She thought and studied on all he had just told her and was even more bewildered and confused. She queried, “Why should I believe you or trust you?”
He calmly answered, “Because you love me and want me. Also, you need me as much as I need you. It is right we should be joined, no matter our differences in colors and peoples. Our spirits and hearts are already joined. Why shouldn’t our lives be joined also? Do you know how I felt each time you reached out to others and not to me? Do you know how it cut my heart to hear your cries and to be unable to help you and comfort you? I am an Oglala warrior, my people’s next chief, Lesel It has been hard for me to deal with the things I felt, and still feel, for you, my wasichu enemy. Many times my heart and mind have battled against all I have ever known and learned since boyhood. A warrior should never feel fear, Lese, but I feared the things you brought into my life.”
Alisha pondered on all the things Powchutu had told her about warriors and their society. She recalled his words about the great importance of honor and pride. She also recalled what he had told her about the mighty warrior, Wanmdi Hota himself. Was he not telling her many of the same things she had learned for herself?
Still, this sudden, drastic about-face was difficult to accept so quickly and completely. She gazed into his eyes, longing to believe every word he said and to trust him completely. But, . did she dare? What if this was all some cruel joke? Was he speaking the truth? Could he . really have loved her all this time and still remained silent? Could he have put her through so much heartache and never tried to comfort her? Could his pride and honor before his people be that important to him? Did the sham of her being Shalee free him to love her openly as he had said? Had her heart guessed right on the way back from the fort when she believed he had reached out to her in love? Could she take the chance he spoke the truth, that this was not a new torture? Her mind reeled in confusion and doubt.
She quietly spoke, “I can’t afford to believe you, Wanmdi Hota. You have given me no reasons to trust you. A few words cannot erase the actions and sufferings of many, many days. I dare not hope for what you say to be true, for I could not endure it if you were lying. I must not love you. I must forget you. If you love me as you say you do, then let me go. We cannot find love and happiness together for your people would not permit it. Then one day you would turn on me again. You would tire of me, for you will always think of me as white and beneath the love of a great Oglala warrior, especially a chief. You would take another from among your own kind. Then what would I have? I would have no one, and I would only be Wanmdi Hota’s ex-squaw. No! That is not enough for me.” Her eyes were filled with anguish as they begged for him to prove her wrong.
“It is too late for that now, Lese. Your love runs deep and strong. Your heart belongs to me—and your life does as well. I have tried to tell you and show you how I feel about you, but you are too frightened to see and hear the truth. You must believe me, for I do not taunt you. There is much for you to forgive, but you love me and you can do it. I cannot let you go for you . are the very air I breathe. You are as much a part of me as my own body. I cannot free you, for I love you too much to let you go. Many times before I have thought this and now I will say it to you, I will have your love, or I will have your hate, but I will have you! You were sent to me by the Great Spirit to fill my life. You are mine! I will never tire of you and I will always keep you with me. This, I swear to you! My people will permit it if you will remain Shalee in their sight. I do not like it to be this way, but if we are to have each other openly, then it must be. Can you not understand this and accept it for me, for us? You must take this chance. Give me time to earn your trust, this is all I ask. Do not close your heart to me. Forgive what I have done and give me this time.” He let the cool, facial mask lower completely to allow her to read his very soul.
She stared into the brave’s eyes filled with love and desire, and pleaded, “Please don’t be lying to me, Wanmdi Hota, for I can stand no more hating and suffering. I cannot live this way any longer. Love me, or free me! If you can love as deeply as you can hate, then I will have enough to last a lifetime. Are you sure you do not still hate me and see me as white?”
“I love you more than my own life. I would have died in the challenge before I would have given you up forever to another. I do not see you as wasichu or Si-ha Sapa. I see you as Alisha, the woman I love. I would have let you and the others go on believing you are Shalee. I do not wish to see you hurt in any way. The morning of the challenge when you came to me, I could not tell you the truth, or that I loved you and I was doing this to get you back for myself. If I was to be the one to die, I thought it best you remember me in hate and anger to help you get over my death and forget me. It would have been cruel to tell you I love you, then die and leave you forever. But, I could not bear not to try to ease some of your fears and hurts. Why did you think I rescued you from the fort, then came to challenge for you, if I did not love you?”
Alisha replied, “I believed you did everything for your honor and pride. Would you have let me go on for the rest of my life loving you and believing you hated me? It would not have been crueler to hear the truth! It would have given my life and your death some meaning! Don’t you know how very important and precious those few words would have been if I had lost you to death? The loss of you would have been terrible to bear, but never having known of your love would have been far worse.” Tears filled her eyes, spilled over her lids and down her cheeks.
“I am sorry, Lese. I did not think of it that way. This is hard for me to say, for Wanmdi Hota asks forgiveness from no one, nor does he say the words of apology lightly. There are many times I have been wrong. I ask your forgiveness and I tell you I am sorry for all I have done. But, all I did, I did because I loved you and wanted you.”
She lifted her tear-filled eyes to his and saw he spoke the truth. He was not a man to say such things and not mean them. She asked, “What about Chela? When will you have to join with her? How soon do I have to share you with someone who wishes me dead? Will I also have to share you with others?”
He laughed and said, “No, jealous wife. I know of the wasichu way, to have only one mate. Chela is to join with Mato Waditaka. I do not want her near us. I told them I neither wanted nor needed any other wife but you. You will share me with no one, Cinstinna. I love only you, Lese.”
She could not suppress the look of delight and relief in her face and eyes. He was lost in the warmth of her smile for a time. They talked on and on for a long time ... She questioned and he answered ... she argued and he rebuffed ... on and on the words and feelings spilled forth until all had been said, forgiven and accepted by both of them.
Gray Eagle stood up and walked around, loosening up his muscles tired from his fear of rejection. Alisha sat thinking on all he had said to her. He gave her all the time she needed to settle these thoughts. He rubbed Wildfire’s nose and spoke softly to him. Wildfire nestled his nose in Wanmdi Hota’s hand and neighed in answer.
He felt her gaze following him. He had always been aware of her feelings about his looks, for she had been unable to hide her attraction to him. He was glad she was pleased and attracted to him. I must use this desire to help break that final resistance, he thought. He came and stood before her. She looked upon his muscular, lean body; that handsome face; the flashing, ebony eyes, and that beguiling, devilish smile.
Her breath caught in her throat and passion leaped into her eyes. Why did he always have this effect on her? How could she resist and turn her heart from him? Did he not offer her what she had longed for? Could she refuse to give him a chance? No ...
Alisha held her hand up to him and he took it. She pulled him down to sit beside her. She cautiously asked, “If I say I will give you the chance to teach me trust and love, what would you say?”
He smiled warmly at her and said, “You must promise to accept all you said as truth and law at the joining ceremony last night. You must willingly give me your heart and life.”
&nb
sp; She looked at him confusedly and replied, “But you ask for what you already possess.”
But he asked again, “Do you promise all of this to me willingly?”
She was not sure if she understood his full meaning, but she replied, “I do, Wanmdi Hota.”
He could not stop the sigh of relief from escaping his throat, nor the look of triumph in his eyes. He was amused when she mockingly asked, “And do you promise these things to me willingly and truthfully?”
He grinned and replied, “I did and have since the day in the smokehouse when I branded you mine with my teeth. I will love you always. I will never forsake you in life or death. I will always protect you, even with my life. I will rule you justly. I will provide for you and with the help of the Great Spirit, I give you children.”
Alisha watched him as he spoke the joining words in English so she could hear and know their meaning from him. She could not suppress a giggle at the way he had looked and sounded as he spoke those words. Her eyes danced with laughter and happiness.
His face went solemn as he said, “It is good to hear your laughter again, Cinstinna. It is good to see the smile and light return to your eyes. There have been too many tears and too much sadness. It is time for smiles and joy. We have found our time and place for love. It is here and now.”
His words were like music to her heart and it jumped with joy. She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly and possessively. He looked into her face and eyes and said huskily, “Waste cedake ... I love you, Lese.”
His mouth closed over hers in a tender kiss of love as they slowly sank to the ground, oblivious to all but each other and their need for each other. She had not known love could be so much more than she had already known with him. But somehow, it was deeper, richer and fuller when it was shared and returned.
They lay there in the warm sunlight, kissing deeply and hungrily.
They lay entwined in the arms of love. His kisses burned like the desert sun across her face and throat. He whispered soft words of love and endearment to her, sparking her response to him. Her blood raced wildly through her veins. It pounded instinctively in demand for fulfillment.
Her hands caressed his hard back with light, tender touches and then hard, passionate caresses. She pulled him even closer and tighter to her, inspiring him to bolder moves. He nibbled at her lips and ears with light bites and kisses. He moved away for a moment to remove her dress and his clothing. For the first time, she felt no embarrassment or shyness at the sight of their naked bodies in the bold daylight.
He came back to her and began to fondle and touch her in the new and daring ways he had done last night. He explored every inch and recess of her mouth and body, as she did his. He teased and tantalized her again and again with lips and hands. She moaned in desire and pleasure and begged for even more. He was sending fires leaping and raging through her. There was no holding back in any way with either of them.
Her head rolled from side to side as he nibbled and caressed her breasts which were swollen with hunger and passion. She found the intoxicating thrill and joy of touching him and bringing him the same joys he gave to her. Boldly and heatedly she gave and took with a new hunger and desire.
When he finally entered her, she took him with a desire unmatched by any woman he had ever known. She demanded and took all he would give to her, bringing him intense pleasure. Never had he known love like this before. He could not touch her enough. He could not kiss her enough. With each move and stroke, his body craved more of her. She was around him and within him. She was a part of him and he would never let her go. This was the woman he had waited for, had yearned for and had hoped for, for twenty-five winters.
They would never know parting or sadness again after this day. He was making her his for all time. She arched to meet every thrust he gave and begged for more. He gently coached her in the things she did not know. Soon, their bodies worked in perfect unison. They were entwined in total commitment and consummation of love and desire.
Higher and higher they climbed on the spiral of love and passion. They reached new heights of joy and pleasure. She clung to him taking and giving all the love she had felt for him for a long time. They touched, kissed, caressed and mingled the long months of heartache and suffering with their love and happiness.
When they could no longer suppress or restrain themselves, they exploded into total bliss. They shook with the power and depth of this, their first real union of heart and body.
This was what each had waited and longed for since that day in June when they first looked into each other’s eyes as enemies. It had been inevitable for them to be together and complete. Their destinies were matched just like their joining necklace—forever one together and never apart ...
They lay locked together for a long time afterwards, savoring the sweetness and bliss of this union. Later, there would be time to mend the wounds and hurts. With her acceptance of his love came the acceptance of his ways and people. With it, she gave him her love and forgiveness for all he had done to her in the name of love.
There would be many things to be learned and accepted by both of them. But with a strong love like theirs, they would find a way to work everything out. With all the whites purged from their lands, there would be no more raids and tortures. Perhaps in time with the next coming of the white man, for surely more would come one day, there could be peace and understand ing. But Gray Eagle secretly hoped and prayed that day would be very long in coming, for the wasichu would not accept him and his people as his beloved Lese had done. Until then, their love and their lives together would be all they needed or wanted.
He joked that if they lay there much longer, Lese’s fair skin would be the color of his people’s—but with a lot of pain. They both laughed at this. It felt good to laugh and be happy together for a change. This will be our new way of life, he thought. Life is meant to be shared with the one you love.
She hugged him tightly and kissed him boldly, saying, “You will never know how much I truly love you.”
He smiled and replied, “Yes, I will. For I also love you that much.” Their eyes met and locked in love and understanding, her heart fluttering at the look written in his. It was the look she had prayed she would see someday, and now she did.
Looking into the beautiful serene face of his wife, he said, “I should not have waited so long to see and feel this love between us. My pride and honor dulls in the face of such love and beauty. Come, Cinstinna. Let us go home ...”
He stood up and pulled her up to him. They retrieved their clothing and redressed. She smiled as tears of joy threatened to spill, and repeated the words of her future, “Home ... yes, my love, let’s go home.”
She helped him gather the skins and blankets from last night and he placed them on the horses. She picked up his bow and quiver of arrows from where he had placed them last night. Turning happily to him, she mischievously said, “Your arrows, Cupid ...” and smiled secretly to herself.
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Defiant Ecstasy Page 34
