by Haylen Beck
Two and a half hours passed, and Anna feared she had gone too far, that she might have spooked her. Then two emails came, one after the other. The first said she’d received a friend request from a Libby Reese, the second that Liz Moore had sent her a message via Twitter.
Hey—I sent you a friend request. It’s from Libby Reese, my real name. I use my pen name because I like to hang on to my privacy. My Facebook account isn’t public, so you wouldn’t have been able to find it. L.
“It’s her,” Anna said. “It’s really her.”
She felt a mix of joy and rage as she opened Facebook on her laptop and clicked on the Friends notification. There she was, Libby Reese. Anna clicked on the Confirm button, then through to her profile.
It was her, no doubt. Only a small number of friends. But looking at the photographs, Anna was convinced this was the woman she remembered from that morning when everything was stolen from her. She scrolled down through the posts, and there, there he was.
“Oh God,” Anna said.
She let out a shrill giggle that bubbled up from her stomach to her throat, then turned to hitching tears. One hand went to her mouth, the other to the screen, her fingertips touching his image. Three years old now, and so beautiful. Libby had called him Ethan.
“Hey, Little Butterfly,” she whispered.
* * *
—
ANNA DIDN’T SLEEP for three days. Every time she lay down, her mind turned to her L’il B and how she was going to get him back. Every time, she opened her laptop and looked at the few photographs of him on Libby Reese’s Facebook page. She had posted none of them herself. They were all from friends. Libby didn’t seem to use the site much, and she gave little of herself away. Like she had something to hide.
On the fourth day, Anna called her sister.
“Hello?” Marie answered.
“Hey,” Anna said. “It’s me.”
Quiet for a few moments, then, “Anna?”
“Yeah.”
“Jesus, Anna, where are you? I’ve been looking for you. My God, we were so worried when you disappeared, we didn’t know if you were alive or dead, and it broke Mom’s heart, it really—”
“I found him,” Anna said.
“What?”
“I found L’il B,” Anna said. “She has him. The woman who shot me. I found them both. They’re in Albany.”
“Anna, no. Not this. Your baby died. Whoever you’ve found, it’s not him. Please, Anna, come home.”
“Will you help me?”
“Of course I’ll help you. If you come home, we can get you a therapist, whatever you need, but—”
“That’s not what I meant. Will you help me get him back? If I go to the police on my own, they’ll say it’s not him. I need you to go to the cops with me, tell them L’il B’s alive, that he’s in Albany. Will you do that? Marie? Are you there?”
Anna closed her eyes and listened to her sister’s breathing through the static.
“No, I won’t,” Marie said at last, her voice trembling. “I will get you all the help you need, but I won’t do that because I know it’s not true.”
“Then fuck you,” Anna said, spitting the words.
“Anna, I have to tell you, Mom’s sick, she has canc—”
Anna hung up and threw the phone against the wall.
* * *
—
WEEKS TURNED TO months as Anna held back, biding her time, waiting for her opportunity. She noted the few posts that Libby Reese made on Facebook, and every post her friends made to her wall. Anna remained in the background, kept quiet, didn’t post or comment, watching.
Then, one afternoon, someone called Nadine posted a link to a TripAdvisor review for a resort in Naples, Florida.
Ooh, look at it! I’m so jealous! This time next week, you’ll be soaking in that infinity pool while I’m still stuck behind a desk in freaking Albany! Enjoy, you two, you deserve it! xxx
Anna clicked on the link to the resort. She had to admit, it did look wonderful, and she felt the bite of jealousy with which she had grown deeply familiar. Going back to the Facebook page, she stared at it in confusion for a few seconds before she realized what had happened.
Libby had deleted her friend’s post.
56
TONIGHT
ANNA HAD ARRIVED THE DAY before Libby did and spent her time walking the grounds, trying not to be noticed. On the afternoon of Anna’s second day, she saw them, Libby and Ethan—no, L’il B—playing in the pool. Anna had stood in the shadows of the trees, watching, watching, watching. Biding her time. This was not the moment, but the moment would surely come. There would be a time when Libby’s back was turned and Anna could take what was hers.
That moment had come tonight.
Anna had watched her getting drunk and dancing with that man while his partner looked after L’il B. Then she had followed them inside and observed as her boy entered the elevator unseen. Before the doors had even closed, Anna was on her way up the stairs, racing the elevator.
She couldn’t remember what floor it was that L’il B had finally emerged onto. Only that she had stood at the stairs, watching along the hallway, as he wandered first one way then the other. And when she saw his distress, she could wait no longer, she had to go to him.
Anna ran to the boy, hunkered down in front of him.
“Hey, L’il B, what’s up?”
He stared at her, then past her, his shoulders hitching as he bordered on panic.
“Where’s my mommy?” he asked.
Anna took his hands in hers and said, “I know where she is, and I’m going to take you to her right now. I’m an old friend of hers. I’ve known you since you were born. But I bet you don’t remember me, do you?”
He shook his head.
“Come on,” she said, and she stood upright and led him back to the stairs.
She needed to figure out which floor she was on, then get him back to her room. She checked the signs for the room numbers outside the elevators: fifth floor. Pulling L’il B by the hand, she made her way back to the stairs. As she reached them, a man climbed the last steps. He froze, staring at her.
“Charles!” L’il B shouted.
She recognized him then, the man who’d been with Libby when the boy ran into the elevator. His face broke into a toothy smile.
“Hey, little guy!” he said. He looked to Anna. “Thank God you found him. We’ve been looking all over. His mother’s downstairs in the lobby. We can take the elevator.”
“No,” Anna said.
“I’m sorry?” His face creased with confusion. “His mother’s absolutely distraught. I’d really like to take him straight to her.”
“You’ve got him mixed up,” Anna said. “He’s my son. Excuse me.”
“What are you talking about? That’s Ethan. His mom’s name is Libby, and I’m going to take him to her now. Okay, Ethan? You want to go find Mommy?”
“Yeah, find Mommy!”
He pulled at Anna’s hand, trying to run to the man on the stairs. She allowed him to drag her to the top step.
“This is my son and you’re not taking him anywhere,” Anna said.
The man reached for L’il B, and without any conscious thought, Anna extended her free hand. She didn’t push. Not really. She simply took his balance and watched him fall. Heard the snap of bone, the hollow thud of his head on the steps.
L’il B cried out, but Anna whisked him away, up the next flight of steps, and the next, until they reached the sixth floor. The last step clipped the toe of her sandal, and she almost fell as the shoe bounced back down the stairs. She righted herself and led L’il B down the hallway to her room, limping, fishing in her pocket for the key as she went.
The busybody from across the hall emerged from her room, watched Anna and her boy approach.
> “Well, who’s this?” she asked.
Anna didn’t answer. She unlocked her own door and pulled L’il B inside, then kicked off the remaining shoe.
“I want Mommy,” he said as she lifted him onto the bed. “Charles fell down. He banged his head.”
“Yeah,” Anna said. “I’m sure he’s fine. It’s all going to be fine. We’ll go find Mommy soon, okay? You wanna watch cartoons?”
He didn’t answer, so she grabbed the remote control and turned the television on, and flipped through the channels until she found some brightly colored dogs in uniforms.
“Paw Patrol!” L’il B shouted.
Anna told him shush, and paced the room, trying to get her mind straight. She hadn’t thought any of this through. What had she imagined would happen? That she’d just be able to waltz out through the doors with her boy? Of course they’d be looking for him. Probably hotel security would be watching the exits and the gates. She didn’t even know how many exits there were.
“What do I do?” she asked the air.
L’il B had become quiet, transfixed by the moving images.
“What do I do?”
She sat down on the bed, her hands pressed to her temples, willing herself to think. Time passed, one episode of the cartoon was followed by another, and still she had no idea what course of action to take.
The wailing of sirens from outside stirred her.
Anna went to the sliding door that led out onto the balcony. Her room faced the main entrance gate with the fountain down below. She pulled the door open and stepped out onto the balcony. Looking down, she saw three police cars pull up.
“Oh no,” she said.
Anna stepped back inside the room and pulled the sliding door over, then closed the curtains. She walked in a circle once, twice, three times, fear breaking through, ready to rob her of all reason.
Go to them, she thought. Take L’il B downstairs to the police and the security guards and explain, tell them what that woman had done, what she had taken from her. Tell the truth, because nothing is better than the truth. The truth has no regrets, didn’t she always say that? Yes, she did.
But they wouldn’t believe her. Just like back in the hospital, they’d think she was crazy. They’d take her boy and give him back to the woman who had stolen him.
“What do I do? What do I do?”
L’il B looked up at her now, worry on his face.
“Go find Mommy now,” he said.
“Soon, baby,” she said.
“Go now,” he said, his voice rising.
Anna went to the bed, kneeled down beside it, and took his hands in hers.
“Baby, I want you to listen to me now. Are you listening?”
His gaze went back to the television. She reached for the remote control and turned it off.
“L’il B,” she said. “Ethan. I don’t know if you can ever understand this, but you’re supposed to be with me. Something happened when you were a tiny baby, only a few weeks old, and you were taken from me. You’re mine. Do you understand?”
He stared at her for a moment, then pulled his hands away. Then he scrambled off the bed and ran for the door. She ran after him, around the bed, reached the door at the same time, held it closed with her hand as he pulled on the handle.
Anna hunkered down and wrapped her arms around him.
“I won’t ever let you go again,” she whispered as he writhed in her embrace. “Never, ever. I promise.”
“Let go,” he shouted, his voice high and piercing in her ear. “I want my mommy.”
“She’s not…”
Anna stopped herself from saying it. How could he understand?
“Go find Mommy,” he squealed.
“All right,” Anna said. “All right. We’ll go, but you have to be quiet. Can you do that for me? Can you be quiet?”
He nodded, calm now. She opened the door and led him out into the hallway. For time immeasurable, she wandered around the floor, from south to north and back again, certain only that if she stopped, she would lose her mind.
Eventually, she heard voices from below. Urgent footsteps.
Anna found a plain door with a sign that said it was for emergencies only. She pushed it open and found herself on a small landing, a narrow concrete stairway leading up and down. A harsh light blinked on overhead. Climbing seemed the only way, so she hoisted L’il B up into her arms and ascended one flight of stairs after another, cold on her bare feet, until she found herself looking up at the exit onto the roof.
Part of her felt a pull toward it, as if it were the only place left in the world. Another part of her dreaded it, knowing it would be the end of her.
She froze, locked there, until Libby Reese stepped onto the landing below.
57
RAYMOND VILLALOBOS SAID, “WHAT DO you mean, you’re his mother?”
“Just what I said.”
She glared at him with wild eyes. He’d seen crazy enough times to know it on sight, but this was more. This was dangerous.
“Don’t come any closer,” Anna Lenihan said. “Please don’t. I don’t want to hurt anybody.”
He remained at Libby’s side, Anna above them. He counted the steps between here and there, tried to calculate how quickly he could climb them. Two, three seconds, maybe. Not quick enough. She could do a lot of damage in three seconds.
“I’m staying right here,” Villalobos said. “But there are cops coming. When they get here, I want you to stay calm, don’t do anything stupid.”
“Keep them away from me,” Anna said.
“I’ll try,” he said. “Now, tell me what you want. Make me understand.”
“I just want my baby,” Anna said. “I just want him back. That’s all.”
“He’s not yours,” Libby said.
Villalobos put a hand on her arm to silence her, but she ignored him.
“He’s adopted. I have all the documents. He was born in New York to an addict. The state took him into care, and we adopted him.”
“That’s a lie,” Anna said, climbing a step higher. “You stole him from me.”
“It’s the truth, Anna, I swear on my life. Please let him go.”
She climbed higher still, almost to the top, and the door leading out onto the roof.
Villalobos reached a hand up. “Don’t go any further,” he said. “Stay and talk to me.”
“I found you,” Anna said to Libby, a grin cracking her face. “It took me three years, but I did it. You couldn’t hide forever. Not from me. I found you and I’m taking him back.”
From below, the sound of a door opening and slamming into a wall. Heavy footsteps resonating up through the stairwell.
Villalobos looked up, saw Anna’s eyes widen at the noise before she ascended the last two steps and shouldered her way through the exit. The door swung closed again.
“No!” Libby called after her.
“Goddammit,” Villalobos said, then he set off at a run, taking two steps at a time, a band of pain tightening around his chest.
He emerged onto the roof, breathing hard, his shoes crunching on the gravel that covered the surface. At first, he saw no sign of her, then he heard the child cry somewhere off to his right. He turned in that direction and felt a chill deep in his gut.
Anna Lenihan stood before the low wall that bordered the roof, the boy in her arms. She stared out across the resort grounds, toward the sea. He knew the layout of the place well enough; the tiled terrace was seven stories straight down. Part of him wished he had found the boy in the pool earlier.
Libby staggered out onto the roof, and she turned to follow his gaze, then screamed. She was ready to sprint toward her son, but Villalobos grabbed her arm, told her to wait.
“Don’t give her a reason to do it,” he said. “Just hold back.”
He heard the footsteps and the voices below, how many he couldn’t tell, but it was too many. He went back to the door, saw Cole leading a half dozen cops up the final flight of stairs. He raised a hand to silence them, and Cole signaled at his people to be quiet. They kept coming, but slowly. Villalobos held the door for them as they emerged into the night.
“Shit,” Cole said when he saw. He turned to the nearest uniform. “Radio in. Tell them we got a jumper and we need a negotiator here like now.”
“I don’t think we have time,” Villalobos said.
“Me neither,” Cole said. He glanced at Villalobos. “You all right, man?”
Villalobos swallowed and said, “I’m fine.”
Cole signaled to the others, ordered them to spread out on either side of where Anna stood.
Villalobos tested the gravel with his shoe, listened to the deafening crunch of it. He cursed and began to move forward, stepping as gently as he could. Cole walked at his side.
“I talk, you grab,” Villalobos said.
“Yeah,” Cole said.
“Go low,” Villalobos said.
“If I go low, and she drops the kid…”
“If you go high, she’ll take you with her.”
“Yeah,” Cole said. “We’ve got to get her before she gets up on that wall.”
But it was too late. Anna climbed up onto the wall. Libby wailed.
Villalobos kept walking, veering out to Anna’s left, while Cole held back.
God help me, he thought.
58
NOW
ANNA TESTS THE AIR WITH one foot, letting it hang over the edge, balancing on the other. It would be so easy to bring it all to an end. No more nightmares. No more waking in the dark, panicking, reaching for her baby and remembering he’s gone. Grieving for him anew, every time. The wound that never heals.
The fall will heal it. Once and for all, for ever and ever.
But does she have the courage? She doesn’t know. Her foot comes back to the wall, and she shifts her weight, hoists Ethan up.
