JoshuasMistake

by A. S. Fenichel

  “He’s so…nice.” She couldn’t think of a better word to describe Will.

  “Don’t sound so surprised. And yes, he is nice. He’s also one of the deadliest snipers in the world.”

  “Impossible.” She couldn’t believe anyone with so little anger could be deadly.

  “Will’s a pretty unique guy. He’ll be back up here in a minute if we don’t join him.”

  He started toward the door, but she put a hand out to stop him. “I’m going to have some questions for you at some point tonight.”

  They were pressed close together near the exit. Joshua’s eyes locked with hers and he lifted a hand to touch her cheek. Gentle yet fierce, she didn’t want him to affect her, but every touch either of his hand or his mind moved her.

  Dropping his hand, he smiled. “You and me both, Tessa. Let’s get some food first.”

  Had he read her thoughts or was his comment in reference to asking questions? She followed him down the stairs to the runway.

  * * * * *

  “I don’t think they should let women like you into military or paramilitary organizations.”

  She would normally be offended by any man saying such a ridiculous thing, but Will had been talking nonstop through a delicious meal of salad and grilled tuna. Most of what he said led to some anecdote or joke. She was sure there was more to his statement. “Why is that?”

  “Too distracting. I mean even I would have had trouble putting a bullet between those pretty eyes. One time, when I was in Beirut, I had to kill three women who were all spies. It was not at all easy to think of them as the enemy when they had legs that went all the way up.”

  She guessed she should be flattered, but the content of his rant was too disturbing. “That’s quite a story, Will. How much of it is true?”

  Joshua and Will both burst out laughing.

  “You got me there, girl. I swear. You got me. Only one was a woman. How did you know?”

  She smiled. “Well, it would be rare for any team to be made up of that many women and even rarer for you to see a woman’s bare legs in Beirut. You’re not very hard to figure for being full of shit.”

  Joshua continued to laugh.

  “Aw, come on. Most of my stories are as true as the Bible.”

  Tessa got up from the large farm table and took her plate into the kitchen. The house was a converted airplane hangar and had been left as an open plan, so her departure from the table only took her to the other side of an island countertop. “I’d stay away from whatever Bible you’ve been preaching from. I think you got a bad copy.”

  She started to wash the dishes, but Joshua took the plate from her hand. His touch was gentle and she didn’t fight him. She moved to the side and went to clear the remaining table items.

  Will laughed. “I’m going to put your plane out of sight. I’m sure someone must be looking for the two of you or you wouldn’t be in my neck of the woods to begin with.”

  “True enough.” Joshua didn’t look away from the sink.

  Tessa looked around the nicely furnished house. When she looked at the ceiling she could still see the metal building. However, the ground-level interior was dry-walled and painted. Leather couches and lounge chairs made a cozy living room. The kitchen reminded her of a restaurant with stainless countertops and an industrial range and refrigerator.

  “He’s not even going to ask why we’re here.” She was amazed and intrigued by Will’s attitude.

  Joshua shrugged. “He trusts I’ll tell him what he needs to know.”

  “And will you?”

  “Your opinion of me is not too flattering, Tessa. I won’t let any harm come to him.”

  “You may not have that much control over the situation, Joshua.”

  He frowned. “I protect the people who mean something to me and I’m pretty good at what I do.”

  She found herself wondering if he was including her in that group. Don’t be stupid, he just met you. “What is this place?”

  He continued to wash dishes. “You mean besides Will’s house?”

  “Why are we safe here?”

  “We’re not. There’s no place safe if people want you dead, Tessa.”

  At least he didn’t lie. “So why here?”

  He placed the last dish in the dishwasher and wiped his hands on a dishtowel. The swaying towel caught her attention and she couldn’t take her eyes away from it. It was only a short walk around the island to reach her, but he somehow crossed the distance faster than she’d expected. She blinked to clear her head. “Hypnosis?”

  “Just a little trick. Sometimes it distracts people.”

  She forced herself to control the surge of anger he would instantly detect. Sliding her foot out, she swiped his legs behind the knee in a quick movement. She’d blocked her mind sufficiently to surprise the great Joshua Lakeland and send him crashing on his ass. She stood over him smiling. “I’m not just ‘people’.”

  Instead of getting angry he grinned up at her for a moment before standing. “I know. I’m sorry. I brought you here because we’ll have a few hours, maybe even days before they find us. I thought it might give us time to figure out why people want you dead and how I figure in. Very nice move, by the way.” He took her offered hand and got up off the floor.

  She shrugged. “Do you think they are really getting rid of all agents over a certain rating?”

  He was already shaking his head before she finished speaking. “I’ve been thinking about that. If they were going to do something so huge, they’d have to strike big and fast. Though I wouldn’t count the idea completely out, this feels more specific. Your team, what was the mission?”

  The moment of truth. Should she trust him?

  “Why didn’t you just take the information when you were in my head?” She hated the tremble she couldn’t control in her voice.

  The deep crease between his eyes told her he didn’t like the question. “I’m going to get angry real fast if you keep bringing that up.”

  “Oh, are you the injured party here?” Her voice crackled with sarcasm.

  He dug his hands into his pockets and frowned down at the floor. She thought he’d be angry. But she couldn’t get a sense of emotion from him.

  “No, but you know I had to do it.” He looked up and she could not look away from his pain. Strange, she could see it, but she couldn’t sense it. His control slipped. Heart-wrenching agony took hold for a moment before he reined it in.

  He said, “If I hadn’t probed you I probably would have left you chained to the table and you’d likely be dead now.”

  The truth cut deep. Her bravado remained in place though. “Why did you take me with you? I’m nothing to you. It would have been faster and easier to go without me. And just maybe they would have stopped chasing you for a while, at least long enough to deal with me. Why not save yourself, Lakeland?”

  He took her hand and pulled her past the dining area.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Bedroom.”

  She dug her heels in and wrenched her arm away. “Wait a minute. I’ve had some crappy propositions, but you’re going to have to do better than that.”

  One side of his mouth pulled up in a devilish grin. “Will’s coming back. I think we should keep this conversation just between us. Don’t you?”

  She felt her skin warm slightly. Embarrassment was not something she experienced often. The touch of disappointment, that was familiar.

  He leaned into her, and she had to roll her head back to look at him. Her height made the position perfect for kissing. “I like the way you think, Tessa.”

  She put up walls to keep him out of her mind, took a step back and tossed her head in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. “Yeah, well, it’s been a long time.”

  That frown again, she had to keep herself from shivering under its glare. An instant later he turned, walked across the house and through a door. He left the door open as a gaping invitation she should follow. The motion lights on the outside of
the odd house illuminated the glass in the front door.

  Too many questions had to be asked if not answered. She followed Joshua.

  The bedroom had one large bed and a dresser with a mirror. Besides the door where they’d entered there was one other door, she guessed it was a closet or bathroom. The windows were high transom. The room could be a trap, if they were attacked. “I don’t like this room.”

  “There’s a trap door in the floor of the closet.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Why do you always assume I’m lying?”

  She shrugged. “I guess I assume everyone is. Occupational habit.”

  Joshua’s mouth slanted in the expression that was starting to drive her a bit mad. He moved until he was standing less than an inch from her. Every instinct told her to back away from the danger he presented, but she held her ground. When his hand came up and touched her cheek she flinched.

  His gaze filled with hurt. “I won’t lie to you.”

  It took Tessa a moment to steady her breathing. “Why did you save me?”

  Dropping his hand, he stepped away and dug his hands in his pockets. The movement stretched his jeans tight over his narrow hips. Tessa’s heart sped up.

  “Have you ever probed someone, Tessa?”

  The memory made her skin crawl. “Yes.”

  “Did you enjoy it?”

  “What kind of a question is that?” She made no attempt to keep the rage from her voice. Probing another person’s mind was almost as unpleasant for the attacker as the victim. Only psychopaths enjoyed it.

  “Did you?” he asked again, more forcefully.

  “No.”

  His hands were out of his pockets and she noticed he was balling them into fists and flexing them. It appeared to be a nervous habit. Was it possible the great Joshua Lakeland was nervous? “I hate probing. It’s unpleasant. I’ve done it hundreds of times and it almost always leaves a scar on me. Of course, most times the people I’ve had to probe have been scumbags.”

  Her stomach actually felt queasy at the idea that being inside her head had hurt him. He had been so gentle with her, kept her safe. “I’m sorry you had to do the probe yesterday.”

  He moved close to her again. “That’s the point, Tessa.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m not sorry. Being in your mind was amazing. I could spend hours feeling what you feel. Even your pain is laced with light. Darkness struggles to survive in you. It was as if your consciousness was a balm to me. You ask me why I saved you. Why didn’t I run and leave you as a distraction so I could have more time to get away?” His lips touched her forehead.

  Electricity sparked from the kiss and shot down her entire body. She didn’t move and began to wonder what was wrong with her. Being a Psi Agent meant learning early on personal relationships can only get you killed. Still, the heat emanating from Joshua was magnetic. If she could have wrapped it around herself she would have.

  He said, “I could not let them kill you. I won’t let anyone kill what is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.”

  “What about sex?”

  His head cocked to one side. “What about it? Is that an invitation?”

  She shook her head but felt her cheeks heat. “When you have sex with someone you care about, don’t you open your mind?”

  “That’s not exactly a probe, is it? Sure, if it was someone I trusted and cared for.”

  “Then you’ve been in minds when they didn’t cause you pain, like mine.”

  He turned away. “It’s not the same.”

  She didn’t know what he meant. How was she different? “Why didn’t you just do a quick probe? You have the skill to have rushed in and taken what you wanted.”

  His eyes opened wider and then narrowed on her. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “Why not? What do you care about an agent you’d never met before? They told you I was a traitor. You had no loyalty to me. Why not just do the job and get out?”

  “I’m not the monster you seem to think I am.”

  “I don’t think you’re a monster, Joshua. I just don’t understand you and I’m wary of things I don’t understand.” It was the truth.

  “It’s not complicated, Tessa.”

  It took all her willpower not to step back. “Good. Explain it to me.”

  He touched her hair where it fell around her face. “I’m attracted to you.”

  All she could think about was how badly she needed to wash her hair. “That’s it. That’s your whole explanation.“

  He shrugged. “I didn’t want to hurt you. It seemed reasonable, if you would acquiesce, the probe didn’t have to be violent and you might not hate me when it was over.”

  Tessa wished her heart wasn’t racing. She wanted to feel nothing for the legendary agent who looked at her as if he might devour her at any moment. “Hate you?”

  He moved even closer, her heart tripled its rhythm and both his hands came up to cup her face. His lips touched hers softly, but the shock of the contact spread through her entire body. It couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds yet time seemed to stop in the wake of the kiss. Their breath still mingled when he spoke. “Yes, Tessa. If I had forced my way inside your head you would hate me now. You would hate me with every fiber of your body. It would be your mission on Earth to make me pay for the intrusion and violence I had inflicted on you. I can say without a shadow of a doubt you would not be thinking about having sex with me.”

  It was silly to deny it. She was thinking about how it would feel to be held by a man like Joshua. Strong, gifted, dangerous and yet damaged. Still, she was overwhelmed by him and had to back away. “Maybe we should talk about something else.”

  He smiled. “You’re right. What was your mission detail the night your team was attacked?”

  He changed tactics as if they were the gears of a sports car. It took her a moment to catch up.

  It was a matter of national security. If she trusted Joshua she risked more than just her own life. Though, he had the highest security rating for an agent, even higher than hers before she’d been accused of treason. “My career is over, what’s the point in telling you something that would end yours as well?”

  “It’s nice of you to worry about my fate as an agent, but don’t. If the government wants me back after that stunt today they will have to pay. If they don’t want me that’s fine too. I’ve been thinking for some time it may be time to go into the private sector.”

  “You’re going to open your own agency?” The implications were enormous. If he wanted to he could pull most of the Psi Agents away from the government. That would mean the people he’d been working for would likely be paying him big bucks to do the same job, but without all the governmental restrictions.

  “I’ve been tossing the idea around with my brother for a few years. This might be the right time to make a move.”

  “Can I assume you would continue to work on behalf of the US and her allies?”

  He frowned. “I’m not switching sides, just getting myself a better strategic position.”

  She believed him. Nothing in his mind had made her believe he could ever betray his country. She sat on the edge of the bed. “I had just received the intel minutes before the attack. We were to infiltrate Fa’han and take Al Azim out with his elite guard.”

  “That’s high profile for your team.”

  From someone else she might have been insulted, but the assignment was probably more suited to someone with his skills. “I agree, but I was flattered and eager to get it done.”

  “But you never got the chance.”

  She shook her head. “Someone must have known where we were. They waited, intercepted the message and took us out of the game. It was a setup. It’s the only explanation.”

  “And when you lived through the attack you were targeted as a traitor.”

  “Yes.” Her stomach tightened with rage.

  “You’ll give yourself an ulcer holding in y
our temper all the time.”

  “I don’t see you raging at the moon.”

  He gave a short laugh. “I control my emotions. You stuff yours.”

  “Are you trying to tell me what happened over the past two days doesn’t make you angry? Because if you are I say that’s bullshit.”

  “Getting angry doesn’t do anyone any good. I stay even. It’s safer for everyone around me if I don’t let any strong emotions get the better of me. I’ve been keeping it all in check for so long I hardly notice anymore.”

  There was something incredibly sad about the statement. Tessa got up and crossed to where he was standing looking out the high window. She could barely see out and all that was there was darkness. “Are you telling me you don’t feel joy, happiness, hate, nothing?”

  “I feel them, but not the way most people do. I control the input and the output otherwise things can get dangerous.”

  “What about love?”

  He turned toward her. “What about it?”

  “Do you feel it?”

  His eyes narrowed. “I love my brother. I’m very close to my sister-in-law and her family. I would mourn any one of them if they were gone.”

  “But you would control that sorrow.”

  “Yes.”

  “Because you’re dangerous?”

  “Are you making fun of me?”

  She flinched away from him. He was not exactly angry, but he was not happy either. Still, it kind of pleased her to have elicited a response from him. “No. I just don’t know if that’s a great way to live.”

  “Why?” He was facing her now with his hands crossed over his broad chest.

  Maybe she should have been afraid, but he’d had plenty of opportunity to harm her if he’d wanted to. “If you never release any emotion, you’re missing out on all the good in life.”

  “Some things can’t be helped. If I lost control things could go bad fast.”

  She didn’t know what to say. But the idea he didn’t experience any of the emotions that made life worth living broke her heart.

  He changed the subject. “I’ll put some feelers out in the morning and try to find out what’s in the wind about us. You can shower if you want. The bathroom is just next door. I’ll bet Will has something in the closet you can put on. Help yourself to whatever you need.”