They didn’t believe me when I said we really didn't have one, to be completely honest.
I began spending more time in front of the full-length mirror in my bedroom, wondering what kind of flaw I had. Surely there wasn’t anything wrong with my body. I was average. I went for long walks for exercise, or if the weather was bad, I did the stationary bike in my apartment. And he’d confessed to always wanting to date me, from the time I’d interviewed with him. So it couldn’t be me, could it?
That meant the problem was with him. Was he gay? No, when he kissed me and pulled me close, I could feel the hardness of his lust. He wanted me, but he wasn’t doing anything about it.
At the office one morning, a gorgeous woman walked in. Without stopping at Nate’s desk, she walked straight into Kale’s office. I scurried over to Nate. “Who is that?” I asked.
“You don’t recognize her?”
“No…should I?”
“Remember that woman he dated for awhile? Kacy, or Krista…”
“Kendall?” I asked.
“That’s the one.”
He looked past me toward Kale’s door, and I turned to follow his gaze. Kale’s door was closed.
Anger pulsed through me. He would never close the door when I was in his office with him. Even if we were just discussing work projects, he didn’t want anyone to suspect us of anything unprofessional. Ha, unprofessional. The man hadn’t done much more than kiss me and touch my breasts.
“It’s okay, Angie,” Nate said. “You want a coffee or anything?”
“No.” I knew I was pouting, but I couldn’t help it. Nate found an extra swivel chair and I camped out at his desk with him, waiting for Kendall to leave Kale’s office.
When she finally did, her cheeks were reddened, full of the color of passion. It was all I could do to stay in my seat and let her leave without going after her.
*
That night, Kale and I had a date. Since the Kendall fiasco, I’d decided to trust him. He wouldn’t have been so insensitive as to have sex with his ex-girlfriend, in his office, with his current girlfriend not twenty feet away.
But the best way to reassure myself would be getting him to have sex with me.
Instead of my regular white bra and panties, I put on black lace. Maybe the problem was I needed to set some kind of mood, even on a subconscious level. He couldn’t see the black lace, but I knew it was there, and it would be a subliminal invitation to sex.
Kale picked me up and I thought, yet again, that I should just be brave and ask him why we hadn’t made love. Was it the right thing to say? How could I even bring it up?
It was a quiet ride in the car, which was unusual. Kale and I always talked a lot. I looked over at him as he drove. He didn't have a smile on his face, his eyes were straight forward, and his hands were clenched to the wheel.
Suddenly, I realized it. He was going to break up with me. Kendall wanted to get back together with him—that’s why she’d come to the office today. They were going to get back together and Kale would dump me. Maybe that was why he hadn’t had sex with me—maybe, all along, I’d been a ploy to make Kendall jealous.
I felt sick. Kale stared resolutely at the road in front of us, like he couldn’t bear to look at me.
Finally, I couldn’t stand the quiet anymore. If he was going to break up with me, he may as well do it now in the car, and not at some restaurant in front of a bunch of strangers.
“Kale,” I said. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled.
“Kale,” I said, “This isn’t nothing.”
Suddenly, he pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the car. He punched the steering wheel, and I jerked back in my seat, startled. When he pulled his hand back for another punch, I grabbed his arm. “Kale, talk to me now,” I demanded.
“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he said, his voice rough.
“Please look at me,” I said.
His eyes were full of worry and fury. In all the years I had worked for him, I’d never seen this expression on his face.
“Kendall had a child and didn't tell me.”
I looked at him, not quite comprehending his words, and touched the back of my hand to his cheek. “Is it yours?” I asked.
“She says the girl is mine, and in all honesty, I believe her.”
It took me a minute to process everything. If I was this confused, he must be even more confused. “She…so she had a girl. You…have a daughter. Um, how old is she?”
His voice shook with emotion. “Four.”
I weakly smiled because if I didn't, I was going to cry. This wasn't going to be easy for either of us, but I couldn't let the child suffer without a father. Every girl needs a father growing up, or a father figure.
“When did you find out?” I asked.
“Today,” he said. “Kendall came to the office.”
“I know,” I said. “I saw her. I thought…since you weren’t having sex with me, that maybe you’re having sex with her.”
“Oh Ang, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think of how it would all look to you.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay. You’re understandably distracted.”
He pulled me into his arms. “I think you’re the hottest, sexiest woman I’ve ever met. I just didn’t want to rush things with you. I wanted to do everything right.”
I nodded. “And now you have a daughter.”
“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I said quietly. “Do you think you could take me home?”
I hated the sorrow that came over his face, but I needed time to think, I needed to process everything that I’d learned.
“Of course,” he said.
*
In the comfort of my tiny apartment, I peeled off my dress and put a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt over my black lace lingerie. So much for subliminal sex messages—my boyfriend was a dad. It wasn’t too much. I knew I loved Kale, but going so many weeks without having sex with him, only to find out he had a kid with some other woman—my self-esteem was officially shattered.
I fell into bed with His Mistress’s Arms, relishing every scene where the king inevitably put his foot in his mouth and drove the poor heroine further and further away. With my red pen in hand, I marked up the passages, whittling them down before building them up again, identifying weaknesses the author could excise, and the strengths she could exploit.
*
The next day I went into the office, clutching His Mistress’s Arms to my chest underneath my rain coat. This book had come everywhere with me, and soon I’d be able to send it back to the author.
Kale’s office door was open, and I could hear him inside, talking to someone on the phone. I scurried into my own office and shut the door behind me. Today it was just me and the lovesick king.
At lunch, the king and I were interrupted by a knock at the door. Before I could answer, Kale let himself in. “I have to talk to you, Angie,” he said, his voice raw.
I sat up in my chair. “What is it?”
“I can’t—I’m just, I don’t know how to talk about my emotions. My father always told me to hold things in. So I’m not used to this. And I know you’re not used to this, either, the whole surprise with me having a daughter. But it would mean a lot…”
He trailed off, and violently wiped at his eyes with his thumbs. I stood up and walked over to him, wrapping my arms around him. But I didn’t speak; I wanted him to be allowed to say what he needed to say.
“It would mean a lot,” he said, “if you would come with me tonight to meet my daughter.”
*
Just like the night before, Kale and I rode in silence. At least this time I knew why we weren’t talking.
“I feel like I don’t belong here, with you, going to meet her,” I murmured.
“You don’t have to,” he rushed to say. “Do you want to go home? I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”
Coming with him tonight w
as the last thing I wanted to do, but again I thought of that little girl. “Kale, listen to me. Nothing else could be more important than this, and I want to support you in whatever way is best. If you want, I can come with you. Or you can take me home and go alone. But I think you should meet your daughter.”
He nodded curtly. “I still want you to come, if you’re willing.”
We drove down a street lined with perfect little houses guarded by perfect little yards. Kale knocked on the door, and a man with a five o’clock shadow let us in.
“Are you Kale?” he asked. Not waiting for an answer, he turned to me. “Who are you?”
Kendall came rushing to his side. “It’s all right Gabe, I got this.” She stopped, seeing me there, as if she wasn't expecting me either.
Again I felt like everything was off, like I didn’t belong in this situation.
“Well,” Kale said, running a hand through his hair. “I'm here.”
Kendall’s eyes shifted to Kale. “I see that,” she said. “Come on in.”
I nudged Kale with my elbow. “Sorry,” he said, grimacing. “Kendall, this is Angie, my girlfriend.”
Despite how completely messed up this situation was, my heart did a happy leap at hearing him call me his girlfriend. I just wish I knew if I was here because I was that special to him, or because he was a total chicken about meeting his kid.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Kendall said graciously, shaking my hand.
I wondered if she felt mine tremble in hers, because she added, “You’re very welcome here. Please, come in.”
I stepped inside after Kale, taking in my surroundings. The home was simple, but furnished richly, in warm browns and creams. The bright spots of color came from numerous toys and play tables. Two little boys sat on the rug in the room off to the side, a pile of Duplo in front of them.
“Nadia,” Kendall called, walking ahead of us into the living room. A little girl with curly brown hair and Kale's eyes came running down the stairs. She stopped at the last of the stairs and looked at both Kale and me.
Kendall moved to Nadia and smoothed her hair. “Remember when I told you that you had a different daddy then Casper and Kai?” Kendall asked, kissing her forehead.
Nadia nodded, looking at Kale only now. She didn't seem to be afraid of him, just stunned that he was standing in front of her. Kale knelt down on in front of Nadia, a soft smile on his face. I loved the way he was looking at her, he wasn't looking at her with regret or anger, but as a father would look at any daughter.
Nadia stayed close to Kendall. I didn't blame the poor girl. Kale put his hand out in front of him for her to reach out to. Nadia seemed hesitant at first, but she finally reached out, and her small hand fit in Kale’s palm. He closed his hand on hers with a soft smile on his face. Suddenly, Nadia hopped forward and hugged Kale tight, and I could see the excitement in Kale's face. He hugged her back and kissed the top of her forehead.
Nadia let go of him, asking, “Why are you just now coming to see me?”
Kale's face changed to that intensity he always wore at the office, and he looked towards Kendall.
Kendall spoke before anyone. “It’s Mommy’s fault, baby,” Kendall smiled lightly. “Your father is a good man, and he's always been here for you, but Mommy was being selfish and didn't want you to see him.”
“Mommy, you’re never selfish,” Nadia replied. “Is Gabe still going to be my daddy, too?”
“Yes,” Kale said. “It’s okay to have two dads.”
“It is?”
“Yes,” Kendall replied.
Kale smiled, his green eyes sparkling. “Nadia, I’m so very glad to meet you and be your daddy. I have to go now, but I’d like to come back soon, as soon as your mommy says it’s okay, okay?”
Nadia nodded solemnly, and I stood off to the side, a spectator in this bizarre family reunion.
*
In the car, I replayed the meeting over and over. Why had I even come? Kale hadn’t needed me, and he’d even forgotten to introduce me. I knew he was distracted—it couldn’t be easy to find out suddenly that he was a father—but I didn’t see where I’d fit into this whole thing. I was the girlfriend, a title that didn’t seem glorified enough to be doing the “we’re figuring out how our family will work” dance.
“Are you okay?” Kale asked, interrupting my thoughts.
We’d arrived at my apartment complex, and I hadn’t even noticed. “I’m fine.”
“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?” he said.
“Yeah, it is. Kale, I care about you more than I can even say. But I’m going to need some time to think things over.”
He took my hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed my fingers. “I understand,” he said, his voice hollow. “Take all the time you need.”
*
I threw myself into work. I was a slave to my computer, doing lightning quick editing on the nonfiction titles on my list, as well as the odd novel. Nothing else mattered except saving enough time at the end of each day for working on His Mistress’s Arms. The author’s agent had been in touch, antsy for news, and I gave her a curt response: Still working like crazy on this, but the edits will be worth it. I had all the faith in my editing abilities. It was just my love life I was unsure about.
I could hear Kale go into his office every day, I could hear the gentle snick of his door closing when he wanted to concentrate, and I could identify the rhythm and tone of his footsteps on the hall floor as he walked in and out. Every day, he left for a long lunch, which was unusual. Had he met someone else? Had I been so easily replaced? The thought filled me with a cold fury.
After two weeks of his long lunches, I couldn’t stand it anymore. As soon as I heard his footsteps go down the hall, I followed him, taking three flights of stairs down so he wouldn’t see me at the elevators.
He didn’t take a car, but instead walked. There was a chill in the late October air, and I pulled my cardigan closer around me, wishing I’d brought my coat. My heels, too, weren’t up to the trek, but at this point I was driven by something stronger than pain—I was driven by a breaking heart.
Kale’s long strides kept him well in front of me, so there was no risk he’d see me following, especially not with the crowds on the sidewalks. I narrowly missed running into a food cart because I was looking at him instead of where I was going. Suddenly, he turned to the left and went up a set of stone stairs and into a tall stone building. Was this where his new girlfriend lived, or maybe where she worked? I got closer to the building until I could read the sign: NYC Montessori Preschool.
As I stared at the sign in wonder, the doors opened in front of me, and out stepped Kale, holding the hand of…Nadia.
Of course. I wanted to kick myself for all of my suspicions and jealousy.
“Angie?” Kale said, confusion in his voice. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, I was…just out for a walk. Needed to get my blood pumping. Hi, Nadia. It’s nice to see you again.” Nicer than she’d ever know, because the relief that she wasn’t a woman with her claws sunk into my boyfriend’s hide was so immense I couldn’t stand it.
Kale cleared his throat. “There’s a hot dog vendor up the block. Nadia and I were going to get some lunch. Would you like to join us?”
“Oh, no, thank you,” I said. “I should, uh, get back to the office.”
My face felt like it was on fire. Turning, I rushed back the way I’d come.
*
Back at my desk, I slipped off my heels and tried to concentrate on work. I felt like the biggest idiot, chasing after Kale and thinking he’d been seeing someone else. Of course he was spending time with Nadia—he’d just met her for heaven’s sake. I picked up His Mistress’s Arms and scanned the pages. The words blurred as my eyes filled with tears. Why couldn’t I believe that Kale wanted me? He wanted me in his life, and I kept looking for ways that I didn’t belong, instead of looking for ways that I did belong.
Wiping my eyes, I read over the editoria
l letter I’d compiled for the author. Everything was here. My notes in the margin, my overall notes in the letter. The book was ready to be edited, and I was hanging on to it, waiting for perfection.
Perfection would never come. I was doing the best I can on my end, and I knew this author would do her best, too. I dug in a drawer for an envelope and slid the manuscript inside, then took the package to Nate’s desk. “Mail this for me?” I asked.
“Oh, is it finally time to let this one go?” His eyes glinted with amusement.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes, it finally is.”
Kale walked in just then, a tiny smear of ketchup on his collar, no doubt left there by Nadia. If I hadn’t seen him with her, would I have believed the ketchup to be lipstick? I turned, hiding my face from him.
“Angie, my office, now,” he said, his voice cool with authority.
Nate gave me a questioning look, and I shook my head, shrugging. Kale wasn’t waiting for me, though; he’d already walked ahead with his powerful stride, so I followed behind, wondering what he’d say. Would he break up with me? Fire me? I couldn’t believe he’d put me out of a job—he wasn’t ruthless.
Whatever he wanted, I’d face it like a woman. Squaring my shoulders, I entered his office.
“Close the door, Angie,” he said.
So he was no longer worried about what others would think of us being in here with the door closed. Now I knew for sure—he was going to break up with me.
As soon as I closed the door, though, he rushed forward and took me in his arms, crushing my lips to his. Surprised, I didn’t even allow myself to think. I kissed him back, pouring all of the heartache and longing I’d been feeling into our kiss.
He slid my cardigan from my shoulders and fumbled with the buttons on my top. “Kale?”
“I love you, Angie, and I want to show you now. Please, let me show you.”
“But…what about being here? What will people think?”
“I don’t care anymore, if you don’t care.”
In answer, I kissed him again, and when he leaned me against the edge of his desk, I decided then and there that this was my perfection. This was my life, with this man, and everything that came with him.
ROMANCE: Billionaire Romance: Tantalizing Temptation (New Adult, Short Stories, Billionaire Romance, Contemporary BBW Romance) Page 2
