The Hope Jar

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “Would you like another piece of sourdough bread?” Mary Ruth asked, breaking into Michelle’s thoughts.

  “No thanks, I’d better not.” She thumped her stomach.

  “Oh, that’s right.” Willis grinned mischievously. “You need to save room for dessert.”

  “Oh my.” Lenore held her stomach. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat any dessert.”

  “Me neither.” Michelle shook her head. “I ate way more than I should have.”

  Mary Ruth looked at Ezekiel. “How about you? Have you got room for cake and ice cream?”

  He nodded. “But I might need to let my supper settle awhile first.”

  “Not a problem. We’ll wait an hour or so to eat our dessert.” Mary Ruth got up from the table. “I’ll put the dirty dishes in the sink to soak, and we can all go out to the barn.”

  Michelle’s forehead wrinkled as she glanced at Lenore, who’d gotten up and quickly begun clearing away the dishes. Michelle did the same. She couldn’t figure out why Mary Ruth wanted them to go out to the barn. Maybe she wants to show Ezekiel Sadie’s puppies. If so, it was fine with Michelle. She looked forward to seeing them again.

  “The puppies have grown since I saw them last.” Lenore knelt beside the box and reached inside to pet one of the pups. “I was helping my mamm do the dishes while they were being born, but I’m glad she and I took the time to go out to the barn once we were done in the kitchen.”

  “Does mamm mean ‘mom’?” Michelle asked.

  “Yes.” Lenore grinned at Michelle. “See, that’s one more Pennsylvania Dutch word you have learned this evening.”

  Willis chuckled. “Pretty soon you’ll be speaking the Dutch like you’ve lived here in Amish country all your life.”

  I wish I could stay here for the rest of my life. Michelle’s chest grew heavy, knowing a happy life here with Willis and Mary Ruth was out of her reach.

  “It’s amazing how quickly puppies grow.” Ezekiel’s comment redirected Michelle’s thoughts.

  Mary Ruth gave Michelle’s arm a little tap. “Do you have a favorite pup?”

  “Yes, I do.” Michelle leaned over and picked up the runt. “This little one has to struggle to get what he wants, so he’s the one I’m rooting for.” Kind of like me. I’ve been struggling all my life and still don’t have what I really want.

  Willis put his hand on Michelle’s shoulder. “Well, he’s yours. Happy birthday.”

  Michelle shook her head. “Oh no, I can’t take the puppy with me when I leave. I don’t even know where I’ll be going.”

  Mary Ruth’s forehead creased. “What do you mean, Sara? Won’t you return to your home?”

  “Um … yeah … I just meant …” Michelle wiped the dampness from her forehead. “I may not stay there. I might move someplace else.”

  “Where would you move?” Lenore asked.

  Michelle put the pup back in the box and stood, massaging her temples. Her head felt like it was going to explode. “I … I’m not sure. The lease on my apartment will run out soon, and then I’ll have to decide whether to renew it or move. Besides, I don’t think my landlord would allow me to have a pet.” Michelle was getting in deeper with added lies, but what other choice did she have? She had to make the Lapps keep thinking she was their granddaughter—at least until she was ready to leave.

  “If you stayed here with us, you wouldn’t have to worry about paying rent for an apartment or whether you could have a dog.” Mary Ruth looked directly at Michelle. “You will think about it, won’t you?”

  Michelle nodded slowly. The thought of staying here held appeal, but it wasn’t possible. It was only a matter of time before she would have to leave. While she was here though, she planned to enjoy all of Mary Ruth’s and Willis’s attention, as well as the sense of responsibility she was learning from them.

  Willis gave Michelle’s arm a tender squeeze. “We want you to have the pick of the litter. And if you’re not able to take it, should you decide to leave, we’ll keep the pup here and you can see it whenever you come to visit.”

  Michelle clasped her hands loosely behind her back as she gazed down at Sadie and her brood. “Thank you. It was a thoughtful gift, and I’m definitely going to claim the littlest pup.”

  “What are you gonna call it?” Ezekiel questioned.

  Michelle directed her gaze to him. “I don’t know. Any suggestions?”

  He shrugged. “Guess you could just call it Runt.”

  “Or how about Tiny?” Lenore interjected.

  Michelle sucked in her lower lip. “I suppose either of those names could work, but I’d like it to be something unique.”

  “Well, I think I’ll leave you three young people here to figure it out while I go inside and get things ready for dessert.” Mary Ruth tapped her husband’s arm. “Are you coming, Willis?”

  He hesitated a moment, then nodded. “I’ll put a pot of coffee on, while you get out the plates and whatnot.”

  She smiled and gave his full beard a little tug. “I’ll wait to cut the cake and take out the ice cream until our granddaughters and Ezekiel come in.”

  Michelle watched as Willis and Mary Ruth ambled out of the barn, holding hands. While she’d never asked how old they were, she figured they were both probably in their late sixties. They hadn’t given into old age by any stretch of the imagination though. Despite their slower gaits, they kept moving and doing chores. Truth be told, some people their age would have a hard time keeping up with Mr. and Mrs. Lapp. Michelle hoped by the time she became as old as they were, she’d have even half their determination and energy. Was it wishful thinking that one day she too might have somebody special to grow old with?

  Leaning his full weight against a wooden post, Ezekiel watched Sara sitting on a bale of straw, holding her puppy. The light from the battery-operated lantern overhead shone down on her head. He noticed that she wore very little makeup. She didn’t need it. Sara was a natural beauty. Her creamy complexion, slender features, and pretty auburn hair were enough to turn any man’s head. Ezekiel figured Sara probably had a boyfriend, or at least dated a lot of men. In fact, he was surprised she wasn’t married by now. Of course, Ezekiel was close to her age, and he wasn’t married. For that matter, Lenore was still single, and to his knowledge, she’d never had a serious boyfriend.

  Lenore stood up. “Most of the puppies are either sleeping or eating now, so I think I’ll head back to the house and see if Grandma needs help with anything.” She turned toward Sara. “Feel free to stay out here for a while longer with your furry little birthday present. It’ll probably be another fifteen minutes or so before our dessert is ready to eat. I’ll ring the bell on the back porch to let you both know when it’s time.”

  Ezekiel nodded, and Sara smiled. “Okay.”

  After Lenore left the barn, Sara stood up and put the puppy back in the box. “I don’t want this little rascal to miss out on a meal, and I’m thinkin’ maybe we should go back to the house. I wouldn’t want to miss out on the cake and ice cream.”

  Ezekiel stepped up next to her. This was the first time he’d had the chance to speak to Sara alone, and he didn’t want to miss it. “Lenore said she’d ring the bell when it’s ready. Besides, the cake and ice cream are in honor of your birthday, so I’m sure they won’t eat without you.”

  She dipped her head slightly and giggled. “I guess you’re right.” Sara kept her attention focused on the box. “Would it be dumb if I called the pup Rascal?”

  He shook his head. “If ya ask me that sounds like a good dog’s name.”

  “Glad you like it.” Sara started moving toward the barn door.

  “Before we go in, could I ask ya a question?”

  She stopped walking and turned to face him. “What do you want to know?”

  He came alongside her. “I was wonderin’ if you like being English.”

  She tipped her head. “In what way?”

  “In all ways. Do you enjoy everything the English life has to
offer?”

  Sara’s long hair swished back and forth as she shook her head. “Not even.”

  “Not even what?”

  “It’s a figure of speech. I don’t begin to like everything about the English way of life.” She pursed her lips. “But I was born into it, so I really have no choice.”

  “Your mother was Amish, and she left her family to become English, so she must have seen something good in it.”

  Sara crossed her arms, staring blankly across the room as though she could look into her past. “I can’t say what it was. She never talked to me about her reason for leaving the Amish faith or what she thought was good about being English.” She looked back at him. “Does that answer your question?”

  “Sort of, but it doesn’t tell me what it’s like to live in the English world.”

  “Let’s just say, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” Sara turned and started walking toward the door again. “I’m going back to the house now. Are you coming?”

  “Yeah.” As Ezekiel shuffled his feet across the yard, while she practically ran toward the house, his thoughts turned inward. He was past the age most young people got baptized and joined the Amish church, and his parents had been hounding him to do it. But Ezekiel wasn’t ready to commit, and he wished he knew what road he was meant to travel. Would he be happier if he were English, or would his life be more satisfying if he remained here and joined the Amish church?

  Chapter 10

  When Michelle came downstairs Sunday morning, a knot formed in her stomach. Mary Ruth and Willis would be leaving for church after breakfast, and they had invited her to go with them.

  She’d never been to an Amish church service and didn’t know what to expect. Mary Ruth had explained a few things, like the fact that the service would take around three hours and a light meal would follow. Willis mentioned the sermons and songs would all be in German. Michelle wondered how she would make it, sitting for so long while listening to a language she didn’t understand. Short of pretending to be sick, she saw no way out of going.

  “Shoulda taken German instead of Spanish in high school,” Michelle mumbled before entering the kitchen.

  Mary Ruth set a platter of sticky buns on the table and smiled at Michelle. “What was that, Sara?”

  Michelle shook her head. “It was nothing. I was thinking out loud.”

  “I do that sometimes myself.” Mary Ruth gestured to Michelle’s dark green, ankle-length skirt. “Is the skirt I made last week comfortable enough for you?”

  Michelle looked down at the plain material and nodded. While it was nowhere near her normal attire, the elastic waist and lightweight material felt comfortable. She’d chosen a simple white blouse to wear with it, along with a pair of black flats. At Mary Ruth’s request, Michelle had worn no jewelry or makeup today. In fact, since coming to live here, she’d pretty much given up wearing makeup and jewelry. Comfortable or not, this was Michelle’s new image, and these days, no one from her past would likely recognize her.

  “Since we will be leaving soon, I’m keeping breakfast simple this morning.” Mary Ruth pointed to the sticky buns on the table. “There are also some hard-boiled eggs in the refrigerator, if you would like one.”

  “Thanks.” Michelle opened the refrigerator and removed a brown egg. After cracking and peeling it on a paper towel, she took a seat at the table.

  A few seconds later, Willis entered the room. “The horse and buggy are ready to go, so as soon as we’re finished eating, we can be on our way to the Kings’ place.”

  “Why are we going there?” Michelle asked. “It was my understanding that we’d be heading to church after breakfast.”

  “We will. Our church service will be held in Vernon’s barn today.” Willis peered at Michelle over the top of his glasses. “I thought we explained that we Amish don’t worship in a church building. We take turns holding our bi-weekly services in one another’s homes.”

  “If you mentioned it, I must have forgot.” She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have church in a barn.

  “That’s right,” Mary Ruth agreed. “If the house isn’t big enough, we meet in a barn or shop on that person’s property. Any building that’s big enough to hold all the families in our church district.”

  “Oh, I see.” Michelle realized she had a lot more to learn about the Amish way of life. She had a hunch she’d only scratched the surface. But with each thing revealed to her, she found herself becoming more fascinated.

  Michelle sat next to Lenore on one end of a backless wooden bench, feeling out of place and hoping her presence didn’t stick out like a sore thumb. She pursed her lips. I wonder where that old saying came from. It doesn’t make much sense, if you think about it.

  With her back hurting from sitting this way for the past hour and a half, it was difficult to stay awake. The slow monotonous hymns sung in a language she didn’t understand seemed so repetitive. Although it was amazing to listen to this crowd of people singing in unison. As they sang one stanza after another, their a cappella music seemed to fill every corner of the barn, and drift to the rafters. Surely anyone within a five mile radius could hear the melancholy tones coming from the Kings’ farm. And perhaps the music, sung with such sincerity, was heard all the way up to heaven.

  Michelle shifted to the left a bit, trying to find a comfortable position and not bump into Lenore. Wish Mary Ruth would have mentioned that we women would be facing the men during the church service. She had noticed Ezekiel watching her a few times when he should have been looking at his songbook. The Ausbund. I think that’s what Lenore called it when the books were handed out. To be polite, Michelle had taken one, but the only purpose it served was to have something in her hand to hold onto.

  Some of the other young men in the service today had also glanced her way. No doubt they were curious about the young woman wearing her hair up in a bun, but with no covering. She wondered what everyone thought of her long skirt and blouse, instead of a plain colored dress with a white apron, like all the other women wore today. They probably wonder who I am.

  Michelle clasped her fingers together and twiddled her thumbs, wishing the time would go faster. If she was going to stay with the Lapps through the summer months, they would expect her to accompany them to church. So she would have to get used to sitting here like this every other Sunday. It was either that or come up with some excuse to stay home.

  The congregation stood, and Michelle resisted the temptation to sigh with relief as she joined them. A tall, bearded man began reading from the Bible. At least she thought it was a Bible. The book was black and looked like some of the Bibles she’d seen.

  Michelle remembered Mary Ruth telling her that when a person needed to go out to stretch their legs or use the restroom, it was usually during the reading of the scriptures. She glanced around and saw several young mothers with babies in their arms leave the barn. A few men left with young boys too, and some of the older women as well. Mary Ruth remained in place, however, and so did Lenore.

  Michelle fidgeted. Do I stay or go? With a need to give her back a rest, she scurried out the barn door behind a young pregnant woman.

  Once outside, Michelle drew in a few deep breaths, although the air wasn’t as fresh as she’d hoped it would be. The sun was out in full force, and the air felt humid and sticky.

  Michelle walked around for a bit, to stretch her legs, until a swarm of gnats congregated around her head. Great. My back is sore, and now I have to deal with these irritating bugs.

  Given the opportunity, she followed a couple of women into the house. Michelle needed a drink of water and the chance to use the restroom. She paused in the living room to ask one of the women holding a baby where the bathroom was. After being told it was down the hall, Michelle headed in that direction. There was a line outside the door, so she leaned against the wall and waited, hoping she wouldn’t have to make conversation with anyone.

  No such luck. The elderly woman in front of Michelle turned a
nd offered her a friendly smile. “My name is Esther Fisher, and you must be Mary Ruth’s granddaughter Sara.”

  Michelle nodded. I wonder how she knew that. Guess news travels fast around here.

  “Mary Ruth and I have been friends for a good many years, and after Rhoda left home, I was deeply concerned.” Esther’s expression sobered. “Mary Ruth and Willis have suffered a great deal over the years, but having you come into their lives has brought them both joy and peace.” She clasped Michelle’s hand. “We are all glad you’re here.”

  “Thank you.” Michelle could barely get the words out. Not only had she deceived the Lapps, but she was basically lying to every person she met in their Amish community. Michelle felt a twinge of guilt, but not enough to end her charade. She was in a safe place—far from Jerry—and didn’t need to worry about looking for work or wondering where her next meal would come from. She couldn’t give this up—not yet anyway.

  Ezekiel had been watching Sara when he should have paid attention to the songs they were singing. There was something about the Lapps’ granddaughter that made him want to know her better. And it wasn’t simply the fact that she was English.

  As he stood during the reading of scriptures, he grew antsy. He’d seen Sara go out and wished he could follow. He would like the chance to talk to her again. But that wouldn’t be acceptable behavior here at church. The men stayed together, and the women did the same. They even ate at separate tables during the noon meal. Although the service was here at his folks’ place, it would still look bad if he went out and was seen talking to her.

  Ezekiel popped his knuckles as he thought about Sara’s birthday supper. It brought a smile to his lips, remembering how peaceful she’d looked holding the pup she named Rascal. He’d have to make another trip to the Lapps’ home soon and see how the puppies were doing. It would also give him a chance to visit more with Sara.