I snapped.
I broke.
Not my first time, but sure as shit the worst one to date. It wasn’t till I was being pried off and looked down to realize the damage I’d done. And I didn’t get the satisfaction I wanted. I didn’t feel proud of what I’d done.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t enjoy one second in that cage. Not one minute being Riker, because it means shit without someone to celebrate with, shit without my juju, shit when you don’t fight for the real reasons.
Just shit.
All of it, today, yesterday, a week ago, two months before, shit.
It’s fucking shit.
Now I have nothing else to look forward to, nothing to take my aggression out on—not a damn thing.
“Riker, usually you play with your opponents a little more. What changed this time?”
My lips open to answer, when movement from the side catches my eye. Lance steps on stage yet all eyes remain set on me.
I cover the mic as he bends down and whispers in my ear, “We found her.”
Three words, that’s all. But those three words are my fucking gift.
Laura, being her normal PA self, glances at Lance and back at me, silently telling me to stay exactly where I’m at.
Fuck that, fuck her, fuck the questions.
Fuck everything.
They get nothing else except for me standing the hell up, and the sound of my chair hitting the floor is the only noise heard in the room as I run off the stage.
“Where?”
“Columbia. Listen she’s living with James.”
We knew that. “And—Don’t give a shit. I’m leaving now. Text me the details.”
I’m getting the hell out of dodge to find her. Don’t give a fuck if she’s with that damn doctor, or hell with it, if she has another person. Because I will pluck his ass away from her, from anyone who stands in my damn way of my woman.
My being the key fucking word.
My feet bounce on the floor of the plane the minute we touch ground.
“Thank you for flying Air Central. It’s a sunny eighty-two degrees here in Medellin, Columbia. We welcome you and hope you enjoy your stay.”
The second the seatbelt sign flashes off, I dash out of my seat then grab my bags off the overhead. I waste no time pushing my way through the crowd, getting out of this can.
I open my phone as I walk out of the airport and see a message from Bash. Lance was right, he found my girl. He had everything waiting for me in the palm. Literally.
Bash: Hadley works at Oceana City Hospital. From my information it’s attached to a strip mall. She should be there now, but if not, she lives in a condo across from that. The number there is 702.
Me: Got it.
A cab pulls up, and before the occupant could fish out their luggage in the trunk, I step in and give him the hospital’s name. My knees shake and my palms are sweating.
My insides a total mess.
This is the shit that kills me, the wondering what I’m going to be hit with when I see her. I had the whole flight to think about what to say and what is going to happen when I find her. No clue either. But hello seems too stupid, how are you? Too corny. But I’ll go with anything as long as I see her, touch her, feel her. It’s time to shit or get off the pot.
The cab pulls up to the hospital. I chuck the money and it falls to the ground before my feet hit the cement of the sidewalk.
My hands press against the glass door. The coolness dries the sweat on my palms. The whole area is stark white, and the smell of flowers hits my nose. A sleek, black reception desk sits to the right. I stride forward and an older lady at the desk glances up at me, the phone to her ear, and I wait. The damn ticking of my watch echoes in my ears, the only thing I can I hear—or maybe it is just my fucking heart beating. I’m more nervous than in the cab, more than on the plane, more than the entire six months before. She hangs up, and what little fucking Spanish I learned in school flies out the fucking window. Her mouth moves but I don’t get a fucking word of that except hello.
Why the fuck did my girl pick this place when she barely knows hello in Spanish? I hear the loud clicking of heels against the tile as a younger lady walks by the desk. The receptionist lifts another finger up, singling her to come close. Words fly around in Spanish as they talk, my eyes locked on them. They are my damn key to Hads.
The younger one looks up and speaks in broken English to me. “Who are you looking for?”
“Hadley Thomas. She’s a nurse here.”
“Yes, she is at lunch now, but should be on streets. She always get a juice.”
My back is to her before anything else is spoken. I nod when I shove the door open, shocked that the glass doesn’t break from my impact. I’m so close to getting her back, I swear I can fucking taste her on my mouth again. I peer around the streets, and if I could, I would will her to me.
If only it was that simple. I would have done it the morning she left.
I count five vendors on this street alone handing out drinks to others. My chances of missing her if I go the wrong way is way too much for me to take a chance, so I stand in front of the building right by the door. If she comes back this way, no chance in hell I’ll miss her. I glance at my watch. The second hand looks like the minute one with how slow shit is moving. The crack of thunder sounds and I look up at the clouds, just now turning a dark gray. In an instant, the rain starts to fall. People around me pop up umbrellas, but if I could see her, I couldn’t give two shits how wet I’ll be. Another glimpse at my watch and another fifteen minutes standing in the pouring rain goes by, and no fucking Hads. The streets line with bodies, but none walk into the damn door of the hospital.
My hair on my arms stands up and I know she’s here. She’s close enough for the fucking current we have to zap the shit out of me. I strain my neck and spot a bright-pink umbrella coming near the hospital. It’s being held by someone that looks vaguely familiar, but it’s the girl’s laugh that calls me.
Fucking Hadley’s.
She sips on a juice and splashes in the puddles that have formed, dancing around with James—fucking James who had a girlfriend he loved—the same fucker laughing and shaking his head at her while she acts like she doesn’t have a care in the world. He laughs like I used to; he looks at her like I still do. Like his sun sets on her, on my girl. I twist around to see her face, and I’m smacked with a proverbial two-by-four to the heart, the one that keeps hitting me with each second I stand gawking at her like the fucking intruder she has turned me into. All my thoughts of getting her back, everything I thought is going down the road along with the rain, along with each smile she gives him so freely, so easily.
Karma—this is fucking karma for what I did to her. She told me how it hurt seeing me with Krystal, but I didn’t get it—not till now. I fucking feel it; I’m not her home anymore.
I lost her. I lost it.
What the fuck did I do?
Hadley doesn’t look sad anymore, nothing like the shell she was the last time we talked. The last time she spoke, she said she was going to get the fuck away from me.
And Hadley did just that.
She’s happy, happy with him—with another man. He has Hadley’s damn juju now. Her eyes have the light back in them, the light I always wanted to see. The light—that innocence of life I haven’t seen since the night I left her years ago.
I swallow hard, surprised that the bitter pill I just swallowed didn’t cut my throat. The ache is back, my hope consumed. A pain is there that won’t ever go away now, my heart chopped in a million pieces and left on this sidewalk.
Where my girl is no longer mine.
But another man’s. She replaced me—she found what she needed with him. Hadley opened her heart to someone else. Someone stable, someone that doesn’t have problems following him around like dog shit on the bottom of their shoe. Hadley got the man she deserves to be with. It stabs me in the windpipe to admit I love her enough to know I’m not that person for h
er, and I can’t be the selfish bastard with her and mess it up showing back up. Even though I really fucking want to be.
I won’t.
At my realization, Hads stops mid-jump, the smile falling off her face as she looks around. It takes her longer than normal, but I know she feels me, too. Yet I can’t let her see me. I want to be the one to put the fire in her eyes, but if I can’t do that, I won’t be the one to dim that shit, either.
I dip my head before she can see me and turn away from them. I can’t fuck this up between them. She’s normal now. She found the remedy to what I did to her. Hadley’s healed, I can see it—I can feel it, with each sound of her bright, intoxicating laugh that rings in my ears as I walk the completely opposite direction. Opposite of the only woman to ever be mine, even if it was fleeting. So I just let her slip away—let her fly without me and accept a whole different meaning of what madly means now.
I land on the bed and the white comforter puffs out from the air. God, this bed is perfect. I’m going to miss falling asleep on it, well this whole place actually. Columbia is where I found what I was looking for, the me I never knew was there—the me without someone to fall back on. I still have work to do, things to battle, but I like the person in the mirror now and before this time spent here I hadn’t liked that reflection in quite a while.
James became my best friend. I don’t lean on him, don’t use him as my crutch anymore. It’s an equal friendship between us now. He talks about his goals, his broken relationship with Liz, his past with his dysfunctional family. And like always, he is my shoulder, however I am his, also. This trip wasn’t just life changing for me, it was for him, too. It was the best for both of us, it showed us the bigger picture of what really matters in life.
And Gus, my Guster, became a brother from another mother to me. I know he and his crazy life will always be a part of me. He may seem like a rock of a person, but he’s one big, soft teddy bear.
Martha became a second mother to me, the one that gives me tough love when I don’t want it, and the one person to offer me the wisdom she learned in this life.
“Hadley, are you jumping on that bed one more time?”
I flip over, putting my arms under my head, and gaze up at James in my doorway.
“Yep, we can come back again, though?” I question. This place holds a special place in my heart and will forever. Imagining not coming back is a thought I don’t want.
“Whatever you want.”
“Promise?”
“You and your stupid promises.” He doesn’t understand my promises, my want for having them. But when someone promises something, it can’t be broken. Unlike pinky ones, which not only are breakable but dislocated, too.
I narrow my eyes and send him a level stare.
“Yes, I promise, Hadley, but stop the love affair with the bed and let’s go. The car service will be here before too long.”
I stick my lip out. “Can I at least steal it? In all seriousness this is the best ever.”
“Don’t think it will fit in your carry-on luggage. Easy solution though. Just get one when you find a new place to live. But seriously, we need to get a move on.”
My townhome sold months ago, so I don’t have a home. I have no career plans, but I’ll be just fine. Matt’s spare bedroom will work for the time being, and the family business can use me for my phone skills until I move onto the next thing in life.
I pick up my bag, sling it over my shoulder, and with a mixture of emotions, I bid farewell to a place that saw me at my worst and helped me get to a better me.
Not my best yet, only I can get me there.
“I can’t believe they changed the sign. It’s been there since I first came here years ago,” James says as we hop on the escalators in the Atlanta airport. He points to the sign that used to have a painting of kids running in the Olympic rings, but now it’s a Porsche sign.
A smile tugs on my cheeks—a smile because, for the first time, I think about Reed and me there. It’s about the fun times, dancing around in the water, and the playful time we had there. Nothing else comes bombarding through to ruin the memory, like what happened in the past. No Crotch Rot, no Bennett, no sex tapes, and no drama, only a date with an old boyfriend.
Talk about growth in one’s self.
“I guess some things aren’t meant to be there forever,” I point out to him.
“You got deep with me right then, didn’t you?”
“I sure did, JJ.” I laugh at him as we land at the top of the escalator.
He stops mid-stride. “Holy shit, Hads, you gave me a nickname. Took you forever. Even your Guster got one before me. I was wondering how long it would take to get in your inner circle.”
I shove out my hip, hitting his. “Oh, JJ, I have you in your own circle.” Before anything else can be said, I spot Courtney and her huge sign she’s holding. In bright colors, glitter, and even feathers for the whole airport to see. “Welcome to Atlanta where the players play.”
“She’s never going to change, is she?”
“Nah.” Court doesn’t need to change though. Ever. She’s my fresh air.
I rush over to her arms, wrap mine around her, and squeeze the neck of my best friend. Courtney’s protruding belly proudly out on display, hits mine. I missed her.
I drop my arms and place a hand on Gracie, then rub Courtney’s belly like she’s my Buddha.
She places her hand over mine; she’s truly glowing. “You came back before Gracie’s arrival. Thank you! I don’t know if I could do this one without you. The barbecue shower is tomorrow, so I’m hoping you aren’t too tired to help get it ready,” she rambles on, pleading with me.
“Wouldn’t matter, because I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I can sleep when I’m dead. I can’t believe you only have two more weeks till you get to see her.” I continue to rub my hand over her swollen belly. “And what exactly is a barbecue shower, anyway?”
“It’s a shower because Gracie gets the presents, but none of the other games or anything that goes with the usual shower part. That way, the guys can come and not want to pull their hair out. And it just happens to be July fourth, so what better way to celebrate. James, you’re coming, right?”
James clears his throat when Lance walks up behind Courtney. “Sure, I guess. Just have Hadley text me the details later. Well, I’m out of here. She’s all yours now, but make sure you take good care of her.” He leans down and places a kiss on my check, then walks through the sea of people.
“You know Reed will be there?”
“I know, Court.” And boy, do I. After the night I saw him fight, silence is the only thing I got from Reed. It’s defining for sure, but it was time for him to move on.
Time for both of us.
“You can just cut this ‘finding yourself journey’ and save yourself the awkward stuff that will follow you both for the next few months by just getting back with him.”
“If it was only that easy.” Easy? I wish. Maybe.
Lance snakes the bag from my shoulder, his neck and face tense. “Court, that’s enough of that. Please. Hads, let’s get out of here. Where are your bags?” Lance asks, his voice laced with hatred.
“Oh, I only have my carry-on. I had the rest shipped, easier than dealing with customs here. Matt’s probably freaking out since he couldn’t pick me up.”
I tape the last decoration up at Courtney’s house as the doorbell buzzes from the first guests arriving. Pink balloons, pink tulle, pink streamers, pink punch. Pink everything has exploded all over their house, and then some. Baby Gracie better like damn pink because I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the only color on her until she can fight for what she really wants.
I mingle around, chatting with friends I haven’t seen in months. The elephant in the room is never asked when I come to a different group, but the damn thing is an enormous one. They all hesitate to talk; none of them have a clue what to say or ask. I understand it. I wouldn’t know how to act if they were the ones to overdose
and leave the country without any notice to those around.
My hands are loaded down with more chips to fill the table when Sarah’s dark head peaks through the doorframe. A grin comes to my mouth that I couldn’t cover if I tried. The bags are forgotten and fall to the floor in my rush as I bypass Courtney’s guests and go straight for my new nephew, Jadon. He’s lying in a car seat, fast asleep, wearing the cutest monkey outfit, and his little lips do that sucking motion that only babies can get away with. I take the car seat out of Mark’s hand and place it on the ground. My heart radiates with happiness as I bend down, unbuckle him, and lift him from the seat.
I am in awe. Here he is, my little nephew, still snoozing away and cradled in my arms. For the very first time, I place a light kiss on the softest skin, his fresh scent filling my nose. I’ve heard of aunt love before, and I now I get it. He’s perfect in every way possible. I could eat him up, not in the hide-him-away-from-me way, but he’s too cute not to want to.
It’s official, I’m a goner for him.
Now this is the true meaning of innocence. Of pure love.
“I can’t believe how tiny you are. I’m your Aunt Hadley. I’ve been waiting to meet you for a while now.” His little face scrunches up and he lets out a sneeze, and another, then another. His eyes never open before his face loosens and a tiny grin replaces it. “You have an angel talking to you, don’t you? Your grandma always said when a baby smiles, an angel is whispering in their ear. I bet it’s her. I may not have been there when you were born, but I’ll be there now. Forever. Deal?” I whisper to him, my eyes misting over. Mom’s missing this, holding him, being able to spoil him rotten.
All of it.
But I’ll just have to pick up the slack and do it for her, as well as me.
The audience was forgotten once I had Jadon in my arms, however Sarah’s voice comes from over my shoulder, reminding me I’m not alone. “And you will always be in his life, Hads. You didn’t miss a ton. Just a bunch of sleeping and crying, anyway.”
Fighting to Stay (Fighting Madly Book 2) Page 5
