by W. Ferraro
A single tear rolled down her cheek, and the last of his composure threatened to crack.
He thought she wouldn’t answer. He deserved to have his question hang between them.
You deserve the noose your disloyalty caused.
But his Molly would never be that cruel.
She would never believe something in her gut and with one bad word throw it all away.
No, that fault remains on your shoulders.
“No! I’ve only slept with one man in my life and that was after I married him.”
String me up!
“How senseless could I have been?” Hunter scolded. He hung his head in shame and disbelief, dropping his hands because he no longer deserved the privilege.
All the years that have passed and all the pain and anguish was for nothing. Hunter didn’t know if he should scream, cry, wail, or beg for forgiveness.
All were probabilities yet all seemed insufficient.
What kind of man knew exactly what he wanted and then when so close to seeing it through, threw it away so easily?
“A different guy every other day . . . not coming back to the dorm room at night . . . having fun and enjoying college life . . . going to some island with a couple of guys . . . she entered looking so haunted.”
Hunter didn’t even question it. The thought never even occurred for him to do so. Instead, he internalized the news and saw red. He was so angry that she hadn’t saved herself for him—he just snapped. For a night that he had waited for three years to finally arrive, he was doing deeds one hour later with a girl he didn’t know to deal with the broken heart he had just endured.
Take off your clothes . . . open your legs for me . . . you want to be fucked, don’t you?
Shame blanketed him and he felt its weight all the way down through his soul.
“God, Molly! I don’t know what to say . . . do you want me to leave?”
There was anger and hurt evident on her face, but he also saw when something shifted on her face.
It was not an expression of judgment of spite but rather of exoneration.
She answered with a small shake of her head.
He not only ruined thing for himself, but he failed her and the devotion of love he’d silently pledged to her during his teenage years.
Considering she hadn’t thrown him out or slapped his face, he felt certain that she would give him redemption if he asked, just as he knew he would be cowardly and demand it. He didn’t deserve her. He wasn’t worthy of her, yet he found himself willing to cling to any small morsel she would throw his way.
“No words can explain the shame and self-loathing I feel.”
Then she did what she should not have but he was so grateful she did—she reached for him, gently cupping his cheek.
He leaned in, allowing his rough cheek to rub against such softness.
Soon, she was soothing him, offering appeasement as she consoled his rioting emotions.
He didn’t deserve her kindness, but he so desperately latched onto it. It was the only constant in a world where reality had been flipped upside down and inside out.
“Oh Molly, I don’t even know where to begin. I owe you so much, yet all I can do is continue to operate in a way that is nothing short of selfish.”
He did the most selfish thing he could think of, he pressed his lips to hers.
He deserved the slap that should have come.
Instead, she remained rigid for a moment before softening and granting him the privilege he was too cowardly to ask for.
So many emotions were rolled into this kiss, and he honestly couldn’t tell you if he meant it to be sweet, seductive, apologetic, mercy-filled, or a last resort. All was true, but all were part of this first attempt to undo the domino effect of the mistake he made that wrecked both their lives.
And it was absolutely brilliant.
It was better than he had ever experienced and better than he had ever thought possible; it was as if he was touching the sun. Her lips were soft and welcoming, never questioning, just following his lead. He tilted his head slightly and silently begged for entrance. She permitted, and he swept his tongue inward and knew her taste would never leave his tongue. She was coy and sweet yet hot and distinctive. Molly’s kiss was perfection. All he dreamed and envisioned never even came close to its reality.
It is your own damn fault you are closing in on forty, and you are just experiencing the epitome of a true wonder on Earth.
He felt like he could kiss her forever, and he wasn’t sure if he had when he knew he owed her words, something to the effect of, “I’m a coward and the worst excuse for a man,” but even now with new mental light, he continued to be greedy and couldn’t break away from her or their kiss. He tried to be gently but with each passing moment, he knew his aggression was beginning to show. Not only for the years he had been robbed but also for the sheer pleasure he was deriving from this one act.
Before too soon, Molly placed her hand on his chest pushing lightly against his sternum. Ending the kiss was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do.
But considering it was the most humble of prices, he could pay.
Somewhere along their kiss, his hands moved to hold her precious face. He couldn’t bear to let go so he leaned his forehead against hers as if he was subliminally saying the words his tongue seemed too cowardly to say.
“Hunter . . .” she breathed.
“Shh . . . Beautiful, I know . . . I need to . . .” he attempted over and over, but the continuation of one thought was just too much for him to handle.
“Your kiss was nice.” She blushed giving him yet another reprieve.
I should plead and grovel at her feet. Something to show her that whatever penance I am given will not only never be enough but too kind for the likes of me.
Yet all he could do was smile at her understatement of what was sure to have been the earth moving.
Perpetually the peacemaker, he was not even worthy to be in her presence let alone be this intimate.
He owed her so much—sonnets and poetry—yet all he could come up with was sarcasm. “Nice? Beautiful, there are a lot of words that are a hell of a lot better than nice to describe our first kiss which has been twenty years in the making and just as long overdue.”
She bit her lower lip in response, and he felt it straight behind his zipper.
He stepped away to get space and perspective, all the while realizing he no longer could function without some sort of physical connection with her.
Realizing your life should have taken another path will have the effect on a person. Especially when the reason it veered so horribly off course was because of a believed lie.
But now was the time to begin the long road of trying to put into words what she should have heard an era ago.
He took off his suit coat, throwing it over the closest chair. He reached for her hands and said a silent prayer when she didn’t pull away. He walked her over to the corner seat at the counter. Once she was seated, he stood so close that she couldn’t look anywhere but at him.
As patient as ever, Molly didn’t say a word, she just waited for him to begin.
“I was so jealous of the years that separated us. But I was raised that some things just could not be preyed upon. Age difference, especially in teenage years, was one of them. I respected you enough not to pressure you, but it couldn’t stop me from seeking you out. You were always so happy and a breath of fresh air. I was drawn to you and once I admitted to it, I didn’t see anyone else. I didn’t want to see anyone else. So much that staging spontaneous coincidences became a part of my daily activities. How the ugly green-eyed monster became my constant companion.” He smiled in an embarrassed way but forged on. “It went to such an extreme of me being jealous of Reed because you two shared a honest friendship that I feared daily would change into something more. He got to be in your presence every day while I had to settle for distance and the shadows.” His voice showed honest regret. Molly just squeezed
his hand, and that small gestured showed him so much. “Reed shared your smiles and heard your laughter. He got to study with you in the quiet of the library and he got to walk with you home from school because you were both going the same way.” Hunter feared his words weren’t making any sense, yet she needed to know the depth of feeling he had for her then. “I wanted it to be me. I wanted to know that I had a right to hold your hand, to steal kisses during the bonfires or in a private moment over there in the back booth. I just kept telling myself that I just needed to wait until you graduated. Then I could confess how I felt. However, it never seemed to be the right time, and then you had left for school suddenly. I knew then when you came home from break, I would make sure I was here. I can’t even explain to you how many times I got in my car at Yale with all intention to drive to Boston to see you. I had even gotten pretty close a couple of times with what I considered a witty reason to tell you why I was there, but each time I was afraid of what you would say. I decided that Spring Break was it. I had it all worked out, and I was more nervous than I would ever care to admit. But then . . .”
“It went to shit.” Molly’s description was short and sweet and completely perfect in explanation.
Birds of a feather.
“I’m so sorry, Molly. Sorry seems so small in comparison to what I owe you. I don’t deserve the chance I so desperately am begging for. I know. You would be completely right to tell me where to stick my cap. But, please, I’m begging you, give me a chance to make this right. Give me a chance to show you how it should have been. I should have never doubted the person I knew you to be. The person I was completely infatuated with then.”
She had moved and hadn’t attempted to say anything.
Fear began to climb up his spine, when he didn’t think he could endure another agonizing moment he whispered, “Say something . . .”
He searched her unchanging face, willing to give anything for just a glimpse in her head, but then she spoke and he knew how lucky of a bastard he truly was.
“I thought it was because . . . never mind.” Molly eyes finally diverted at her blush.
“Tell me,” he begged. He placed his finger under her chin bringing her attention back to him.
He wasn’t going to go another moment without her.
“I thought it was because you only considered me just Molly,” she trembled.
Oh, beautiful, how could you ever doubt yourself in such a way?
Hypocrisy at its finest, Dennison.
The time for self-revulsion was not now. Now was the time to clear up any doubts she’d ever had.
“You were never just Molly. You had a piece of my heart then, even when you didn’t know it.”
“This is such a mess.” Molly got up and paced. He followed her afraid she would bolt.
“I know it is and I’m telling you I will find out why she . . .”
Molly turned and raised her hand to stop his flow of words. She wrapped her arms around herself and let out a deep sigh, avoiding looking at him.
And he felt it like a physical blow.
“Look Hunter, I’m not an idiot. I can read between the lines. Let’s not try to figure that part out, let’s just focus on going forward. You mentioned something about wanting to be my friend.”
Panic overtook him at that one word.
He would be lucky to call her friend, but that was the furthest from his intended goal.
“Friendship is not what I want.”
“It is really nice to hear you say that,” Molly answered with a smile that was sure to melt even the most solid of stones.
The panic that was so solid a moment ago suddenly began to evaporate. Replaced with a feeling that was once his most loyal friend; hope.
This is what I’ve waited for my whole life.
He slowly and tentatively stepped closer to her until he stood so close that her scent surrounded him and he could see the spray of freckles on her nose clearly.
“I can say a lot of nice things, but I’d rather show you what I consider nice.” Hunter leaned in to kiss her again, but stopped and moved his head back slightly before asking, “Friendship only, is that what you want?”
Even if her wishes crushed him, he would abide by them.
Her silence felt like a life sentence being handed down as if all he could hear was the ticking of the old clock on the wall each second passing with another click of the hand.
“No, I want this.” She wrapped her hands around his waist, where he welcomed her with open arms. “My inner fifteen-year-old is getting to act on her crush. Now tell me a girl who wouldn’t jump at such a chance.”
Dennison, process her words slowly. Maybe then you will be able to understand them.
“You mean?”
“I mean, my dreams were the same as yours, even when you were being all righteous.” She stood up on tiptoes and placed a kiss on his lips before saying, “I suppose we should finally get to it.”
Now it was his turn to blush.
“Thank God! I’ve been waiting decades.”
Hunter wrapped his arms around Molly, bringing her slight body even closer to his. She fit perfectly and it felt so right. He looked at her eyes, wanting to see a smidge of the same level of want that was reflecting in his, and it was granted. He bent her backward just a bit as his hands took liberties. They settled at her waist but soon became impatient, extending his fingers so they brushed against her ass. He could feel the rigid points beneath her blouse press into him and he wanted to moan. But then she raised her arms, letting her hands settle on his shoulders before slowly sliding them around to the back of his neck. There, her fingers tickled the spot where skin met hairline and he was sure one of his legs was going to start to shake in reaction.
Finally, he lowered his mouth the scant inch that separated the two. Her upturned face not only accepted his silent request but also made one of her own.
This time there was no gentleness, just hot demanding arousal. His tongue swept in and insisted on the dance that she was eager to share. Each scraping the other with their teeth, both were caught up in the sensuality of the moment. Hunter walked her backward so her back rested against the counter. He pulled his arms away from her derriere, which was no easy feat, and gripped the counter for strength that if he faltered he knew would result in him taking off her clothes.
That was how in over his head he was. One taste of Molly and he regressed back to Neanderthal status.
“Molly, you taste better than I ever could have imagined,” he murmured as his lips took a detour to her neck. One of the two places he sought to taste most.
His lips easily found her pulse point, and her skin was soft and her life beat tickled his lips. His tongue licked a trail from just below her ear down to where her neck and shoulder met. She smelled like the vanilla scent that always clung to her, but here it was stronger and he reveled in it. Tempted to mark her for the sheer masculinity of it, he found the strength to refrain as his lips memorized every inch of her sexy throat.
The expectation paled in comparison.
By the time he returned to her eager lips, he was close to taking her right her on the counter, to hell with the consequences.
“Mom?” Jess’ voice came from the kitchen. Molly pushed Hunter away and he stumbled while she quickly fixed her tousled appearance.
Against everything screaming inside of him, he stepped away from her giving her the space she silently asked for.
Molly stepped into the kitchen before appearing another moment later.
So much had happened and he was still trying to wrap his brain around it. He wanted to drive to Allison and physically throttle her. But he knew any such notion would squander any hopes to see Leah. Over the years, the reality of Allison being truly evil was not lost on him but never did he even question the possibility of her spinning such lies during their first meeting.
He knew his reactions thereafter were all his own, but the defamations she laid were the foundation for his going astray.
Ultimately, changing his life.
Whatever helps you sleep at night, buddy.
You never questioned it. You never sought any confirmations of the falsehoods, and that, my friend, is all on you.
Molly returned and Hunter knew he needed to shelf his self-crucifixion.
I will not allow another moment to pass by that she doesn’t have my full and undivided attention.
“Everything all right?” he asked, noticing she chose not to return to his side but to use the counter as a barrier between them.
A barrier he felt all the way down to his soul.
He took slow calculating steps toward her, stopping when the counter was at his stomach. If he extended his arm, he would be able to touch her, and he wanted to badly, but he knew he had put her through enough tonight.
Molly’s cheeks were still red, although she was not sure if it was from their shared moments, them almost being caught or something altogether different. Her hair was slightly awry, either from where his hands had run through her silky locks or from when she had nervously tried to fix her appearance. He had to say she looked sexier because of it.
That opinion went straight to his groin.
“Yeah, Jess just reminded me of a ride she needs tomorrow to a friend’s house.”
Trying for nonchalant and friendly, he gave a slight smile and offered, “Well, that sounds like progress?”
The ironic quick chuckle she gave proved it was anything but.
“Not really, my daughter, I’m sure, would have preferred having a root canal than to ask a favor of me.”
He wanted to hold her to offer comfort, hell just to do it because he could and had a right to, but given their positions, it would have to remain a thought.
“Beautiful?”
She closed her eyes and smiled slightly at his name for her and hope surged through him once more.
Molly lifted those incredible green eyes of hers, and he thought he had been rewarded the greatest prize ever. She smiled, and he knew he was, in fact, a lucky man. She stepped closer to the counter and placed her hand down on the middle of it, which he quickly covered with his own.
