goes on vacation and works nearly full-time?”
“You can’t tell anyone, not even Reed, what I’m about to tell you.”
Avery glanced at Emma and then back at the road. “The look on your face has me worried. What’s Jamie done? Is he on the run from the law? What else could be so awful that you have to swear me to silence?”
“Do you agree to keep this to yourself or not?”
“Of course, now spill the story.”
Emma explained about Jamie’s hand injury and his being let go from the Philharmonic. “He doesn’t know how long he’ll be here and he wanted to earn his keep. That’s his words, not mine. That’s why he’s working at Halligan’s. He’s hoping his hand will improve enough that he can return to the Philharmonic or play with another major symphony.”
“What about your band?”
“When I asked him to play, we agreed it would be temporary until we found someone permanent, but I kind of forgot to keep looking for someone else. I was having so much fun, and him being in the band felt so right, I guess I didn’t want to. Since then we never seemed to get around to talking about the future.”
“Don’t you think you should?”
“Let me rephrase that. We touched on the subject.” She blushed again at the thought of them together in her bed and looked out the window to hide her reaction. “We decided to enjoy each other’s company and not worry about the future.”
“Promise me you’ll be careful.”
“I’ve gone into this relationship with my eyes open, and anyway, I’m not sure I want a serious relationship right now.”
That much was true. After the state fair. When she knew whether or not Maroon Peak Pass was good enough to have a real shot in country music, then she could decide about her personal life. Right now she couldn’t handle anything else.
A few minutes later they parked in front of Halligan’s. When Emma reached the door, she froze. Staring her in the face was a flyer for a bone marrow donor registration event for Andrew. “Avery, look at this. Do you think this was Jamie’s idea?”
“It had to be.” Avery splayed her hand across her chest, obviously as touched by Jamie’s gesture as Emma was.
If she hadn’t been in love with Jamie already, this would’ve sent her falling head over heels.
“He organized this for Andrew.”
Avery swatted her on the arm. “He did this for you because he cares for you and knows how worried you are that Tucker won’t be a match.”
Was Avery right? Of course she was. Emma knew Jamie cared about her, but the question was how much. She shoved the thought aside. She’d been raised on a ranch and knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth for fear of what she’d learn.
“Could we put a flyer in the shelter window, or would we need to get the board’s permission first?” Emma asked as she opened the door and stepped inside the restaurant.
“I think in this case asking for forgiveness rather than permission is the wisest course,” Avery said. “I’ll take some flyers back with us. We can put a stack on the reception desk.”
“Good, that’ll save me a trip,” a familiar voice said from behind them. Emma’s heart tripped. She whirled around and hugged Jamie so tightly her arms ached. “This has to be the best thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
“For a girl, you sure have strong arms.” He grunted. “You mind loosening up a little? It’s getting tough to breathe.”
She let go and stepped back, still stunned over what he’d done. Without her asking. Just to help her. Because he cared.
“I knew you were worried that Tucker might not be a match,” he said. “I figured this way we’d have a backup plan.”
We.
The simple word worked its way inside her. She and Tucker had been a couple. She’d dated Clint for almost a year, and yet, she’d never had a man think of them as a we before.
Don’t go there. Don’t start having expectations. Don’t count on anything. Hoping for something permanent, wanting more was too dangerous and left her vulnerable.
She knew he hoped to return to the symphony. Mick’s words floated through her mind. He’s got a cowboy’s heart. But he’d been raised somewhere else. Why would he want to stay?
Be content with what you have. Enjoy now and say that’s enough.
Chapter Thirteen
On the day of the donor drive, when Emma parked in front of Halligan’s, she realized she’d been happier the past week than she’d been in years. The state fair competition was this weekend, and Maroon Peak Pass stood a good chance of winning. Her career could really take off, and then there was Jamie. He made life fun again and helped her find the balance she hadn’t realized she craved.
If it weren’t for Andrew’s sickness, life would be perfect. And they were working on that issue. She still had trouble believing Jamie had organized this event. No one ever saw that she needed help and just stepped up to take care of things. Instead, the people in her life expected her to buck up. She was tough. She’d be all right. They didn’t need to worry about Emma. She bent, but she never broke.
But having people expect that could be so tiring. Daunting. Like being a superhero without a sidekick to count on.
Until Jamie.
She found him working behind the bar and thought back to when she’d picked him up at the airport. What had the little boy’s mother whispered in her ear? Don’t let him get away. There aren’t a lot like him left these days. No, there weren’t, but how could she ask him to stay? He had his own dreams, a life in New York. She couldn’t ask him to give that up for her. She believed in Maroon Peak Pass, thought they had what it took to make it big, but it wasn’t a sure thing. Not like the career Jamie had if he could return to the Philharmonic.
Shoving aside her concerns about their future, she plastered a smile on her face. “What can I do?”
“Nothing. Everything’s taken care of.”
She strolled around the bar, cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. “You’re amazing. Thank you for all you’ve done.”
For Andrew and for me. For shaking up my life.
“We’ll find someone who’s a match for Andrew today. I know it.”
Before she could respond, the front door opened again and Dr. Sampson walked in carrying a large plastic container and wearing a somber look.
Something’s wrong.
“What makes you say that?” Jamie asked.
She hadn’t known she’d said the words out loud. “Look at his face. That’s someone with bad news to deliver. Do you think Andrew’s—” She couldn’t say the words. Instead she reached out and clasped Jamie’s hand, needing his strength and reassurance.
“Can I speak to you alone?” Dr. Sampson said when he reached the bar.
“It’s about Andrew, isn’t it? He’s not d—”
“No, dear. His condition hasn’t c
hanged.” Dr. Sampson patted her arm. “It’s about Tucker.”
“He’s not a match,” she said.
“I’m afraid not. I heard from Andrew’s doctor right before I left the office.”
Fear washed over her, strong and overwhelming, for the child who might not grow much older and for the parents who would have to watch him die. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling as she sank into the nearest chair. This wasn’t over. She refused to dwell on the negative. Instead she’d remain positive. “Then it’s a good thing we’re having this drive. I’ll pray someone here is a match.”
“That’s what we’re all hoping for,” Jamie said. She glanced at the man seated at the table beside her and her heart swelled with love. He’d slipped into her life and filled the void. How would she ever cope with him leaving?
“I can’t thank you both for all you’ve done.”
“Now let’s get this show on the road,” Jamie said.
“You can start with me,” Mick said as he settled into the fourth chair at the table. The doctor swiped the swab around Mick’s mouth, placed the sample into a tube and handed that to Emma. He nodded toward the marker. “Mark Mick’s name on this, and place it in that bin.”
Happy to be busy, she saw to the task. “Here’s to someone being a match for Andrew.”
Please, dear Lord. If I can have nothing else in my life, let me have this one wish.
“I hope we get a good turnout. A lot of people who came into the shelter picked up flyers and talked about coming, but you know how that goes. Everyone says they’ll come, but then they forget or something comes up.”
Mick patted her hand. “You don’t have to worry about that, Emma, girl. We’ve got a line stretching down the block of folks waiting to get in here.”
A line down the block? “I don’t know why I’m surprised. This community always has rallied around a cause.”
“They’re rallying around you. Everywhere I went to put up flyers, people shared stories with me about things you’d done for them over the years. Ways you made them smile or the little things you did for them to help out. They were glad to have a way to repay you.”
Beside her Jamie beamed. His hand covered hers and squeezed. “The more people, the better the odds we’ll find someone to help Andrew. Now it’s my turn.”
As the doctor swabbed Jamie, Mick said, “With the line, Doc, I think the smart thing would be for you to take care of any of my staff that wants to get tested before we open the door because I’m gonna need all hands on deck to see to feeding everyone.”
Emma smiled at Mick. “Thank you for doing the free lunch deal. I know that has to be costing you a good amount of money.”
“It doesn’t matter because you’re family. You two mean the world to me.” He glanced between her and Jamie. Then he cleared his throat and jumped up from the table. “Doc, I’ll send the staff out. We don’t want to keep anyone waiting too long.”
Five minutes later, after Dr. Sampson finished taking samples from the Halligan’s crew, Emma opened the front door, Jamie by her side. The first people in line were her father and her brothers.
Since her mother had died, she’d felt a change in her relationship with the men in her family. They didn’t know how to deal with her, how to treat her without their mother there. They’d grown distant. Probably because they were guys and it never occurred to them that she might be lonely or need to hear from them. “Thanks for coming.”
“We’d have done this sooner if you’d told us about Andrew and that you weren’t a match,” her father said. “I shouldn’t find out something like that from a flyer in the grocery store window. Someone else might be raising him, but blood’s blood.”
After she dutifully issued an apology, she introduced her family to Jamie. “Good to see you, son. You, Emma and I need to get together sometime. We could go out to dinner or something.”
She couldn’t remember the last time her father had asked her to dinner. When they got together it was always because she issued an invitation or came to cook for him. Apparently having a man along made things more comfortable for her father.
Tears pooled in her eyes as she stared at the line of people waiting to get tested. The amount of support and love overwhelmed her as she spotted former teachers and classmates, shelter supporters, nearly everyone she knew in town. As she wiped her tears away, she told herself they would find a match for Andrew somewhere here. The odds had to be in their favor.
* * *
AFTER THE MAD lunch rush ended, Emma and Jamie sat at a corner table enjoying their lunch. “I think I need a nap. I’d forgotten how exhausting working in a restaurant could be.”
“It’s a workout, that’s for sure.” Jamie’s cell phone rang, but he made no move to answer it.
“Aren’t you going to at least see who it is?”
“Remember I’m not one of those have-to-be-plugged-in-all-the-time types. I’d rather enjoy our lunch.”
A few seconds later his phone pinged indicating he’d received a voice mail. “It was important enough that someone left you a message. Aren’t you even curious?”
He chuckled and pulled his cell out of his pocket. “If I check who called and satisfy your curiosity, will you let me eat in peace?”
“I won’t dignify that comment with a response.”
He glanced at his cell phone, then back at her. “It’s the conductor from the Philharmonic. Why would Malcolm be calling me?”
A spark of dread went through her. This couldn’t lead anywhere she wanted to go. She forced herself to smile and keep her voice light. “Unless you’ve developed ESP, there’s only one way to find out. Listen to the message.”
She stared at the fries on her plate. Apprehension gnawed at her. His conductor could only be calling for one reason, to see if Jamie’s hand had improved. And the only reason he’d wonder that was because either the Philharmonic or some other symphony had an opening. Great news for Jamie. Lousy for her.
How could she let him go when she got up every morning and counted the hours until she was with him? When he was such a part of her life? But if she loved him, how could she do anything but let him go?
“He wants to talk to me about an opportunity. Would you mind if I called him back?”
Of course she minded. What she wanted was for him to say he loved playing with her and the band. That he wanted to stay. That he wanted to be with her. For the rest of his life. That he loved her. But what about what he needed?
“Call him.” She pushed her chair away from the table in the now-deserted restaurant, but his hand covered hers, stopping her.
“Stay.”
She didn’t think she was strong enough to take seeing his excitement if she’d pegged the situation correctly, but nodded anyway. How could she say no after all the times he’d been there for her?
His face tight with apprehension mixed with curiosity, Jamie returned the call. After exchanging a few pleasantries, he said, “I have, but I don’t know if my ability is back to what it was.”
He might not realize how much his hand had improved, but she did. If he wasn’t back to the level of playing he’d been in the YouTube video she’d watched, he was very close.
“Is he okay?” Jamie paused, and then smiled.
Yup, she’d been right. Someone had an open chair. A numbing cold spread through her body. She’d known this day could come and sworn she’d been prepared for it. Wrong.
“I’m in Colorado. I took a vacation to clear my head. I’ve been playing with a local country band here. We’re performing at the state fair this weekend.” Another pause. “I understand. Do what you have to. The earliest I can be there is Monday.”
Emma knew what she had to do. She wouldn’t let him risk his dream for hers. When he ended his call she said, “Does he have a spot for you or is it another sy
mphony?”
“How did you know?” He shook his head. “Never mind. Sometimes you know me so well it’s scary.”
Ditto.
“One of the other violinists had a stroke. I thought I had it bad, but this guy’s only in his fifties and he’s got kids still at home. Talk about rough. Malcolm said he’ll survive, but it’s going to be a long recovery.”
“And he wants you to audition.”
Jamie nodded.
“Congratulations. I know this is what you’ve hoped for,” she said, trying her best to fill her voice with excitement. “The exile has ended. We should celebrate.”
He reached across the table, his hand covering hers, and she nearly lost what little control she had left. “That’s not how I’ve seen being here.”
Tell me you love me. That somehow we’ll figure out a way to make this work for both of us, because I don’t think I can bear you walking out of my life.
She thought about what she’d heard from his end of the conversation. “You can’t wait until Monday. You need to get to New York as soon as you can.”
“I’ll take the first flight I can get after the state fair competition.”
Today was Wednesday. That meant the earliest he’d leave was late Sunday night. “Malcolm doesn’t have a problem with that?”
“He said it’s fine.”
“I see a but in your eyes.”
“He’s setting up other auditions starting tomorrow.”
Time to cowgirl up and do what was right no matter how much it hurt. “You have to get on the first available flight. I know your hand is healed. You can’t risk losing this opportunity.” She wouldn’t let him. When he flashed her his stubborn glare, she changed tactics. “This is what’s best for Maroon Peak Pass, too. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I just hadn’t found the right time, and now here it is.”
He leaned back in his chair. “This I’ve got to hear.”
“We agreed your playing with us was only temporary. Say we win the contest with you as our fiddle player. Then I have to explain to Phillip Brandise how you aren’t a permanent member of the band. That looks unprofessional and could end up damaging our chances with him. If someone pulled that on me, I’d feel deceived and wouldn’t trust them. We need to make it or not as we are.”
