by Beth Wiseman
And it made sense to Rachel that her bitterness was also blocking the voice of God. She’d been praying more, but her prayers didn’t feel genuine, even to herself. Even though she’d asked God for the strength to accept His will, the continued undertone of her prayers was for Abraham to want her instead of Hannah. God would surely tell Rachel not to interfere in Hannah’s love life. And that wasn’t what Rachel wanted to hear.
Sighing, she left the room. She’d already heard Hannah talking on her cell phone this morning, whispering so their father wouldn’t hear. Mobile phones had become an accepted form of communication in their community, especially for those who ran a business—or were in their rumschpringe. But Rachel’s parents weren’t keen on the idea, and neither were most of the elders. Rachel and Hannah tried not to use their cell phones in front of them.
Hannah had been making plans with Abraham. He was supposed to be picking her up after supper and taking her to a movie. At least that’s what Hannah had told their parents. But Rachel had overheard her sister say otherwise, something about being alone with Abraham. Rachel thought about exposing Hannah’s plans to her parents, but that could come around and bite her back if she wanted to explore options during her running-around period.
Hannah considered spritzing perfume before Abraham picked her up but thought better of it. Her father might smell it on her way out the door and put a halt to her date. He’d already caught her wearing lip gloss once before, and he’d made her wipe it off before she went shopping with an Englisch friend. She reminded herself that her father was already being lenient by letting her date, even though her and Rachel’s birthday wasn’t for a couple more weeks.
Her parents hadn’t asked where she and Abraham were going, and that was good. Hannah suspected they weren’t going to be too strict about Abraham since his family was related to the bishop, one of the reasons for their move here. She’d already made sure Rachel overheard her talking to Abraham about going to the movies. Hannah didn’t want her sister to know where she was really going. She was already feeling shameful about it.
Everyone knew that kids their age went to the beekeeper’s cemetery to make out. The place was named for Englischer Bud Hawkins, who was buried there. He’d died from a thousand bee stings long before Hannah was born, and there were only a few other unmarked graves in the tiny cemetery, so there wasn’t much reason for anyone to officially visit. Amish and Englisch kids went there because it was tucked away in a forest of oak trees that were centuries old. The enormous limbs had sloped and bent over the years, forming natural benches. It was rumored that during a full moon Bud Hawkins could be seen running through the cemetery with a swarm of bees chasing him. Hannah didn’t believe that. But she suspected plenty of boys had lured girls into their arms by telling that story.
Hannah had never been there, and she was curious how Abraham had found out about the place so soon after he’d moved here.
She hurried downstairs when she saw Abraham pulling in the driveway. She was glad Rachel wasn’t home yet. As usual when she met up with Abraham, Hannah wasn’t feeling very good about herself, for the way she’d forcefully pursued him in spite of Rachel’s feelings. She loved her sister, and no matter how happy she would be to marry Abraham someday, she still didn’t like to see her hurting.
On the other hand, she was glad Rachel wasn’t lurking around again spying on them.
She waited for Abraham to come to the door, but he stood beside his buggy like he was just waiting for her. Hannah wasn’t sure exactly what proper dating protocol was, but she supposed there wasn’t a reason for him to come to the door. Her parents already knew Abraham.
But still. She’d thought that’s how it was done.
“What time will you be home?” Her father peered over his reading glasses from his recliner, a newspaper in his hand.
“I-I’m not sure.” She also wasn’t feeling good about herself for not being truthful with her parents about her plans.
Her father glanced out the window and scowled, perhaps wondering as she did why Abraham didn’t come to the door. “You will be home at eight,” he stated. That settled, he refocused on the newspaper, turning the page.
Hannah glanced at the clock on the mantel. It was five thirty. Tempted to argue for more time, she decided against it and gave a quick wave before she headed out the door.
“Wie bischt,” Abraham said as he opened the buggy door for her. Hannah slipped into the seat and felt like a proper lady. She was on her first real date. Even though she’d been spending time with Abraham, he’d never formally come and picked her up. They’d been meeting at coffee shops, had lunched several times near the lumberyard where he worked, and had visited here on the farm in the evening. But in her parents’ eyes, this was the first date. Her father had scoffed at the first mention of it, but Hannah had her mother to thank for smoothing the way, reminding Hannah’s father that he’d already agreed to let Hannah see Abraham, and that this was the next natural step.
Hannah had always thought her first real date would be supper and a movie. But she’d already eaten, and the plan was to go to the beekeeper’s cemetery. And no matter where they went, the main point was that Abraham loved her and she loved him.
I think. She recalled what Rachel had said. Her sister was right. It had only been a month.
“You look pretty.” Abraham smiled at her as he guided the buggy down the driveway.
“Danki.”
Hannah wasn’t usually nervous around guys, but this evening her insides swirled with anticipation. She had lain awake reliving her kiss with Abraham over and over again, and envisioned the look on his face when he’d told her he loved her. She was already designing the blueprint for her life. Baptism, then a fall wedding.
“You had supper, right?” Abraham clicked his tongue and gave the horse a gentle tap of the reins to speed up as he guided the buggy across Lincoln Highway. “I’m happy to take you to eat if you haven’t.”
“Ya, I had supper. But danki.” Hannah pointed to a parking lot on her left. “If we decide to go to a movie or somewhere that’s too far to go by buggy, we usually leave our buggies there and take the bus. The owner of that store has hitching posts, and he keeps an eye on the buggies and horses, even at night. He’s a young guy who used to be Amish but chose not to get baptized into the faith. He has an apartment above his shop.”
Nothing wrong with putting a bug in his ear for their next date.
Abraham turned toward her. “Why doesn’t a driver just pick you up at home?”
Hannah felt her cheeks warming. “Drivers will pick us up at home, but some kids . . .” She shrugged, keeping her eyes down. “Some kids don’t want their parents to know where they’re going. And the drivers we use know our parents and would tell them if we went somewhere inappropriate. Our shop owner friend wouldn’t do that. He’s in his twenties, but he said he remembers how hard it was to get around during his rumschpringe.”
Abraham clasped the reins in one hand as his other hand found hers. “Hannah, I’m happy to take you to a movie, if you’d rather do that.” He smiled, squeezing her hand. “I just love you so much I don’t want to share our time with anyone else.”
Hannah smiled back at him as her heart rate soared. “I don’t want to share our time with anyone else either.” She couldn’t wait to kiss him again.
Ten minutes later they pulled onto the road that led to the beekeeper’s cemetery. It was just like she imagined it to be, mostly hidden with lots of trees that formed a canopy over the graves, and there were lots of places to sit on the enormous branches.
Abraham guided the buggy to the best spot—the best place to watch the sunset, he said, almost as if he’d been there before.
“I have to be home at eight.” She cringed. “Since this is my first official date. So we’re going to miss the sunset, I’m afraid.” She glanced around but didn’t see any other couples. They’d probably come later, closer to dark, she presumed.
“It’s already six o�
�clock.” Abraham frowned a little, but as he leaned over to kiss her, Hannah scooted closer. This kiss was longer, she noted, and even when she tried to ease away, Abraham cupped his hand behind her head and kept his mouth pressed to hers. She’d never kissed anyone before, just Abraham a few nights ago, so she could only trust that this was how it was done. But she jumped when he moved his hand down to the small of her back and pulled her even closer, pausing to take a breath. “I love you so much,” he whispered as his breathing grew heavy again.
“I love you too,” she said when she was able to ease away from him for a couple seconds. But as good as it felt kissing Abraham, she was aware of his hands, which were pushing boundaries Hannah had previously set for herself.
“Don’t, Abraham.” She didn’t look him in the eye as she put her hand on top of his, sliding it to a more appropriate place.
“I just want to show you how much I love you.” He kissed her again, longer, harder, almost forcefully.
“Stop.” She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away.
“What? What’s wrong? You kept me waiting a month just to kiss you.” Abraham scowled as he leaned back. “I thought you loved me.”
“I do.” Hannah finally locked eyes with him. “But some things should be reserved for marriage.”
He grinned. “That’s sweet, Hannah, but we’re grown-ups. And when you love someone, it’s only natural to want to show that person. I’ve waited a long time.”
A month is a long time? “I’m not comfortable with anything but kissing right now.” Hannah swallowed hard as a lump formed in her throat.
Abraham scooted away from her and sighed, then mumbled something Hannah didn’t fully understand. It sounded like he said maybe he’d chosen the wrong sister.
She blinked her eyes a few times. Surely she’d heard him wrong. “Um, what did you say? I didn’t quite hear you.”
“Nothing.” Abraham sighed again.
Hannah took a deep breath, resolved that she’d misheard him. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “Abraham, I’m sorry if I upset you or made you mad. I’m . . . I’m just nervous, I guess.” She looked up at him.
Abraham moved toward her again, then gently cupped her cheek. “Don’t be nervous. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” He kissed her softly on the lips. “I’ll go slow.”
Right away, though, Abraham’s hands began to travel, and it took everything Hannah had to maintain her boundaries. Finally, she pushed him away again. “Stop, Abraham!”
He flung his hands up and shook his head. “Ya, I chose the wrong schweschder, that’s for sure.”
Hannah’s jaw dropped.
“What? Why do you look so surprised? Your schweschder isn’t as pretty as you, but I bet she’d be happy to go out with me.”
Hannah’s lip trembled for a couple of seconds before her shock and hurt turned into something else. She couldn’t stand the thought of Abraham pursuing Rachel in such a way. It wasn’t jealousy, though. It was a protective instinct. Hannah wasn’t sure if Rachel would be able to resist Abraham’s charms. She herself was having a hard time doing so. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
Abraham shrugged. “You knew we were coming here. What did you think we were going to do?”
“I thought we would get to know each other better. Talk. Kiss.”
Abraham grinned. “Ach, well, I was trying to get to know you better.”
Hannah gazed at the handsomest guy she’d ever seen, knowing pride and vanity were not to be tolerated according to the Ordnung. Hannah had let him draw her in based on his charm and good looks, but now she questioned her judgment.
“Maybe you should just take me home.” She pressed her lips firmly together to keep them from trembling.
Abraham raised one shoulder and dropped it slowly. “Ya, fine. But I thought you loved me.”
“And I thought you loved me. But if you did, you wouldn’t be acting this way.”
He rolled his eyes. “Grow up, Hannah. When people love each other, they want to express that love.”
“And they do. After they’re married.” She folded her arms across her chest as anger mingled with hurt, her eyes filling with tears. This wasn’t how she’d expected her first real date to go. Her lip trembled, and she couldn’t stop it this time as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “I want to go home.”
“Fine. I guess we’re breaking up.”
Hannah sniffled. “I guess so.”
Abraham shrugged. “Since we’re broken up, then I guess I’m free to ask Rachel out.”
Hannah snapped her head toward him, eyes blazing as she swiped at her eyes. “No, you aren’t asking mei schweschder out.”
“Like I said, she’s not as pretty as you, but she’s cute.” He scratched his chin. “I bet she’d show a guy a little love.”
Hannah forced a thin-lipped smile even though her heart was pounding in her chest. “She won’t go out with you.”
Yet even as she spoke, she knew that wasn’t true. Rachel remained livid that Hannah had snagged the man Rachel picked out for herself. Would her sister go along with Abraham’s advances, only to be devastated later on when she realized what you see isn’t always what you get?
She waited for Abraham to say something, but to her surprise, he suddenly hung his head. They sat in silence.
Finally, he spoke. “I’m such an idiot.” His voice was filled with remorse.
He lifted his head, and Hannah locked eyes with him. She didn’t know what to say. Idiot wasn’t a word they commonly used, but she knew what it meant, and he had certainly acted like one.
“Can we start over?” Abraham reached for her hand, and she let him take it in his. “I have had a horrible day, one of those days where everything goes wrong, and I don’t mean to take it out on you.” His words cracked a little as he squeezed her hand and hung his head again.
Hesitantly, Hannah squeezed his hand back. “I’m sorry you had a bad day.” Everyone has bad days.
“And I am so sorry I brought up your schweschder. That was a terrible thing to do. It’s you I love.” Once again looking at her, he cupped her cheek. “I’m just frustrated because I want to show you how much I love you, and I guess I lost my head. Please forgive me.”
Hannah wanted to believe him. But even more, she wanted to protect her sister. Maybe this was her punishment for stealing Abraham from Rachel in the first place. What if things hadn’t happened exactly this way? It could be Rachel sitting in Abraham’s buggy fending off roaming hands. Or would she have given in to him? Hannah wanted to believe that Rachel wouldn’t have, but she didn’t know for sure.
God always had a plan. Maybe Hannah was exactly where she was meant to be and this was the Lord’s will for her.
She was lost in thought as Abraham again said he was sorry. “I only want to be with you.” He leaned in to kiss her again, and Hannah didn’t pull away.
But how far am I willing to go to protect Rachel?
CHAPTER 3
Rachel carried her small shopping basket to the front of the market and got in line behind an Englisch woman about her mother’s age. The woman was tall and wide, and it wasn’t until she bent over to unload her groceries that Rachel saw the cashier. Gideon Lapp.
The Lapp family had been a part of her life since she was born. In fact, Gideon, Rachel, and Hannah had grown up together and knew each other so well that their mothers had tried to play matchmaker over the past year. They’d set their kapps on a relationship between Rachel and Gideon. The two teenagers both loved to read, had a fondness for animals—even the not-so-friendly ones, like raccoons—and could play board games all afternoon. Hannah wasn’t crazy about animals, and Rachel couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her sister read a book. So it made sense the moms would choose her for the match. But their tactics had often been embarrassing.
Rachel recalled a Sunday singing at Gideon’s house. The social event for teens was scheduled to begin at four o’clock in the afternoon. Rachel�
��s mother had told her three o’clock and dropped her off an hour early, forcing her to spend an hour alone with Gideon. In any other situation that would have been fine since they were really good friends. But the giddiness of their mothers had made the encounter awkward.
Another time, after church service, Gideon and Rachel had been talking about a book they’d both just read and had overheard their mothers talking about what beautiful children they’d make. Rachel had been terribly embarrassed. Judging from the redness in Gideon’s face, so had he.
The attempts to pair them up in this year leading up to their rumschpringe had ended up backfiring. Rachel wasn’t having any part of the matter, if for no other reason than the determination their mothers had displayed at the prospect of their children marrying. And the potential to share grandchildren.
“Wie bischt,” Gideon said after the Englisch lady left. He picked up a bag of sugar and scanned it.
“I’m gut. And you?” Rachel opened her small black purse and pulled out the cash her mother had given her for the items they needed.
Gideon shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”
Rachel eyed him. Gideon’s hair was the color of field oats and flattened from his hat, and his bangs were too long. He was tall and lanky, almost like he was still growing into his body. Today his blue shirt was untucked on one side even though he was wearing suspenders to hold up his pants. But despite his disheveled appearance, Gideon had an infectious smile and eyes that were either amber or green, depending on the light. Had it not been for the pushiness of their mothers, maybe they might actually have taken a liking to each other as more than just friends. “You don’t sound okay.”
“Mei mamm is sick.” He didn’t look up as he scanned a chocolate candy bar that hadn’t been on the list.
“What’s wrong? Does my mamm know about this?” Rachel put a hand to her chest. Marian Lapp wasn’t just her mother’s best friend. She was like an aunt to Rachel and Hannah.
Gideon shook his head. “Nee, she hasn’t said anything to anyone about her illness. But can you please tell your mamm? I think she needs some support.”
