by Rose Harper
Gathering my books from my locker I saw something out of the corner of my eye. So like the stupid person I am, I looked. What I saw stole the breath out of my lungs. Tears began to gather at the corner of my eyes, my heart breaking all over again. Brad was underneath the stairs with Cherish Sharp, one hand up her shirt fondling her breast, the other holding her thigh as she draped her leg around his waist. The sight simply destroyed me, but for the life of me, I couldn’t look away. I knew that the rumors were real now, but seeing it for myself hurt ten times worse.
A voice snapped me out of my trance. “Get a good show, love?” Brad joked, wiping the corner of his mouth. I could see Cherish behind him, straightening her clothes with an in-your-face-bitch smile. I wanted to be angry, to be the scorned lover. But nothing came to me. Only hurt, sadness, heartbreak filled me. A tear ran down my face when I shook my head. Shutting my locker door, I ran to my next class. One that I knew for a fact would suck, because it was also a class that I shared with Brad.
Sitting in my seat, I laid my head down and stared out the window. I didn’t feel anything—I was emotionless, just a hollow shell of the person that I once was. I didn’t bother with fixing my hair more than to put it into a ponytail. Brad hated ponytails, so I guess, if anything, it was a small ‘fuck you’ to him. But I knew that wasn’t it at all, I just didn’t have energy to care. It felt like he had taken everything from me. My drive to care about anything was gone. I just wanted to disappear into a dark room somewhere and stay there.
I knew that at any moment he would sit in the seat next to me. He was the only person to ever sit in the back, left-hand seat, the one farthest away from the teacher. I always took the seat right next to his, ever since the first day of this class. I couldn’t tell you the reason I sat in it now. Whether it be because it was just a repetitive action of mine or what. But I did. Closing my eyes, I let a deep breath escape me, as well as a few tears.
Opening them, I looked right into Brad’s amazingly deep blues. The ones that, no matter what, would always capture me. I choked on a sob, shutting my eyes once again. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t sit in this seat. I half hoped that he would sit somewhere else. But that was just stupid thinking on my part. I tried every way in the world to shut him out. Finally, I put my arms on the desk, crossing them, and hid my face from him. He didn’t deserve the tears I was crying, but dammit, I couldn’t stop.
After all the shit he did to me, I still loved the bastard, and I probably always would.
I felt someone tap on my arm. I knew who it was. It was Brad. Had he not humiliated me enough that he needed to dig the knife in more? I shook my head and kept my face hidden from him. Just when I thought he would leave me alone, a note slid underneath my arm. Written on the outside was My Claire Bear. I cried that much more after just reading the name he always called me on the outside.
Lifting my head, I took the note and threw it back at him. I was not going to have any more contact with him. He had already torn my heart out of my chest. Now it seemed like he wanted to play baseball with it. Lowering my head, I hid my face in my arms again. Only to see a few seconds later a note slips underneath my arms. This time the writing on the outside crushed me. My Love.
Removing my arms from around my face, I looked up into his saddened blues. “What do you want?” I whispered, a lump catching in my throat at the end, rendering me speechless.
He didn’t talk, but just gestured toward the note. Rolling my eyes, I knew it was a bad idea to do this, but I unfolded the note and began to read the one damn sentence on the page.
Why is your hair in a ponytail?
A few tears slipped out of my eyes as I wrote him back.
Nobody cares what I look like!
I folded up the note and gave it back to him, wiping the tears from my face. I was so glad that everyone liked this class; that meant that no one would be worried about why I was silently crying to myself. I was about to open my notebook and pretend I was taking notes, when his note slid back on my desk.
You’d be surprised.
Seriously? That was the only thing he could say? Scribbling on the note, I balled it up and threw it back at him. It hit his chest before falling down to his closed notebook.
It doesn’t matter now.
Within seconds I was graced with a new piece of paper. The writing on the outside now read, My Dearest Love.
Why?
I wrote the only thing that came to my mind. I found that it was the closest thing to the truth as I could get without breaking down.
Because the person I love … broke me.
When I passed the note back to him, his eyes snapped up to meet mine after he read it. My tears started falling faster. Just looking at him was too painful. I couldn’t do it anymore. Packing up my things, I started to get up out of my chair. That was until I felt his hand on my arm, holding me in my seat. I looked at him, tears brimming his eyes. That was one thing I haven’t seen from Brad before—tears.
He scribbled something on the note, then passed it to me.
You loved me?
After reading his message, the tears started falling faster. I scribbled onto the paper before passing it back to him. I knew I didn’t have to do this. But it was better late than never. At least now I hoped that he would hurt half as much as I did. If that was even possible. When he unfolded the paper, a tear slid down his cheek before he shut his eyes.
Love … not loved … But I guess that wasn’t enough …
He opened his eyes and looked at me with sadness marring his gorgeous blues. His mouth opened like he was about to say something, but the bell chose that moment to ding, signaling that class was over. Gathering my things, I didn’t look back as I made my way out of the room. I didn’t retain any information in class, but today, I didn’t care. I was only going through the motions of the day-to-day activities. It wasn’t worth any effort on my part.
Opening my locker, I put my bag in just as I felt the ponytail holder slip free from my hair. Leaning my head against the locker, I knew exactly who it was. His tortured voice spoke a second later. But I couldn’t let him get to me. He’s treated me like shit. He cheated on me—for months. Which ripped whatever heart I had right out of my chest.
“I didn’t know,” he whispered.
I choked back a sob. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“If I had known … God, I’m so sorry, Claire Bear.” He stepped closer to me.
I had to stop from the lump growing in my throat. I shut my locker before leveling him with a stare. “You don’t get to call me that anymore, Brad. The name’s Claire, not Claire Bear. Get used to it.”
Taking my hair bow from him, I put my hair up as I walked away from him. I heard him calling for me as I walked away. But damn, I needed to stay strong. I couldn’t give in to him again. I’d already lost a piece of myself to him that I would never get back again.
Over the next few weeks, he kept texting me. Asked me to forgive him, that none of the girls meant anything to him. That I was the only one he ever wanted. The text that hurt the most was when he said he loved me. That was what split my mending heart wide the fuck open. He knew that he was still a sore spot for me but putting himself out there was making things so much worse.
Seeing him every day at school was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Seeing him smiling and laughing like he hadn’t ruined my world. Every time we made eye contact, his smile would always falter. Maybe he was living in the same hell I was. I found that the more I was around him, the less I was crying. He still tried to get me to talk to him during third period, but I shot him down every time. I could tell it was eating him alive. Well, knowing that he’d been with all those girls ate me alive every day. However, the more I tried to get him out of my mind, the more space he took up in it.
CHAPTER THREE
It was two weeks before prom when it happened. He showed up on my doorstep carrying a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. I was in my room when my mother answer
ed the door. She didn’t know anything about what happened between us, so she let him in and allowed him to come up to my room. It had been a month since we’d broken up. It was amazing how my mother never questioned why he wasn’t hanging around anymore.
I was lying in bed when I heard a timid knock sound at my door. I furrowed my brow, wondering who it could be as I went to open the door. The sight of him wearing a tuxedo took my breath away. He looked absolutely perfect. Even though he’d cheated on me, I still found that I wanted him with every fiber of my being. He was my first love, my first everything. And he was here at my door bearing roses and chocolates.
Leaving the door open, I walked back over to my bed. I sat on it Indian style, holding a pillow to my chest. Hoping that this barrier between us would help me shut him out. But I should have known that even a steel wall around my heart wouldn’t be able to stand against him.
“What do you want?” I asked as he shut the door and walked over to my bed.
He sat on the end of my bed, clutching my gifts to himself as if they were his lifeline. He exhaled a shaky breath before looking at me. “I fucked up, Claire. I thought by being an asshole to you at the house that it would make it all better. That you would retaliate in some way… But you never did. If anything, you still loved me. Even after all of the shit I put you through. God, I’m so sorry.”
“Brad,” I pleaded, hiding my face in my pillow.
“Claire, I know this is an asshole move. But do you think you could ever forgive me?”
I shrugged my shoulders, then looked up at him. “I don’t know, Brad. I really don’t.”
He looked so broken at that moment that even though he was the one that hurt me, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him. Going against my better judgment, I did just that. Taking the pillow out of my lap, I slid next to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, his head against my chest. The dreaded tears I thought I had cried out, overwhelmed me.
The roses and chocolates fell from his hands as his arms wrapped around me. We sat there, silently holding onto each other. As I was going to pull away, he lifted me, pulling me into his lap. His arms tightened around me. Just having this close of contact is too much to bear. Each second we’re like this, it feels like the gaping hole in my chest doubles its efforts in making me unfixable for anyone.
“I’m so fucking stupid. I had the most beautiful, loyal, caring woman in front of me, and I fucked it up,” he whispered against my chest.
“Yes, you did, but there’s nothing that can be done about it now.”
“Can I try to make it up to you?” His question surprised me. I laid a hand against his cheek. He turned into my touch and closed his eyes, a sigh falling from his lips.
“You can, but … you really hurt me, Brad.” Raising my hand, I hurriedly wipe the tears away. “I don’t know if I will ever be able to.”
We sat there in silence for a moment, before Brad’s head rises, his eyes meeting mine. “Why did you love me?”
Choking up, I forcibly reply, “Because you make me feel alive. You bring out a person in me I never knew was there before.”
“Claire … I know I fucked things up the last time but let me fix this. You have no obligations to do so because I was nothing more than a jerk to you. But let me try. I want us back.”
I looked deep into his eyes, seeing the desire and the love he still had for me swirling in the depths. It took all my willpower not to lean into him, to give him what we both wanted. But I could feel my control slipping with every second he was here in my room. While he was looking at me with those bedroom eyes, I was fighting an inner battle in my heart. So many things running through my mind.
Am I a fool to want this to work between us? Probably. Am I going to regret my decision? Most definitely. Does my heart understand a world without Brad in it? No.
I threw caution to the wind and went for it. Running my fingers through his hair, I crushed my lips to his. The action startled him for a second, before his tongue began caressing mine. He ran a hand up my back to my hair, holding me to him. This kiss was just like all the others we shared, completely mind blowing. I’d had my fair share of kisses, but his would always and forever trump them all. It felt like he was branding himself on my soul, so that no one else would be able to compare.
“Claire,” he groaned, shifting to where I laid underneath him on the bed.
He broke the kiss and began kissing down my jaw to my neck. I squirmed underneath him, his touch setting me on fire. Each caress of his hands, each kiss, taking me higher. His lips were like live wires against my skin.
I wasn’t sure if I was making a complete fool of myself, but right now I couldn’t care less. He was the one I wanted. Brad would always be the one I wanted. There could be no one else for me. And I hated myself with a passion. I needed to be strong, stand my ground with him. But the more he kissed and touched me, the more I felt my resolve slipping. Damn him.
“Brad …I want …” I gasped out, ruffling his hair. He broke his kiss from my neck and leaned back.
“What do you want, love?” He looked all over my face for his answer.
My eyes connected with his, a blush staining my cheeks. “You.”
The smile I haven’t seen for over a month, bloomed across his face. “Are you sure? We don’t have to do this.”
I nodded my head, leaning forward and briefly kissing his lips again. I unbuttoned his tux jacket and slipped it from his wide shoulders. “I’m sure.”
He leaned down to kiss me just as my mom’s voice came through the door. “Dinner’s ready, honey. Are you staying, Brad?”
He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I shot him a water smile in return. “Yes, he’s staying, Mom.” I took his mouth in another earth-shattering kiss. “Staying right where he belongs,” I whispered against his smiling lips.
CHAPTER FOUR
Prom was the next day. I couldn’t be more excited. Ever since the long talk we had in my bedroom two weeks ago, we have been planning our night of awesomeness. We didn’t get to do what we wanted to that night; and things kept coming up so we couldn’t be alone together. A few stolen kisses here, groping sessions there, was all we could get. But I was more determined than ever to be with Brad.
He didn’t mind not being able to be together like that; if anything, he was okay with just touching and caressing. It was like we were doing something forbidden, which in a sense we were. However, tomorrow night was going to be the night. A bunch of our friends were going to be throwing a party after prom was over. Underage drinking would be involved, so no parents were allowed. I didn’t know how they managed that, but I was thankful.
I was lost in my thoughts—doodling in my notebook—when the air in my room became charged. I smiled, knowing Brad was trying to get a one-up on me. There was one problem with his shenanigans: it never worked when you could feel the other person before they stepped into the room. I could barely hear his footsteps, like he was tiptoeing to keep me from hearing him. I waited until I was sure he was next to the bed before turning my chair and jumping on him.
He laughed when I flung my hands around his neck and peppered his face with kisses. Falling back onto the bed, he gripped my hips as I straddled him, feeling the erection he was currently sporting. If anything good came from those rumors, it was the fact that his dick was incredibly thick, or so it felt like it was.
“I can never get a one-up on you,” he chuckled, running his hands up and down my sides and hips.
“Feels like you can get one up just fine,” I seduced, slowly grinding myself against him.
He groaned, closing his eyes. In a pained voice he said, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Are you sure?” I purred, rubbing myself against him again.
His mouth opened as his breathing escalated. “Yes, very sure ...” His fingers gripped my hips hard as he gently thrust against me. “Although, I love how your mind works, beautiful.”
“Careful, sexiness. We
wouldn’t want to ruin tomorrow’s festivities, would we?” I grinned a devilish grin when he opened his eyes, pinning me with a lust-filled stare.
He reluctantly removed his hands from my hips, placing them under his head. “You know … I’m definitely willing to ruin them,” he chuckled.
I rolled my eyes, getting off of him. Going back over to my desk, I looked behind me as he adjusted himself in his pants. It didn’t matter how many times I saw him do that, it would never take the surprise away from how big he was. It took my breath away every time. He caught me looking and made a move of unbuttoning his pants, goading me. I snickered; two could play this game.
Turning around fully, I swayed my hips as I came between his spread thighs. Looking through my lashes, I kneeled in front of him. To say this whole thing wasn’t making me ache would be a damn lie. I was absolutely a puddle of need at his feet. We wouldn’t be able to go to the game without me taking a shower before we did. That was for sure. But I couldn’t resist teasing him a bit more. It was too much fun not to. I kept my eyes on his, watching the Adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat.
Leaning forward, I grazed my tongue along the zipper of his jeans. Taking it between my teeth, I started unzipping. I was careful not to snag it on his cock. Unlike regular guys, Brad opted to go commando. I didn’t really get it, but it was sexy nonetheless. I watched his eyes dilate until none of the blue was showing. He gulped and sucked in a shaky breath. Fluttering my eyelashes at him, I came forward and ran my tongue up the underside of his throbbing manhood.
At the first touch of my tongue, he threw his head back and moaned. His hands now clutched the sheets behind him. At any moment I was afraid they would rip under the pressure. Seeing him come unglued had me close to the edge already. This was the first time I’d been so brazen with my actions. I could tell that he was loving every second of it. And hell, so was I, seeing his head thrown back in ecstasy, his tongue running across his lips to wet them. It was orgasmic just watching it.
