Fighting to Stay (Fighting Madly Book 2)

by Ziegler, S. L.

  Reed was going to throw the towel on the cage for me, abandon the thing that pulled us apart to begin with. He repeated to me over and over, he was okay to wash his hands of it, but it’s him. Riker’s in his soul, and I love that part of him just the same as Reed. So with one giant push from me, he stepped back in.

  Guns blazing.

  It was a tough and rough road to get in the league’s good graces again, even longer to get fights worth his time and effort, and he had the suspension hung over his head. Not to mention the fines he had to pay were insanely enormous, but he didn’t back down for that challenge and hit it head on. The league lacked the exposure he gave the sport, and once his fans got wind of a comeback, they couldn’t turn his pleas down even if they wanted to. He’s the bad-ass Riker, and he plays that part so damn well, what’s not to want?

  Reed wouldn’t dare speak the truth to me, but the way his face lit up after his first night back in the cage, said it all.

  He loves that cage almost as much as he loves me.

  Now his year-long hold from winning championships is up. He’s training for his chance to take back the belt, the belt he’d handed over in order to be there for me, and now he’s ready. It’s only the start of the second week into camp and he’s on fire. Morning, noon, and night he trains. Each and every time he does something new, it’s fluid like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He makes it look like an art. Maybe it’s been like that with other camps, only this time, I get to see all aspects of it.

  My time as a nurse was gone even with my rehab time. I’m too big of a liability for hospitals to insure, and I accepted that long ago. Working with my father or brother isn’t an option. I haven’t forgiven or forgotten; the pain is just too deep for me to completely let go yet. My father and I only speak when we are thrown into a situation that calls for some type of communication, and Mark is too skittish with me just being present in the room to have anything meaningful happen between us. That type of awkwardness on a day-to-day basis is a dark cloud over my happiness.

  I spent some time in therapy even after rehab, opening up more, digging deeper into what makes me tick. That time was well spent. It opened my eyes to even bigger things, bigger mistakes I was still making. Helping others helped me so I volunteered on the foundations my mother had been on the boards of, and each function I had a hand in planning, each raffle ticket I sold, it brought me a sense of peace from missing my mother.

  Yet I still yearned for something just for me, something to ground me, something well…not to help me become a better person, not to hide the grief from a missing loved one, but for fun. Honest-to-goodness fun.

  Things fell into my lap when Reed came to me with an offer, when he stepped back to handle the incident with me. He needed a steady flow of income, so time was focused more on his own clothing line and it blew up, carried not just online, but in department stores all over the world.

  When training began again, the time he spent on his line became a back thought, and the pile of paperwork that he couldn’t do grew higher each day. One night after a day full of practice and hours spent in his office playing catch up, he climbed in bed with the offer to take over as his managing partner. Reed looked pitiful all stressed and the offer was insistent and I said yes immediately. I didn’t think I would enjoy it, and I only accepted it to keep my hands busy, but I found my niche, my place in my new life. And sometimes I think I enjoy it more than I ever did nursing, I’m eager to get to my desk each morning, to see what waits for me, love seeing a design come to life, I relish figuring out how to make something from nothing. And the view from my desk offers some amazing eye candy daily, which could play a role in it, too.

  Only a tiny one, though. A teeny tiny one.

  “Hads! Get your cute little ass out here and show Lance up, because he keeps spitting shit that you can’t do the spin move from last night.” Reed’s deep voice echoes off the cement walls of the gym, causing all the guys’ heads to whip my way.

  I narrow my eyes his way as I mumble a goodbye to the distributor and my cheeks burn red from the outside attention. “Can we not do it with the audience?” I step out of my office, my arms crossed over my chest. He knows I hate when he pulls this card in front of everyone.

  Reed lifts his arms and grins with shining pride. “Where’s the fun in that? Show these lazy fuckers my girl is better than any of these fools.” He looks at all of them and beams. “I’m fucking telling you guys. Don’t mess with shorts girls like my girl here. Yes cute as shit, but they are ninjas and perfect height to head butt in your balls. And Hadley can do just that to me. Still can’t get me to tap out though. Isn’t that right, babe?”

  When the night of my meltdown came up with Graham for what seemed like the billionth time, I brought up the punching bag and how it calmed me down and the idea sparked in his head to start it on a regular basis. I wasn’t given a chance to entertain the idea for more than two seconds. The words were barely out of my mouth before Reed dragged me to the gym. That night, Reed didn’t baby me, didn’t hold his skills back. He flipped me, laid me flat on that mat more times than not, but beneath the bruises and sore muscles, a passion was born.

  Before the sun has a chance to rise in the mornings, when no one else is around, Reed trains me in all things, and each night after the last member leaves I take what I learn out on Reed. He’s badgering me to get in on a women’s league, but I’m afraid if I do that it won’t be my outlet, it will become a chore or job. It helps ease my demons from rearing their heads, and it provides the physical strength to be able to fend off attackers if I’m ever in a situation again. That is why I do it.

  I take a deep breath as I move through the gym. The fighters’ gazes follow me with each step I take, yet with giant smiles on their faces that cause the nerves in my belly to dance around. I focus on each move of my legs, and the steps leading up to the cage creak as I walk, ignoring all the men surrounding the chains. Lance slaps Reed on the back and bumps into my shoulder as he passes me, a huge grin playing on his face, too.

  “Mm…what in the world is going on, and why do all these men seem to think I’m a big piece of meat?”

  “Not a clue, now let’s shut them up with your mad skills. That I taught you.” Reed’s voice is strong, confident but his normally olive skin is ghostly pale. And his hazel eyes aren’t meeting mine as his muscled arm grabs my body and hooks his hip, flipping me slowly to the ground.

  Reed locks my head on the other side of his and twists my left arm behind my back, trapping me against the coarse mat. His rough cheek grazes over my ear, sending chills down my neck. His breathy words are the only thing I hear, the only thing I want to focus on. “You know I love you fucking madly, Hads. We’ve been through some shit. Lots and lots of it. And we only came out on the other side ever stronger.”

  “I know,” I say, my words bouncing off the mat.

  The stark coldness of something slips on my finger, on that finger.

  “Marry me,” he says, flat out. He doesn’t ask. Reed tells me. Straight and to the point. So like him.

  And everything but my mind stills. Is it too soon after what we went through? What about having children? My family isn’t our biggest fan. Could we make it? I still have shit wrong in my head. More and more doubts cloud a moment that should only be our joy.

  Reed’s restraint loosens and he flips me over effortlessly, his hard, callused fingers touching my face, his eyes locked on mine. “Hads, I know your brain is freaking out, doing that over-thinking shit it does. But it’s time to do this, to make it real. Your last name needs to be Collins. Things need to be dealt with, we finally go get you checked out to see if I can put babies in your belly, or we start the adoption process. Either way, we are going to find out. I fucking love you, all of you. So let’s do it. The real deal and all.”

  “Yes.” I glance down at my finger and the shiny, wrapped diamond band. It’s simple and so utterly my Reed. I lift my face meeting his lips. “You are insane.”

&n
bsp; “Tell me something I fucking didn’t know. And this is for me.”

  “Huh?”

  “The ring is for me, you know. It’s sexy as hell, too. It’s a huge sign for all those losers to step the fuck back and stay away from my girl.” His voice is so damn breathy and I know he means it. Reed’s color is back, his eyes light so brightly, and that smile of his hits me deep in the pit of my heart. “And I wasn’t asking, but glad you said yes. Makes it a lot easier for me.”

  “What would you have done if I’d said no?” I push up, propping myself with my arms, my grin plastered on my face. Damn thing may never fall.

  “Babe, let me just say some duct tape in a basement with no windows was the tamest idea I had.”

  “You would have kidnapped me?”

  “Fuck, yes.” His face is dead serious. Not one muscle moves to show he was joking.

  “You really would?”

  “You know it.”

  Why am I even shocked? Not a clue. Reed has me on lockdown in the best way possible. The thought of me leaving him again, or the thought of some kind of bomb being thrown to destroy what we built, freaks us both out. We know what it’s like to lose each other, to have our soul so depleted it’s gone. How hard we had to claw our way out of the ditch to be back into each other’s hearts, to never want to jeopardize it again.

  Reed closes the short distance and his lips descend on mine once more and the deeper he pushes against me, the lights, the audience, everything fades away until the whoops and clapping break out and remind me that we aren’t in our own bubble.

  I bury my head in the crook of his neck, my breath rushing out when Reed’s voice booms that the show’s over. But his whole body shakes against mine as he tries to hold in his laughter.

  The sounds dim as people scatter. I bring my face out, my stomach’s a mess from the rush, and my pulse beats rapidly. “Holy shit, Reed! We’re really getting married?”

  “Hell, yes. I’m not playing around this time. I bought the damn ring when you moved in five months ago, just waited for the right time to do it.”

  “And this was the right time?”

  “Fuck, yes, babe.”

  And it is. I didn’t need the romance, I don’t need candles lit or rose petals lining our bed. I don’t need anyone or anything anymore. I just want Reed and I got him in my life, in my house, and most importantly—in my heart. Now it’s really for better or worse. Till death do us part. God knows we had our share of the worse, now it’s time for our better.

  Maybe even our best.

  The steam from my tea blows in the outside air as I wait for my new fiancé to get home so we can celebrate the proper way. Or so he says.

  With each sip as I raise the cup, the sun reflects off the dozens of diamonds on my ring. I’m getting married, we’re getting married. I have a strange compulsion to pinch myself, because all this craziness is too good to be true yet I’m too afraid it would wake me up.

  It’s happening.

  Loki drops his dingy old tennis ball in my lap and sits, placing a paw on my leg distracting me from white dresses, flower arrangements, and locations. I chuck the ball, but it no longer holds Loki’s attention and he forgets all about it when he sees Reed at the sliding glass door.

  He strides out, looking mouthwatering hot, and the butterflies in my stomach wake up. He should be the damn model for his own line. It would save us a ton of money because he certainly puts the models I hire to shame. Reed stands right in front of me, his own tight t-shirt showing off all those tattoos on his arms. He has on black basketball shorts, and if he turned around his butt would be perfect. And now his own brand snapback hat placed on that head of his.

  “You like what you see, babe?”

  I bite my lip to keep the corner of my mouth from rising. “Why would you say that?”

  “You’re eyeing me like I’m something from Waffle House.”

  “Can’t fight you on that,” I smirk.

  Reed leans down, his lips inches from mine. “Well, as much as I would like to take you here and now, we got to get going.” I cross over the space and seal his lips on mine, only for him to break it before it goes further. “We got shit to do.”

  “You going to tell me where we’re going?”

  “That would lose the surprise aspect out of it.”

  “Didn’t I just get surprised?” I hold up my hand and point to my finger, a smile still planted on my face.

  He grips my left hand, pulls it to his mouth, and places a kiss where my finger and the ring meet. “That you did, Hads, but just because you got my ring on your finger doesn’t mean the surprises for you stop. And it’s going to happen again and again. Get used to it—only you will never know when I’ll blow your mind, so look over that sexy shoulder of yours all the time. Now move your sweet ass and let’s get this show on the road.”

  The sun set hours ago as we drove farther away from the city, seemingly with no destination. Reed never seemed in a hurry, yet with each turn he navigates, he knows just where he wants to go.

  The trees split on the left as Reed slows the car down.

  “Why are we pulling into this dirt road? You’re going to go ahead with one of your kidnap ideas, aren’t you?” I poke his hard stomach but it’s tense like the rest of his body. He never glances at me while maneuvering the car over the bumps.

  “Nah, this isn’t kidnapping. Figured we could mark one of the to-do items off my list and have sex on a tractor.” His mouth twitches but his attention remains on the road ahead.

  “Only you would come up with that.”

  Reed drums his fingers on the steering wheel and sighs heavily. “I was thinking.”

  “Did it hurt?”

  “Really, babe?” Reed rests his right hand over his chest, mocking me. “No, so what I was thinking…maybe we should get you checked out sooner rather than later…you know, about the baby stuff.”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “What? You don’t want to see what they say?” This time he turns to me and studies my face.

  “No, it’s not that. I don’t…I’m kinda scared about what they will say or find.”

  “You’ll never know what they say unless you go. And I knew you would be too chicken shit, so you have an appointment for tomorrow.”

  “You what?” I grip the armrest and a sudden breeze of coldness hits me.

  “I can cancel it but I knew you wouldn’t do it on your own, so I did it for you with the best doctor there is.”

  “You should have talked to me. It’s a huge decision to make, Reed, one we should discuss. Together. Not just you.”

  “And like I said, you can cancel it, but you’re not the only one who needs those answers.” A sadness creeps over him. The same expression always clouds his face when we mention the topic of children. I’m not sure if it’s just our baby he morns, or both. But he still mourns.

  After the truth was out, after a couple of sessions together with Graham, we realized that Krystal and his life with her was in the past, and we couldn’t bring it with us into our future. With Bennett dead from a fight in jail, and Krystal locked away for more charges they’d discovered, it’s over and done.

  One last conversation had Reed admitting he felt guilty about not being more upset about the loss of their baby, and even more guilt over the sadness our baby gave him. We were done. Even with the scars and demons they produced. As people, and with the problems glued to them, they are in the past because our destination in life has no place for the toxic things they bring.

  I turn my head to the side, staring out the window, and my stomach seems fuzzy and my heart sore, but I can’t seem to be upset with him. “Can I think about it?” My lower lip trembles only from the thought of finding out, the only answer that still sticks.

  He links his fingers through mine. “Of course, babe. I didn’t want to spring the shit on you, but this guy knows his shit, and it was one of those that if you don’t get in now, you won’t for years. But whatever you decide, either way, we
will have our family. Blood or not. You got that, right?” He twists my ring around. “This ring here means we’re already married in my fucking heart, so any shit that comes our way, we’ll work it out.”

  The car lights illuminate the darkness, and what I see pulls my breath from me. “This view is gosh…beautiful.” The words are lost in the air as I step out of the car and walk into the clearing. All around are trees of all different kinds, maple, pine, and oak and all trail down to a body of water off in the distance. “What lake is that?”

  “No clue. It’s runoff from the river. I was told you can boat on it, though. Now get your ass out of this car. I want to show you something.”

  Eric Church’s “Like a Wrecking Ball” fills the silent night. I pause, the breath inside me hitches and my curiosity peaks. Reed has an extreme hatred for anything country. Never once has he chosen to play it instead of his type, and if he gets in my car and a country station’s on, nothing but bitching follows until it’s changed.

  His footsteps crunch against the gravel rocks as he edges closer to me. All my senses are on overload as Reed wraps his arm around my waist, turning me to face him. My lips part slightly, about to question him, but Reed gathers me into his arms and shifts his feet.

  Reed’s dancing with me.

  He breathes heavily on my neck and his deep hums send chills down my body. We sway to the whole song. The lyrics fit Reed like a glove. I’m lost in this moment. With every movement, his body glides with mine, giving me the need to hold on to him tighter. This is the spell he works on me. Reed says I’m his juju, but we’re each other’s. In this instant, this precious second that he’s given me, he’s done it for me, and it makes my heart grow, my love deepen.

  The song trails off, blending into Brantley Gilbert’s “Fall Into Me.” He pauses and trails his hands up my body. The aftershock from his touch sends my heart flipping. He swipes my hair over my shoulder and places his hands against my neck.

  Reed beams at me, the desire between us traveling through each cell of my body. “Hads…” Reed swallows hard and clears his throat. I would laugh any other time, but he’s nervous, and it’s happened twice in the same day. That has never happened before, but he’s too cute to laugh in his face.