by Marie James
“She’s pretty awesome,” I offer. “I know you enjoy fucking her.”
“I fuck her,” he responds immediately, “because that’s what you want.”
Not possible. Is he saying he’s only with her because he thinks I need her around? I shake my head, unable to trudge through those possibilities right now.
Both our heads snap down the hall at a noise. He shoves against my chest when he realizes he can’t move back because I’ve practically got him pinned to the wall. I turn back to him, hating the relief I see in his eyes when no one rounds the corner. It makes me as angry as I imagine Darby feels right now at his rejection.
“I don’t think giving it a try with her is such a bad thing,” I tell him, walking forward and lining my cock right back against him since the coast in now clear.
“You can’t be serious. She fucks everyone in the clubhouse, Itchy.”
I know this. She’s very open about her sexuality, and shame isn’t something I think she’s ever felt. She’s become a fan favorite with both Snake and Snapper.
I give him a look that says: So? We fuck a lot too.
“Really? When was the last time you fucked someone other than us? Other than the women we’ve tagged together?”
I search my memory. “I doubled with Darby and Snapper a while back, but only because I thought Snap was getting suspicious.”
“Exactly,” he mutters. “I hate to state the obvious man, but there’s no such thing as love or being in a relationship when the woman who’s asking for it is fucking anyone she can get between her legs. You can’t turn a club girl into a housewife, Itchy. There’s no sense in even trying.”
I scowl at him.
“I know it’s fucking harsh, but it’s also fucking reality. Prove me wrong, and I’ll admit that I’m mistaken.”
I stare at him, knowing he’s right but terrified of losing what we have with her. Without her means waiting until he loses control while we’re out of the country, and those trips don’t come as often as I need him.
“You haven’t fucked anyone either,” I tell him.
“I haven’t. The only person I’ve been inside of outside of these two rooms is when I was buried deep in you in that shower.”
Both of our cocks jerk in our jeans at the memory. I open my mouth to ask how he feels about us just going solo, leaving Darby to her own devices, but his words stop not only what I was planning to say, but also shuts down any idea I might have about a relationship with him.
“We fuck, the three of us. This isn’t some fucking love fest thing going on. The last thing I need is anyone getting the wrong idea about where it’s heading. If she can’t separate orgasmic euphoria from love, that’s her problem, not mine.” His face hardens. “I won’t fucking touch her again. I’m in no mood to have to deal with that crying shit in my room like I had to tonight.”
Before I can ask, if he includes me in his ‘banished from his cock’ list, he shoves at my chest and disappears into his room.
Chapter 20
Snatch
“Hey, handsome.”
I can barely keep my eyes from rolling at the purr Snapper emits the second I sat two places down from her on the sofa. I just want to relax, drink a beer in peace, but not in complete solitude. I’m an idiot for thinking that could be done around the red-headed demon of the clubhouse.
“Hey,” I mutter back. I may not particularly like the woman, but I’m hardly ever just outright rude to anyone.
“Darby left,” she says unprompted.
“Yeah,” I respond, still not wanting to engage her.
I hadn’t seen Darby since the argument we had in my bathroom several days ago. Club girls come and go, sometimes disappear for weeks at a time then show back up. Darby not being here the last couple of days isn’t a rare occurrence.
“She said she wanted a different life,” Snapper continues when I don’t respond.
I nod and take a sip of my beer.
“She seemed really sad.” Now this chick is just fishing. I can’t stand people who dance around hard conversations. It’s manipulative, almost as if she’s trying to figure out what I know without divulging what info she’s privileged to. The second the thought enters my head, I know how much of a hypocrite I am. I haven’t spoken to Itchy since our argument in the hall. I’m too busy avoiding him to know if he’s avoiding me too.
“Clubhouse life isn’t for everyone,” I give as my only answer.
“True,” she whispers looking down at her hands.
My eye twitches, watching her out-of-character response. Snapper isn’t one to get upset that female competition is lowered. Now, pull one of the male members, and she throws a shit fit. Neither she nor Gypsy were very happy when Misty showed up, even though Shadow hadn’t touched either one of them in a long ass time if he ever did to begin with.
Snapper is devious on her best day, but she must think we’re idiots if she’s convinced herself we don’t see right through her.
“Dude,” Snake says walking into the room. “You forget where you’re supposed to be?”
I look up at him like he’s lost his mind.
“Jake’s?” He angles his head even further. “I don’t have a fucking clue what’s got your head all fucked up, but you have been off the last couple of days.”
“Fuck off man,” I mutter, turning my beer back up to my lips.
“Ok,” he says walking toward the door. “I’ll let Shadow know you couldn’t be bothered to keep an eye on Misty during her shift tonight. No big deal, not like you promised him yesterday when he asked or anything.”
The light bulb goes off in my head, yesterday’s memories flooding back in. I fucking hate it when Snake, of all people, is right about something. I grumble my displeasure and stand up from the sofa, ready to slap the smirk off his damn face when I pass him to climb on my bike.
“Asshole.”
He chuckles and climbs on his bike as well. I look around the lot before cranking the engine on my Harley.
“The fuck is everybody?” The parking lot is all but empty. The SUVs are parked off to the side, never getting much use besides grocery shopping and Griffin’s doctor’s appointments. Kincaid’s bike is in the lot, and so is Kid’s, but that’s the norm.
“Probably Jake’s,” Snake says with a shrug before cranking his bike and drowning out all ability to hear.
If everyone is at Jake’s, why the hell am I heading there to keep an eye on Misty? I know the answer, and keeping your word even when what you promised is no longer necessary is crucial. I now recall speaking with Shadow yesterday, and he’ll expect me there even if all but two members of the MC are sardined into Jake’s.
The freedom I feel every time my bike is rumbling between my thighs doesn’t fail me tonight. Years of riding and the sensation is always the same. Power yet limited control, and faith in the road are all present in the ten-minute ride over to Jake’s.
I recognize a handful of bikes belonging to Cerberus, but as always, there are another couple of motorcycles that belong to locals. They’re not club affiliated, but some decent guys who just stop in for a beer or two and sometimes chat with one of our guys. They aren’t angling for intel or a chance to join our ranks. Everyone in town is well aware of our membership requirements, and unless you’ve served with us in the sand, you’ll never wear a Cerberus patch on your back.
I sigh, the heavy rush of breath from my lips unavoidable when I see Itchy’s bike tucked into his normal corner. Any other day I would’ve parked near him, but I opt to keep my distance here as well. With every intention of checking in with Shadow and confirming he doesn’t need me, I don’t plan to be here even long enough to order a beer.
Doug, the younger, beefed up brother of the bar’s owner, greets me when I step inside.
“Busy tonight,” he says when I start to walk past. “Jake loves it when you guys have a girl here.”
I narrow my eyes at him, ready to defend Misty’s honor even though I know nothing about her.
Shadow has kept most of her info close to his chest. He may speak to Kid and Kincaid, but I’ve been so busy with my own shit, I haven’t paid much attention to him.
“Yeah?” I close some of the distance, going for intimidation, but Doug is a little on the stupid side, so it doesn’t even register with him. “Why’s that?”
He points in the direction of the other MC members. “They drink a lot of beer and tip really well.”
I nod, willing myself to calm down when I realize he doesn’t mean anything derogatory about Misty or Em when she worked here months ago.
“Plus,” he says conspiratorially as he leans in a little. “The other assholes who always break shit stay away when they see your bikes out front. That saves Jake money too.”
I give him a goodhearted slap on the back. “Sounds like your big brother should be paying us to drink here.”
He laughs, knowing how ridiculous the idea is. Jake’s a penny pincher if I ever saw one. So much so, I’m surprised you don’t have to feed the bathroom door a dollar before you can step inside.
The simple sound of Doug’s laughter follows me further into the bar until it’s drowned out by some sad ass country song blaring from the jukebox in the corner. I look at the end of the bar, confirming that Stephen, the saddest town drunk Farmington has ever seen, is here. The only time dance tunes and fast-paced country aren’t playing is when his depressed ass manages to get to the selection list before anyone else.
Mostly filled with locals, the music playing doesn’t deter anyone from having a good time. High top tables scattered all around are crowded with bar flies and one larger group of women, here for a bachelorette party judging by the sash and ridiculous veil one of them is wearing. All the women in that particular party are looking and giggling in the direction of my boys, attempting to entice them to have some fun or at least give them a little of their attention. Ace, Snake, Shadow, and Skid are all in our usual spot, paying no mind to the frisky wedding party.
I’m not surprised Itchy isn’t at the table with the guys. He normally can’t keep from trolling anytime he’s outside of the walls of the clubhouse. Not wanting to stay, but unable to leave without seeing him, I order a beer from Misty when she walks up just as I’m sitting down.
I don’t even bother talking to Shadow. The way he’s glaring across the bar at Misty as she smiles at another patron while taking his drink order is not something I’m going to get in the middle of. I pull my eyes from my VP who can’t admit he has major feelings for the mother of his child and scan the bar looking for the guy who’s causing me just as many problems.
Itchy’s not hard to find. Leather cut over his normal bright white shirt and perfectly groomed beard, he’s across the bar leaning in whispering to a petite little brunette. His back is facing our direction, and I hate and love all at the same time the way his jeans stretch over the backs of his thighs. The need to run my hand over the tautness of his ass hits me hard.
“You’re not armed are you?” My hand grazes the gun always at my back on instinct as I look up at Ace.
“What?”
“The way you’re staring at him makes me wonder if you’re going to shoot his ass before the night is over with.”
I don’t bother to respond to his nonsense, but my eyes catch Itchy as he stands to his full height at the bar. His arm goes around the shoulder of the pixie-like woman, and when they turn, I see her face for the first time. Nothing remarkable, other than the award winning smile spanning her face. She’s beyond excited to be leaving with him as if she’s won a raffle or an auction she’s been saving all year to participate in.
I shoot daggers at him, our conversation coming to mind from a few days ago. I was an asshole, but I’m always an asshole. It’s not my fault that Darby left. He knows I don’t lie to women to placate them, so I don’t understand what he’s doing right now.
He avoids looking in our direction as they walk past Doug at the front door and leave. I really fucked things up with him. Had I known he was so attached to Darby, I might have handled things differently. Yet, here I sit, with an empty beer and Misty nowhere to be found as my best friend, my lover, the only person I can think of being intimate with walks out with a woman he probably isn’t even attracted to but one he never bothered to offer to me. The game has changed, and I’m the asshole who is so fucked in the head I don’t even know what the new rules are.
Chapter 21
Itchy
“It’s amazing how quick the fucking sex traffickers pop up,” Snake says with a sigh. He leans back in his chair, seeming to relax but keeping his eyes on his surroundings.
“It’s like gray hairs, man. You take one out and three more pop up in their place.” I run a hand over my beard.
I have no clue why we’re even here tonight. Kincaid stayed back home, something to do with Em and a doctor’s appointment. Shadow is heading up this mission, and he’s been an asshole since our boots hit the ground in the rain forest days ago. He’s got some kind of baby momma drama going on back home and seems intent to take it all out on us.
I slap the back of my neck, missing the damn mosquito that’s been buzzing around my head for the last half hour. We’re sitting, drinking beer, but relaxation isn’t even an option when a larger percentage of the people in this bar would rather see us dead than succeed. We were able to this time. The twin girls we came after luckily had super slow traffickers and didn’t have the chance to move them before we were on them. We discovered they were less than a couple of hours from getting the twenty-two-year-old women to their secondary purchaser, who possibly would’ve left the continent with them.
“Too close of a call,” I mutter, keeping my eyes on Snatch across the bar. He seems hell bent on picking someone up tonight.
I can’t really be mad. He’s seen me walk out of numerous places in the last two months with my arm around a woman. Things have been off between us since Darby left. Fifty-four days since our argument in the hall, not that I’m counting or anything. Nearly eight weeks since he made it clear that fuck buddies are all Darby and I were to him. It’s what he’s relegated every sexual partner to. I can’t argue with him. If this is how he wants to live his life, I have to accept it.
I sneer in his direction, hating the caramel-skinned woman even though I’ve never seen her before.
Sure I’ve walked out of half a dozen places wrapped around a woman, letting everyone believe I’m going home with them. Truth is, I drive them home or part ways in the parking lot. I guarantee when Snatch walks out of this bar with that woman, he’ll have her on her back within minutes of getting her to a bed. Pretending to take women home may be what I do, but he’s not the type.
I feel a nudge on my shoulder, so I cut my eyes in Snake’s direction, refusing to give him one hundred percent of my attention. I don’t want to miss watching Snatch walk out of here with her. I’ve been holding out hope, praying that eventually, he’d miss me as much as I miss him. I’ve lain awake at night waiting for the door knob joining our rooms to turn. I’ve waited to catch his eye across the room, knowing if he looks at me he’ll know exactly what I’m feeling. I know when I see him walk out of here, just like I’ve done recently, I’ll finally be able to start letting go.
“You don’t seem very interested in pussy tonight,” Snake observes.
I snort and take another long pull of my beer. “Last time I fucked a chick in Guatemala, I got crabs.”
Snake, for the first time ever, looks contemplative rather than laughing at my reasoning. I figured I’d have to explain it was over six years ago, and the very reason everyone now calls me Itchy, but after the day we’ve had he either doesn’t catch on or he’s suffered the devastation a bad case of crotch crickets can bring. My bet is on the latter.
“You know,” he says with all seriousness. “You can just keep your shit shaved and don’t have to worry about that crap.”
True, and if he were anyone else, I could easily explain just how well-groomed I am, but he’s not the on
e to open up to with shit like that.
“How you haven’t gone blind or insane from a raging case of syphilis is beyond me.” I smile around the top of my beer.
“Or,” he continues with a sparkle in his eye. “You can visit Amy down at the salon, and she can wax you.”
My mouth gapes at his words. This guy looks like he hasn’t showered in a month, but he goes to get salon treatments on his sac? No way.
“Seriously,” he adds. “She’s really gentle. After the second or third time, it doesn’t even hurt anymore.”
“You know this because Snapper went and told you about it?”
He shakes his head. “I go. Twice a month. They have this cream they rub on your…”
I hold my hand up stopping him. “Nope. Don’t. Keep that shit to yourself. I’m not interested in Amy or the wondrous services she offers downtown.”
“You need to loosen up. Maybe if you had your asshole bleached, you wouldn’t walk around all uptight and pissed off at the world.”
“The fuck are you talking about?”
He points across the bar, my eyes following the direction of his finger. My lip twitches in irritation at the sight of Snatch working the girl across the room.
“See? Something is fucking going on. You guys were best friends, practically stuck up each other’s asses.” I stiffen at his words because he has no idea how true his statement is. “Darby did something to ruin that, but listen, man. She’s gone, and you guys need to get that friendship back. Everyone in the clubhouse is talking about how different you guys are. I feel like I’m living inside an episode of Dr. Phil or Oprah or some shit.”
I force my eyes away from Snatch even though I can tell by the way the chick is responding that they’ll be leaving soon. I turn toward Snake, ready to tell him to mind his own business, but in the split second I was stuck in my own damn head, he’s started up a conversation with Ace.
My eyes glance over at Shadow, who looks about ready to spit fucking nails. Even Kid can’t seem to calm him down, but I can tell by his posture that even as mad as he is at Misty for whatever the hell is going on, there’s not one woman in the bar that’s enough to pull his attention from his thoughts. He may be livid and pissed beyond belief, but he values whatever is going on with Misty, even when he doesn’t have the courage to admit it to himself, much less her.
