by Beth Wiseman
“Can you get on your own bed, please?” Hannah glared at Rachel, suddenly resentful of all she was doing for her sister. She’d been planning to keep dating a guy who was a jerk just to make sure he didn’t hurt Rachel. She wondered if Rachel would protect her in such a way. Or would Hannah’s sister be so desperate to have someone like Abraham pursue her that she’d think only of herself? Hannah didn’t want to believe that, but love was turning out to be a confusing thing when it came to guys.
It will all be over soon. After I break up with Abraham.
Hannah waited until Rachel was sitting on her own bed, then rolled onto her side and faced the window. Orange hues became one with the clouds as the sun began to set, and Hannah still needed to take a bath. For now she just wanted to lie quietly.
She hoped she could break up with Abraham before their next date, scheduled for Saturday. Now that she’d seen how he reacted when things didn’t go his way, she feared what might happen when she told him.
It didn’t matter anymore. She just wanted out of the relationship and away from Abraham Stoltzfus. And she wanted to talk to her best friend, her sister. But as a tear rolled down her cheek, she stayed quiet.
CHAPTER 5
Rachel finished ironing her favorite maroon dress. Her date with Gideon would begin in about an hour. “Aren’t you going to get ready for your date with Abraham?”
Hannah didn’t move from her spot on the bed where she’d been lying for the past hour, staring off into space while she pretended to read a book she was holding. “I am ready.”
Rachel ran the iron over her dress once more, then set it aside. She really hadn’t heated the iron long enough to do a good job, but she didn’t think guys noticed a few wrinkles. She eyed her sister’s tangled hair fanned across her pillow like plucked angel wings, wondering if Hannah would brush the knotty mess before she pinned it beneath her kapp. And had Hannah ever taken a bath last night? Rachel didn’t think so.
“You don’t look ready,” Rachel said in a whisper as she removed the blue dress she was wearing. She tossed it in a pile of clothes near the corner of the room, then pulled the freshly ironed dress over her head. When she finally looked at Hannah again, her sister hadn’t moved. Normally such a comment would have sparked a feud, or at least a retort.
Rachel sighed softly. She’d watched her sister all week, and something had obviously been bothering her. Rachel wanted to ask her what was wrong. Prior to Abraham Stoltzfus, she would have. They’d never kept things from each other. But things had been differently lately.
Rachel stuffed the urge to ask Hannah what was going on. She had more important things to think about, like her first date. Even if it was just a pretend date. That was probably why she wasn’t nervous, the way she’d expected she would be the first time she went out with someone.
But this was her friend Gideon. They’d had the chicken pox at the same time, back when the community was still debating about vaccinations. They’d spent six days together at Gideon’s house when they were five, since they couldn’t be around other children, some of whom hadn’t received the vaccination either. Rachel recalled her mother waiting and waiting for Hannah to break out with the itchy red spots, but she never did. Mamm finally took Hannah to get the vaccination. Rachel still had tiny scars from the pox.
Of course Hannah was spared.
Rachel and Gideon continued to hang out together after those six days together. They learned to read sitting side by side in the one-room schoolhouse. They always picked each other for softball or volleyball teams. When Gideon broke his arm, she’d been the first person he’d wanted to sign his cast. And Rachel knew that Gideon would eat most anything, except for pickled beets. They were friends—really good friends. There’d been an interlude when her body was changing and she hadn’t wanted to be around boys. But once into her teen years, she and Gideon had begun to hang out again.
Finally, Rachel couldn’t take it anymore. “Hannah, what’s wrong? You look like something the cat dragged in, and you don’t seem to have any interest in your date tonight. Are you sick?”
Hannah rolled her eyes, blew out a big puff of air, and sat up on the bed. “I’m not sick. I’m fine.”
Rachel started to tell Hannah she didn’t look fine, but thought better of it. She’d probably said enough. “Okay, well . . .” She shrugged. “I guess I’ll go downstairs and wait for Gideon.” She was almost out the door when she turned back around and peeked inside the bedroom. “I hope you have fun tonight.” She said it with as much sincerity as she could muster. She waited for Hannah to respond, but her sister just shrugged and lay back down.
No matter how angry she’d been at Hannah, Rachel walked down the stairs on shaky legs. She and Hannah might have been distant lately, but Rachel could feel something wrong with her sister, and without knowing what it was, it scared her. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, thinking it over, then gasped, quickly slamming a hand against her mouth. Maybe Hannah really was sick because . . .
Because . . . she’s pregnant.
Who knew what Hannah and Abraham had been doing all those times they’d been hanging out before Rachel saw them kissing out the bedroom window. And maybe Hannah hadn’t been lying when she said she wasn’t feeling well the other night. Maybe she was lying now. Was it possible?
Rachel shook her head so hard, she almost lost her prayer covering, but she still couldn’t shake loose of the thought swirling like a tornado in her mind. She took a deep breath and made her way across the living room when she saw her date pulling into the driveway.
Gideon parked his spring buggy in front of Rachel’s house. In spite of himself, he was nervous. Even though he’d turned sixteen two months ago, this was his first date.
He tethered the horse, thinking about how long he’d wanted to go out with Rachel. He smiled. Probably since I was five. If it was possible for two five-year-olds to bond, he and Rachel had done so when they’d had the chicken pox. He remembered how every morning Rachel’s mudder had dropped her off, since Gideon didn’t have any siblings and they were trying to keep the illness from spreading. The details of that time were sketchy now, but he remembered telling his mudder he was going to marry Rachel someday. Mamm had glowed with happiness, and Gideon wondered if he’d set the stage for her matchmaking a long time ago.
“You look beautiful,” Gideon said when Rachel opened the front door. He’d told her before that maroon was her best color. He wondered if she’d worn the dress for him, then reminded himself that this wasn’t a real date.
“Danki. And you look pretty spiffy yourself.”
Gideon chuckled. “Spiffy?” He shrugged. “Okay. Danki.”
“Mamm and Daed said to apologize that they couldn’t be here when you arrived.” Rachel lowered her gaze, her face turning pink. “You know, since it’s my first date, they wanted to be here, but they had supper plans with the Bylers.”
Gideon waited until she looked back at him. “That’s okay. There’s no one I’d rather be going on a first date with.” He waved his arm for her to go ahead of him. They’d just started to cross the yard when Abraham turned in the drive. “I guess Hannah has a date tonight too.”
Rachel didn’t say anything for a few seconds as she stopped and watched Abraham pulling his buggy down the driveway. “Ya, she does.”
Gideon took a deep breath. Rachel’s tone hadn’t gone unnoticed. She’d surely rather be with Abraham. But Gideon wasn’t going to hold back in his effort to show Rachel that they could be a real couple.
He walked with her to Abraham’s buggy.
“Wie bischt,” Abraham said as he stepped out.
Gideon nodded, forcing a smile. He’d seen Abraham at church service every two weeks over the last couple months, but that was it, since his family had only recently moved here. Gideon was over six feet tall, but Abraham was even taller. And the guy practically oozed charm. Gideon thought he could be pretty charming himself sometimes, but Abraham’s perfect smile, combined with the confid
ent way he held himself, left Gideon standing way outside of this guy’s circle of winning attributes. No wonder all the girls were going crazy over him.
Rachel included. He’d seen the way she watched him at worship services.
They all turned to the porch when the screen door slammed closed. Hannah hurried down the steps toward them, but Rachel grabbed Gideon’s hand and said they needed to go. He gave a quick wave to Hannah, then told Abraham bye as Rachel dragged him to his buggy.
After they were on the road, he said, “What was that all about? Are you and Hannah fighting or something?” Probably over Abraham.
Rachel shrugged, her gaze straight ahead. “Nee, not really.”
Something was wrong, but Gideon wasn’t sure if he should push her on it. He wanted this to be a good first date for both of them. He cleared his throat. “So, where would you like to go?”
Her head snapped around toward him, her eyes wide. “You said we were going to eat. Aren’t we going to supper? Because that’s what you said. You weren’t expecting to go anywhere else, were you?”
Gideon realized his mouth was open, so he closed it. “Uh, I thought we were going to eat.”
She brought a hand to her chest and let out a breath she seemed to be holding. “Ya, right. That’s what I thought.”
“I just meant what restaurant?” He paused, flicked the reins, and got them across the highway and onto a side street with less traffic. “But we can do something else if you want to.”
“Nee! Supper is gut. I want supper.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, and Gideon was surprised that Rachel seemed so nervous, steadily twirling the string of her kapp. Maybe that was a good thing. He wasn’t sure. But he’d known Rachel all his life. Something was bothering her.
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong now, or wait until we get to the restaurant?” He glanced at her, then back at the road, not wanting to miss her reaction, but also not wanting to get them killed. A car had just whizzed by and spooked the horse. It took Gideon a minute to get him calmed down.
“I’ll tell you what’s bothering me when we get to the restaurant. That way you can focus on getting us there in one piece.”
Gideon nodded, but his stomach churned. They hadn’t been gone five minutes, and already there was a problem. Rachel’s scowl had deepened, her lip folded under into a pout that would leave any guy worried.
Maybe the date hadn’t been such a good idea after all.
CHAPTER 6
Rachel couldn’t shrug the thought that Hannah might be pregnant. It went against their upbringing and their beliefs. Surely Hannah wouldn’t have crossed that line. But the more Rachel thought about it, the more worried she became. They were always within a week of each other for their monthlies, but this past time Rachel couldn’t recall Hannah mentioning anything. Usually they both had horrible cramps.
Still, if she was wrong, what a dishonor it would be to Hannah to even mention anything to Gideon.
After they ordered iced tea, Gideon looked at her and grinned. “This is a nice place. I’ve never been here.”
“Me either.” Rachel had chosen a restaurant that she had heard good things about but that wasn’t expensive. “Another first for both of us.” She smiled, then refocused on her menu, which consisted of a little bit of everything—chicken, fish, steaks, burgers, and appetizers.
They each ordered a burger, then talked about the weather, gardening techniques, books, the movie they were planning to see, and other topics that couples might talk about on their first date to get to know each other.
Finally, Gideon leaned back against the seat of the booth. “So . . . what has you troubled?”
Rachel was still leery about saying too much. Maybe she was way off about Hannah and Abraham. “I’m worried about Hannah. She just hasn’t been herself lately.”
Gideon drew his eyebrows together. “Is she sick?”
Rachel tried to read Gideon’s level of concern. They might have been the best of friends, but now that they were old enough to date, maybe Gideon was hoping it wouldn’t work out with Hannah and Abraham. That had certainly been Rachel’s hope—that it wouldn’t last. But Hannah’s troubled mood had cast those thoughts aside for now. In spite of everything, Rachel just wanted her sister to be happy again.
Rachel shrugged. “I’m not really sure if she’s sick. She’s been snappy, but it’s not even really that. She seems . . . depressed.”
“That doesn’t sound like Hannah. She’s always upbeat.”
They paused as the waitress arrived and set their plates in front of them.
“Most of the time, she is.” Rachel picked up a french fry and blew on it before putting it in her mouth. After she finished it, she snuck a look at Gideon as he took a big bite of his burger. He’d gotten a haircut, and she’d thought she smelled a hint of spice, like cologne, earlier when they were in the buggy. Rachel had been guilty of spritzing herself with a lavender body spray earlier. Colognes and perfumes weren’t normally allowed, but she supposed it was another one of the things that would be overlooked as she breezed into her rumschpringe.
She tried not to read anything into either of their grooming preparations. They both knew this wasn’t a real date.
“I’ll pray for her, that whatever is wrong, she’ll be feeling better soon.”
“Danki. This just isn’t like her. She always tells me everything, and I always tell her everything.” She smiled a little. “Hannah is like a diary of my life. She knows everything about me. And I know everything about her. Or, I thought I did.”
She took a sip of tea, then sighed. She really needed to stop focusing on her worries and instead put her mind toward having fun this evening. She took a breath and lightened her tone. “I’m sorry. I should have asked how your mamm is doing. Mei mudder went to see her the other day, but your mamm wasn’t home, so I don’t think they’ve actually spoken or mei mudder would have mentioned it. Is she feeling better about her diagnosis?”
“I don’t know.” Gideon chuckled. “But her spirits lifted considerably when I told her we were going out tonight.” He nodded his head. “This was a good plan. Even if it’s just temporary, I think it will give her something to be happy about while she adjusts to a new way of eating.”
“I just hope this doesn’t backfire on us and we don’t do more damage, like really upset her even more when we break up.” Rachel laughed. “My mudder was pretty excited, too, when I told her we were going out.”
“So, now we have to decide what movie to see. I have a driver meeting us back at my house. I didn’t want him to have to wait while we ate, so I only hired him to take us to the movies. It’s Arlen Walsh, an Englischer mei daed knows. He lives close to the movie theater, so he’ll just go home while the movie plays, then come back and get us.” Gideon lifted a shoulder and lowered it. “That way, you can say hi to my parents before we go to the show. My mamm will like that.” He reached into the pocket of his black slacks and unfolded a newspaper clipping. “Here’s what is playing.” He handed it to Rachel. “You pick.”
She set it on the table in front of her and clapped her hands lightly together. “Yay! I get to pick. But I want it to be something you’ll like too.”
Gideon took another bite of his burger, then wiped his mouth “You know, you’ve done that since you were little, clapping your hands together when you’re happy.”
Rachel smiled. “I guess you’re kind of like a diary of my life too.” Even though there were plenty of things she hadn’t shared with Gideon, he knew a lot about her. He knew which books were her favorites and that she snorted when she laughed too hard—an embarrassing thing not many people had witnessed. And he knew that for a while she’d wanted to leave their district to be a veterinarian. That childhood ambition had been quashed the first time she saw blood, and besides, she wanted to be close to God in the community she’d grown up in.
It was also Gideon’s shoulder she’d cried on when her grandmother died. Her mother had been
overwhelmed with grief, and Hannah and her father did their best to comfort her at the time. But Rachel had been particularly close to her grandmammi, and she’d spent a lot of time in Gideon’s arms after she died. It hadn’t seemed odd at the time, but when she thought about it, she wondered how it would feel now.
Rachel was still having trouble keeping her eyes off Gideon’s lips. She had always assumed there would be a kiss after a first date. But this was different, and she suspected they’d hug on the front porch when the date was over. Especially since Rachel had already told him no dating-type stuff.
Unlike Hannah and Abraham.
No, she wouldn’t think of them. Instead, she studied the movies that were playing in Lancaster. But every time she started to read a description, her traitorous mind drifted to Hannah. The more she thought about her sister, the more her heart started to race. In the past, that had always been an indication that something was wrong. As the hammering in her chest worsened, she found it difficult to focus on anything else.
Hannah pushed Abraham away, burst into tears, and covered her face with her hands. “I want to go home,” she said with muffled cries. “Just take me home.”
“What’s wrong?”
Hannah lowered her hands and gazed into his dark eyes, unable to tell if he was sympathetic to her tears or angry. She suspected the latter. “You know what’s wrong.”
They were sitting next to each other on a yellow-and-blue pastel quilt Abraham had brought. He’d spread it out on the ground. Hannah was never going to own a quilt with those colors.
“I don’t think this is working out, Abraham.” She sniffled, then swiped at her eyes. “I think things are different here than where you came from.”
Abraham’s bottom lip twitched. “Things are the same everywhere, Hannah. You’ve just led a sheltered life.” He threw the words at her like a reprimand, but he flashed a slight grin. “Are you trying to break up with me?”
