by Jeannie Moon
He also wanted to stick to her like glue for the rest of her life. His instinct was to barrel into the salon, and after checking to make sure she was okay, he wanted to tell her how incredibly stupid the stunt had been.
Of course, that wouldn’t end well, because Lilly would tell him where to put that assessment.
And she’d be right to do so. He was torn in two over what had happened.
Hadn’t he told her she had to face her demons? She’d done just that this morning.
“Shit.” Parking himself on a bench facing the marina, Jack had no idea what to do. He didn’t know what to say, or how to keep her from doing it again. “Jesus, Lilly.”
He wasn’t expecting company on the bench, but when he looked over, his sister Natalie had plopped down next to him.
“Have you talked to her yet?”
Jack looked over his shoulder at the salon. “Not yet.”
“Adam said what he saw was inspiring. She was really brave.”
“Maybe, but it was also dangerous, and foolish. I’m glad I asked him to check on her.”
“Foolish? Jack…”
“If he hit her hard enough, she could have been seriously hurt. She could have been knocked out. So, yeah, I stand by foolish.”
Natalie looked ahead, starting to say something, but then stopping. “She did what she thought was right. No one ever stood up for her.”
“She talked to you about it?”
“I heard what happened and came here to check on her. I can’t believe I didn’t know. She told me she’d been on the receiving end of a scene like the one that played out this morning. Gio berated her in front of cast members and crew, and no one stopped him. No one. They just let it happen. She wasn’t going to let that happen to anyone else.”
“Still, to put herself at risk like that…”
“You mean like you do? Fighting drug dealers and hunting for killers? Or like Doug when he’s deployed, keeping the world safe for freedom loving people?”
“It’s not the same.”
“You’re right; on one level, it isn’t. You’re fighting for the greater good, big, lofty ideals. For duty and country.” Natalie turned toward him and dropped her hand on his knee. “This was personal for her. She was fighting for one woman, but it’s bigger than that.” Natalie hesitated. “Don’t women deserve to be fought for? Tilly deserved a champion.”
The words hit him right between the eyes. The idea of Lilly as champion—as savior—was awe-inspiring, and fitting. On the other hand, it was maddening—sickening—that no one in the cast or crew had stepped up for her when she needed them. Natalie made a good point, but Jack couldn’t wrap his head around the risk. She shouldn’t have had to do it alone. “I wish I hadn’t let her go.”
“I make my own decisions, you know. I don’t need permission.” The voice, which came from behind, was firm and unwavering. Turning, he saw Lilly, hands on her hips, her face tight and fiery. “Did you just say you shouldn’t have let me go?”
Natalie patted his knee. “Damn, Jack. Good luck with that.”
He stood up and came around the bench to her, she stepped back when he reached out to hold her. “I was out of my mind. Adam called me when I was in the city and told me what happened.”
“Yeah, when I saw you pacing around out here, I figured you were trying to think of what you were going to say about this morning’s business. But let’s get back to this whole ‘let me’ thing?”
Two words. He couldn’t have chosen two different words.
“Can we go inside and talk about it?” The last thing she needed was a public scene to confirm what Gio’s spin machine was already putting out about her instability. He watched her eyes take in the foot traffic surrounding them, and satisfied he made sense, she nodded. “Fine.”
Natalie rose from her spot on the bench, and got the hug Jack had been looking for. “You’re amazing, my friend. Truly amazing. Call me.”
“You got it.”
Once his sister left, Jack focused on one objective. He followed Lilly inside and up the stairs to her apartment without thinking about anything except getting her to calm down. He wanted Lilly to know he was in her corner, and he always would be.
The late afternoon light filtering into the apartment cast a glow around her. It was almost angelic, but intense, and that was fitting considering what had transpired earlier.
“Were my devices infected?”
He didn’t expect the question, but he was glad for the icebreaker.
“The tablet and phone were. The laptop is clean.” He pulled the slip-sleeve out of his leather backpack and placed it on the counter. “Change all your passwords.”
“Okay. Is he going to be arrested?”
“That’s the plan. I don’t know much else.” That wasn’t the whole truth, but he wasn’t allowed to talk about an active investigation. Jack had been told today that Gio would be arrested once his plane landed in California on Friday morning. The dirtbag had another thirty-six hours of freedom.
Looking tired, she sat on the arm of the couch and stroked Barney’s head, but she didn’t make eye contact. What had happened must have taken more of a toll on her than she let on. Jack went to her, gently taking her hands as he crouched before her.
“Are you all right?”
Her head bobbed up and down twice as she drew a long, audible breath. “Surprisingly, I am. I feel lighter, safer, than I have in a very long time.”
He didn’t know about the safer part, but he could understand how she felt unburdened. Her experience was all out in the open. “You took a huge risk. When Adam called me, I was frantic. What you did was incredibly risky.”
“Yes, it was, but it unmasked him. No one else was going to do it.”
“It shouldn’t have been you, though. You’ve been through enough.”
Lilly rose from her spot, shaking him off in the process. Her fingers massaged the back of her neck while she circled the kitchen, opening cabinets, the refrigerator, and containers. She was on edge.
Finally, she turned to him. Her face was flat, expressionless, and that worried him more than if she’d been distraught. When she spoke, her words were sharp and laser-focused. “You’ve been incredibly supportive, Jack. But you don’t get to decide. You don’t have the right to say what I should or shouldn’t do, or how much risk I should assume. It’s my choice.”
“What you did was dangerous.”
“Dangerous? Or foolish? That’s what you said to Natalie right before you second-guessed your decision to let me go.”
Jesus, he was in trouble. “That was a poor choice of words.”
“No doubt about that, but I think you meant what you said.”
She had him dead to rights on the foolish comment. “I don’t think I can control you. I should have advised more strongly against it.”
“Because you think you have that right? I don’t recall asking for your opinion. At all.”
This conversation wasn’t unfolding how he thought it would. He figured he’d be supportive, he’d console her; instead, he was trying not to say anything else that might piss her off. Why was that exactly? If they were in a real relationship, he had the right to speak his mind. Jack was done walking on eggshells.
To hell with it. “I’m sorry you’re upset, but I wasn’t wrong. I love you, and we’re in a relationship, and that means sometimes I’m going to give you my opinion. Even when you don’t ask for it. What you did today was brave. It was unbelievably brave, but the only reason you’re not in the hospital is because I asked my brother to check on you.”
“What? You had Adam check up on me?”
He was going to keep that bit of info to himself, but there was no backpedaling now that it was out there. “I did.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what family does. They watch out for each other.”
She looked away and said nothing. The quiet was not only out of character, it was unnerving.
He wished she would ye
ll at him or something. Showing her temper would be one way to work through what had happened. But there was nothing but silence.
“I’d do it again.” He waited. Still no reaction. “I make no apologies for it.”
“Okay, well… I have to get to the store and buy a phone.” The statement was flat, without emotion.
“A phone?”
“Yes. I’m guessing mine is now evidence?”
“Yeah.” He stepped toward her, pushing into her space. “I’ll go with you.”
“No. I’ve got it.”
His chest tightened. There was more going on here than Lilly being independent. Jack was losing her, and he didn’t know why, or how to stop it.
“Lilly, don’t be stubborn.”
That got her attention. “First I’m foolish, now I’m stubborn.” Her volume was climbing. Lilly’s calm had given way to anger, and there was no way for Jack to avoid it. “Is there anything else? Obviously, I can’t be trusted with my own life, so have at it!”
“Don’t put words in my mouth. I thought we were in this together, as a team.”
Dropping her head, she twisted her fingers into knots. “Maybe I’m not a team player.” She walked a circle in the room, trying to channel all the nervous energy. Jack wanted to hold her, but he didn’t dare make the attempt.
Finally, she grabbed the handle on the front door, and pulled it open with so much force that when it thudded against the wall, she jumped. “I don’t have any more time for this. Good night.”
“Good night? Are you kidding me?”
“I think you should go.”
“No. Don’t shut me out, Lilly. We can talk about this.”
“There’s nothing to discuss.”
“Why? Why are you doing this?”
“Because I don’t need to be called foolish or stubborn. I don’t need anyone telling me what to do, and I—I can take care of myself.”
“I have no doubt about that, but sometimes we can all use a little backup. You’re upset about what happened today. I get it. And at the risk of pissing you off even more, I’m going to venture you’re alternating between being satisfied you stood up to Gio, and pissed that you put yourself in danger.”
Yep. Based on the way she narrowed her eyes, he’d pissed her off good.
“Don’t analyze me. I’m not some case study in PTSD.” Shaking with anger and frustration, Lilly didn’t know where to channel what she was feeling.
But, sensing he had nothing to lose, Jack took another risk and reached out, laying his hand on her cheek. Her skin was warm, flushed in response to the cascading emotions. “I’m not analyzing you, I know you. Maybe better than you know yourself.”
Her voice, raw and hoarse, conveyed the stress she was under. She stepped back, once again putting distance between them. “I can’t do this.”
Jack faced her, and he saw Lilly fold in on herself. The woman who told him once that no one would ever love him like she did was pushing him out of her life.
“You don’t have to deal with this alone. You never have.”
“I don’t know. I think it might be better that way.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lilly sat in the large chair in her living room, polishing off the last of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream. She knew it was bad for her, and for her waistline, but she was beyond caring. She’d been living on processed sugar and carbs for two days, ever since her life imploded.
Waistline be damned. Everything be damned.
What she’d done had hit her when she was at the mall getting a new phone. While one of the very hip techies droned on about the latest and greatest features of the newest smartphone, Lilly’s reality struck hard.
Trembling from the inside out, she made her purchase, not even caring that she had to change the number she’d had for over ten years. The anonymity that provided was a good thing. She could give her number to whomever she wanted, and the rest of the so-called friends in her contacts could go to hell.
That included people like Noel, the makeup and hair people she knew, everyone. If the debacle on set today showed her anything, it was that she didn’t belong in that life anymore, and she couldn’t respect anyone who stood by and let a woman be treated the way Gio had treated Tilly.
And then there was Jack. The man of her dreams, the one who made her feel whole for the first time in her life. She’d kicked his ass to the curb, too. Because why not? When you were taking a flamethrower to your entire life, why not ruin your relationship with the only man who ever mattered?
When she’d gotten home from the mall, she texted Mia, Natalie, Maddie and Jordan, letting them know she was okay and that this was her new number. She called Abuela, who would fill in her family. Then, she’d gone dark.
Yesterday, her team at the salon had covered for her while she hid from the world in her apartment. She didn’t answer her phone. She didn’t answer texts, even though her phone had been ringing and pinging all day long.
What she didn’t expect was to hear her doorbell. It was probably one of the girls, but when she picked up her phone and looked at the app, she saw on the feed from the little camera that it was her grandmother and her mother. Her mother, who wasn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow night, was at her door. She could hear them talking, and finally her mother waved into the camera. “Lilly, let us in. I know you can see us.”
The tears she thought she’d cried out came back in a flood, seeing her Mami and her Abuela coming to the rescue. But what would she say to them? She was so ashamed.
She grabbed a handful of tissues before pushing herself out of the chair. She pressed the button on her phone to unlock her door.
“Come on up.”
There wasn’t even a split second between hearing the door open and the footfalls racing up the steps. First dread rushed through her, but then, without any hesitation, Lilly flung open the door. Without thinking, she fell into her mother’s arms. Finally, she could let go.
“Oh, my Lilly. Oh, my girl.” Her mother held her, and the emotions that had been rolling around inside her erupted in a great geyser of pain. She cried harder than she ever had, the sobs coming out in great gulps. Her grandmother was there, as she always was, holding them both. The three of them clung to each other in the door of her apartment, as Lilly allowed herself to collapse.
There was safety with her mother and Abuela. There always was.
Minutes ticked by, and no one moved; they held on for strength, for comfort. Mami put her hand on Lilly’s cheek and kissed her forehead.
“Mi’ja, tell me everything I need to know.” Her mother was not a softie, but at that moment, her gorgeous, brainy mom was everything she needed. “Don’t tell me anything you don’t want to tell, but what I need to know.”
Lilly swallowed some air, trying to find the words she needed to explain what had happened. She hated how she felt when she talked about it; it was like being violated all over again. But she needed them, now more than ever.
“He broke me, Mom. He broke me. And now I’m hurting everyone.”
“No, no you’re not.” She led Lilly to the couch, where Mami sat on one side, and Abuela sat on the other. Both stayed close, each taking one of her hands.
“Let us help, you Lilliana.” Abuela dabbed at her own eyes, and Lilly hated that she was the cause of those tears. “We can go with you tonight to the rehearsal. Your friends are so worried. Mia is besides herself.”
Lilly was such a stellar maid of honor, she was stressing out the bride the night before her wedding. Fantastic.
“I’ll call Mia, and Natalie.”
“What’s going on with Jack Miller?” Her mother had been away on business and had missed the whirlwind that had spun them toward each other over the past two weeks. “Abuela said you two have gotten close.”
“Yeah, and um…” The tears burned, and her heart clenched tight in her chest. Her whole body convulsed with grieving spasms thinking about what she’d done. “I m-m-messed
that up too. Oh, Mom. I hurt him. I know I did. I picked a fight because I was scared and ashamed. I hate what Gio did to me, and now everyone knows what happened. And oh, my God, I love Jack. I love him so much, and I’ve wr-wr-wrecked it.”
“No, you didn’t. Lilly, we just want to be there for you. There’s no need to feel anything but our love. Your family, your friends… we’re all here for you. And Jack loves you.”
“Even if that were true, I’ve ruined it. I burned it all to the ground.”
“Lilly,” Abuela soothed. “You and Jack are fated. You have been since you were children.”
“Children?” What was she talking about? “Abuela?”
“When you were a very little girl, you would come to the big house with me to help me cook. You would scrape a carrot, or count out raisins for cookies. Mostly, we would just spend time together, and everyone loved seeing you. Jack especially. He would find his way into the kitchen whenever you were there. Even then, he was drawn to you.”
“I remember. I used to tell you I was going to marry him.” That wasn’t going to happen now. Lilly had made sure of that.
“Well, did you know he used to say the same thing? ‘Miss Clarita, I’m going to marry Lilly when I’m older. Is that okay with you?’”
Never in her life had Lilly been so shocked. “He—he did?”
“He did.” Her grandmother squeezed her hand tight. “Now, let’s get you ready for the rehearsal. You look like a piece of undercooked chicken.”
That made her laugh. “Gee, thanks.”
“Your mama will call your friends. They’re worried. But it’s going to be all right.”
With everyone in her corner, there was a chance it might be okay. She had her doubts, but there was only one way to find out.
*
Jack sat on a stone wall surrounding the bluestone terrace in the back of his grandparents’ house. The entire yard was set up for the wedding tomorrow, and Jack had to admit, it looked magical.
