“What’s wrong?” I asked, my heart rate racing faster than a Ferrari on an open race track. And the sympathy on their faces wasn’t doing much to help slow it down as it hit a sharp turn.
“We heard the news on the way over…” Trent said.
“What news?”
He and Kelsey exchanged looks. “Josh hasn’t told you?”
“Told me what?” Did you sense the impatience in my voice? Blame it on the boulder that had found its way to my stomach.
“He’s been traded.”
It will be okay, I told myself. Maybe he got traded to San Jose or L.A. or Anaheim. We could make that work. It wouldn’t be ideal, but somehow we could make it work.
Now, if only my heart was as convinced as my brain. “To where?”
“Montreal.”
“Oh.” Montreal? Wasn’t that in Canada? It would’ve been bad enough if he had been traded to another U.S. team—but to another country? That was a whole new level of bad.
And why was I only hearing about it now from Trent? Why hadn’t Josh told me?
Deep down I had always suspected Josh would be traded. Why? Because what was dear old Murphy’s favorite hobby? That’s correct. He liked to screw you around when it came to that damn law of his.
I had also suspected, deep down, Josh would be traded because he was going to be a free agent soon. But had I at any point thought he would be traded to a Canadian team—traded to the land of snow, polar bears, and freezing winters? Nope. Never.
“I guess that’s it then,” I said more to myself than to anyone else. Josh and I had finally admitted that we were in love, so fate decided to have a good laugh at our expense.
Yes, sometimes life really did suck.
But what did this all mean for Lily?
It meant that Josh would still be a part of her life, but he wouldn’t be there for her—not in the way that he wanted.
“What do you mean ‘that’s it’?” Kelsey asked.
“Josh is moving away,” I said, “starting a new life. Without us.”
“But can’t you move with him? I’ve seen him when he’s with you. He loves you.”
“I know he does.” I didn’t doubt it. “But I’m not a U.S. citizen and I don’t have a green card, so even if he just moved across the country, I can’t go with him. And sure, I could marry him if he had been traded to another U.S. team”—I added because I could tell that was where Kelsey’s thoughts were headed—“but Canada is something else. It doesn’t matter if he and I are married, I can guarantee I won’t be allowed to work there. Then all my years of hard work will be for nothing.”
And I’d never be completely happy. I would always have that one regret in life—the one where I gave up the career I loved.
But I guess when it came to my happiness, I would lose either way. Heads, I gave up the job I loved. Tails, I gave up Josh.
There were no winners in this game. No opportunity for a do-over.
“So what are you going to do?” Kelsey asked.
“Don’t worry. Lily and I will be fine. From the moment I discovered I was pregnant, I was prepared to be a single mother.” True—I wouldn’t be your typical single mum. But for all intents and purposes, this was close enough.
No one looked too thrilled with that option, but there was nothing we could do. Playing in the NHL had been Josh’s dream. Most people didn’t get to live out their dreams, especially with something like that. So I couldn’t expect Josh to give up his. Not when this mess wasn’t his fault.
How about I just blame the condom that had failed us?
Except then I wouldn’t have Lily.
Right—so no blaming the condom either.
There had to be a better answer—one that worked for all of us.
“Hey, I didn’t come over to depress everyone,” I said. “Let’s talk about something else. How was your photo shoot yesterday?” I asked Kelsey.
While she shared a hilarious story about a noncooperative sheep and a model who wasn’t a fan of farm animals—especially ones who decided the model’s leg made a great spot to take a pee break on—my thoughts slipped back to the all-important question. Where the heck did I put my cell phone?
Welcome to Mommy Brain. They should have that as a warning on the condom box. “Improper use of condoms can lead to pregnancy and your brain’s inability to function properly, especially during the most inopportune moments.”
Still sitting on the couch, I leaned down and looked through my diaper bag. Usually I kept my phone in the side pocket but for some reason, I had dropped it into the main one before leaving the apartment, and it had ended up wrapped in Lily’s ducky blanket.
Erin returned from the kitchen where she had disappeared a few minutes ago. “Dinner’s ready.”
Everyone stood up—everyone but me.
“I’ll be right there,” I said. As they headed to the kitchen, I checked my voicemail messages.
“Hey, Holly. I’ve been traded to Montreal. I’m flying out tonight. I’ll call you as soon as I can. I love you. Give Lily a kiss for me. Bye.”
And that was it. Josh didn’t sound either sad or happy at the news—just blown-over shocked.
But not as shocked as I was. It felt like a kangaroo hadn’t paid attention to where he was going and knocked me onto my arse.
Josh wasn’t even coming home first. He was flying straight to Montreal—and I had no idea when I would see him again.
I kissed Lily’s forehead. “Well, Lily-Flower. It’s just you and me now.”
Just as I had always imagined it would be.
My phone vibrated in my hand. For a second I thought it was Josh. Disappointment sidled up to me as I read the name. Drew.
That wasn’t to say I was disappointed it was him. I wasn’t. Just disappointed it wasn’t Josh.
Drew: Please tell me you’re considering that job you are perfect for.
Me: I have a job I love. With a company who was sponsoring my green-card application so I could stay in San Francisco. And I love it here. It’s my home.
But was it?
You know the saying about home is where the heart is?
My heart was with Josh, who was moving to Canada, at least for now. But it was also here in my arms—and I could love Lily anywhere.
Drew: Just consider it.
32
Josh
If you’ve never been to Canada, there are several things you should know. It snows. A lot.
They have the best maple syrup ever known to man.
The beaver is their national animal, but I had yet to see one wandering down the street.
They don’t have dollar bills. They have weird coins called the loonie and the toonie.
It snows. A lot.
They also accept American credit cards—which was a good thing. Because of the Canadiens’ tight schedule, I hadn’t been able to return to San Francisco to get my stuff.
So until recently, all I’d had with me was the three days worth of clothes that I had packed for the Rocks’ road trip. And then just when I thought I was finally flying home for a few days, Montreal and the Eastern States were hammered with a snow storm. Flights were canceled. And once again I was stuck in my hotel room with no place to go.
Fortunately, there was this great invention called Skype.
“How’s my gorgeous little girl doing?” I said to my phone, the image of my three-week-old daughter peering back at me from the crook of Holly’s arm. She smiled—and I pretended her beautiful smile was for me and not due to gas.
“Daddy misses you and can’t wait to hold you again.” To hold her for the short amount of time I would be home.
And when I say short time, I meant two days—as in less than forty-eight hours. That was as much time as the Canadiens could afford to lose me for.
Lily made a little sound I interpreted to mean that she couldn’t wait for me to hold her.
The camera shifted, and both Holly and Lily came into view on the screen.
“Sh
e misses you too,” Holly said. “We both do. Any news yet if you’re coming home soon?”
“The team rebooked the tickets. I’ll be home Thursday.” In six days. “But I’ll only be there for two days.”
“That’s okay. We’ll be happy to get even that much.”
Holly’s smile? No, it didn’t fool me either.
“Trent got tickets for your game at the end of the month.” When the Canadiens were scheduled to play in San Francisco. “And it won’t be much longer before you’re back for the summer,” she added.
“That’s right,” I said. “But then who knows what will happen after that…”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to be a free agent soon.” Holly and I had already discussed this.
What did my becoming a free agent mean? It meant one of several things could happen.
The Canadiens or another NHL team might offer me a contract. If that didn’t happen, a European team might want me to play for them, which allowed me to keep playing hockey. The downside? I would have to move to Europe for a few years—which was worse than my current situation with the Canadiens.
And then there was door number three…
No one would want me.
I’d have to start a new life—a life that no longer involved hockey.
Yes, it wasn’t like I would be playing hockey for the rest of my life. At some point, all hockey players retired. Their bodies weren’t what they used to be. Their performance suffered. Or they decided other priorities in their lives were more important.
But if I retired, what would I do for a career? Hockey was all I knew.
Well, hockey and European history—but there weren’t a lot of opportunities involving the latter.
“But maybe San Jose, L.A, Anaheim, or Vegas will offer you a contract,” Holly suggested. “They’re closer at least.”
True—but it was a long shot that any of them were interested in me. And let’s not forget that there were seven NHL teams in Canada. Even if the Canadiens didn’t offer me a new contract, there was still a chance one of the other six teams would—and would be the only NHL team to do so.
Which put me in the same situation as now.
But I didn’t want to get into it on Skype.
Instead, I got Holly to tell me about her day and about everything Lily had been up to. And then I sang to my daughter like I always did.
By the time we were finished, Lily had fallen asleep in Holly’s arms—and all I wanted to do was kiss both of my girls.
All I wanted to do was make love to my beautifully hot girlfriend.
At some point.
Soon hopefully.
She still needed the okay from her physician.
“I’ll talk to you soon,” I told Holly after she had struggled to hold back another yawn.
“Okay.” Then a smile grew on her face. It was the same smile I’d frequently seen during her most horniest of months—when she was about to seduce me out of my underwear.
“And just so you know,” she said, “I have an appointment with my physician on Wednesday, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she gives me the okay to have sex.” She ran the tip of her tongue along her lower lip—and my cock grew hard at the memory of her soft lips around it.
Six days? Six freaking long days? I wasn’t sure I could survive one day—never mind six—before I was inside her again.
And then just like that, she ended the call—leaving me groaning.
“Goddamn tease,” I said, smirking at the blank screen.
She might have ended the call, but that wasn’t enough to wipe away the image of her smile and her lips from my mind.
I stalked to the bathroom, stripped off my clothes, and climbed into the shower. Hot water rained on me, filling the space with steam. I wrapped my fingers around my cock and gave it one long, firm stroke.
What was I thinking about as I jacked myself off? Holly, of course. Hot, naked-in-the-shower Holly.
It didn’t take long before the tingling in my lower back spread throughout the region. My balls tightened hard and my seed shot from me, accompanied by the primal grunt from between my lips.
It took me a moment to recover my wits and finish showering.
Was I satisfied? Not really, but it was enough to take the edge off until Thursday night.
And in the meantime? I would be sending the good doctor subliminal messages. Because come Thursday—if all things went well—I wanted to finally sink inside Holly again and enjoy her sweet heat.
I wanted to make a new memory that would help me get through the next few months.
And I wanted to talk to Holly about our future.
Together.
33
Holly
What were the first words out of my mouth the moment my physician stepped into the exam room?
“Can I have sex now?”
She hadn’t even had a chance to ask me how I was doing.
That didn’t sound too desperate, right?
But could you blame me? I wasn’t your typical new mother who saw her lover every day. Tonight was my one shot at making love to Josh—or else I’d have to wait a few more weeks.
And I’d rather have a Tasmanian devil chew on my leg than have to wait that long.
Anyhow, the appointment had been yesterday. Did I get the approval? I mean, after I clarified I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend once he returned from Montreal. Yes, I had realized after blurting out the question that it could’ve been taken the wrong way—that I wanted to have sex at the exact moment my doctor walked into the exam room.
Well, let me put it this way when it came to the approval—I might have done a few mental cartwheels down the hallway at the news.
“Can you believe we get to see your daddy soon?” I asked Lily as we drove to the airport. Josh had told me he’d catch a cab home, but why should some random cab driver get to spend time with my boyfriend instead of me? Was the cabbie counting down the seconds to finally hold Josh and kiss him and make love to him?
I seriously doubted it—even if this was San Francisco.
Lily didn’t say anything, asleep in her infant car seat.
By the time we arrived at the airport terminal, my body was begging me to jump his bones the moment I saw him. My heart was pounding, agreeing with the idea but at the same time as nervous as a cow at a community barbecue.
Lily’s car seat was attached to the stroller and she was busy cooing and gurgling at me as I pushed her through the airport. In her hand was her favorite toy—a plastic set of keys made for babies.
Guess which super-hot, super-sweet daddy sent it to her from Montreal?
I knew she wouldn’t last long in her stroller. She never did. She preferred to be strapped to my chest in her baby carrier. Why wasn’t she?
Because as soon as I saw Josh, I would be hugging and kissing him. But it wouldn’t be a little hug and a peck on the lips.
We were talking about a full-blown, fireworks-lighting-up-the-night-sky kiss.
And I didn’t think Lily wanted to be the filling in our sandwich, so to speak.
We waited outside the exit for arriving passengers. My eyes instantly teared up at the sight of Josh walking through the door. It took only a few quick strides before he was in front of me, pulling me close. My arms went around his neck.
Was this how I had fantasized it would be?
Truth? My fantasy was dirtier. Sexier. Naughtier.
But I could hardly fulfill that fantasy at the airport with so many people around.
His free hand cradled the back of my head and his mouth was on mine. It felt like a lifetime since we’d last kissed but at the same time, everything about it was familiar.
“Get a room,” a guy said and cackled.
We separated, my face a little more heated than before.
Josh turned his attention to his daughter. “I can’t believe how much she’s grown in two weeks,” he said, unbuckling her safety harness.
He scooped
her out of the car seat and kissed her forehead. Lily cooed and gurgled some more. She knew exactly who her daddy was.
I won’t bore you with the next part—because I know you want to get to the good stuff. Suffice it to say we went home, Josh spent time with Lily and me while he packed his things to take to Montreal, we had dinner, and then we put Lily to bed.
Not wanting to waste what little time we had left together, we returned to our bedroom. Or if you were looking for a more accurate description—we stumbled to our bedroom, our lips fused together.
Somehow we made it there with little damage to the hallway. There might have been a slight incident involving the doorway—but when it came to the new bruise on my hip, it was nothing a little time wouldn’t heal.
Once inside our room, I slipped my fingers under the hem of his long-sleeved T-shirt and ran them up the smooth skin of his abs. His muscles flexed then relaxed at my touch.
That moan? One hundred percent me.
But touching him with my hands wasn’t enough. I craved to feel all of him against me. I shoved the fabric up his torso.
“I’d give you a hard time about being impatient,” he said with a chuckle, “but you make a very valid point.” He reached back to grab the collar of his top and yanked the material over his head.
In the time it had taken him to do that, I had removed my nursing top.
I know…the bra wasn’t what you were expecting, was it? From the way Josh was staring at it, I would say he felt the same way. It wasn’t boring and practical looking like my regular nursing bras. It was made completely of black lace and left nothing to the imagination—not that Josh needed to use his imagination.
He palmed my larger-than-normal breasts, feeling the weight of them in his hands, then brushed a thumb across one highly sensitive nipple. Even though I’d breastfed Lily not long ago, the tingling sensation in my breasts warned me it didn’t matter. I was about to have milk letdown, which happened whenever Lily wanted to eat. Great for feeding a hungry baby—not so great if you wanted to get down and dirty with your lover.
“Unfortunately, the bra will have to remain,” I told him.
Decidedly With Baby Page 20
