by Jeannie Moon
First things first, he was on top of the covers, she was under. As he noted, they were both dressed. Looking around, there was no sign they’d done anything but sleep.
Content that was all that had happened, Jack relaxed back into the pillows and let his gaze fall on the woman next to him.
The sunlight hit her from behind, creating a glow that made her look like she’d come from heaven. Jack wasn’t the type to wax poetic about a woman, but Lilly brought all those latent feelings to the surface.
She took long, shallow breaths, which he could hear when she exhaled. Turned on her side, she clutched the quilt in her hands. The covers draped over her curves and Jack wondered if he would ever get to do more than admire her from a distance.
Guilt settled in. He’d rejected her once already. Sure, they were both young, but the guilt still ate a hole right through him. It was an impossible situation. Lilly was heading off to school, he was being deployed, but Jack couldn’t deny that he’d been tempted by her. Now, looking back, he wondered if they’d lost too much time.
Music suddenly filled the room, forcing a long, sustained groan from Lilly’s throat. The music she’d picked for her alarm was a chirpy pop song, and it made him groan a little too, but probably not for the same reasons.
“Alarm off,” she called out. The music stopped, and Lilly’s eyes fluttered open. Jack could get used to seeing her the minute she woke up. Her eyes were large, appearing dark and bright at the same time. The contrast was unique and mesmerizing. There was a newness in them that reflected the day, and an innocence that didn’t betray the trials she’d gone through.
Her gaze was fixed on him. It was intimidating as hell, and Jack didn’t know what to say or do. Instinctively, he reached out and brushed a strand of hair off her face. “Morning.”
“Morning. How long have you been awake?”
“Not long. A few minutes.” He pushed away another strand of hair. “Why didn’t you wake me up last night?”
“I don’t know.” She was still lying on her side, her eyes staying on his. “It was late, and you were really out. I didn’t have the heart to send you to the couch.”
The trust she put in him with that simple act was tremendous. He’d never been so moved. Lilly had built a wall around herself. A barrier to protect herself from whatever the world threw at her. Watching for a signal, a clue, about what was going through her head, Jack finally leaned in and kissed her cheek. Lilly’s eyes drifted shut; if she wanted him to leave her alone, she wasn’t giving any indication.
His thumb brushed against her jaw and Lilly leaned into it, searching for more closeness. More connection. Jack’s hand opened, cupping her cheek. She nuzzled it, kissing it, the petal softness of her lips setting him on fire.
He was mesmerized, his eyes fixed on her every move. She grasped his hand with hers, and their eyes met. A lifetime was hanging between them. Jack could feel the air thicken in the room. This wasn’t just want. Or need. It wasn’t lust. There was so much more behind what was happening between them.
That’s what made it so fucking intimidating. He and Lilly, with all their baggage, were playing for keeps. Everything had changed. He had changed. Unlike the man who floated in and out of Compass Cove, Jack saw forever, and Lilly was part of it.
“I’m ready, Jack. I’m scared, but I’m ready.”
“Lilly…” There were no doubts. He could see it in her face, but he had to ask anyway. “Are you sure? I need you to be sure.”
She nodded, and a smile teased her lips. “I’m sure. I’ve always been sure about you.” Pushing herself up, Lilly’s arm braced at her side, he was able to see the curve of her body beneath the sheer yellow tee shirt. The woman was miraculous in so many ways; her body was just one.
His hand skimmed over her shoulder, and down across her collarbone, brushing lightly against her breast. Biting at her lower lip, Jack sensed her apprehension, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned in and kissed the base of his throat.
“Sweet Jesus,” Jack murmured.
“I know you’re worried. But don’t be.”
“I can’t help it.” He’d worry about her until the day he died. He always had. “You’ve been through so much. I don’t want to make a mistake with you.”
Touching his face, soothing him when it should have been the other way around, was sobering. “You won’t. You couldn’t.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Lilly kissed him gently on the mouth. “You think too much.”
Maybe he did. But nothing was more important right now. Her safety, her well-being, were the only things on his mind. “You might have to get used to it.”
She chuckled. “Isn’t that my job? Worrying?”
The sunny, sweet smell of the morning wrapped around his brain and he finally couldn’t stand it any longer. He pulled her close.
“If we do this, there’s no turning back.” The stakes had never been greater. “There’s no more easy friendship. We have too much going on between us, Lilly. If it goes south, we’ll lose everything we have now.”
“I have faith. In you. In us. I always have.”
That was the damn truth. She had more faith in him than he ever deserved.
Pressing his forehead to hers, Jack reveled in the simple bit of contact. There was so much to think about, and yet, at that moment, it was just the two of them, trying to figure out what to do next. An age-old problem, with very new complications.
Lilly pressed her lips to his, and the spark caught. Something dead inside him flared to life. The years of missing her crashed down around him. Memories flashed through his head. Nights in country, mortar fire in the distance, friends dying. Through it all, thoughts of Lilly kept him from losing all hope.
Now he was here, in the place he should have been all along. Allowing himself to sink into the haze of desire, he ran his hand slowly up her leg, and under the soft yellow T-shirt she’d worn to bed. Her curves were soft and lush, her skin silky smooth. As he inched his way higher, his hand touched her, and he felt her flinch.
And it wasn’t in a good way.
Shit.
Her eyes were shut tight. Not because she was in the moment, savoring every sensation, but because she was trying not to be.
“Lilly.” He kept his voice quiet. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”
When she did, Jack’s heart hurt, but not for himself. She wasn’t ready for this. There was fire and determination. Like she had to prove something, but that wasn’t good enough.
“Tell me again. Are you sure you want this? I don’t need you to be brave, I need you with me.”
“What do you mean? Are you having second thoughts?”
“Not at all, but it’s not about me. I need the truth. Do you want this?”
There was the slightest quiver of her lower lip, but her eyes stayed steady and she didn’t cry. “I do. I want you. But—” She took a deep breath, and with that, he felt her body shiver. “I don’t think I can. I want to, but I can’t.”
Nodding, Jack knew telling him ‘no’ was probably harder than closing her eyes and going through with it. But she had nothing to prove to him. Lilly had to be all in, or he was no better than Gio.
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry.” She reached up and took his face in her hands. “I’m sorry if I led you on.”
“Don’t apologize. You don’t owe me anything. You come first.”
“But…”
“No buts. I’m fine.” He sat up and kept held of her hands as he pulled himself back from the brink. She had a right to say no. “You know, we didn’t get to have dinner last night. What would you say to a couple of sandwiches and a sail later on?”
“I’d say that sounds really nice.” Her shoulders relaxed when she realized he wasn’t angry. That only made him hate Gio more. “I close at five.”
“I’ll pick you up at the marina at six. Any preferences? I’ll stop at the deli.”
“Roast beef on rye. A little bit of mayo, salt and pep
per. And macaroni salad.”
“You got it.” He leaned in and kissed her. It went on a little longer than he expected, but he wasn’t going to complain. “I’m going to get out of here before my grandmother catches me.”
He was just about to make a quick stop in the bathroom, when she called out to him. “Jack?”
“Yeah?” He turned to see she was curled on her side again, this time clutching the pillow he’d slept on. She was rosy and rumpled, and Jack was fighting every urge to go back to bed and hold her for the next hour, or ten.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” He knew what she was saying, but Jack didn’t think any guy deserved to be thanked because he didn’t act like a dick.
“For not letting me down. It’s nice to trust someone again.”
He would never take that trust lightly. “Always.”
Right there was the center of Lilly’s problem. Trust. She didn’t really trust anyone. Her family, her friends, no one. Like so many victims of assault, she was defining herself and the people around her by the crime. It was never what would they think of him? Lilly worried what people, even people who loved her, would think about her. The lens through which they saw her, in her mind, was clouded by her experience.
That fear kept her isolated in a town full of people who knew her the best, who cared for her. Maybe trusting him was the first step in stepping out from behind the wall she’d built around herself.
*
Lilly was moving through the routine of her day as she always did, but something felt different. She wasn’t tense. This morning, she found herself feeling lighter than she had in years. She noticed it the second she stepped outside her apartment. Instead of letting Eve pick up bagels and coffee for everyone, Lilly decided to do it herself. She didn’t know what exactly was going on, but there was something really wonderful about not looking over her shoulder all the time.
This morning with Jack was one reason. He’d been amazing. She’d really overestimated herself, but he knew right away that she wasn’t ready for sex.
And he’d backed off. There’d been no guilt. No anger. Just a sweet, understanding man who put her needs first.
Imagine that?
If she wasn’t in love with him already, that would have done it.
That was new also. The admission that she’d never, ever gotten over him, and she probably never would, had been teasing her since she’d gotten back from California. No, she didn’t see him every day, but even small doses of Jack were enough of a reminder that her feelings for him couldn’t be thrown away easily. There was no getting over your soulmate.
Maybe she needed to see if the compass had something to tell her.
She had been putting that moment in the compass shop out of her head, and she guessed Jack had too.
Then again, perhaps she shouldn’t. Lilly thought the day she’d walked out of that little boathouse was the end of her infatuation with Jack Miller. It seemed final, especially to her very broken eighteen-year-old heart. But so much had happened in fourteen years. Both of them had grown, had experienced loss, heartache, fear. It was possible Lilly’s feelings had just gone dormant, waiting for the right time.
The shop was bustling, and that included her grandmother and Mrs. Miller, who had come in to have their nails done. Their weekly hair appointments were always fun with the four ladies commandeering the whole shop and turning it into a hive of town gossip and family chatter, but today was just the two of them. Being nosy.
The stylists chairs were full of kids getting their back-to-school cuts, and the two older ladies were sitting in comfy chairs, waiting for their nails to dry. They were chatting with the comfort of very old friends.
It was something Lilly always marveled at. Her grandmother had worked for the Millers for over thirty years. She had been their employee, but all she saw was a deep respect and love that the two women had for each other.
It spoke volumes about both. Anna Miller was down to earth, kind and respected all people, but her grandmother was confident, smart, and never doubted who she was or her value. That put them, despite their completely different backgrounds, on equal footing. It was the kind of friendship that was an example for everyone.
“Lilly, dear?” Mrs. Miller waved her over. “Have you seen Jack today? I left the house early for physical therapy, and his car was already gone.”
Gone? Not exactly. Lilly took her time with the answer. Mrs. Miller was fishing for information. There was no way Lilly would give her what she wanted, but she couldn’t tell her to mind her business either. She decided not exactly a lie, but not exactly the truth, would have to do.
“I saw him this morning before I picked up the bagels.” Not a lie. She did see him before she picked up the bagels. “He mentioned something about the gym.”
Also the truth. He was probably just getting back to the house.
Mrs. Miller held her gaze for a moment and smiled. “Ah. I see. Well, if you’re going to see him later, tell him to say hello to his old granny.” Looking over at Abuela, Mrs. Miller shrugged. “The boy has wings. I never see him.”
“I know how you feel,” Abuela said. “I’m lucky Lilly has the shop I can visit, or I might never see her.”
“Is this the grandmother guilt squad?” Lilly asked. “Because I can make myself scarce while you two complain about us.”
Mrs. Miller chuckled at the scolding. “Hmm. Cheeky. If you see my grandson, please tell him to stop and see me.”
“I’m actually seeing him later. He’s grabbing a couple of sandwiches and we’re going to take a sail.”
“Oh. Oh! That’s lovely. The weather will be perfect for a sail. You enjoy that.”
Lilly was about to respond when Eve called to her from the front of the shop. The grannies looked at each other, something passing between them, and Lilly wondered if she should be worried.
These women had a long history between them. Words weren’t always necessary, but that didn’t mean people wouldn’t pick up on the woo-woo between them.
“Uh-huh,” Lilly said as she turned. “Why do I have a feeling I’m missing something?”
“Don’t be silly, Mi’ja.” Abuela waved her off. “You go tend to your business.”
*
Jack pulled down the long driveway of the estate, parking his car next to the low-slung convertible his sister had rented when she rolled back into town. Natalie said she was done hopping around the globe, but Jack didn’t know about that. As far as he could tell, she was trying to make the best out of a bad situation. Natalie felt as displaced as he did when he came out of the Army. The difference was, Jack knew he had a long stint of training ahead of him in Quantico. Nat didn’t have that on her side. He expected this was going to get ugly.
They’d talked only a little since she landed back in Compass Cove, and he had to say, it was weird being back in the old house, in his old room, with his Mom and his sister part of his everyday life. This was exactly how it had been before he left for school. Natalie and her friends were always around, hanging out in the den, or her room, or at the beach. Lilly was there all the time, the two of them studying, giggling, and consuming more chocolate than should have been legal.
Jordan would be there once in a while when she wasn’t tearing up the track, but mostly it was Nat and Lilly.
Throwing the car into park, he took a deep breath as he saw his mother step outside. She was in a pair of dress pants and a button-down shirt, which meant it was a workday. She must have stopped at home for lunch.
Lifting her hand, she waved when she caught sight of him. She was already gone this morning by the time he got home from Lilly’s, and the last thing he needed was questions.
Might as well get it over with. He waved back and got out of the car.
“Hey there, handsome? I missed you this morning.”
“Yeah, I was out really early.” He was going to hell. “I picked up an egg on a roll and ate it by the pier.”
That wasn’t a total
lie. He did get an egg sandwich and eat it down by the water. He left when some seagulls started sizing him up for an ambush.
“Uh huh. Why were you up so early?”
“I couldn’t sleep. You know… wedding stuff.”
“Riiight. The wedding. Okay then. I’m going back to work.” He couldn’t tell if she was angry or avoiding the conversation. Then she stopped and turned right before she got in the car. “Stop over and see your grandmother. She said you’re taking the boat out later? She has something for you.”
“Um. Yeah, I am. It’s a good day for it.” And his grandmother apparently knew he had a date. “Did she say what it was?”
“No. Just that she needed to see you.”
His grandmother lived in the big house on the estate. They called it “the big house”, but it was really a twenty-two-room mansion. Jack had grown up in the guest house, which was a four-bedroom home that had never been used for guests. His mother had stayed there even after his father died because the estate was the home that he, his brothers, and sister knew. His mother never felt anything but deep love for her in-laws, and they felt the same about her.
“Jack, is everything okay?”
He didn’t want to say too much because his mother was already zeroing in on his bullshit, but he was really at a loss. His entire world was turned upside down. He was making plans he never expected to be making, and he was falling in love with one of his oldest friends. It was everything, but it was not okay. “Yep. Fine.”
She cocked her head to one side, as if to ask if he was sure, but she didn’t. “All right. Have a good time later.” She settled herself in the car and lowered the window. “Grandma… don’t forget.”
“Going now.”
Looking over at the big house sitting across the cobblestone courtyard, he had no idea what his grandmother was angling at, but something inside him felt cornered, and he didn’t like it.
He loved his family, but there were times the need to know everything he was doing was more than he could handle. It was the reason he stayed away sometimes. On top of it all, the nature of his work was secretive. There was nothing he could tell, and rather than hurt feelings all around, he just avoided situations where there would be too many questions.
