by Elena Aitken
As gently as he could, Gabe lifted her and carried her into the bedroom. He put her down on the bed and pulled her jeans off before shucking his own to the floor and pulling her on to his lap. The moment she was in his arms again, Gabe’s lips crushed to hers with a renewed ferocity.
Zoe’s hands slipped under his shirt and lifted it over his head so they were both naked, hot skin pressed together. His desire was hard and hot beneath her, and with her mouth on his, Gabe lifted her gently and brought her down slowly onto him so his hard length filled her.
She gasped and tucked her head into his neck.
Gabe stilled, giving her a moment to grow accustomed to him, but it was Zoe who started moving. She set a slow rhythm with her body, and her mouth found the still tender mark she’d left on his shoulder. Her tongue traced the mark, and Gabe thought he’d come undone right then.
It didn’t take long before he felt her start to shake, just a little, against him and he knew her release was close. Zoe kept her mouth on his mark and he held her close to him while her orgasm, strong, silent, and with an intensity that Gabe felt right to his own core, rolled through her, moments before his own climax ripped through him.
Neither of them moved for a moment, the intensity of what they’d just shared silencing them. It wasn’t until after Zoe sat back that Gabe realized she’d been crying.
Chapter Sixteen
Zoe had needed him one more time because something had shifted between them and she knew there was a chance that it might not ever be the same. She knew it was selfish, but she’d needed to feel him close again, so she could remember the moment.
“Babe? What’s wrong?” Gabe reached out and used his thumb to wipe a tear from her cheek. “It’s okay. I—”
“No.”
She saw his face change and Zoe knew that Gabe, too, was thinking of the scene at the hospital. The way he’d looked at her. The anger in his eyes. The disappointment.
“You need to believe that I’d never do anything to hurt Ashton,” she said slowly. “It was an accident and I know that I never should have had him on the bike. It was a mistake.”
“Mistakes can—”
“No.” She shook her head to quiet him. “I know. I screwed up, Gabe. I know. You need to know—no, you need to believe that I’d never do anything to hurt Ashton. I love him like he’s mine.” She looked down for a moment and chuckled a little when she lifted her head again. “I know it’s crazy, but it’s the same with us, Gabe. I feel it. Ashton is mine and—”
“No.” He cupped her face with his hand. “He’s not. Not like that. Not in the way that you feel a physical pain when something happens to him. Not in the way that you watched him take his first breath, his first step, you heard his first word.” He shook his head and a searing pain stabbed Zoe in the heart. “You can’t understand, Zoe. Not the way I do. When you have your own—”
“No.” She stood up off his lap and when he reached up to pull her back down, she pushed him away. “You’re wrong.” Every word caused her physical pain, but it needed to be said. “I won’t ever know.” Her words came out as a choke. Maybe it needed to be said, but it was going to be hard as hell to get the words out. Zoe turned away, but could feel the heat of Gabe’s body as he stood up behind her. He wasn’t quite touching her, a detail she was glad of because she didn’t think she’d be able to manage it if he did. She had to tell him the truth, that she’d never be enough for him, and if he touched her, she might lose what little resolve she had left.
“Zoe, I wasn’t trying to say that you don’t care about Ashton or love him, but—”
“You were just saying that it’s not the same thing.” She turned and crossed her arms over her bare chest, feeling much more exposed than she would have liked. “I get that I can’t possibly understand what it’s like to feel that connection with a child who isn’t mine.”
“But you’ll get it.” He reached out for her, but she shook her head and took a step back. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. Not yet. “Wait until you have—”
“I’ll never have a baby of my own.” The words fell from her mouth. “I’ll never know what you’re talking about, Gabe. I can’t.”
“What are you talking about?” Again, he tried to take a step toward her, but Zoe stopped him with a shake of her head. “We’ll have a—”
“I can’t have children, Gabe. I found out officially a few months ago.” Her voice cracked, but she managed to hold it together. She didn’t have any other option. She had to. “I know I should have told you before.”
“Wait. What?”
Finally, she met his eyes and when she did, she wished she hadn’t. There was confusion and hurt there when just a few minutes earlier, there was love and adoration. The change killed her.
“I know I never should have kept it a secret.”
“Zoe?”
“It was just that when we met, we had such an amazing connection.”
“Wait, Zoe.”
“And now we’re mated and I can’t give you what you want. I just—”
“Zoe!” He grabbed her arms and shook her just enough so she’d look into his eyes. “Just stop.”
Tears streamed down her face now and looking at him broke her heart because she knew without a doubt that he was about to do what she should have done from the very beginning. Just like every other bear shifter, she knew Gabe needed a mate who could give him more cubs. Especially after the loss he’d endured. Gabe not only needed that from her: he deserved it. Ashton should have siblings. The bloodline should be continued.
She’d made a mistake. She’d allowed herself to fall for him, to mate with him, and worse, to lie to him. But the truth was, she’d never be able to be what he needed, and he’d resent it. Worse, he’d never be able to feel about her the way he felt about Marie. She’d given him a son. And all she could give him were lies.
“No.” She shook her head. There was no doubt about what Gabe was going to say. But she wouldn’t let him. She loved him too much to make him say it out loud. “I can’t,” she said. “I can’t stop because I know what I’ve done is terrible and I’m so sorry. I’ll release you. You can mate someone else. You can have the family you deserve.” She moved quickly then and pulled from his arms to retrieve her clothes.
Now that the words were out of her mouth, she couldn’t take them back and she couldn’t stay in the same room as him. It hurt too much.
“Zoe, don’t do this.”
She didn’t turn around. She tugged her jeans on and pulled her shirt over her head.
“Zoe!”
She turned then, more because she needed to see his face one more time than because anything he could say to her would help her change her mind. She knew it wouldn’t. There was no other choice. The moment her eyes locked with his, a sob escaped her throat.
Gabe couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening. The sudden shift in Zoe was confusing, but maybe not as perplexing as he’d first thought. Had his coldness at the hospital, his anger toward her, had it really caused this?
No.
She couldn’t have children. She’d lied to him.
No.
She hadn’t lied. But she hadn’t told him.
But it wasn’t a deal breaker. Was it?
Gabe thought of Ashton. That boy was his entire world. No. He had been his entire world. But that world had expanded when Zoe came along. She was his mate. He loved her. He needed her. Surely, she felt the same.
Nothing made sense and she wouldn’t stop talking long enough for him to sort it out.
When she finally turned around and he saw the tears in her eyes, the pain written all over her face, it almost broke him. Gabe took two steps until he was right in front of her and gripped her arms. “Tell me what’s going on here,” he pleaded with her. “I don’t understand what’s happening. You’re not leaving.”
“I have to.”
“No.” His voice was firm, bordering on panic. “You don’t. I need you here.”
&
nbsp; “You don’t understand.”
“I do.” He wasn’t sure he did. Not at all. But that didn’t seem important. The only thing that mattered was keeping her there with him. Because if she walked out the door, he wasn’t sure he’d know how to carry on. “I understand that your mine and I’m yours and we can figure out everything else.”
Her smile was soft and so sad it hurt his heart. “Gabe, I’ll never be able to give you cubs.”
He shook his head. “That’s not—”
“It is important and we both know it. It’s in our blood.”
That didn’t make any sense. She was a black bear. He was a grizzly. Any children they had weren’t going to be pure anyway. Even if he did care about that kind of thing, it wouldn’t matter. He told her so, but still she shook her head.
“I realized something today,” she said. “The way you felt about Marie, that will always be—”
“Don’t compare this to what I had with Marie.” He stopped her. “It’s not the same.”
“No. Because I can never give you a child.” Tears streamed down her face and he yearned to wipe them away, as if it were that easy to fix what was going on between them. “And today when I saw the way you were with Ashton. And when you said that I couldn’t understand—”
“I was wrong.” He shook his head. “I said those things because I was upset. I was worried. I didn’t mean them.”
“Yes, you did. And that’s okay.” Again, she tried to smile through her tears. “Because you were right, Gabe. I can’t be what you need. I can never give you what you need and as much as I love Ashton, and I do—” She choked on a sob before continuing. “You’re right. I’ll never know.”
He stared at her for a minute, willing her to come to her senses and to believe what he said. He needed her to recognize that it was just an accident and he’d only said those things in the heat of the moment.
Hadn’t he?
Had there been some part of him that really did believe that? That believed that she could never love Ashton the way he did? The way his mother had?
Maybe.
“Is this what you really want?” he asked after a moment. He dreaded the answer because he already knew what it was and a part of him died when she finally nodded.
“I wish more than anything it could be different,” she whispered. “But I love you too much for you not to have everything you need. More children, a brother or sister for Ashton. Someone who understands the type of love I never can.” She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. Before he could react to what had happened, she was gone.
For the second time in his life, Gabe’s world shattered like glass around him. In an instant, everything had changed and for the life of him, he didn’t know how to put these pieces back together again.
Chapter Seventeen
For the next few days, Zoe split her time between the couch in the Den at Grizzly Ridge where she would curl up in a fluffy blanket and stare into the fire the Jackson brothers kept roaring in the hearth, or on the trails that wound through the woods, taking her to various gorgeous ponds, waterfalls, stunning vistas and views out over the valley and a variety of other spectacular sights that barely registered in her brain.
The only thing that did register was the overwhelming weight of sadness that hung over her. Chloe told her she needed to sleep and that she’d feel better if she got a little rest, but she couldn’t close her eyes because every time she did, she’d see the look on Gabe’s face right before she’d turned and left him. And when she did manage to push through and fall asleep, she’d dream of the accident, of Ashton’s scream. Of his little body lying helplessly on the asphalt. Only in her dreams, it wasn’t just a broken arm.
She couldn’t bear it. Any of it. It hurt too much.
“Zoe?”
She heard Kira’s voice, but couldn’t manage to even acknowledge the other woman. A moment later, she felt the shift of the couch cushions as Kira lowered her and her ever-expanding belly to the couch next to her.
“Zoe?” Kira’s voice was soft, the touch of her hand on Zoe’s arm even softer. “I know you probably don’t want to talk right now.”
Zoe shook her head, but Kira kept talking.
“And probably especially not to a pregnant woman, right?”
She had that right.
Zoe shrugged and kept looking at the fire but Kira was not deterred.
“I know you’re hurting.” Kira squeezed Zoe’s arm. “And I wanted to talk to you because while I don’t know what you’re going through, I know what it’s like to feel like you need to make a choice when it comes to love. But you don’t.”
Zoe squeezed her eyes shut. She didn’t know all the details about Kira’s situation but what she did know was that a few years earlier, she’d mistaken a bad situation for her fated mate and had left her brothers and her clan for years. While she’d been gone, she’d fallen in love with Nash, a wolf, and also her fated mate. It was definitely a complicated situation, but now Kira was back, with her mate, and was pregnant with twins. Yes, definitely complicated. But they were making it work. And they were thriving.
Maybe it was possible?
No. She couldn’t let thoughts like that seep in. It was different with her and Gabe. So different.
After a moment, Zoe lifted her head and looked at her new friend.
“But what if I make the wrong choice?”
“Do you really think it’s only your choice to make?” Her smile was kind, but Zoe couldn’t help but feel as if she’d been slapped in the face.
“I know he’ll choose me,” she said after a moment. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was what if Gabe chose her and then changed his mind when he realized that what he thought wasn’t important actually was? She told Kira as much. “I don’t think I could survive that.”
“Yes.” Kira squeezed her arm. “You could. And it won’t matter because that would never happen. You two are fated.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks. “But even fated mates aren’t as strong of a bond as father and child and…”
“Zoe? It doesn’t have to be a choice. You know that, right?”
She shook her head.
“The bonds between mates and cubs are different. It isn’t one or the other.”
Logically, of course, Zoe knew Kira was right. But she hadn’t seen the look on Gabe’s face when Zoe’s actions had put Ashton in the hospital. It was clear, crystal-clear, that there was one bond Zoe couldn’t come close to.
She didn’t say anything else, but simply shook her head and looked back into the fire and together they sat in silence until finally Kira wrapped her arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “We’re here for you no matter what you decide.”
“Thank you.”
“He keeps calling, you know?”
Zoe nodded. She knew. She’d turned her phone off, but she knew that Gabe had been calling the ridge and Chloe, too. She’d seen his truck in the yard at least twice, too.
“He loves you.”
Zoe closed her eyes.
“What about Ashton?” It wasn’t Kira’s voice that had asked the question; it was Chloe’s. Her sister hadn’t said much when Zoe came back to the ridge to hide out and Zoe knew it was because Chloe thought she’d made a mistake.
“Sorry, Kira,” Chloe said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I think there are a few things my little sister needs to hear.”
Zoe shook her head, still unwilling to open her eyes. “Chloe…”
“No, Zoe. I need to say this and you need to hear it. Whether you look at me or not, I’m saying what I need to say.” She didn’t wait for a response. “You’re being ridiculous. Gabe loves you and you love him,” she started. “You’re fated, for bloody sake. That doesn’t go away. And it certainly doesn’t change just because you can’t have children.” Her eyes snapped open then and she glared at her sister but Chloe continued. “You were wrong not to tell Gabe, yes. But do you really think that would have changed the connection be
tween the two of you? Do you think that would have made anything different? Honestly.”
Her instinct was to nod, but she knew that wasn’t true. “No,” Zoe said softly. “It wouldn’t have changed anything.”
“So why now? What has changed now? He still loves you. He’s still your mate. So what—you can’t have children. That doesn’t change anything between the two of you. And more so, it doesn’t change anything with Ashton. Have you even thought about that poor boy?”
She had. A lot and it broke her heart.
“He’s already lost one mother and just when he found you, you decided to leave. With no explanation. Nothing. He’s a child, Zoe. And more so, he’s your fated son.”
Chloe’s words crashed through her.
“My what?”
“Your fated son.”
Next to her, Kira squeezed her arm again, grounding her to the moment. A gesture she was thankful for.
“My fated son?”
“Think about it, Zoe,” Chloe continued. Her voice was firm, with the no-nonsense tone she’d always used when they were kids and she was trying to boss Zoe around. “Just think about it. Some things are about more than you think they are.”
It was going to be one of those nights. Halloween always was. Even in the sleepiest of towns, Halloween always seemed to bring out the crazy side of people. Normally, Gabe didn’t mind the challenge of a busy night, but for the last few days since Zoe had left him feeling confused, heartbroken—and a little pissed off, if he was honest—the only crazy person he wanted to deal with was her. And crazy was the only way to describe the way she was acting right now.
She wouldn’t answer his texts or calls. And she refused to see him the few times he drove out to Grizzly Ridge. He didn’t know what else to do and was about to enlist the help of some of the Jackson brothers when, just the day before, he’d received a text from her saying that she would still like to take Ashton trick-or-treating the way they’d planned.
