by Elena Aitken
Cubs.
Cubs she couldn’t give him.
Zoe wanted to scream. Instead, she pushed the bike to go faster.
After her coffee with the ladies, she’d been unsettled and couldn’t shake the conversation about babies and Gabe and how she was supposed to be next. How could she tell her new friends that she wasn’t able to have children? She couldn’t. Especially if she couldn’t even tell the man she loved that she would never be able to give him more babies.
And she couldn’t.
More than once over the last few days, she’d opened her mouth to tell him the truth, and then seconds before the words slipped from her mouth, it was as if she choked on them. She couldn’t do it.
And she knew deep down that the reason she couldn’t tell him was because it would kill him.
It might even be a deal breaker.
Could it be a deal breaker for fated mates? She didn’t know enough about how it worked. But bonds between mates had been broken before. Surely, there were non-negotiables that were serious enough that they could fracture even the strongest of bonds between mates.
She didn’t want to think about it. She couldn’t.
So instead, she’d taken to her motorbike, pushing the machine harder and faster than she ever had before on the tight, twisty mountain roads. It was the only way she knew to forget about everything else. When your life was on the line, there was no room to think about anything else. Not even for a second.
Except the bike ride wasn’t working. Not the way it usually did. Thoughts of Gabe and Ashton and the baby she’d never be able to add to their family kept creeping in.
If anything, the ride was only making things worse.
She had to tell him.
Now.
Without giving herself a chance to change her mind, Zoe turned the bike around and headed back into town and straight for the little bungalow she’d already started to think of as home. Gabe’s truck had just pulled into the driveway, and Ashton was hopping out of the backseat as Zoe tore down the street and skidded to a dramatic stop in front of the house.
“That was so cool,” Ashton hollered as soon as she pulled her helmet off her head. “Take me for a ride. Please?”
As soon as she saw Ashton, all her stress and worry evaporated, just the way it always did. With her helmet under her arm, she walked across the lawn toward them.
“Can I go for a ride, Zoe? Can I?”
“Sure you can!”
“Absolutely not!”
They spoke at the same time and it took Zoe a moment to realize that Gabe wasn’t smiling the way she was. In fact, he sounded angry, and one look at his face confirmed it.
“What?” Ashton whined. “Why not, Dad?”
“Gabe, I don’t see why he can’t—”
“No.” He cut her off. “You don’t see.” His mouth pressed into a thin line and his eyes were hard when he looked at her. “Do you know what we call motorbikes at the station?”
She shook her head, not because she didn’t know what he was going to say, but more because she couldn’t believe he was being so stubborn about it.
“Organ donors,” Gabe continued. “We call them organ donors because that’s what happens when you ride a bike. Accidents. Terrible accidents.” He shook his head. “There is no way my son is getting on the back of that bike. Ever.”
“What?” Ashton groaned and kicked a rock nearby. “That’s so unfair.” The boy turned and stormed off.
“Gabe.” Zoe touched his arm. “It’s really not that unsafe.” She tried not to think about the way she’d just been riding. “And you know I would be extra careful with Ashton on the—”
“Zoe!” He spun around and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Don’t you remember how his mother died? How could you think that I’d ever put Ashton in that kind of danger?” There was such intensity in his voice that it almost scared Zoe. “I can’t expect you to understand,” he continued. “I could never let anything happen to him, Zoe. He’s all…”
His voice trailed off before he finished what he was about to say, but not before Zoe caught the meaning behind his words. “He’s not all you have,” she said gently. “You have me, Gabe.” Tears sprang to her eyes. “And I would never let anything happen to Ashton.”
“I know you wouldn’t, not on purpose.” Gabe used his thumb to gently wipe away a tear that had slipped from her eye. “You’ll understand when you have your own child. It’s like a little piece of your heart is out walking around in the world and even though you would do everything in your power to keep them safe, you know it might not always be enough.”
She nodded as if she understood, but on the inside her heart broke. Because all at once, everything had become clear. Gabe was a father first, and fated or not, she’d never be able to give him what Marie had. She’d never be enough.
And it killed her.
Chapter Thirteen
It was after midnight when Gabe was finally able to shut down his laptop and close up the house for the night. He seldom stayed up so late, and even more seldom was the reason for a late night due to work. And that definitely included staying up past midnight reviewing a case. But where Billy Benson was concerned, all bets were off.
It looked as if he’d been able to convince the appeal board to hear his case, which meant that Gabe had been called up to testify at the hearing. He’d do it without hesitation if it meant keeping the man behind bars, but he couldn’t help but hate that the sleaze bag still had the power to make him crazy even all these years later. And he really hated that he’d taken out any frustration he’d felt toward Billy on Zoe earlier. And he had. He’d snapped at her and raised his voice when Ashton had asked to go for a ride on her bike.
He knew he’d overreacted. Just because he didn’t want his son—or his mate, for that matter—anywhere near that motorbike hadn’t given him any right to talk to her that way.
She’d insisted that she wasn’t upset, but Gabe knew better. He knew something was bothering her. He could feel it. He also knew that he was the reason for those feelings in the first place. And he was definitely going to do something about it.
He opened the door to their bedroom and leaned against the doorjamb for a moment just so he could watch his beautiful mate sleeping. For the moment, her slumber was peaceful but Gabe knew that would change before the night was through. She seemed troubled by dreams and every night he would be woken by her thrashing in the sheets or calling out for something he couldn’t quite understand. Some nights he was able to soothe her without waking her. He’d pull her into his chest and she’d snuggle close before drifting back into a hopefully dreamless sleep. But other nights, she woke herself. She was always embarrassed by her nightmares and tried to brush them off, so the last time it had happened, he’d pretended to be asleep.
He’d lain there while she sat on the side of the bed, waiting for her breath to slow. After a few minutes, she’d scrubbed her face with her hands and muttered something to herself before crawling back under the blankets to cuddle close to him.
Something troubled her, and Gabe knew without a doubt that if there was anything he could do to bring her peace, he would.
But the first thing he was going to do was apologize for his behavior earlier. Gabe shucked off his jeans and T-shirt and slipped under the sheets next to his mate.
Her body was warm and soft in all the right places, and when he pressed his own hard, muscular body up against her backside, she let out a groan in her sleep and instinctually snuggled back into him.
Just the feel of her against him made him hard but he wanted to wake her gently. Slowly. He wanted to be part of her dreams, and vanquish the nightmares once and for all.
Gabe forced himself to move slowly as he let one hand slip down the side of her bare thigh before he brought it up to her hip, slower this time. He continued the caress while he nuzzled into her neck and kissed her softly behind the ear. His lips traced his mark from where he’d taken her as his. He didn’t need the li
ght of day to know it was still red and contrasted sharply against her creamy skin.
She groaned in her sleep and wiggled instinctively against him so that Gabe had to hold back his own groan. She did things to him. Crazy things. Never had he felt so strongly about a woman before. Even now that they were mated, she still drove him crazy and made him want her with the slightest of looks. Zoe was incredible and Gabe knew he was the luckiest man in the world because how could he not be with such an amazing woman naked in his bed, reacting to him without even opening her eyes?
He slipped his hand up her smooth skin to caress her breast. He cupped it and squeezed, just enough so he could hear that sweet, sexy moan. Her breath came a little faster, her chest rising and falling with a little more urgency, but still she slept.
His cock was hard and hot between his legs, pressed up against her smooth skin, but Gabe would force himself to wait. As long as it took. He had a mission, and everything was about her.
Moving as slowly as he could manage, Gabe worked his hand down her body, gently skimming the sensitive skin on the gentle slope of her belly, until finally he reached the already wet cleft beneath.
His finger gently swirled in the wet heat between her legs and he had to bite back a moan. She was always so ready for him, so sweet and sexy and absolutely perfect. Her body responded naturally to his.
In her sleep, a sigh that spoke of satisfaction and…more…escaped her lips and Zoe spoke his name on a whisper as he snugged himself tightly to her.
So trusting. So giving. So his.
Before he could move again, Zoe, still sleeping, reached back between them, took him in her hand and squeezed.
Damn.
He kissed the back of her neck, and held her close with his hand splayed out over her belly as he slipped his cock between her legs and deep inside her.
She let out a puff of air as he entered her. From behind her, Zoe heard him say her name on a moan.
She’d been having such a nice dream for a change. She was warm and safe and wrapped in a thick, knit blanket. Only it wasn’t a blanket; it was Gabe. And with his arms around her, she felt safe and protected and…home.
In a state of half-sleep, Zoe realized on some level of consciousness that it was Gabe and she wasn’t dreaming after all, that her life was just as amazing as a dream. She’d woken a little more when he snuggled closer, and Zoe knew instinctively what she needed from him, and was more than willing to take what she needed.
They moved together slowly and unhurriedly. They had all the time in the world, and he felt so good inside her, behind her, close to her. Zoe never wanted the feeling to end. She wanted him with her, this way, forever.
But soon the sensation intensified and her orgasm began to build deep inside her. She squeezed her eyes, wanting to escape inside herself and hold onto the feelings he created in her but at the same time ready to release them. Somewhere in her still half-sleeping state, she felt it start to crash through her. Behind her, Gabe tensed, and clutched her to him as they climaxed together.
When finally she’d caught her breath and opened her eyes to become fully awake, Zoe let out a deep sigh of satisfaction and leaned her head back against her mate.
“Sleep well, my love,” he whispered into her ear.
She smiled beneath his lips as he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I will.”
Gabe startled a little and pulled back, but not too much. “You’re awake?”
“Barely,” she admitted.
“I didn’t want to wake you.” There was the slightest pout in his voice. “I just wanted to give you something nice to dream about tonight.”
“You did and I will.” She turned her head to give him a kiss on the lips and a moment later was lying on her back, looking up into his eyes. “I tried to wait up for you,” she said. “What time is it?”
He shook his head gently. “It’s late. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he apologized again. “But now that you are…”
She giggled. “I don’t think I have the energy to go again.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He laughed. “Although, now that you mention it…” He blinked hard and his expression changed. “No, seriously, I wanted to apologize to you, Zoe.”
“Apologize?” She blinked hard.
“I never should have gotten upset with you like that earlier.” His voice was strained, as if it hurt him to speak. Not to apologize, but just to recount what had happened. “I’m worked up about something at work,” he continued without prompting. “And then when I saw you, and I knew you were driving too fast and I just…well, I panicked. I can’t lose you, Zoe.” She sat up against the headboard and cupped his cheek with her hand. “I can’t lose you,” he said again. “And I can’t lose Ashton. I just can’t. And sometimes I think any idea of anything reckless…well, it scares me, Zoe. I know you’re a little wild and I love that about you, but sometimes…I just want to tame that side of you to keep you safe.”
“It’s okay.”
“No.” He lifted her hand away and held it in his. “It’s not. Because I never should have raised my voice with you. I know you don’t get it. Not really.”
His words were like a shot in her heart. There it was again. That she couldn’t understand because she didn’t have children. Which meant, she would never understand.
Because she couldn’t have children. She’d never understand. She’d never get how he felt. And Gabe would never consider that her love for Ashton was enough.
Would it ever be enough?
Chapter Fourteen
Zoe backed slowly out of the crawl space, dragging the big leather suitcase with her. “Are you sure this is it?” she called out to Ashton, who was waiting for her in the basement. He’d insisted that there was an old suitcase full of Halloween costumes in the crawl space. At least, he was “pretty sure there was.” Either way, the kid needed a Halloween costume, what with the big day coming up quickly, and because he and Zoe were spending the afternoon together, it seemed like the perfect project to make sure he was ready to go.
“Is it a suitcase?” he called to her, his little voice muffled by the dark, damp space.
It seemed incredible that Gabe had so many boxes and things in the crawl space at all. After all, they hadn’t lived in Boulder Creek for very long. Was it even possible to accumulate so many things in such a short time?
“It is,” Zoe answered him. “Let’s see what’s in it.” She pushed the suitcase out into the room.
It was layered in dust, but Ashton didn’t care. He dove for the zipper and pulled it back, ready to discover what miraculous Halloween costume he was going to wear that year.
The cover dropped open with a small cloud of dust and Zoe barely held back a cough.
“What is this?” She didn’t even have to look to know that the little boy was desperately disappointed with whatever he saw inside. “These aren’t Halloween costumes!”
Zoe focused on what he was looking at. At first glance, Ashton was right. The garments that were in the suitcase didn’t seem to be costumes at all. But when she lifted the brown shirt from the top and gently unfolded it, she could see that it was indeed a costume. It was a very old, drugstore-style cowboy costume made with material so thin, it almost disintegrated in her fingers.
“These are costumes,” she told Ashton, because they were. The fact that they were at least thirty years old, and falling apart in her hands, and nowhere close to ninja warriors or superheroes that she knew Ashton was hoping for, didn’t seem to be important.
Because either way, Zoe knew that Ashton was not going to be okay with the choice of costumes that they’d just pulled from the crawl space.
“Where’s the ninja?”
Ashton stared longingly at the pile of worn fabric, and it almost broke Zoe’s heart because she knew that there was no amount of searching in that old suitcase that would turn up the ninja costume he was so desperate for.
“I think we can do better.” Zoe made a split-second d
ecision and slammed the suitcase shut with another puff of dust. “You’re going to have that ninja costume and you will be the toughest one in school.”
“Not tough.” Ashton moaned. “I’m going to be sneaky and…”
“Stealth?”
“Yes!” He jumped up and down, which Zoe was quickly coming to realize was his style. Ashton always did things at full tilt. “I’ll be stealth.” He spun around with his arms in a karate pose for a moment before his face fell. “But how, Zoe? How can I be a ninja?”
It didn’t take her long to decide what to do. There was only one thing that could be done and Zoe was really hoping that the sliver of a plan she had would pan out the way she hoped it would. But all she could do was try. “I know exactly what to do.” She jumped up from the floor. “Come on.”
She led Ashton outside, stopping only long enough to grab their jackets and Zoe’s motorbike helmet. “We need to go see Bree.” Zoe handed Ashton an extra helmet without thinking it through. But when he didn’t object, and slid it on his head, Zoe smiled. He looked cute in a helmet.
She was so focused on getting Ashton a costume, that she’d forgotten all about how Gabe had reacted to the motorbike only a few short days earlier. In fact, Zoe didn’t think about the consequences of what she’d done while she was carefully navigating the bike down the streets of Boulder Creek, or when they were in the back rooms of Bree’s Knees so Ashton could describe to Bree what he was looking for, or while she was measuring him, or even while they were climbing back on the bike to make the short ride home.
In fact, Zoe didn’t give any thought to Gabe’s objection to Ashton on the back of her motorbike one time. Not until she took a corner nice and easy, and her front tire hit a rock that had been kicked out into the asphalt by a large pickup truck that had sped through earlier. It wasn’t until the motorbike started to swerve out of control and Ashton’s little hands had clenched extra tight to her waist, his fingers digging into her flesh only moments before he’d started to scream, a sound that was only drowned out by her own scream as Zoe finally lost control of her custom painted Indian bike and it skidded along the pavement and she no longer felt his hands on her, that Zoe finally remembered how adamant Gabe had been at keeping his son off her organ donor.
