When I woke up, I could hardly move. I could hear Lowell crying next to me, but I seemed to be unable to do anything. After a few deep breaths, I finally forced myself to tend to him. I rolled over and pulled him close, savoring his soft skin and the faint smell of baby. Still, he cried. I pulled myself out of bed and did the only thing I knew for sure would work. I walked him around the room, singing softly, until he started to drift off. Relieved, I went to get back into bed, when he started crying again.
I couldn’t handle it. I was so tired and exhausted, I was afraid if I kept him in my arms I might hurt him. For his safety, I placed him in the bassinet. Of course, he fussed, but I needed to put him down. While he cried next to me, I sank into a chair, buried my head in my hands, and began to cry as well. Sobs racked my body. I was completely depleted. I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t take care of my baby. I felt completely useless as I cried and watched Lowell cry too. There was nothing I could do.
My bedroom door opened and Jasper ran in. He took a look at me, then picked up Lowell, rocking him in his arms until the sobs quieted to hiccups. When the baby was sufficiently calm, Jasper knelt next to me and put a hand on my knee.
“Christine? What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry,” was all I could say.
Jasper reached up and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ears. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I sniffed. “I’m just tired.”
“Has Lowell been keeping you up? Why didn’t you come get me?”
“Because it’s my fault,” I said. “I’ve been getting these horrible nightmares, and they wake him up. After that, he never seems to be able to fall back to sleep for a few hours.”
“How long has this been going on?” he asked gently.
I shrugged. “Since the summons came.”
“A whole week?” Jasper frowned, standing up. Lowell grabbed onto his shirt. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it’s all my fault,” I repeated. “If I didn’t have these nightmares, he wouldn’t wake.”
Jasper shook his head. “I don’t care whose fault it is. Lowell is my son, too. Please, take advantage of my help while I’m still home.”
I nodded.
“Now, I want you to climb back into bed.”
“But…”
“No protesting,” he said as he shifted Lowell in his arms. “You’re going to get some sleep. I’ll wake you when he needs to eat.”
I still hesitated until Jasper motioned for me to move toward the bed. This wasn’t an argument I was going to win, so I sighed and got up from my chair and curled up under the blankets.
Jasper leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You get some sleep, love,” he said. “Let me take care of the baby.”
He woke me up a few times so Lowell could eat, but other than that, I slept better than I had in over a week. When I woke in the morning, I turned over to see Jasper and Lowell in bed with me. Both were on their backs with one hand over their forehead. I smiled, wishing I could take a photograph. This was a memory I wanted to keep for the rest of my life.
At breakfast, Jasper turned to me. “I have to head to London again soon,” he said, “but I wanted to have a conversation first.”
“About last night?” I asked, my face burning. Shame flooded my body. I should have handled things better.
“I think it’s time that we hire a nurse to help with Lowell,” Jasper said.
“A nurse?” I looked down at Lowell. “You don’t think I can handle him?”
“That’s not it at all, Christine,” Jasper said, putting a hand on my arm. “We need to take on extra help. You’re wearing thin with stress. I’m going to be going back to my duties soon, and I want you to have a nursemaid for Lowell.”
I nodded, but I was unsure.
“Lowell needs you to be sharp,” Jasper explained. “A nurse means you’ll be able to get more rest. I’m concerned for your health.
Again, I nodded, but I was holding back tears. This was so silly. I’d never had a nurse when I was a child. I felt like a failure.
Chapter Five
The household at Wolf’s Peak was no stranger to interviews. When Jasper was searching for a wife, Annabelle and each member of the council chose a girl to interview. When Roderick had died, Jasper had interviewed each of Roderick’s nephews to find Roderick’s replacement on the council. Now, I sat in the library beside Annabelle, interviewing potential candidates for Lowell’s nurse.
We were in our third interview of the day, and I was exhausted. Lowell was too; he had fallen asleep in my arms during our third interview. I stifled a yawn as Annabelle scribbled some notes on the paper. I rubbed at my eyes and glanced back at the woman across from us. She sat stiffly, hands on her lap, giving us a wooden smile.
The first woman we had interviewed had been ancient. I really thought there was a possibility she could drop dead right where she sat. She’d been completely enchanted by Lowell, but her hearing was terrible. We’d have to repeat several questions for her, and I was terrified that if she were in charge of watching him, she wouldn’t be able to hear when he cried. In addition, she was so weak she could hardly hold him in her arms. We told her we’d be in touch, but I knew already that I wasn’t going to be comfortable with her watching my son.
The next woman, if you could even call her that, looked to be about fifteen. She had big blue eyes and cornsilk hair, and was nearly emaciated. She had interviewed all right, but she was very shy and her voice was quiet. After she left, I turned to Annabelle.
“I’m not sure she’s really old enough to be a nurse,” she said.
“I agree, but did you see how thin she was?” It was a leanness I was familiar with, and it made my heart ache. “Perhaps we could hire her for something else. As a maid or something.”
“Aw, that’s a fantastic idea.” Annabelle scribbled notes down on her paper. In her thin, scrawled handwriting, I saw she had written “Find position for Nellie.”
In front of us now was a woman whose age fell somewhere in the middle of the other two. If I were to guess, she was probably in her late thirties or early forties. Her light brown hair was streaked with silver and pulled into a taut bun at the nape of her neck. Wrinkles were beginning to form around her eyes, and she had a mole near her jawline. She said she had years of experience, and had answered all of our questions satisfactorily.
“All right,” Annabelle mused, glancing at me. “Anything else you wanted to ask, Christine?”
I thought she had made a good impression. I stood up. “Would you like to hold him, see how he responds to you?” I asked. He was just beginning to wake.
She put her hands up. “Oh, no, I don’t hold them.”
I paused. “Pardon?”
The woman smiled, showing off yellowed teeth. “Yes, I never hold them.”
“Well, what do you do if he cries?” Annabelle asked.
“I leave him be. Crying builds character.”
“He’s a baby,” I said.
“What if he needs his diaper changed?” Annabelle interjected.
“I’ll change him where he lies.”
I couldn’t stop looking at her. “You never hold them? Ever?”
“Only in an emergency,” she said placidly.
Annabelle tilted her head. “What would you consider an emergency?”
“A fire.”
I waited, expecting her to go on, but she didn’t.
“All right, then,” I said. “We’ll be in touch.”
She gave me a slight nod before standing up and leaving the library. I was ready to hit my head on the desk.
“So close,” I sighed.
“Better that we know now,” Annabelle mused. “But really, she doesn’t hold the baby? What kind of monster is that?”
“I feel like we should put out an ad in the paper warning others not to hire her.”
“Not a bad idea.” Annabelle scribbled that under “Agnes, NO.”
I adjusted Lowell in m
y arms. “I need a break.”
“Do you want me to hold him?”
“No, I meant, I need a break from these interviews. I need to feed Lowell and take a nap,” I explained.
“I don’t think we’ve got anyone on the schedule until tomorrow,” Annabelle said.
“I hope we’ve got some good candidates. Better than today’s, anyway.”
“Almost anything would be better than today’s,” scoffed Annabelle.
“Was it this difficult to hire your nurse?”
Annabelle shook her head. “She came recommended to us. Stephen’s sister had used her, but they moved away and didn’t need her anymore.”
“I know Weylyn is a small town,” I said, referencing the village that was just down the road from Wolf’s Peak, “but I didn’t think it would be this difficult.”
“We have more to come. I’m sure it will be better tomorrow,” Annabelle assured me.
“I still can’t believe she wouldn’t ever pick up Lowell,” I muttered, looking down at his angelic face as he yawned. The idea of my sweet baby crying in his bassinet with no one to comfort him physically made my heart hurt. I held him tight, as if that would fix things. He nuzzled into my shoulder, and I rubbed his back.
“Wicked lady,” I said. “I won’t let her anywhere near you. No. We’re going to find someone who cares about you.”
“Yeah, a definite no on her,” Annabelle sighed. “I’ll send a message to Nellie, though. We can hire her on as a maid.”
“I would like that,” I said. “Make sure to let her know that room and board is included if she wants it.”
“Absolutely,” Annabelle said, making a few more notes on her paper before folding it up and sticking it in her pocket. “If you’re going to rest up, are you all right with me going home? Daniel’s molars are coming in and I haven’t slept well recently.”
“Of course, go ahead,” I said. I knew that feeling of fatigue all too well.
We left the library and I locked up behind us. The library was one of my favorite rooms in all of Wolf’s Peak. Books on every imaginable subject stretched up to the ceiling. I hadn’t spent much time in there since Lowell was born, but before he had come into the world, I had been spending time in there constantly. There was a little window seat in the fiction section, and I loved to relax there.
Despite my fondness for the library, it had to remain locked. In the loft of the library was a collection of family journals and books. While a few of them were records and ledgers, many of them detailed what the transformation was like. With these ancient books kept up there, the doors had to stay locked.
I slipped the key into my pocket, and Annabelle and I parted ways. She left out the front door, and I started up the stairs. When I reached the landing, I almost ran into Bridget.
“My lady!” she said, startled. “How are the interviews going?”
I only groaned in response. She frowned.
“That bad, eh?”
“Oh God, it’s terrible,” I said. “The last lady said she wouldn’t pick up Lowell if he cried! It was insane. Who does that?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’m sorry about that.”
I sighed. “I have no idea how I’m going to find someone I trust enough to watch Lowell.”
“I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
“One of the girls was really sweet, but she was far too young. I’m going to offer her a maid position her, though.”
Bridget paused. “On that subject, may I speak with you, ma’am?”
“Of course.”
Bridget gestured to my bedroom. “Let’s go in here,” she said.
Confused, I followed her inside. I sat down on the edge of my bed, Lowell still in my arms, while Bridget stood nervously in front of me. She fiddled with her hands.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Well, my lady,” she said, after taking a deep breath, “I wanted to let you know that you may need to find someone for my position as well.”
Shock sunk into my stomach. “You’re quitting?”
“Oh! No!” Bridget said hurriedly. “It’s not that. It’s just…” she looked down at the ground. “Conor and I are officially courting.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. “Why, that’s wonderful,” I said.
Bridget gave me a shy smile. “It is, isn’t it? He wanted to ask my father first, but that seemed so silly. I haven’t spoken to my father in years.”
“I wasn’t even aware your parents were still alive,” I admitted. “I suppose I assumed that since you’ve been on the street for so long, he had passed.”
Bridget scowled. “No, my father is still alive. So is my brother.”
“You have a brother as well?”
“I don’t speak to them.”
I couldn’t imagine knowing that I had family somewhere and purposely cutting them out of my life. Still, I wasn’t about to meddle. These were the same thoughts I’d had when Jasper told me about his estranged brother, and my sympathy had caused far too much trouble. I wasn’t going to say anything here.
“I think it’s wonderful that you and Conor are courting,” I told her. “I wondered when it was going to happen.”
She flushed. I rarely saw Bridget embarrassed. “Nothing is official yet, but we are courting with the goal of marriage. That could be this year or next. I have no idea. But I wanted to let you know.”
She hesitated. “Not just because you’re my employer, but because I consider you my friend as well.”
I couldn’t help but smile. I remembered the first day we had met. I had broken down in an alleyway, overcome with the stress of living on the streets. She had taken me in, allowed me to stay in the camp she and the other prostitutes had built for themselves. When I was chosen at Jasper’s wife, he insisted I have a chambermaid. My night on the street was seared into my mind. I had been cold and scared. I couldn’t imagine that being my every day. I asked Annabelle to find Bridget, just as she had found me. Annabelle had been successful, and Bridget had lived here ever since. Of course, as a werewolf, Bridget fit right in with the others in Wolf’s Peak.
I stood up from the bed and wrapped her in a one–armed hug, Lowell squirming between us.
“I am desperately happy for you,” I told her. “I’ll miss you as my maid, but now I’ll have you as a friend with no formalities between us.
“I wouldn’t quite say that, my lady. You’ve given me employment and a warm bed, and I didn’t have to sell my body to get it. I owe you a lot.”
“Please don’t say that,” I begged her. “It feels odd.”
She nodded. “All right, then. Still, please know that you have my utmost gratitude.”
I smiled, but the smile quickly turned into a yawn. I was still exhausted.
“Lie down,” Bridget encouraged me. I sat propped up in bed, and Bridget covered my legs with a spare blanket before I began feeding Lowell.
“Ring me if you need anything,” Bridget said, and I agreed.
The moment she left the room, I breathed deeply. I had to keep reminding myself that if she married Conor, I wouldn’t lose her from my life. Conor was one of Jasper’s councilmen, and like Annabelle, Bridget could accompany her husband to Wolf’s Peak. Still, she had been someone I could lean on throughout the past year, and I was going to sincerely miss her constant presence.
It was silly, I knew it was. I should be over the moon for her. She had come from an even worse situation than I had. The girl had a heart of gold, and she deserved a wonderful life and a wonderful husband. A good person would see that.
But I was having trouble responding like a good person. I didn’t want to replace Bridget, not only because she was my friend, but because the idea was so daunting. I was already struggling to find a nurse for Lowell, and now I was going to have to add onto that and find a chambermaid for myself. How on earth was I going to find someone that was a confidant like Bridget was, or as attentive as Bridget was?
I blinked back te
ars. Stupid, stupid. I was overtired, that was why I was being irrational. A nice nap, and I was going to feel much better about everything.
I hoped.
Even if Bridget’s replacement was a year off, I still had Lowell’s nurse to think about. That made me even more anxious. If a maid was rude or bad to me, I could simply fire her. If she was terrible to Lowell, I might have no way of knowing. I needed to find someone trustworthy who would care for Lowell as if he were her own child.
I was glad I had Annabelle’s help on this. There was no way I could go through all those interviews by myself. It was good to have her judgment, too. I trusted her. Between us, we would find someone. We had to.
I looked down at Lowell as he suckled, his tiny hand resting against my skin and his eyes closed. Love welled up in my heart. He had taken over my world, but as much as I adored him, I couldn’t keep living this way. If Jasper was going back to work, there was no question that I was going to need help. I needed to have a break here or there, or I was sure that I’d go insane. That would be bad for the entire household.
When Lowell had stopped eating and dropped off to sleep, I laid him down next to me so I could adjust my neckline. I scooted down in bed, pulling the lightweight blanket up to my waist. I rolled over to look at my sleeping baby. He really did look so innocent and peaceful. I wondered if he would stay that way. He was a boy, so if I had to venture a guess, I would guess no.
I smiled as I stroked his hair. We’d make this work. We’d find someone to watch over him in the moments that I couldn’t. I would find someone who loved him. The town of Weylyn was small, but somewhere in the little cottages and shops there had to be someone who would be willing to live in Wolf’s Peak and receive a salary in exchange for looking after the future duke and alpha. Someone in town must love children and be competent and discretionary. Somewhere in Weylyn, that person existed. They had to.
Now all we had to do was find her.
Chapter Six
As it turned out, finding a nurse for Lowell was going to be more difficult than I had expected.
The Wolf's Cub (The Wolf's Peak Saga Book 3) Page 4
