by Lynne Curry
storm. Whenever she received legal paperwork, she heard in her head
the humming sound one hears before a tornado.
When Maura met Stuart for the first time, she quailed. He reeked of
outrage and self-righteousness. Astonished, she asked Ted, “What’s his
deal? Surely he knows his client stole from me.”
“He doesn’t care.”
“How could he not?”
“He only wants to win. Right doesn’t matter. In fact, it makes it a better
win for him because if he prevails he does so despite the odds.”
Several times Maura asked Ted if she should call off the suit: “It’s tak-
ing time and energy away from my business.” What Maura didn’t say
was that she’d been raised in a household in which her older brother
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126 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
had bul ied her from toddlerhood, and that fighting—even standing
up for herself—devastated her. As a girl, she’d never felt safe from her
brother, who seemed to want her gone. She’d learned to hide from him,
knowing that she was defenseless because her parents were in denial
about the situation.
REAL-WORLD TACTICS THAT WORK
If you face off against a scorcher, avoid providing him or her an excuse
to turn on you.
Tactic #1: Stay Under the Radar
In the short term, you may want to stay under the scorchers’ radar
by giving them the allegiance they desire. As long as you can do so
ethically, help them achieve their goals; in that way you won’t unleash
their rage.
Tactic #2: Protect Yourself; Document Everything
If a scorcher attacks you, don’t take it personally. Instead, protect
yourself by quickly leaving and documenting the behavior. Store your
documentation off-site. Ultimately, your documentation may prove
the scorcher’s undoing.
Tactic #3: Enlist the Help of Allies
If you are in a protected category because of your age, sex, race, reli-
gion, etc., and the scorched-earth bully crosses the line into actions
that harass you, seek legal counsel or the help of a state or federal
regulatory agency.
It generally takes an outside power to take out a scorcher. If you
work in a larger organization, or one governed by a board of direc-
tors, seek allies and mentors at a senior management level who can
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How to Handle a Scorched-Earth Fighter ❚ 127
help you. Show them what’s happening and what the scorcher costs
the organization to induce them to act. You’ll find guidance on how
to make a case to senior management in Chapter 23.
Tactic #4: If All Else Fails, Find Another Job (If Possible)
Meanwhile, protect yourself and your career; look elsewhere for a job
where you can excel in a company that offers a good work environ-
ment and fair treatment.
Tactic #5: Whatever You Decide, Emerge a Winner
Maura met with me and invited me to a meeting with her attorney
to discuss her situation. She’d faced several grueling depositions and
countless requests for documentation entailing copious amounts of
business records to prove she’d created and owned the material her
former employee had pirated.
MAURA FELT DRAINED and ready to drop her lawsuit. Her attorney argued,
despite Stuart’s fiery bluster, that Maura had both right and the law on her
side. He also told her that Stuart had filed a nasty countersuit, which, if she dropped her suit, might result in Maura paying money to El iott.
I knew Maura’s personal history and what it cost her to endure
this legal firestorm. I told her I wanted her to emerge the victor, what-
ever decision she made, whether that meant dropping her lawsuit or
proceeding with it, and winning, or, if she lost, winning because she
had stood up for herself.
In our meeting, I asked Maura what spiritual base she relied on.
To our surprise, she, Ted, and I learned we all described ourselves as
born-again Christians.
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128 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
With their permission, I quoted three sections from the Bible:
Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us? Who can do
anything to me? He is my rock”; Ephesians 6:14, “Stand your ground,
putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteous-
ness”; and John 8:32, “And the truth will set you free.”
I explained what I told others in workplace battles with scorched-
earth bullies: that they might lack the firepower to defeat these bullies
by themselves and might be best off leaving the field of battle, unless
they could bring additional firepower to bear. Generally, this meant
enlisting aid from a senior executive, the chief executive officer, the
HR director, or the board of directors.
I said the decision was Maura’s, and that she appeared to have
a committed and competent attorney, a just cause, and her faith on
her side. I added that I’d support her no matter what, and suggested
that she consider what it would mean to her if she could transform the
baggage of fear she’d carried from childhood.
Maura called both her attorney and me the next day to say,
“Game on.”
At trial, Stuart attacked her mercilessly. Maura practiced
breathing, alternate focus, and putting on her game face (see Chap-
ters 5 and 6). She later told me that these strategies carried her
through her initial morning testimony and the first three afternoon
hours of Stuart’s cross-examination. It also helped that her attorney
and a best friend had helped her rehearse how to answer attacking
questions.
As the afternoon cross-examination dragged on, Maura said she
felt herself melting down; she began to see an image of her brother
standing immediately behind Stuart. “It was as if they became one
and I was going back in time. I could feel myself lose my train of
thought. I kept sipping water and trying to breathe, but nothing was
working. I felt that familiar defenseless feeling.”
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How to Handle a Scorched-Earth Fighter ❚ 129
DURING THE FINAL moments of cross-examination, Stuart asked Maura
a crucial question, which, if she flubbed it, might lose her the case.
Maura appeared to freeze; stuttering, she gave a confusing answer.
When it seemed to Ted that all was lost, the judge leaned over and said,
“Ms. Luden, do you mean to say _ ?”
Ted said that in that moment he felt a courtroom miracle take place
in front of his eyes. Maura turned toward the judge, nodded, and said,
“Yes, that’s exactly what I meant to say.”
Stuart reared up to his full height, standing immediately in front
of Maura, and shouted out his question again. In response, Maura
answered, “What the judge just said.”
Furious, Stuart sat down and muttered angrily, “No further questions
for this witness.”
In the judge’s ruling, he described Maura’s testimony as credible and
her former employee’s version as “not so credible.” The judge referred
the matter to mediation. The result: Her former employee paid all Mau-
ra’s legal bil s and agreed he would no longer use her materials.
Like Maura, you may discover you need more firepower than
you possess to defeat a scorcher. In Maura’s case, she had a commit-
ted attorney, the judge, and faith in God aiding her. Even a scorcher
attorney realizes that judges rule the courtroom. Regardless of the
outcome, if you stand up for yourself, you may win the fight even if
you appear to lose it. By taking a stand or making the decision, “I
can leave this job,” you overcome the fear you were carrying. If this
happens, the scorcher has done you a favor.
Your Turn: Where Are You Now?
If you have not encountered a scorcher, imagine what it
would be like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions
accordingly.
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130 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
1. Have you dealt with a scorcher? In what ways did the
scorcher threaten you?
2. How did the scorcher’s behavior affect you? What led you
either to do battle with the bul y or to back down?
3. What tactics (Chapter 9) did your scorcher employ?
4. What traps (Chapter 7), if any, did you fall into?
5. How did the scorcher’s behavior affect others, and how did
they act around the bul y?
6. Maura initial y gave El iott several chances. What led her
to do so? Do you believe that El iott was a bul y, and that
Maura fell into bul y trap #1, denial?
7. In your real-life situation, how did the scorcher’s behavior
affect morale and productivity?
8. What did you and others do to cope? What worked? What
didn’t?
9. Do you currently fear retaliation from a scorcher? If so, cre-
ate objective documentation outlining what’s occurring
and store your notes off-site. By objectively recording the
facts, you move them from your head onto paper where
you can look at them more objectively.
You’ll also have the ammunition you may need. Effective
documentation gives only the facts, without your subjective
statements or emotions. If you write the facts correctly, any-
one who reads them draws the same conclusions you do.
10. What actions did Maura take that led to her eventual
success?
11. Have you ever been in a bul y battle in which your personal
history rose up and made it even harder to handle the situa-
tion? What did you learn from that?
12. What are your thoughts about the ways in which facing
down a bul y al ows you to transform old fear baggage?
13. What advice would you give to someone who faces a
scorcher?
American Management Association • www.amanet.org
14
DEFUSING THE SILENT GRENADE
The most courageous act is still to think
for yourself. Aloud.
—COCO CHANEL
MIKE COWED MOST of his staff. He also knew how to handle
those like Mitch who fought back reactively. In Cynthia, he met
his match.
A tal , African American woman, Cynthia waved off those who
warned her against coming to work for Mike. “He flies into rages,” they
said. “It’s like working in a prison camp.”
“I’ve raised four sons, all of whom thought they were God’s gift to
women,” replied Cynthia. “I know how to deal with aggressive, entitled
bul ies.”
Mike didn’t appear to notice Cynthia during her first two weeks on the
job. She observed how her coworkers cowered when Mike approached,
but he left Cynthia alone. In her third week, during an al -staff meeting,
Mike asked Cynthia a question about a report she’d prepared. Those
listening knew Mike’s question meant he didn’t like the report’s conclu-
sions. Neither did he like Cynthia’s answers. “Are you sure?” he yel ed,
starting to froth at his mouth.
“Oh, boy,” muttered a man seated next to Cynthia. “Just offer to
recheck your math.”
Cynthia stared back at Mike. “I am sure. I wouldn’t submit something
I wasn’t sure of.”
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132 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
“You get your big, fat, black ass back to your desk after the meeting
and check it again. I don’t expect to see numbers like this!”
“My what? What did you say about my body?”
“Your fat, black ass!” Mike screamed, losing control total y.
On her lunch hour, Cynthia visited the Human Rights Commission and
filed a formal complaint. She identified nine witnesses to Mike’s verbal
attack, stressing that he’d screamed “black ass” twice at her. Cynthia
told the commission that no other African American employees worked
for Mike.
Mike flew into a rage when he received the commission’s paper-
work in the mail. Moments later, the commission’s investigator cal ed
him to schedule a conversation. Mike blasted the investigator, yelling,
“I’ll call her anything I d--- well want to!” Mike immediately fired Cyn-
thia, cal ing her an entitled b---- and saying she’d rue the day she had
met him. Cynthia then amended her complaint to include a charge of
retaliation.
Hefty legal bil s and the commission’s formal ruling against Mike con-
vinced him that while he ruled his company, he didn’t rule the regulatory
agency. The commission didn’t consider Mike’s equal y bad treatment
of Caucasians and men a defense of the sexist and racist language he’d
aimed at Cynthia. The commission’s formal ruling ordered Mike to attend
a four-hour discrimination, retaliation, and diversity training session and
to pay Cynthia $10,000.
Although those who continued working for Mike feared he’d take his
fury out on them, they noticed the reverse. Mike would start yel ing, then
catch himself, reconsider his words, and look around furtively to see who
was watching.
Silent grenades (grenades) like Mike feel they’re a breed apart
from ordinary people. They rule because others fear their tirades and
aren’t sure what might set off the next explosion. When others deny
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Defusing the Silent Grenade ❚ 133
grenades the power and control they insist on as rightly theirs, they
rage; sometimes they appear crazed enough to do anything
Those who work for or around grenades monitor everything they
say or do to avoid triggering an explosion. Grenade bosses employ a
reign-of-terror management style. Those around them soon learn that
reason or other efforts to calm grenades fail because past relationships
and logic mean little to these tyrants. Because grenades delight in
dominating any arena they occupy and lack a conscience, they prove
exceptionally fierce opponents.
HOW TO PERMANENTLY SILENCE SILENT GRENADES
Grenades rule by intimidation. If you fear them and cower, you play
their game and they w
in. If you fight, you again play their game, and
they have more experience playing it than you.
What works? Standing up to them. Grenades lose sight of the fact
that laws, regulatory agencies, and senior managers who take a clear
look at what’s going on rule the day—not the grenade.
In Cynthia, Mike had met a force larger than himself. Give a
silent grenade an inch out of fear and he becomes your ruler. Monitor
yourself and you create an uneasy stalemate yet work in fear. Docu-
ment what the grenade is doing and find a regulatory body or a senior
manager willing to step in, and you have a strategy that can work to
silence your grenade.
Your Turn: Where Are You Now?
If you have not encountered a silent grenade, imagine what
it would be like if you had, and answer the fol owing questions
accordingly.
1. Have you dealt with a silent grenade? What cues warned
you of an imminent explosion?
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134 ❚ BEATING THE WORKPLACE BULLY
2. What tactics (Chapter 9) did your grenade use?
3. How did the grenade’s behavior affect you? What led you
to do or not do battle with that grenade?
4. Did you fall into any bul y traps (Chapter 7)?
5. How did the grenade’s behavior affect others and how did
they act around the grenade?
6. How did the grenade’s behavior affect morale and
productivity?
7. What do you wish your organization’s senior management
had done? What did they do? If they didn’t act, what was
the result of their inaction?
8. What did you do to cope? What did others do to cope?
9. If you currently feel threatened by a grenade, start your
documentation, and file it off-site. Chapter 22 outlines how
to write effective documentation and how to bring informa-
tion forward to upper management.
1 0. What worked? What didn’t?
11. What will you do differently in the future if you encounter
a grenade?
12. What advice would you give to someone facing a
grenade?
American Management Association • www.amanet.org
15
SEEING THROUGH THE SHAPE-
SHIFTING MR. HYDE
Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes
