by C J Murphy
Maggie nodded. “I’ll be waiting down here with Dee when you’re ready.”
“Okay, I’ll run up and be down in a bit.”
Jax was waiting on the other side of the curtain with a wheelchair. “Don’t put your track shoes on yet. Sit your ass down in this and I’ll take you. No arguments.”
Chance looked at the chair and decided to pick her battles wisely. She was exhausted from the events of the day. It was close to one in the morning, and the adrenaline rush was long gone from her system. She turned around and let Jax bring the chair close so she could sit in it easily.
Maggie leaned over and kissed her head. “Kid, you’d better start buying that Scotch by the gallon. I’m going to need it.”
Chance squeezed her hand, as they moved toward the elevator. Faith sat behind the charge nurse’s desk. Her eyes were puffy and void of makeup. It was evident she’d been crying. She watched the group without saying a word.
Chance reached down and stopped the chair. She looked up at Jax with an unspoken request. Jax nodded her head and moved past her with Maggie, allowing for some privacy.
“Is there an empty office here somewhere?” Chance asked.
Faith nodded and came out from behind the desk. She took the handles of the wheelchair, moving Chance into an unused treatment room with a door. She closed it behind her and took a seat on a rolling stool in front of Chance.
Chance held up her hand to stop her from speaking. “You listen first. If you interrupt me, I’ll wheel myself out of here and we won’t speak again. Do you understand?”
Faith appeared to hold back a sob, as she nodded and looked at the floor.
“Tonight, I took another man’s life because he was a threat to me, Zeus, and every other officer at the incident. That man did this.” She pointed to her leg. “It’s true. This could have been much worse. He had a gun as well as a knife. He took an eighty-two-year-old man hostage. Had we not stopped him, he’d likely have killed Martin Hendricks tonight. My badge gave me the authority to stop him. My gun provided me with the means to do so, and my training made the difference in his life or mine. Yes, it’s possible someone else could have done what I did. There’s no way to tell what the outcome would have been. I’m a duly sworn officer of the law, and I acted appropriately to the threat.”
Chance stopped and gathered her thoughts, hands shaking with anger, adrenaline surging through her. “That same group of men shot my deputy, someone I consider a friend. There are bad people in this world, and someone has to stand up and say ‘not on my watch.’ That someone in this county is me.” Chance pointed to her chest, where the T-shirt she wore displayed an embroidered five-point badge. “Many others have done it before me, and there will be others, like Kendra and Daniel, who will be there to do it after I’m dead and gone. The point is someone,” she bent her head and forced Faith to look at her, “has to do it. The laws don’t enforce themselves. Without consequence for breaking those laws, there is anarchy. I took an oath to protect and serve like generations of officers before I was born have. One that my father took as well. I don’t do so without merit or with reckless intent. Neither did my father. He upheld that oath with his life.”
She stopped, centering herself, as she watched Faith wipe away a tear. Chance put her head back and remembered all those nights she’d fallen asleep with the woman in front of her. She’d loved Faith, still did to some extent, but not the way she had in the past. How do I get through to her?
“Faith, all those first-edition books you treasure and collect sit on a shelf. No one is ever allowed to touch them. You told me you didn’t want the spines cracked or a single page dog-eared. Priceless, you called them. Daniel and Kendra wanted so badly to hold them, but you were worried they’d damage them. They weren’t five. They were teenagers. They wanted to see what you saw, why those books were so important. You tried to treat me like those books. You wanted to put me on a shelf inside a cabinet, to keep me exactly like that, unread and untouched. Books aren’t meant to sit on a shelf to be looked at. They have a story to tell. Those pages can crumble, be eaten by moths, or destroyed by water. You know how those stories stay alive? The people who’ve read them tell the story to others, and someone else writes another book. Putting something out of reach so it can’t be harmed doesn’t make it a beloved story. It makes it an object. I’m like that. Making me be anything other than who I am, trying to preserve me, would destroy me. Maybe more slowly than if something happened to me on the job, but in time, it would destroy me.”
Once more, Chance stopped to ramp down her vitriol. She didn’t want to hurt Faith any more than she already had. Something had to give. “You made the decision you couldn’t live with the uncertainty of my life. You left, found a love that was what you said you needed. Still, you can’t let go of the control you want to have over my life. That’s why I removed you as my physician. Your concern obscures the lines. If you only acted with your skill and training, it would be different, but you bring your broken heart as well. That isn’t healthy for either of us. If all of that isn’t enough, you’re married. You’ve got gold bands and happy-ever-after I do’s in place!” Chance pointed to Faith’s left hand, where a thin gold band and a diamond ring were seated.
Faith choked back a sob. “Theresa left.”
Faith said it so quietly, Chance nearly missed it. She reached out and lifted her ex-girlfriend’s chin. Faith stood so quickly the stool hit the wall. She wiped at the tears, as she turned her back on Chance.
Chance shook her head in confusion. “Why?”
Faith threw her hands in the air. “You’re why! All these years later, I’m still in love with you. Trust me, I wish to God I wasn’t.” Faith stood with her hands on her hips, her back still turned to Chance. “I fucked it up. I fucked it all up. And now, Theresa’s walked away until I can make up my fucking mind what’s important to me, who matters more. Go ahead and walk out, because I spoke before you gave me permission.”
“Faith, sit down and look at me.”
“Not now, Chance. I barely have a shred of dignity left to my name. Let me keep it. I walked away from you, because I was afraid of losing you forever. I didn’t want to feel that pain. I poured my heart and soul into a relationship with Theresa. I love her, Chance, I do. I can’t help that I’ve never stopped being in love with you. God knows I’ve tried. I wanted to hate you. I can’t. I just can’t. When you got hurt, I thought it was a sign I was still supposed to take care of you. Jax showed up at the hospital, and my possessive instincts took over. If I had a dollar for every time I heard Sarah or Kristi talk about the good old days, I’d be filthy rich. It wasn’t me they were talking about when they said how star struck you were. It wasn’t me that took your breath. It was her and now she shows up out of the blue. The mythical unicorn did exist!”
“Faith, I’ve dated other women since we broke up. A few in fact.”
Faith turned and grabbed the sink counter so tightly, her knuckles turned white. “And not one of them had a snowball’s chance in hell with you. I knew that. I think, subconsciously, I reveled in the fact you were choosing women who were disposable in some way. Somehow, I thought you’d miss me enough that you’d quit your job and ask me to come home. Then the myth, the legend, came back here. The only woman you’d truly ever given yourself to. Now my whole world sits in flames around me, and I’m in the middle of Death Valley with no water in sight.”
“Faith, I really don’t know what to say or how to help you. When we broke up, I let you go because I wanted you to find the happiness and security you needed to be whole. You were never going to be that with me.”
“Don’t speak for me, Chance. You don’t know what I need to be whole. I have to live in a town where my sister is best friends with my ex-lover. In a town where my nephew is her godson and wants to be just fucking like you. Theresa has to live in your shadow, scratching and clawing for her place at my side, while I silently pine away for you even though I made a solemn vow to forsake all others.
Well, apparently, I had my fingers crossed when I made that promise.” She dropped down to her knees in front of Chance and put her head on her lap. “Can’t you see that I still love you?”
Chance put her hand on Faith’s head. She tried to find the words to both comfort and let her down as easily as possible. She didn’t have any. There wasn’t a single word she could offer to give Faith respite from her torment. Faith was still in love with her. Chance could see that now. Unfortunately for Faith, Chance was in love with Jax. That wouldn’t change. She’d waited a long time for the love of her life to come back.
“Faith, look at me.” The blue eyes that Chance had always been able to read were too clouded with tears. “When we were together, I loved you with my whole heart and soul, no matter what you believe. I won’t lie and tell you I didn’t love Jax somewhere, but she was part of my past. A very good part of my past. When she left and didn’t come back, I moved on. I never believed she’d be back in my life. She went to the other side of the country, because she didn’t want a life under her mother’s thumb. She wanted to be free to love whomever she wanted, regardless of their gender. Out there, she built a life free of those chains. If she’d asked me to go, I might have. It didn’t work out that way, and life went on.”
Chance took a breath and started again. “You and I had our moment in the sun. There’s no mystery to why it didn’t last. I’m still the person you left, because you couldn’t live with my job. Nothing about that has changed or will for a very long time. You say you want me back because you love me. To me, it feels like you want to put me back on that shelf with those first editions. I want to be a dog-eared paperback copy of Pride and Prejudice, well-loved and held daily in the hands of its reader. Faith, you’d never be happy with that version on your nightstand, and I won’t be happy on the shelf.”
Faith wiped her eyes and stood. “I’m not giving up, Chance. I won’t. I can’t.”
Chance put her head back and closed her eyes for a moment. This isn’t happening. Not now when I’m finally happy again. “Faith, I’m going to say this one more time, more slowly if I must, so you understand. After that, I’m going to go see Kenny and Marty. You and I are not a couple anymore. You have no say over my life, no matter how much you want to. My heart and soul belong to Jax. Unless she tells me different, I’m planning a life with her. The one thing you know about me, without fail, is that I’m faithful. If you can’t respect that, then we have nothing more to say. I wish you well, Faith. Theresa is a good woman, and she loves you. Think very carefully about what you’re doing before you burn that bridge.” She stood and winced.
“Sit down, Chance. I’ll take you back out. You can say whatever you want. That doesn’t mean I’m done trying.”
Chance grabbed her crutches that were hanging from the handle of the wheelchair. “Yes, you are.” She turned, pulled open the door, caught it with a crutch, and stepped into the hallway. “I’m ready to go.”
Jax moved quickly to her side, her brow furrowed. “Where’s your wheelchair?”
Faith came out from the room. “This isn’t over.” She placed the wheelchair beside Chance and walked away without looking at either of them.
“It is for me.” Chance headed toward the elevator on her crutches, as Jax pushed the wheelchair by her side.
“Do I want to know?” Jax asked as they stepped in.
“Not right now, you don’t.”
Jax nodded. “Will you at least sit down for me? I know you want to walk off that anger, but your leg could use the ride.”
Chance took several deep, cleansing breaths, trying to rid herself of Faith’s possessive obstinance. She met Jax’s eyes. “I’d do almost anything for you.”
“Then I’ll only ask that you decide this is something you will do for me.” She turned the wheelchair sideways and held it.
“This could get ugly.” Chance sat down.
“Not my first rodeo, honey. I’ve faced down worse.” Jax leaned over and kissed the side of her neck. When the elevator stopped, they exited.
“Good, because my heart belongs to you. Remember that, no matter what.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Once again, Chance was grounded to desk duty. There was no way she could run without tearing out the stitches. She’d been cleared by the investigating officers on the shooting at the cabin. July’s festivities came. She’d done everything she could to behave and still do the parts of her job that she was capable of.
“Hey, you.” Chance looked up to find Jax standing in the open doorway. “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”
Jax pointed to her scrubs. “Don’t look too hard. I’m a mess of animal hair and God knows what else.”
Chance rose and came to stand in front of her. She sighed, as she pulled Jax into her arms. “You’re the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen. Hi.” Chance leaned down and kissed her. When she felt Jax melt under her touch, she held on tighter. It never got old.
“Whew. Now I’m a hot mess for other reasons.” Jax traced Chance’s jaw line.
Chance stepped completely into her office and closed the door behind them.
Jax followed her across the room and sat on her lap. “Any news?”
Chance nodded. “Some. There are still questions to be answered about the men who took Marty. Two of the three had Baltimore addresses I think connect somehow to the Kurst family. I can’t prove it yet. What Martin said about the broken leg matches up with what the suspects told us. They’re pretty tight lipped, under advice of their lawyers. We still don’t know why they were in the woods in the first place, or how the one guy was injured. I’m positive it’s drug related. I won’t be surprised if the whole mess ties into the guy who tried to make roadkill out of me. How’s Marty doing?”
“Fewer nightmares. Still jumping at shadows. He’s taken to turning his hearing aids down so that loud noises don’t startle him as much. He’s going to be okay. He just needs to see the guys who did this go away for a long time.”
Chance ground her teeth together, thinking about what Marty had been through. “With everything that has to be investigated, I’ll be surprised if they go to trial this year. Trust me, no matter how long it takes, justice will be served. Harley’s assured me of that.” She took a deep breath and tried to lighten the mood. “Speaking of Harley, Meg graduates the academy soon.”
Jax’s smile lit up her face. “She does. Lindsey is ecstatic to have her coming home. Only seeing her on the weekends has been hard. Thankfully for them, I don’t have weekend hours. Lindsey’s thinking about applying for Uncle Marty’s scholarship to go to veterinarian school at WVU. I think she should. She’s phenomenal as a technician and about as good at diagnosis as I am. I’ll support her in any way I can.”
“The guys out at the farmhouse working today?”
Jax sighed and leaned into Chance. “I think it would’ve been easier to tear the damn place down than the total remodel I’m doing. Once they found that termite damage, it meant replacing some of the major floor beams. The water running down the foundation has to be channeled away, or it’s going to start causing major issues. I’d have still bought it. The move-in date will be a little fluid for a while.”
“What a shame.” Chance couldn’t hold back her grin.
“Yeah, I know it’s been a real hardship having me live with you. I can tell. I’d rather have it done correctly than fast. At least the barns are usable. I love having Macallan and Glenlivet close to me. Moving your Kelly in with them was a bonus. An evening ride is just what the doctor ordered for a weary vet and a cranky sheriff.”
Chance looked deep into Jax’s eyes. “It’s been a bit challenging getting on and off with this leg, but we’ve managed. It’s not only the horses that make me a lot less cranky. Waking up beside you every morning has done wonders for my disposition.”
“Rather enjoy that myself. What happens when the house is done? I don’t want to think about waking up without you. If Faith hears we aren’t sleeping in the same
bed every night, she’ll jump you in a New York minute.”
Chance put her forehead on Jax’s. “Doesn’t matter what she does. I’m with you and only you. I’ve loved you forever, and I intend to love you for the rest of my life. Chance pulled Jax closer and braced herself. “What would you think if I moved in with you? Taylor and Penny have been looking for a bigger place.”
Jax’s smile swallowed her face. “Penny told me they’re trying to get pregnant. The place they’re living in now is too small to even add a thimble.”
“I can’t bring myself to sell the property, especially now that it borders yours. I think it might be a good fit for them, considering the rent break I’d give them. They might eventually want to build a place of their own. For now, I think it’s a good solution to both our problems. I want to be with you, and they need space.”
“I don’t care which house we live in, as long as I’m living with you.” She bent down and kissed Chance with a passion full of promise.
Chance nearly melted into her chair. She was absolutely sure of at least one thing at this point in her life. She’d be sharing whatever years she had left with the woman seated in her lap.
“I’ve got to get out of here before I strip you down and make love to you on your desk.” Jax kissed her again and got up. She fanned herself. “And now for an abrupt right turn and a bucket of ice water. I’m cooking at Uncle Marty’s tonight. I expect to see you there at six, Sheriff.” Jax winked, as she went through the door.
“I’ll be there.” Chance looked down at Zeus. “We are some lucky fucks, my boy.” Her cell phone rang, and she watched Faith’s number display on her screen. She sent it immediately to voicemail and grabbed a bottle of Advil. She needed quick relief from the headache that would surely follow.
Penny showed up in the door. “I just told Faith you were in a meeting.”
Chance nodded to her phone. “That was her. I sent the call to voicemail.”
