by Jeannie Moon
“Wow. That’s… I don’t know what to say. Why didn’t you tell me about it? WHY? As the—victim—” she swallowed the word, “—I had a right to know.”
“You’re right, but I wasn’t sure how it was going to go down. I was on vacation, that was the truth. When I saw my boss earlier today, he told me about the case.”
Looking at her electronics on the table, she waved a hand. “What do I do now?”
“We disconnect them, like I said.”
“Should we shut them off?”
“No. My contact in cyber said to leave them powered up. I’ll take them to the lab tomorrow.”
“But I need a phone… with the wedding and my business…” Lilly felt herself unravelling. Every little thing felt like a crisis, and for the first time in a year, she doubted her ability to cope.
“We’ll get you a phone tomorrow. First thing. New phone, new number.”
“I’ve had this number for years. Years. This is going to be a nightmare.”
Jack nodded. He understood, but that didn’t change anything. He was right about the precautions she had to take.
“Even now, almost two years gone from him, and he’s still messing with my life.”
Jack pulled her in, holding her tight, and Lilly felt her insides go soft. But even with the comfort he offered, she was annoyed. He’d kept so much information from her, she couldn’t help but wonder what else she was hiding.
“I’m supposed to be on the set tomorrow. I have to be there by eight, and I don’t know how I’m going to fall asleep.”
“Yeah, about that. What’s that all about? All you wanted to do was avoid the set and all the people.”
“I’ve been hiding. I decided not to hide anymore.”
“I’m not following.”
Lilly wasn’t all that sure about it herself. “I ran into Kat Barnes, literally, when I was walking home from the pier. She asked—no, she practically begged me to do her hair. Said she knew Gio was an ass, apologized for being a harpy, and told me I shouldn’t hide from him.”
Jack rubbed his hand across his forehead. “You don’t even like Kat. Why are you taking her advice?”
Lilly stood and walked across the room. The large French doors led to a small balcony that looked out on the courtyard. It was a pretty view at any time of year, because the whole area was planted with flowers that bloomed in every season. She could see all the way down Main Street, and that made her feel closer to her town and her neighbors. On the other side of the apartment, she could see the water. The water was everything. It was in her soul.
“I want to be able to look out my windows again.”
“What? Your windows?”
Moving back to the couch, she sat on the edge. “Yes. My windows. Ever since Gio came to town, I’ve been aware of being seen. I keep my blinds pulled at night. I don’t look outside at the sunset, or the flowers. I don’t sit out on my balcony and watch the moon come out.”
Jack inched a little closer and took her hand.
“This is my home. I shouldn’t be afraid of anything here. But I am. I’m letting him terrorize me from a distance, and it has to stop.”
“He’ll be gone soon, and you can get back to normal. I don’t think putting yourself right in his path is a good idea.”
“I’ve been doing everything possible to avoid him, and he still found me.” She picked up her phone and tossed it back on the table, annoyed that he thought limiting her access would change anything. “He hacked my damn phone, Jack. What else? Am I going to wake up one day and find my bank account empty? My business accounts trashed? You said it, there are no boundaries.”
“He’s dangerous.” That statement, delivered like he was talking to a child, was the last straw. The years of listening to men telling her what she should think, and feel, and do came shooting out at Jack.
“I KNOW!” she cried. “I was there! Don’t you dare treat me like I don’t know. I am fully aware of what he did to me. What he took from me.”
“That’s not what I meant. Come on, Lilly.”
“You have no idea what I’ve been through. How every day I wonder how I could have been so stupid. I don’t doubt you care, but to tell me ‘he’s dangerous’? No shit, Jack.”
Not wanting to be around him, she shot off the couch and went to her bedroom. Full of anger and sadness and fear, she paced a circle at the end of her bed, her mind going a thousand miles an hour. Finally, the rage took over and she grabbed a hairbrush off her dresser and threw it against the wall.
Damn him. Damn all of them.
Lilly plopped on her bed and dropped her face in her hands. The tears threatened, but she couldn’t let them win. She had to keep control.
Her chest was so tight it actually hurt. Little short breaths were all she could manage, and the air in her lungs burned. She was focusing only on getting the air in and out so she wouldn’t pass out, when she felt the mattress sink next to her.
Still hiding her face, she tried to throw off his hand, which had settled between her shoulder blades, circling gently. He didn’t speak, but when she rolled her shoulders away from him, instead of easing back, he pulled her to him.
It was too easy, and Lilly wished he didn’t feel so good. But she went to him, burying her face in the soft folds of his blue and white striped shirt. He smelled warm and briny, like the open water. It was here, safely in his arms, and folded against his body, that Lilly lost herself.
She cried. She didn’t sob, but her tears came. More angry than sad, Lilly wanted to scream. She wanted to tell everyone what Gio did to her while at the same time, she wanted to hide it away. She hated being a victim, but she felt bound to honor this piece of herself.
“I hate him,” she said quietly. Her voice cracked ever so slightly, the words hard to say, but Jack nodded, indicating he understood. “I mean, I really, really hate him.”
“I’m right there with you. Which is why I’m confused about tomorrow.”
Going to the set probably wasn’t the smartest thing she was going to do, but again, she believed it had to happen. “Me too. I still don’t know what made me say yes to Kat.”
“Please reconsider.”
“I’m not going to. I can’t keep being the victim, Jack.”
Easing her back, Jack stroked her cheek with his hand. Lilly leaned into his touch, using it as the lifeline it was. It connected her to everything important in her life.
“You aren’t a victim, Lilly. You’re a survivor. There’s a big difference, and I wish you could see yourself the way everyone else sees you. The way I see you.”
Survivor. It was a hopeful word. It gave her control. It gave her strength. It would take time for her to embrace all it meant, but she could allow herself to entertain the idea that her life was all about possibilities.
“How do you see me, Jack?” That was the million-dollar question. He was the only one who knew the extent of her experience. He’d known her before, and now he knew her after. They had a history together.
She wondered if they could have a future.
“How do I see you?” He leaned in and touched his lips to hers. “You’re magic, Lilly. And…” Jack took a deep breath. “I love you.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Shit. Jack had never said “I love you” to any woman, ever.
Ever.
But he’d just said it to Lilly. She was looking at him, stunned and misty-eyed, and Jack had no idea what he should say next.
He was kind of hoping she would say something. But she didn’t. Instead her eyes made their way around his face, and her thumb slid over his bottom lip.
“You love me?” A tear spilled out of her eye and tracked down her cheek, leaving a trail of wetness. A smile as bright as the sun bloomed across her face, and Jack felt like he’d just hit the jackpot. God, she was beautiful when she smiled.
He could spend the rest of his life looking at her like this.
“Yeah,” he said, confirming it for himself as much as for
her. “I do. I love you.”
Lilly’s voice hiccupped and she lunged for him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he fell back on the bed. She was on top of him, warm and soft, her curves fitting against him perfectly. She kissed him—once, twice, three times—and the world spun off its access.
“I love you, too. I have forever.”
“You told me once.” He thought back to the night in the boathouse all those years ago. She mattered to him then, she’d always been special, but he had been too shortsighted to do anything about it. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I should have. You’re the best thing in my life, Lilly.”
“You weren’t ready to hear it then. But you are now.” Lilly nipped at his chin and Jack felt every nerve ending in his body fire like rockets. “And I’ll tell you every day.”
He felt like he’d escaped from emotional limbo. For so long, Jack had lived in his own head, not allowing the outside to interfere with whatever mission he was on. When he was working in intelligence, it was necessary, but his inability to compartmentalize when he moved to the Bureau kept him from having a normal life. Maybe he wasn’t ready, but more than likely, he’d had more demons lurking below the surface than he’d admitted to.
He’d seen a lot of nasty shit and done things he wasn’t proud of. He would have had to have been made of stone to be unaffected.
Over the years, his family had been his safety net; but in this moment, Lilly was his salvation. Thank God he’d realized it.
Her lips teased his neck, his collarbone, and when she was stopped by his shirt, Lilly pushed herself up to take what she wanted. Slowly, if only to torture him, she popped the buttons one at a time, pushing the fabric aside so she could continue on her trip south.
She was slow and gentle. The feel of her weight on him was heady. A final kiss landed on his belly button, and Lilly moved back up his body. Jack let his eyes drift shut as the feel of her mouth on his skin played with his senses. A kiss dropped at the corner of his mouth was his cue to open his eyes and drown in her.
Splaying his hands across her back, Jack turned her over and raised himself up. She was so beautiful, and in the dim light of her bedroom, everything about her seemed luminous. Pushing her hair away from her face, Jack dropped a kiss on her lips. “Can I stay? I know you weren’t too happy with me a little while ago, but I’m willing to make it up to you.”
She looked away for a second, obviously thinking about something. “You’d leave if I asked you to?”
The question took him a little off guard, but he understood how important his answer was. If she couldn’t trust him, they had nothing. “I’d leave your bed, but not the apartment. I’ll sleep on the couch, but I won’t leave you alone.”
“Even if I told you to go?”
“If the couch is a hard no, you’ll find me sleeping on your landing again. I’m begging you, for the sake of my back, not to let that happen, but if you really don’t want me here, I’m out.”
Lilly pulled him close, holding him against her. He could feel her chest rising and falling, puffs of air warming his neck. But it was her hands, the ones that pushed his shirt off his shoulders, that sent the clearest message.
“You can stay,” she whispered. “Be with me.”
“Always,” he replied.
*
Lilly relaxed back into the pillows, and Jack took to the task of undressing her. First her shirt, then her bra. He was gliding his hands over her body so deliciously, she slipped into a stupor that slowed time almost to a stop.
When he pulled down her shorts and panties, she lifted her hips, first to help, and then in invitation. She wanted him to touch her, to kiss her everywhere, to be inside her.
Last night, when they were together on the boat, the sex had been more than just mind-blowing. It was an epiphany. Lilly had been with her share of men, men she cared about, men who had given her a great time. But Jack was different. He was her other half. Her soulmate. Her match.
Lying on their sides facing each other, Lilly was equally tormented by Jack’s touch, and touching him. His kisses, hot and fluid, made her drunk. His lips, his hard body, his calloused hands, all put her on sensory overload.
The feel of him—his skin, smooth but sprinkled with hair, was tight over bands of muscle, and had been part of her dreams for as long as she could remember. The scars, on the other hand, were not. On his flank, the back of his shoulder, and just above one of his butt cheeks, she could feel the difference in the skin.
Silky smooth. Puckered. The one closest to his spine was the largest.
“How did this happen?”
“Huh? What?” He pulled back and pushed her hair off her face. “The scar?”
“Yes. How did you get it?”
“You’re sure you want to know?” She nodded and he left a quick peck on her lips. “I was stabbed. It was during an ambush.”
“Stabbed? God. I wasn’t expecting that.” She moved her hand to his side. “And this one?”
“A—ah, a training mishap.”
“Um, okay. Training. I’m going to let that go.” Lilly’s heart squeezed tight, but his body was a guide to everything he’d been through. “And what about the little one on your shoulder?”
“I was shot. But it wasn’t a big deal. If you’ll notice…” He pointed to a spot on the upper right side of his chest. “The exit wound. The bullet went in, went out, and had the courtesy not to do any major damage.”
“God, you’ve been through so much.” Lilly touched the scar on his chest. It was barely visible. “So brave.”
“You’re the brave one.” With a practiced hand, he turned her on her back, and Lilly felt like she was floating on the soft mattress and pillows. His erection, hard and inviting, teased her entrance. With the heat building, he seemed to know that tonight she didn’t need endless foreplay or build-up. She only needed him. Lilly wanted the closeness, the connection, the love. He said she was magic, but only when they were together.
When Jack started to move off her, she held on. “Where are you going?”
“I need to get a condom.”
Lilly nodded toward the night table. “Top drawer.”
Jack raised an eyebrow while flashing a grin. He opened the drawer and pulled out the box of condoms she’d purchased that day.
“A whole box?”
“I’m planning ahead.”
“Did you drive to the east end to buy these so you wouldn’t be spotted, or questioned?”
When Jack kneeled up to put on the condom, Lilly grabbed it, tearing open the packet for him. “No,” she said as she started to roll the condom over the head of his penis. When she looked up, his eyes were like blue flame. So hot. “I bought them at Cove Apothecary. You know, right on Main Street?”
He was grinning now. “I know the place. Good selection?”
Everybody knew the place. The local business had been open since the 30s. It still had an old-fashioned soda fountain. And if Rinaldi’s was the center of gossip in town, the Apothecary ran a close second.
“Excellent selection. It was lunch time. Very busy, and I took my box of extra large right up to the register.”
“Did you now?” Once she was done, he pushed her flat onto the bed and levered himself over her. “You’re fantastic, but everyone will be talking.”
“Let them talk.” Lilly wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. “I’m a grown ass woman. As long as I’m not hurting anyone else, I can do what I want.”
Lilly bent her knees back when Jack slipped his hands under her hips and raised her up slightly. The tip of his penis pressed inside her, then he inched in a little more, watching her eyes the whole time. He bit down on his lower lip, holding back on the urge to plunge in all at once. This slow entry, the burn, was soul-stealing. Lilly’s breath caught at the penetration—not because it hurt, but because it felt better than anything she could have imagined. Jack was big. Thick more than long, and he filled her, stretched her. It was the most amaz
ing invasion of her space. When he thrust in fully, Lilly felt complete.
Lilly allowed herself to indulge in every sensation, vowing to commit every touch to memory. She never wanted to forget how Jack made her feel, body and soul.
When he moved, his hips catching a rhythm, she matched him, keeping her eyes on his face and his eyes. This was her man, she’d always known it. Even if he took a little longer to find his way, Jack was here now.
His pace picked up, and his thrusts became longer, harder. Lilly reached back and wrapped her hands around the wrought iron headboard to steady herself. Jack’s arms held him up, the muscles of his back and arms bulging with tension. His head dropped and he drew one of her nipples in his mouth, licking and sucking as she cried out at the crazy sensations running through her.
This was perfection, a joining of bodies meant to be together. Matched before they were old enough to understand, no one would ever affect her like he did. It was crazy and sane, a mess of contrasts, much like her feelings. They were all over the place, but everything came together when she and Jack forgot about who they were supposed to be. The walls came down and the uncertainty dissolved. Lilly was happy.
Light exploded behind her eyes, sparks of fire and dreams, of a future she and Jack would have together. They drove each other higher and higher. Jack held her tight as he dropped his forehead to hers. He kissed her hot and deep, dipping his tongue in her mouth, edging her toward unreason.
The sensations rolled through her, her body vibrating as the climax consumed her. Jack came with her, his large shoulders convulsing as he arched and cried out.
Finally, he collapsed on her, spent, his breath coming in great gulps. “God, Lilly, you’re amazing. I can’t… I… That was…”
Laying a finger on his lips, she kissed his cheek, letting her mouth linger, tasting the essence of salt and man. “It was exactly what we needed. It was perfect.”
