And I wanted Lora.
Chapter Three
December 19th
Lora
“Thanks for staying with me last night, Share Bear.” I set a steaming cup of coffee on the counter for her.
“Are you kidding me? Do we even need to do the math on how many times you’ve been there for me versus me here for you? Girl, I’ve had triple the shitty nights and you’ve never bailed.” She picked up the mug and proceeded to customize it with sugar and half & half.
I rolled my eyes, placing the carafe back in its home after pouring my own steaming cup. “It’s nothing to keep score on, and you know it.”
“Exactly.” She passed the sugar and creamer towards me. “You’re my best friend, Lo. Hell, you’re more of a sister to me than my own. It’s what we do, not for gratitude, but out of love.” She sidled up to me, throwing an arm around me, holding her morning brew with her other hand. “And I lovers you.”
A chuckle escaped me as I leaned into her embrace. “I lovers you, too.” Tears stung my eyes. I hadn’t known Sharon long in best friend years. I worked at the same call center she did while finishing nursing school. The moment we met three years ago, we clicked, and had become almost inseparable overnight. We were different in many ways, but there was a strong foundation of respect that allowed us to agree to disagree, to support the other person’s choices, and to be honest yet kind with our honesty. I trusted her more than anyone.
“Subject change,” she declared, breaking away. She power-walked to the living room. “Did you buy smaller clothes or have I gained that much weight since the last time?” She fidgeted with the tank top that seemed to continuously be rolling up over her full figure.
“I haven’t bought new clothes in forever.” I sat down on the sofa, hugging the dark liquid between my palms.
She scrunched her nose. “Figures. Tammy’s on a mission to make us all fatter by New Years just so she can sell her side business to us on January 1st. She’s brought in pastries three times this week.” Giving up on the snug top, she plopped down on the other end of the couch. “It’s a brilliant plan really; half of us in that place have a sweet tooth the size of Texas.”
I snickered. “You’re not as bad as some of them. Penelope used to stock her drawers with Little Debbie snack cakes weekly because she ran through them all in a week. Right before I left, I’m pretty sure she was averaging a box a day.”
Pursing her lips, she cut her eyes at me. “You can laugh because you don’t understand our struggle. Have I ever told you that I secretly hate you for that?”
“A thousand times.” I beamed. Witnessing her upset, realizing that she was no doubt kicking herself mentally for every time she caved, I softened. “Look, we all have our vices; some are just easier to hide than others.”
“What the heck is your vice? I’ve known you for how many years now and have never seen you struggle with an addiction.” She took a sip of her coffee, loaded with twice as much sugar as my own, I was sure.
“Regret.” I swallowed hard, dropping my gaze to my full cup.
“Regret?” she echoed, shifting in her seat. “How can anyone be addicted to regret?”
Working my bottom lip, I glimpsed at her. Her brown hair was in disarray, her glasses slightly lopsided; her shirt was still rolled up, and the leggings were all that concealed her plush stomach, yet I never ceased to see her beauty. I was able to find the beauty in most things.
Except in Gran’s death.
“I replay Gran’s last few weeks in my head over and over. If I would have taken her for a second opinion, or made her go to the hospital sooner, she would still be here today. It was pneumonia, not cancer, for crying out loud. She-” Tears stung my eyes as my chest constricted, making it harder to breathe. I bounced my right leg, trying to calm my mounting anxiety. Every time I thought about it, I kicked myself all over again. She didn’t have to die when she did.
Sharon scooted closer, setting a firm hand atop my thigh, halting my movement. “You can’t change what’s already happened, honey. And you can’t have a future when you’re living in the past. She wouldn’t want you to stop living just because she did.” She carefully wrapped an arm around me.
A bitter chuckle escaped me as sorrow rooted itself in my core, the tears finally breaking free and gliding rapidly down my cheeks. “Stone said the same thing.” I swallowed past the tightness in my throat. “He said a lot of wonderful things that have me feeling like a complete fool for believing him now.” I felt my features twist as I fought for control. “I really didn’t see it coming.” I shook my head in dismay. “I was so blind and, just, dumb.” Stretching, I set my mug on the coffee table. Sitting back, I swiped at my cheeks. “Am I so desperate for an ever-after that I can ignore altogether the signs that point to potential unhappiness?”
“Honey, you’re thirty. We all get a little desperate at that age. Hell, I’m more than a little desperate at forty. I’m beginning to think it’ll never happen, and that’s far worse. You still have time; you still have hope. I’ve got a cranky cat that hates to cuddle and a dead-end job laden with weight gain opportunities.” She gently shook me. “But you have hope, Lora, the hope I wish I still had.”
A small smile broke through my upset; it wasn’t genuine, though. It was to cover the fresh bout of pain blooming for my friend. “That’s really sad, Share Bear.” Blindly, I snagged her hand, sniffing, attempting to subdue my emotions. “But if I can’t give up, then neither can you. Remember, I need to get my spring wedding in a field of wildflowers and you deserve your fall country wedding. If we stop now, we’ll never get either one.”
She straightened, scooting just enough to turn sideways and face me. “It sounds awful, but I look forward to that day more than I look forward to the man.” Her eyes turned glossy. Sharon hid her pain far better than most, and she had a past that would have broken most people by this point.
My heart cracked at the edges. Grabbing her hand, I gave it a little squeeze. “Only because no man has come close to being worthy of sharing that day with you.”
Staring at the black TV screen across the room, she sighed. “Maybe you’re right, about me and you.” She briefly crushed my hand in return. “Listen, honey, you did react differently to Stone. I’m not usually an advocate for the whole wait-and-see phrase, but, he did seem to make you happier than I’d ever seen you, and I think, of all the men you’ve chatted with, he’s proven the most and therefore deserves the benefit of the doubt.” Releasing me, she stood, peering down at me. She mashed her lips together in determination. “But only for the next forty-eight hours. After that, he’s chopped liver in my book.”
This time, my smile was genuine. “Thanks.”
Her grin hinted at the sorrow behind her words. “You’re all I’ve got, Lo. I’m always going to be here for you, for as long as I have you.”
“Hey, if I can’t live in the past, then neither can you.” I narrowed my gape, my smile falling away.
She rolled her lips. “We all have our demons, right?” She tried to lighten her tone, to make it less obvious that she was thinking about her, but she could never hide the truth from me.
Pushing up off of the sofa, I nodded my head in agreement. “Demons, vices, coffee, and wine.”
That broke her mood. She threw an arm up into the air. “Thank the powers above for that wine.” She laughed, dropping her arm. “I know we went through two bottles last night, but don’t think I won’t be buying one on my way home tonight.”
“Just don’t let it become a vice.” I winked.
“Honey, wine is one level beyond a vice; it’s my damn sanity after dealing with those idiots all day, the ones I work with and the ones who call in.” She took a hearty sip of her coffee.
“What was it that Paul used to say?” I tapped my chin with my pointer finger pensively. “Oh yeah.” I held up a finger. “Customer service is a thankless job, but some idiot’s gotta do it.”
She rocked her hips, blowing out a deep breat
h. “Ain’t that the truth.” She gulped down the rest of her drink, passing me the cup. “Okay, honey, I need to get home, shower, change, and get back to the thankless job.”
“Hey.” I pressed a hand to her upper arm, commanding her full attention. “I know the overtime looks good on your paycheck, but try not to give yourself a stroke. I remember how stressful that job was at this time of year.” I gave her a quick hug. “Text me later.”
Turning towards the guest room, she shook her head in dismay. “I swear, sometimes you act like the older one.”
I rolled my eyes, a smirk curling my lips. “It’s called being concerned because I lovers you.”
“I lovers you, too, honey.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder flirtatiously, blowing a kiss back at me.
Snatching a throw pillow off of the sofa, I tossed it at her. “Go, before you’re late. I know how long it takes you to get ready.” It took her twice as long now that I’d taught her how to do her hair and make-up, ensuring she always looked fabulous, just in case she bumped into Mr. Right.
She laughed. “Oh, please, according to you I’m always late because I’m not early.”
“Exactly. Now skedaddle.” I flicked my wrist, shooing her away.
“Slave driver.” She scrunched her nose, but her tone was pure playfulness.
In the years since I’d met Sharon, we both had become more confident, more self-assured, and that was partly due to each other. There was comfort in knowing that someone always had your back. It allowed you to stand taller, be bolder, and put yourself out there more.
She made that possible for me after Gran. She would always have a special place in my heart for that reason.
I watched as she disappeared into the guest bedroom. Sharon was the only guest I ever had, but she refused to claim a room as her own some place that she didn’t pay rent. We’d talked about moving in together countless times, but the whole not being able to bring a date home for a nightcap squashed that idea dead in its tracks every time, not that either of us had brought someone home in a long time.
Twas the downfall of a shitty dating life.
Picking up my mug, I chugged the rest of my coffee and carried the empty cups to the kitchen. A few minutes later, Sharon shouted her farewell on her way out the door.
“Have a good day,” I called, drying the second mug before I put them back in the cupboard. I tried to clean as I went to save myself from a day off doing household chores. But that meant I had all day to think about Stone.
With a sigh, I headed to my room to grab my phone, just in case. Because no matter how upset I was at him for cancelling at the last minute like that, the greater part of me hoped he would text and do what Gran said the right man would do: apologize and make it up to me.
Chapter Four
December 19th
Stone
Rolling over, I stretched an arm up over my head to rest on the pillows. I still couldn’t breathe for shit, but at least I wasn’t as sore today.
Snatching my phone off of the nightstand, I flipped through my notifications. Not one was from her. Damn.
The last woman I talked to online blew up my phone, to the point where I had to block her everywhere. How ironic that I found myself wishing that Lora was more like the last woman. I felt like the stalker because she never messaged me first. And, as often as I reached out, I refrained in-between. I didn’t spend too much time analyzing how pathetic that made me.
Something my dad told me several years ago was, “The right woman will turn you into someone you don’t recognize; she’ll have you doing things you never thought you’d do, and she’ll have you doing them with a smile.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t pursue women I found to be attractive, just never with so much vigor. Usually by this point, they’d done many things to annoy the shit out of me.
She was the exception. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she was different. Or maybe I’d hit my desperation point and didn’t give a fuck anymore.
Staring at my phone, I knew that wasn’t the case. I was anxious to meet her, to see her curves in person, but not because I didn’t have other options. They just ceased to be viable options after she came into my life.
Scrolling to her name in my contacts, I quickly shot her a text. ‘Good morning, beautiful. Sorry about last night.’ I could only hope she was a forgiving woman.
Climbing out of bed, I went to take a hot shower. If I was lucky, the steam would help me breathe through my nose again. I sounded like damned Darth Vader breathing through my mouth with swollen glands. That was a guaranteed turn off on any date.
My gut knotted, my bear poking his head up as regret slid through me. I should have gone last night. I should have sucked it up and gone through with it. I wouldn’t be standing here like an idiot, wondering what she smelled like, although I couldn’t technically smell at the moment, or what her skin felt like to brush against.
I wouldn’t be here with a massive fucking erection based off of curiosity. The erection part would probably still exist, but from concrete facts, not musings from the mind of a needy werebear.
Pressing my palms against the tiled wall, I let the scorching water cascade over me. Even sick, the thought of her curves had me ready to hoist her against the nearest surface and thoroughly fuck her sweet pussy. Add her softness with her unintentionally sweet voice, and I was on the verge of coming without a single stroke.
Fuck. My cock strained, the tip brushing my lower abdomen. Closing my fist around my prick, I hissed. I’d never been so damned hard from merely thinking about a woman.
Oh, God. To feel her luscious lips around my cock, hear her tender voice moaning as I fucked her, see her swells and swerves bounce as I pounded into her.
Fuck! I gasped for air, my body on fire for a completely different reason. Before I knew what I was doing, pre-cum oozed from the tip of my prick as pleasure slithered through my lower half. One hand pressed to the shower wall, I furiously pumped into my other, the mental image of her driving every maniac thrust. Water slid between the creases and seams of my closed hand, lubricating every caress.
Every breath was a heavy gasp as my body tensed, as every muscle stiffened. My limbs began to burn, my need multiplying, turning me into a frantic, ravenous beast.
Closing my eyes, I focused on her breasts. Damn. What I wouldn’t give to suckle her luscious melons right now and then watch the small mounds bounce as I drove into her again and again, listening to her cries.
Fuck! Heat shot down my spine, pooling in my groin before shooting from my cock. Clenching my teeth, I bit back a groan as relief flooded every inch of me, pleasure tumbling like waves through my core.
Breathing heavily, the humidity coating my throat with every sharp inhale, I stilled, opening my eyes. Glancing down, I sighed. Damn. It’d been a long time since I’d come that hard. It made me all the more determined to meet her.
Fuck it. Cold or no cold, I was going to meet her today, even if I had to comb every street in her town to find her.
Right after I headed to Beast Mode to ensure everything was running smoothly.
Chapter Five
December 19th
Lora
It’d been four hours since he’d sent the text according to the timestamp, which meant he was awake at six-in-the-morning on a Saturday, when he was sick.
I frowned, worry niggling in my belly. Either he was a stubborn fool who wasn’t allowing his body to rest and recover or he wasn’t actually sick.
Working my bottom lip, I stared at the screen. There was one way to solve all of this: call him. I’d been a nurse long enough to know when someone was faking.
Pressing the icon beside his name, I put the phone to my ear. Three rings later, he answered, and I knew right then that he wasn’t lying.
“Hey, beautiful.” His voice was deeper than normal, more husky and hoarse, and the stuffed-nose syndrome he’d had a touch of the other night had intensified. The phone muffled, as if he’d covered it with his
hand, but I still heard his cough.
My heart cracked at the edges for him.
Until I heard the pound of metal against metal in the background.
Brows furrowing, anger flared within me. “Why are you at work?”
He chuckled, but it turned into a half-hack, half-laugh mess. “I own the place, sweetie. I have to make sure everything is running properly every day we’re open.”
“Right.” I quietly sighed, working to subdue my frustration; his words revealed far more than he’d meant for them to. He could go to work every day, whether he was sick or not, but he couldn’t meet me.
There could only be one reason for that: he didn’t want to meet me.
How could I have missed the signs? He had closet fat admirer written all over his extra fit physique. He owned a gym for crying out loud. What sort of message would it send his customers if his girlfriend was, well, me? It would compromise his brand’s integrity. And, yes, he was a brand, the face of his gym’s brand, whether he wanted to be or not.
All of my rage dissipated beneath a wave of despair. My chest constricted, my heart seeming to sink, to be crushed by the sudden pressure. A steady ache settled in the center of it. “Take care of yourself, okay?” My voice softened, despite my attempt to be stern, despite my attempt to hide my true feelings.
“Always, babe.” I heard the confusion in his tone. “Are you okay? Listen, babe, I’m really sorry about last night, and I definitely want to make it up to you.”
“Stone.” His name came out sharper than I intended for it to. I exhaled quietly. “Just focus on getting better, okay?” I heard the door close in the distance, telling me he’d gone into his office.
He sucked in a deep breath, wheezing a bit as he did so. “Listen, I know I fucked up last night.”
Shifter Wonderland: Twelve BBW Paranormal Holiday Shape Shifter Romances Page 2
