Fighting to Stay (Fighting Madly Book 2)

by Ziegler, S. L.

  But he didn’t want to give me any of it. I had to pry this much out of his hands.

  And now I sit three weeks after I got discharged in a smelly rental car, down the road from where she lives. A regular house in a regular neighborhood, in a regular city just outside of Columbus. It’s not a drug den that Mark made it seem like it would be, and not some rich, upper-class area that she lived in when she was younger, either.

  A lady, probably Andrea, is on her knees in front of a flower bed, a wheelbarrel filled with dirt. Like she’s Suzy Homemaker herself, not some druggie, crazy lady my family made her seem like.

  My phone vibrates in the cup holder and Reed’s name reflects back. I ignore it like I’ve ignored since he found out I’m not in Atlanta. I left a note for him on my pillow, but this was a short, be-back-tomorrow note. I didn’t tell him what I wanted to do, where I was going, or who I’d be searching for. I have to do this by myself. If I spoke to him, let him in on my plan, he would talk me out of it, or worse, be in the seat next to me. I have to prove this to myself, prove to my son, to others around that I’m strong enough.

  After another call and text message come through, I power down my phone. I take a deep breath and open the car door. It’s now or never. Now is my chance to get answers.

  My feet and legs move on their own as I walk down the sidewalk. The nerves ball into my stomach the closer I approach the house. With one deep inhale past my lump in my throat, I’m here, at her house. My tongue feels like Jell-O as I try to get words out of my mouth, to grab her attention. But I can’t move, can’t do anything but stare at the side of her face as she digs in the mud. We have the same nose and chin; her lips pulls up to the same side as she works, just like mine do.

  It’s like looking at an older version of myself.

  A dog barks across the yard from me and comes running my way. However I’m frozen. In fear, shock, sadness, plastered to the sidewalk while my emotions play havoc on me as she turns to see what grabbed her dog’s attention.

  “Buster, stop that. Sorry, he gets a little crazy. Can I help— Hadley? Is…oh, God, they told me you didn’t… I mean.” Her gaze searches around the streets, never making any lasting contact with mine. “Why don’t you come inside, get you out of this heat?”

  I clear my throat and nod, my knees slightly buckling as I will them to move with my upper body. My legs finally move and I’m a measly inch away from her as we cross the lawn, climb the stairs, and pass through the doorway of her house.

  I freeze in the foyer as she disappears too fast for me to catch up. Pictures of a happy family stare back at me everywhere I turn. I clutch my purse over my chest as I realize she may have it all. The little house, with the perfect family. She may.

  “Hadley, I got you some water. This heat wave came out of nowhere. I bet you feel like you’re in Atlanta now with all this humidity.” She looks me over, much calmer then she was only a few seconds ago. Andrea’s eyes trail down my whole body and back to my stomach. Her eyes widen when she sees my bump. “Oh, wow, well this is certainly a surprise. How far along?”

  I drop my purse and my hands move over my belly as I rub my boy. “Just turned twenty-three weeks.”

  “Is this with Reed Collins, that fighter?” The way she says fighter, like it’s a curse word, a dirty word, doesn’t sit right with me.

  “Yes.” I twist the rings on my finger. Small talk has been my thing yet this is the tiniest talk you can get. And rubbing me wrong.

  “Why don’t we go sit down in the living room?”

  She sits in a chair by the window, crosses one leg over the other like she wasn’t just outside working in the yard, like I’m not the daughter she gave away. “You came a very long way, pregnant and all. Want to tell me why?”

  I shake my head, clearing all the mindless thoughts out. “Okay… I found out that you—you know, that you and Mark, I mean…”

  She takes a sip of her water, places it back on the coaster, and lays her hands in her lap prim and proper. “That I am your mother and Mark is your father? Yes, it’s true. They told you about my breakdown, too?” Andrea speaks the words like they mean nothing to me.

  I offer a straightforward nod.

  “And now that you’re pregnant, you want to know the hows or whys?”

  Another nod and no words.

  “Let’s see if I can set this straight for you. I was in love with Mark, crazy, head over heels. I think you only fall that deep once, and I did it with him. Your brother was a partier, heavy into things.”

  My eyes bug out. “Mark, the straight-arrow Mark?” I’d never envisioned that, ever.

  “Hadley, yes, that Mark. He was the bad boy in our school. Your parents and their money, their influence, made him untouchable. Everyone wanted him, but he picked me out of all the girls. I was the younger one in the front of the class, nose in my book. He was the older one, a football player, and he wanted me. We fell hard. And the good girl I was disappeared just as fast. Parties on the weekends, drinks and drugs flew around like crazy. You have to understand, we all had money to buy the best drugs, and our relationship was circled around getting drunk and using drugs.

  “When I found out I was pregnant, he changed. Stopped all of it, and I did, too. For a while.” She pauses and looks off into the distance, her eyes far away from the here and now. Andrea exhales hard. “My father, he didn’t handle it well at all. Locked me away in the house to only let me leave for school. Hadley, you have to understand, my family made their money from the church, a huge mega-church, shows on national television, one that even my brother preaches now. Me, the fifteen-year-old pregnant, party girl wasn’t the perfect image a pastor wanted for a daughter. Your parents helped a little, trying to talk sense into them, but once I started showing they…” Her voice breaks off.

  “You don’t have to go on if it’s too hard.”

  “Thanks, but no. It needs to be said. My parents went crazy, talking about sending me off to a group home and adoption. I couldn’t. One night I went out and, Hadley, I don’t know what I was thinking, but I got high and everything after that unraveled. I had you early—too early—and my parents and your parents and even Mark, went behind my back, working your adoption out. I didn’t have an option. I wasn’t given any. After that I unraveled, fell down the hole. Drugs, too heavy drugs for years and years.

  She pauses, her voice reaches for something as she speaks her truth. “Hadley, I gave you up, not because I didn’t want you. But I wasn’t in the right place, and when I became clean, I found you and you were ten. You seemed happy. I didn’t want to crash into your life. Your mother found me outside one of your school functions and I made a deal with her. When you were twenty-one, I was going to come back, not as your mother but as a friend of sorts, and build a relationship with you. But I relapsed and your mother found out and she threw the deal out, said if I came to you, the wrath of hell would follow me. I had no other choice but to not tell you. And at the funeral, I was engaged and wanted to see you one last time.”

  My mother, my sweet wonderful real mother, hid things from my father and from my brothers for me. She knew I couldn’t handle more clutter in my life. She knew my plate was already too full. My mother, I would kill to hug her neck for sticking her nose in everything. She knew this lady wasn’t my version of the mother I needed.

  “How did Mark tell you?” Andrea remained poised, very proper, not showing any real emotion, and now I see the lines in her perfect life, the life she drew out for herself, the life she built on unsteady ground.

  “Mmm.” I clear my throat, my back arching as I sit up straighter. “He didn’t… I had some problems, and someone dug around and I found out that way.”

  “Oh, well that’s not fun. So when’s the wedding?” Andrea glances down at my rings and a forced smile pulls on her mouth.

  “No date set. No rush on anything.”

  “Do you know what you’re having?” And the tiny talk just turned into miniscule talk.

  “A boy
.”

  “A name yet?”

  “No, no name yet, either. Listen, Andrea, is this awkward for you, too?”

  “A little.” Her phone beeps and her brows shoot up and her mouth forms an O as she looks it over. “Listen, Hadley, I hate to cut this short, but my husband is on his way home. So I think it’s time for you to leave.”

  “What?”

  “He doesn’t know about you, and I had no plans to bring that old life into my new one. That’s why I told that private investigator about two years ago the truth. I don’t want my mistakes to tarnish my life now.”

  Shock, yes this is shock. I wasn’t expecting a welcome mat to meet me, but to be a secret after the things she just said? I never thought it would happen. Never in my wildest dreams did I see this one coming. “Do you know who you told?”

  This is how Bennett found out, because she’s written me off as a slip-up.

  “I don’t remember the name, but he came in and told me if I didn’t tell him, he would ruin it all. I gave him all the things I had left of you and never heard from him again. But, Hadley, really, you need to get going. Why don’t you leave your phone number and I’ll call you later? We can go over more.”

  She sold me out to keep this life. Her precious life meant more than me. I don’t know if Bennett came, but the timeline would be wrong. He was in jail with no bond, so he had to have paid someone to do this dirty work for him. But I don’t care about that. He’s dead and the secret is out. Never again to bother me. But this makes me feel dirty. Sleazy almost.

  “You know what, Andrea? I’m good. You said what you wanted to say, and I got all the answers I need. Thank you so very much for that.” I stand up, surprised by the spring in my legs.

  I walk out the door and I strain my head to keep my gaze looking forward as I leave, to not give it another minute or thought.

  Not to give her another second of my time.

  I mentally close the door on any hope for this relationship. Slam it, place the lock on it and anything Andrea-related again, will be blowing in the wind.

  My son kicks, a real kick for the first time. And I know life’s too short to worry about things we cannot change, to ponder over a past that we can’t relive.

  Goodbye to her.

  That plane couldn’t land soon enough. Fucking Hadley took her ass to fucking Ohio on a quest for answers about her birth mother—her damn mother—and never said anything. I had to bribe Mark with tickets to a fucking boxing match, had to pull that shit from him with a damn gift, motherfucker. But at least he told me instead of making me sit on my hands, worrying and waiting for her ass to come back to me.

  I sit on a stiff-as-hell hotel bed. Some stupid damn replay of a crime show does shit for distraction. She’s out there and I let her have her break from me, her damn space, to fight this battle on her own. Well, if you call stalking her the same thing as space, along with flying up to our hometown and demanding entry into her room to wait for her to come back, then that’s what I will call it.

  My plans, the dream I’m building now, have been calling me away, causing me to be absent in our relationship. I didn’t want to spill the beans. I wanted it wrapped up in a pretty fucking package for my girl, but it might have to come out now before the thing is ready to be unwrapped.

  But my plans, the things I want to spend my time and power doing, mean a lot, mean probably too much. It’s my own rebound. My passion for fighting, for my greater good, is bled into it, and when we get back, if Hads wants to know what takes my time, what’s been calling to me, she will.

  A keycard slides through the door. I jump to my feet, steadfast to get in her view. Hads…the loyal-to-a-fault, love of my life. If it didn’t go as planned for her, it could crush her, trigger shit that she’s fought to overcome. The insecurities still planted inside her might come out.

  But maybe not. She’s fucking strong now, grew a pair of balls the last few years, and can kick anything in her way.

  She strolls in her room, her head low, arms loaded down with shit, and pays not a single fucking mind to me. Hads lays her purse down, doesn’t give two fucks where it lands. She turns around and her eyebrows rise so high, it could rip her forehead. She drops the rest of her stuff on the floor.

  “Shit, Reed, why did you just sneak up on me? Didn’t anyone teach you to never scare a pregnant lady? And not to mention, you just made me drop my Tim Hortons coffee and food all over.” She thrusts out her lip.

  “You owe me tickets for a boxing match.”

  Hads cocks her head to the side. “Oh, well, you owe me more food. Tell me why I owe tickets?”

  I bend down, picking up the mess on the floor. “I had to give mine to your damn brother for your info, babe.”

  “Well, you could have just waited since I’m scheduled to land and be back home by noon.”

  “I couldn’t, no fucking way. I wasn’t going to interrupt the shit, but you can’t leave me like that and not expect me not to follow. So, did you meet her?”

  “I did.” She holds onto our son, something I’ve noticed she’s done since the belly popped out. But since the night in the hospital, it’s been a more constant, nurturing thing of hers.

  “Annnndddd… Hads, you’re killing me not letting me know.”

  “She doesn’t want her family to know about her past and the problems in it, with me being one of those problems.”

  I stare at her face, looking for signs of her losing it, like the things I saw the night of her breakdown. But she’s calm. Has everything under control. “Babe, you got it on lock, don’t you? You good?”

  “I am. I’m not going to lie, it stung for a second. And when I walked out, I was sorry for myself, doing the pity dance in my head but then I felt him kick. I mean, not the little flying movements but a real kick for the first time. I had a surge of love, the unconditional kind. It beat through me. And, Reed, that’s what this is about—this life, ours and this baby—is to show each other that, and to give the same to our son. My daddy and my mom showed me that my whole life, no questions about it. The shame Andrea had on her face when her husband was on his way home, she literally kicked me out, isn’t love. I’m done with this past shit. Because that’s what it is—the past. I can’t bring the old, dirty drama into this new, pure life. That’s why you need to get your shit together.”

  I reach for her hands and gather her into the circle of my arms. The fucking smell of her hits me. I’ve been too gone, too lost for too long. “Hads, tomorrow when that plane lands, I’m taking you where I’ve been. That shit you said at the hospital hit close. I’ve been lost in my head for too long. But what you said about fear leading to a second chance, it hit me and I’ve been working on something, something that could change people’s lives. I wanted all the shit lined up just in case it didn’t happen.”

  “Nothing bad?”

  I take a strand of her hair between my fingers. Fucking silk. “Not bad at all. Now what did the doctor say about sex?”

  “Aw, did my wittle Reedyboo want to have sex now that his thumb isn’t up in his ass?”

  “Well, speaking with you here and your ass on my lap, is making my dick really happy.”

  “Sorry, buster, no sex in the champagne room for another two weeks.”

  “Well, anything wrong with your mouth?”

  I wince, readying myself for the smackdown, but all Hads does is take my hand and place it on her belly. “Is that…was…holy shit.” I lift Hads up, my arms on each side of her stomach, my mouth right where he just kicked. “You, son, stop beating up your mom.” I glance up at Hads and tears are streaming down her cheeks. “We need a name for him. Son, it, or baby shit isn’t working anymore.”

  “Oh, really? What would you like to name him?”

  “Not fucking Reed Junior, that’s for sure. That killed me in school. ‘Hey, Reed, did you read today?’ ‘Reed, what book are reading?’ ‘Reed, can you really read?’ Stupidest shit ever. Not doing that to my kid, that’s for damn sure.”

&
nbsp; “Let’s think about it. But first, I really need to get some Tim Hortons.”

  “Well, let’s get you food, baby mama.”

  I rise to my feet and pull Hads into me, and hold her in my arms. She’s grown, changed, and matured, and all for the damn best.

  I’m a fucking lucky-ass man.

  “Hey, Hads?”

  “Hey, Reed?”

  “What did your mom say about the faith thing?”

  “To never lose faith. You know, in love and life. Why?”

  I pull out my phone. “Google is a great resource. I have the name. Fucking epic shit I’m talking.”

  “Oh, epic?”

  “Fireworks and shit.”

  Who would think that a blindfold would be placed on my face by Reed, and not in a sex way, either? The bumps in the road as we drive are making our son dance in my belly. “How much longer? For real, when I said I needed to pee twenty minutes ago, I wasn’t kidding.”

  “Babe, no, it wasn’t twenty minutes. More like two.”

  “You say that when a human is on your bladder beating it like a punching bag.”

  A hand that better be Reed’s comes over on my leg. “Cross your legs because I just got my seats cleaned.”

  “What is up with everyone in my life wanting to be a comedian?”

  “It’s skills, mad skills, Hads. Anyway, we are here.”

  I lift my hands to pull off the blindfold, but Reed just slaps them away. “Babe, chill for a second. Let me pull you out and shit. I have a whole thing planned and that blindfold comes off when I say it does, all right?”

  “Yes, sir, Mr. Bossy Pants.”

  A door closes. A few seconds later, mine opens, and Reed’s rough hands pull me out of the SUV. My feet hit the ground. Hard rocks are under my feet as I hold tight to Reed’s elbow.

  “You ready, Hadley?”

  “Born ready for this.”

  He pulls the tie from the back of my head and it falls to the ground. Reed stands here right in front of me, so damn proud of himself. Giant trees line the background behind him.