Her arms cross tighter, if that’s possible, and her foot starts tapping on the pavement. She makes me crazy. Absolutely crazy. I don’t want to grab her off the sidewalk and throw her in the truck against her will, but I’m about five seconds from doing just that.
“Fine,” she snarls as she marches over to the truck, gets in, and slams the door…hard.
So help me, if she broke the door, she’s paying for it out of that enormous tip I left her tonight.
I get in on the driver’s side and start up the engine. We drive in silence for several blocks until I think maybe the rage rolling off of her has subsided a touch.
“Do you still have the keys to this thing?” I ask, referring to the set of truck keys I gave her months ago.
“Yes. I’ll get them for you as soon as we get to the apartment.”
“No. I don’t want them back. I want you to drive it. When you go to work. Or to get groceries, or whatever. Hell, I don’t care. Drive it to South Padre and have a vacation. Just don’t walk around like that anymore.”
She turns and looks at me in astonishment. Then she snorts. “Yeah, right. What if your girlfriend doesn’t want to ride on your bike all the time?”
I run my hand through my hair in frustration. “She’s not my girlfriend.”
Alexis looks at me like I’m the biggest asshole in the world, and I suppose right now I probably am.
“I mean, yeah, we’re…I don’t know…dating or whatever. But she’s not…” What comes into my head is, She’s not you. But I can’t say that. I can’t say that I consider Alexis to be the only girlfriend I’ve ever had or ever will have.
I remind myself that she left me so she wouldn’t be my girlfriend anymore.
“I’m not worried about what she wants. I’m worried about you being safe. Take the truck. It’s yours. If I need it for something, I’ll let you know.”
She gives a tight little nod. “Okay. I’m trying to save up money to get a car this summer. But maybe until then. Just to get to work. I can ride the bus everywhere else.”
I sigh. “You don’t have to though. Why haul all your groceries and stuff on the filthy bus, in bad weather, with drunks and perverts when you can drive yourself?”
She laughs. “Your view of public transportation is comforting.”
“I’m from California, land of the car. Only vagrants use public transit.”
She shakes her head. “Fine. I’ll drive your damn truck.” Her words are pissed, but her tone is teasing.
“Thank you,” I say, my muscles unclenching for the first time since I saw her on that street. “And the truck thanks you. It likes you better than it does me anyway.” She arches an eyebrow at me as we pull into the lot at our apartments. “Seriously. It asks about you every day. Says I don’t treat it right.”
“It’s not an ‘it,’” she tells me as we open our doors and get out. “It’s a she. And her name is Lucy. Lucy the truck. She and I will get along fine.”
“Well all right then, Lucy and Alexis. You’ll make a great pair.”
Now things are awkward. We’re standing in the parking lot, and we both know the reprieve is over. She goes back to her life, and I go back to mine. But now she’ll have something of me with her all the time. It makes me feel a glow inside that hasn’t been there since she left.
“Thanks, Gabe. Thanks for the loan of the truck. Thanks for the ride home. It, uh… It was really nice of you.”
I stretch and try to seem casual even though standing this close to her is enough to make me see stars.
“You’re welcome. And really, you’re the one doing me the favor. I couldn’t take it if I thought you were being unsafe. Just, I don’t know, remember that…please.”
She blushes and smiles softly. “Okay.”
“Okay…I guess I’ll see you around. And when that odometer hits eighty thousand, will you bring it by Ramon’s so we can give it an oil change? It’ll only take a half hour tops, but then I’ll know everything’s working right for you.”
She nods and swallows like she can’t speak right then.
I smile back and force myself to turn and walk to my apartment. When I open the door to go inside, I look up at her unit like I always do. She’s standing on the stairs, watching me again. But this time, instead of devastation in her eyes, there’s hope. And I realize there’s a tiny spark of hope in me as well.
Alexis
No hay mal que por bien no venga.
Every cloud has its silver lining.
I drive Lucy every single day. I drive her two blocks to get a candy bar. I drive her to San Antonio just to turn around and drive her back again. I drive her to get that damned odometer up to eighty thousand miles so I’ll have an excuse to go to Ramon’s and see Gabe again. It’s pathetic, it’s needy, it’s desperate, and I don’t care. Hearing his girlfriend tell me he’s still in love with me has set my heart to banging around in my chest, and I can’t get it to stop. It’s like some sort of caged animal screaming to be set free.
I realize it makes no sense. He’s seeing someone. She’s blond and pretty and actually not a totally reprehensible person. Why she thinks he still loves me, I don’t know, but all the indicators point to him being into her. I haven’t seen her around lately, but I haven’t seen him either. They’re probably hanging out at her place so she doesn’t have to run into me. There’s no logical reason why I should feel like there’s even the slightest chance he might want me back at some point, but my heart simply doesn’t give a damn.
I’m on one of my purposeless drives, inching that mileage up the scale, when Beth calls.
“What are you doing?” she asks without preamble.
“Driving around. You?”
She snorts, because she knows what I’ve been doing with the truck. She thinks I’m an idiot.
“Drive over to my house. I have to tell you something.”
“Okay.” I pull a U-turn a block past Ramon’s Repairs. Yeah, I drive by there sometimes. So sue me.
When I get to Beth’s, it’s already nearly two o’clock in the afternoon. I know she volunteers at the women’s halfway house on Friday mornings, but she usually has a class on Friday afternoons.
I walk up to the house just as her roommate, Jill, is walking out. “Hey, Jill.”
“What’s up, baby Beth?” she asks as she stops on the porch and lights up a cigarette.
“Not much. You heading to work?” Jill bartends at a gay bar where most of the customers are men. Don’t know how she gets any tips, but they seem to like her. She’s a total hardass, so maybe they find that entertaining.
“Yeah, I’ve got a shift a little later, but first I’m stopping off to see Jessie, if you know what I mean.” She winks at me.
“She’s still putting up with you?” Jill’s never been able to keep a girlfriend more than about two weeks. I think Jessie’s been around for at least twice that long.
“Hey, I went for looks and brains this time. Makes a difference.”
“My point exactly,” I quip as I dodge her slapping hand and run inside.
“You can’t run forever, baby Beth!” I hear her calling as she walks out to her car.
I toss my backpack down on the floor and yell for Beth.
“Back here!” she answers from her bedroom.
I walk through the living room, my shoes squeaking on the scarred wood floors. When I get to Beth’s room, she’s sitting on the carpet surrounded by papers. She’s got a stack of file folders next to her and she’s taking papers out of the folders, sifting through them, then tossing them haphazardly in piles around her.
“What the heck are you doing?” I step over the stacks and sit on her bed.
“Research,” she answers, not even looking up at me.
“For your thesis?”
“Not exactly.” She stops her sorting and turns to face me, pulling her glasses off. “Do you remember Juan Martinez, David’s friend in high school?”
Of course I remember my older brother’s be
st friend. He was my first crush, the boy I would have done anything for when I was fifteen.
“Yeah, of course. How could anyone forget a story that sad?” I ask, referring to how Juan went from a normal life to that of a teenager on the run from the INS and eventually a gangbanger.
“Yeah. Really sad.”
“Why? I mean, what’s brought up Juan?”
“I saw him.”
“What?!” I slide off the bed to sit on the floor next to her. “Where? When? How?”
She takes a deep breath. “You know I volunteer at the halfway house. Well, the women’s facility is next door to the men’s. So, a few weeks ago, I was outside on the patio filling out some paperwork after I’d counseled a client. I heard someone clipping the bushes a few feet away, and I looked up and there he was – Juan.”
“Whoa,” I breathe out. “Did he see you?”
“Yeah. I mean, I could tell he recognized me, even though he tried to act like he didn’t, but well, you know how I am…”
My sister’s not exactly a shrinking violet. I laugh. “So you accosted him, in other words.”
Her lips purse a little. “I didn’t accost him. I spoke to him. You could try that sometime instead of spending all day every day driving that stupid truck around for an excuse to see Gabe.”
“Hey! This is about you, not me,” I snap.
“Fine. I talked to him. I asked if he remembered me, and after he got over being so shy, he admitted that yeah, he did and that he’d even seen me at the halfway house a few times before I ever noticed him. He asked about David and Tomás. Then I asked him how he was. He sort of clammed up after that, but I mean, it was obvious he’s there as a resident, so it’s not like some secret he’s been in prison.”
“Wow, Beth. So if this was a few weeks ago, have you talked to him since?”
She blushes a little, and suddenly I’m getting a really bad feeling about this.
“Yeah, we’ve talked. I mean, he’s confined to the property – electronic ankle bracelet – for a few more weeks before he can start going out to look for jobs, so he’s always there. He does work around the yard because he can’t stand being inside all the time.”
“Um, Beth, do you think it’s such a good idea to spend time with him? I mean, I know we used to know him, but he was in prison for a drive-by. He killed a little girl. You know that, right?”
She pulls her knees up to her chest. “I don’t think he did it, Lex. I mean, the guy we knew as kids couldn’t have done that, and the guy I’ve been getting to know couldn’t either. He’s not some big, bad gangbanger, honest. He’s really…sweet.”
Oh. My. God. My sister is crushing on a felon. Holy shit. “Beth? Have you lost your mind? He killed someone. A child. He’s probably dealt drugs, stabbed people, stolen things, who the hell knows what else. He is not sweet. He’s dangerous.”
Beth is up on her feet in seconds. “See? I knew this would happen! I knew everyone would judge and assume the worst. You haven’t even seen him since you were fifteen years old. You have no idea what he’s like or what he’s been through. Yeah, he’s had to do some things, some awful things, but that doesn’t mean he enjoyed it or it defines him. He’s a survivor, and he’s done what he had to in order to stay alive. He deserves a second chance from me and from you and from the world. How else can he ever show who he really is?”
She’s nearly in tears, and I realize this is more serious than a simple crush. I have no idea how to handle this. I’m terrified for my sister, but I also know that if she’s in love with him there’s nothing I or anyone else can do to stop her. If you really love someone, you won’t let anything get between you.
Suddenly the truth of my own thoughts crashes in on me, and I realize that, instead of driving the damn truck around, hoping to put eighty thousand miles on it as an excuse to see Gabe, I need to show him that I’m in love with him. Really, truly in love with him. I need to quit letting things get between us. Distance, Marco, my parents, his new girlfriend. I finally said the words to him, but I’ve never lived them. Gabe has shown me over and over again how much he loves me. He’s come after me, forgiven me, devoted himself to me, waited for me, protected me.
“It’s my turn,” I say softly.
“What?” Beth asks. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Look, I’m sorry I was judgy. You’re the smartest person I know, Beth. If you see something in him that’s different, then I trust your judgment. Just, promise me you’ll be careful, all right?”
“I will.” She nods as much to herself as to me.
“Is that what all this so-called research is about?” I gesture at the papers everywhere.
“Yeah.” She sits back down. “I truly don’t think he did it, Lex. There’re things he’s said, like he wants to tell me something but he can’t. These are all the files on his case and his term in Huntsville I can get with my access. There are more I can’t get to, but I want to start with all of this and see what I find. Just think, Lex, if somehow I could prove he didn’t do it.”
“What difference would it make now?” I’m curious. “He’s already served the time. How could having the conviction overturned help him?”
“Because he wouldn’t be a convicted felon anymore. He wouldn’t have to check that box on job applications and school applications. He could do the normal things in life without that whole stigma.”
“What about the tattoos?” I ask.
She looks at me sharply. “How do you know about his tattoos?”
I sigh. “I saw him once. Years ago, after he disappeared when the INS deported his mom. He’d joined the Latin King Nation by then, and my friends and I saw him at the mall. He was…” I’m not sure how to break this to my sister. “He was covered in gang tattoos and he recognized me. He was really mean, Beth, showing off for his homies. He didn’t seem like a nice guy at all.”
“Well, he is. He’s more than nice, and I want to help him, Lex.” Beth is at her stubborn best now. I know better than to argue.
“Okay. Let me know if you need anything though.”
“Thanks.” She reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze.
“I love you, Beth.”
“You too… So, you want to see a picture?”
“Of Juan? Hell yes. He was so hot.”
“Well he still is, and I know he could get something done with those tattoos…”
I spend the rest of the afternoon looking at snapshots of Juan on my sister’s phone and reminiscing about him and our older brothers when they were boys. It makes me sad that Juan never had the chance to become the man he should be, and I have to admire my sister for caring enough to try to get that back for him.
And now I know that part of taking charge of getting back the woman I’m supposed to be includes getting back the man I’m supposed to be with.
Gabe
A lo bueno, dejarlo estar.
Leave well enough alone.
THE morning after I get Alexis to agree to drive the truck, I call Carla. We meet up at the park near her house and I bring coffee as a peace offering, knowing it won’t fix anything but hoping we can salvage a friendship.
She’s sitting at a picnic table, messing with her phone as I park. She looks up when I walk over but doesn’t give me much of a smile. I set the coffee down in front of her.
“Got you one of those sugary things you like so much,” I say, smiling but ready to retract my hand if she goes rabid on me.
“Thanks,” she answers noncommittally.
I sit down across from her and scratch my head. “So…I’m thinking you’re upset about last night?”
She looks at me like I’m a total dumbass.
“C. I had no idea she worked there. I swear it. I’m not sure why that upset you so much. I mean, I know it was a little awkward, but I thought it all went fine.”
“As if you’d have any idea how it went.”
I look at her, confused.
She sighs. “After the initia
l shock, I wasn’t upset about her being there. I was upset you spent the rest of the night undressing her with your eyes.”
I’d like to say I respond smoothly, but the fact is, I sputter. “Wh…what? Undress…no. I didn’t… I wasn’t…”
She holds up a hand, palm out, to me. “Stop. Just stop. You’re making it worse. Look. I’ve always known you’re still in love with her. And I’ve always known you aren’t in love with me. I guess, I don’t know… I guess I thought with time maybe you’d get over her and we could see where we might go. But we’re so obviously not going anywhere, and you’re so obviously not over her. We’re wasting our time here, Gabe.”
It’s the truth, but it hurts. Mostly because I know it’s my fault, and I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her. I knew better. I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter because I didn’t sleep with her. But that’s bullshit. It mattered. And I’m a dick.
“God, C. I care about you.”
“I know you do.”
“You’re a great girl.”
“I know I am.” She smiles.
I run my hand through my hair and look up at the clouds in the blue sky for just a moment, feel the breeze on my face, listen to the kids in the distance playing on the swing set.
“She’s it. For me.” I look Carla in the eye. “I don’t know why and I don’t know how, but she’s it, and I can’t conceive of my world without her.”
Carla tears up. Fuck. I hate this.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper as I reach across the table and take her hand.
“No.” She shakes her head. “Don’t be sorry. It’s beautiful. We don’t choose who we love, Gabe. It just happens. Whatever bullshit is keeping you apart from her, you have to fix it. I told her the same damn thing. You’re so in love with each other that it’s hurting the rest of us to watch it.” She laughs through her tears.
“Wait.” I’m feeling clueless. “You told her? When did you talk to Alexis?”
Concealed - A Hiding From Love Novel #2 Page 17
