Mable Claire was kind and thoughtful. She had always been nice to me. Beulah Paige on the other hand wasn’t. Bea Allen was right. Beulah thought she was better than everyone.
“I knew! I knew it! I knew it!” Cephus had one hand on his hip while the other was in a tight fist, shaking it right at Leotta. “You little slut! I know that is Terk Rhinehammer’s old Buick! I’d know it from a mile away.”
Bea Allen and Granny made conversation, unaware of Cephus making a ruckus between them as Leotta kept to herself with her hands neatly folded in her lap. I bit my lip trying not to laugh as he carried on about how Terk had an eye for Leotta since high school. He even claimed Terk couldn’t wait for him to die so he could slip into Leotta’s life.
I grabbed my phone from my back pocket. If what Cephus said was true about Terk, maybe Terk had killed Cephus. This could be my first clue. I had learned that no stone can be unturned when you’re trying to get the dead to do just that . . . die.
“Honey, have you heard from Cephus?” Granny turned her attention to Leotta.
Everyone went silent. Inwardly, I groaned. Leave it to Granny to ask such questions.
Since Leotta was Mary Anna’s momma, Mary Anna wasn’t going to let her mom go around town with gray roots. Leotta’s hair was black as coal, along with her eyes. She reminded me of a younger version of Loretta Lynn, with her pointy nose, small mouth and thin chin. She wore a pair of capri jeans and a V-neck T-shirt that showed the top of cleavage. Just enough for men to take a look and use their imagination for what was under.
“Put on some clothes.” Cephus stomped around the back of Leotta’s chair.
It was the biggest uproar when Cephus didn’t come home after a long weekend. Most people would worry if one of their loved ones didn’t come home after one night, but Cephus Hardy was a different story.
He was known as the town drunk. He’d show up at the Watering Hole on Friday and not leave until Sunday morning, when there was no alcohol to be had. In Kentucky, the law stated that there were no alcohol sales on Sunday, which meant there were no bars open.
When he never made it home, Leotta knew something was wrong. I recalled Mary Anna telling Charlotte Rae about how Cephus would be in a stumbling, drunken stupor and her momma, Leotta, would spend most of Sunday sobering him up so he could go to work on Monday to earn his paycheck for next weekend’s binge.
“No.” Leotta gave a slight grin, exposing some pretty teeth. “Teddy has looked high and low for him. Best we figured, he must’ve traveled east like he always wanted to and found a bar on the beach. Never to come back. Nothing is certain.”
“Honey”—Granny patted Leotta’s hand—“nothing is certain except for death and taxes. He’ll be back.”
“Why would I come home when you are shacking up with Terk Rhinehammer!” Cephus jumped up in the air like he was doing some sort of wrestling move. “I’ll put him in a sleeper hold.”
“Terk Rhinehammer?” I asked out loud, and quickly shut my mouth.
Damn, damn, damn. I closed my eyes, hoping no one heard me.
“Did you say Terk?” Leotta leaned around Bea Allen to put her cold, coal-black eyes on me.
“What?” Granny pulled back and glared at me. “What’s Terk got to do with Cephus Hardy?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head and put two and two together. The car that Cephus was up in arms about had to be Terk’s. “Isn’t that Terk Rhinehammer’s car out there?” I pointed to the street.
“How would you know that is his car?” Leotta’s eyes lowered.
“He used to drive that over to see Daddy,” I lied. As far as I knew, Daddy didn’t even know Terk, but Leotta didn’t know that.
“Good one.” Cephus pursed his lips and nodded, never once taking his eyes off Leotta. “Terk would never go see your daddy. We never ran in the same crowd.”
It was hard to keep my face still and not jerk up to look at Cephus when I knew everyone, including Granny, was watching my every movement.
I held my phone. I hoped they thought I was texting someone, but I quickly typed in the notes to check into Leotta and Terk’s relationship. How long had it been going on? What was Terk’s relationship with Cephus? How did Mary Anna feel about her mom and Terk? The answers to these questions seemed like a good place to start.
Leotta’s eyes slid from me to Granny. Softly, she said, “The kids and I haven’t heard a thing from Cephus. I guess he might have drank himself crazy.”
Drank? Crazy? I made another note in my phone before I looked up to see the expression on Cephus’s face, but he was gone.
“Bless your heart, Leotta.” Granny gave Leotta the Southern blessed curse phrase. She plucked a ZULA FAE FOR MAYOR pin from her pocket and stuck it right on Leotta’s dress. “You know I appreciate your support.”
“Now, Zula Fae.” Bea Allen cackled. Her frizzy hair swayed back and forth. “I think Leotta might be voting for O’Dell.” Bea Allen leaned over and nudged Leotta with her elbow. “Isn’t that right, Leotta?”
“I’m not sure who I’m voting for just yet.” Leotta shrugged.
“As if it was a question?” Granny’s left eye twitched, letting me know she was keeping something to herself. Granny snatched the pin off Leotta and threw it back in her plastic Ziploc. “I don’t waste material on someone who can’t make up her mind.” Granny pushed back her chair and jumped up. “Let’s go, Emma Lee.”
“It was nice seeing you again, Leotta. Nice to meet you, Bea Allen.” I gave a slight wave that Granny wouldn’t see.
If she had seen me give any loyalty to Bea Allen Burns, she’d hold a grudge for the week.
“You too, honey,” Bea Allen said loudly, and grinned.
Granny jerked around, giving me the stink-eye.
Bea Allen looked at Granny and grinned again, knowing that she had gotten Granny’s goat.
Little did she realize, she only fueled Granny’s fire even more.
Chapter 5
T he nerve of Leotta Hardy, saying she doesn’t know who she is voting for.” Granny huffed the whole way back to the funeral home. “I even took her a Kentucky Hot Brown casserole and blueberry cobbler when that no-good drunk of a husband of hers left her and them babies.”
I kept my mouth shut. If I would have agreed, nodded, or even smiled, that was a cue for her to continue.
“That was my good recipe too.” She poked my ribs. Her face was as red as the hair on her head. “You know the one where I make the crust and do not use that store-bought kind. I mean homemade.” Granny’s trap kept going. “I don’t think she even gave back that casserole dish. You know, the large glass one.” Her brows lifted and her hands showed the size of the dish. “Artie’s never has them in stock anymore.”
“Wait.” I stopped right in front of Pose and Relax and grabbed Granny’s arm. “Did you say drunk?”
“What? No.” Granny shook her head. “Glass casserole dish.”
“Back up,” I said, and moved out of the way of the Pose and Relax door because a yoga class was letting out. “You called Cephus a drunk.”
“I only call it as I see it.” Granny lifted her chin in the air like she was above the gossip.
“What do you mean?” I leaned in and asked.
I knew he was considered a drunk, but I wanted to hear what Granny had to say about him and if it would lead me to any clues to why or who killed him.
“He was a drunk. He was always hitting on women. Always at the Watering Hole. And I heard that their marriage wasn’t the best. Now”—Granny dug her fingers into my arm—“I’m not spreading no gossip.” She straightened her shoulders and tugged on the hem of her shirt. “A good Southern woman doesn’t do that.”
“Of course you aren’t.” I grinned.
We both knew she was. I did make a mental note to check out the information she had handed me on a silver platter.
Booze and womanizing could definitely be a motive for murder.
If Cephus Hardy was the drunk Granny said he was and a
womanizer, there were probably plenty of people who wanted him dead. Jealous lovers. Leotta. Husbands. The list was endless. But who? Where did I start?
On our way back to Eternal Slumber, Granny stopped at the old building next to the funeral home. Hettie Bell had been using Granny’s front porch and the town square for her yoga classes up until recently. She now rented the old building and had opened Posed and Relax.
“Good morning, ladies.” Hettie Bell stood in the doorway of the yoga studio with her arms stretched high in the air before she swept them down to the ground to touch her toes.
She wore tight black yoga pants and a small cross-tee hot pink yoga top, which stood out against her olive skin and chin-length black hair.
I cringed; just watching her do that made my back ache.
“Campaigning already?” She popped up and ran her fingers down her blunt bangs. “It’s early.”
“Yes we are.” Granny pulled out a button and, with a shaky hand, she held it out. “This will match your outfit perfectly.”
“Zula, are you okay?” There was concern in Hettie Bell’s voice. She held Granny’s hands in hers. “Are you using those breathing exercises I gave you?”
“I have.” Granny pulled her hands away from Hettie Bell’s grip and rubbed her neck. “But I could use a little downtime.”
“Great!” I jumped at the chance to get away from Granny. “You go in there with Hettie and do a little downward dog while I get back to work.”
“I am getting ready to begin the Auxiliary women’s class.” Hettie nodded toward the red Cadillac that was pulling up to the curb.
Beulah Paige. I groaned and took a deep breath.
Mable Claire was sitting in the passenger side with a tight grip on her purse as though someone were going to hijack the car. I walked over to the car and opened the door. Mable Claire pulled her purse closer to her body.
“What’s wrong with you, Mable Claire?” I asked, and held the door wide open so she could get out.
“Well . . .” Her soft voice left her soft body. Her pockets jingled when she stepped out of the car. “. . . I heard you might be sick again.”
A shadow of annoyance crossed my face when I looked over at Beulah Paige and her red cheeks.
“Beulah Paige, why do you want to go around spreading gossip?” I asked, and bit my lip. If I didn’t, I’d come unglued, and they’d really think I was going crazy. “I’m not sick. I was . . .” I stalled for time. “ . . . trying out my new Bluetooth.”
“Bluetooth, huh?” Beulah Paige asked suspiciously. “Where is it?” She tilted her perfectly coifed head to the left and to the right, trying to get a look at my ears.
“It didn’t work very well inside the store, so I had to run out to get good reception,” I lied.
“Doc Clyde said that you said Cephus Hardy was back in town.” Beulah wasn’t going to let it die. She ran her fingers through her red hair like she was stoking the fire. “When I saw Leotta at Higher Grounds, I thought it might be possible he was back. But when I asked her about it, she was so confused. She had no idea what I was talking about.”
“I was talking to Mary Anna, and Doc Clyde was eavesdropping.” I shrugged. “I’m sure you can understand eavesdropping.”
Beulah Paige huffed past me and stuck the key fob over her shoulder, clicking away as her fancy car beeped to let her know it was locked.
My phone chirped a text. It was Mary Anna asking if I was at the funeral home because she’d left her good scissors in the morgue and needed to get them before she headed to work at Girl’s Best Friend Spa.
As Beulah sashayed right on into Pose and Relax, she warned Granny, “You need to get a handle on that granddaughter of yours. Come on, Mable Claire.”
Mable Claire did as she was told and the two of them disappeared into the yoga studio.
It would be a perfect time to slip in some questions about Cephus to Mary Anna if I could just shake Granny.
“Go on and be with your friends. I’ll come by later to help out with the dinner crowd before my romantic dinner date with Jack Henry,” I assured her. “Besides, I have to let Mary Anna in the freezer to get her scissors before she goes to work.”
“Here.” Granny handed me her Ziploc bag of ZULA FOR MAYOR pins. “Tell her to put these on her clients at the hair salon.”
“Fine.” I grabbed the bag and headed next door to Eternal Slumber.
“Mornin’, Emma Lee.” John Howard Lloyd stood on the front lawn, scratching his wiry hair.
I tried not to look at the dirt crammed under his fingernails. But it wasn’t possible. He had a large shovel in one hand and a two-by-four in the other.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Seeing him with a shovel and wood wasn’t out of the ordinary since he worked for me as the gravedigger, but seeing him with these items in the front yard of Eternal Slumber had me intrigued.
“I’m fixin’ to put up an election sign for Zula Fae. Just tryin’ to figure out where to put it.” He set the shovel and wood on the ground and tucked his hands in the tops of his overalls. “She said she cleared it with you, not that she was telling the truth.”
“She did.” I pointed to the middle of the yard. “You can stick it in the middle.”
He nodded and grabbed the equipment, making his way to the middle of the yard.
“I’ll be glad when this election is over!” Mary Anna yelled out the window of her car. She pulled the silver convertible classic Mercedes into the driveway of Eternal Slumber. “I was mobbed by O’Dell’s sister and my momma this morning before I even had my boobs tucked in.”
She got out of the car, slammed the door and tugged up her V-neck purple shirt, which was tightly tucked into her snug white jeans. Her purple high heels clicked up the sidewalk of the funeral home. Her short bleach-blond hair was neatly tied under a purple, polka-dotted scarf. Mary Anna always tried to dress exactly like her favorite icon, Marilyn Monroe. Even Girl’s Best Friend Spa was decorated and dedicated to the famous actress. There was a huge portrait of Marilyn covered in diamonds, her mouth spread open in a breathy grin to greet you as soon as you walked into the spa.
“Well, I’m adding to your stress.” I handed her the bag of pins Granny had asked me to give her. “Granny wants you to pass these out at the spa.”
“Hmm . . .” Mary Anna reluctantly took the bag and gave me the wonky eye. “Are you asking me as my boss?”
“Nope.” I shook my head. “Just a favor to Granny.”
“Fine.” She wiggled her way past me and proceeded up the steps. I followed her. “I can’t believe I forgot my scissors here last night. But my momma called telling me that Teddy was coming to town, and I was so excited, I lost all my marbles.”
“Teddy is coming in?” I asked, knowing that I needed to talk to him too but wasn’t sure how I was going to.
He had left Sleepy Hollow right after high school to pursue his career in amateur wrestling and I hadn’t heard anything about him since.
“Yes. Momma got all geared up like a pocket watch.” She patiently waited as I took my key out and opened the door. “Teddy hasn’t been the same since Daddy left us and I can’t wait to see him.”
“I didn’t leave!” Cephus appeared and jumped in the air with his elbow coming down like he was doing a pile driver on someone. “I was murdered! I would never leave you, baby girl. Tell her! Tell her, Emma Lee.”
“I’m sure it took a toll on Teddy.” I pinched my lips together.
Cephus darted back and forth, flailing his arms around.
“Tell her!” he begged one last time until he realized I was ignoring him.
“You haven’t heard from Cephus?” I asked, and held the front door open for her. We walked into the vestibule and stood for a minute.
Not to make it so obvious that I was asking questions, I pretended to be busy by fluffing the red-velvet drapes that hung from the large, old windows.
“Not a word.” There was sadness in her voice. “I never wou
ld have thought Daddy would have left us like that.”
“Did he have a reason to leave town?” I walked over near one of the doors of the viewing rooms and straightened the memorial cards sitting on the pedestal.
“None that we could figure.” She untied the scarf and gently lifted it off her head. Today she wore her hair in a slick bob with the ends flipped up. “Of course he and Momma had their demons, but nothing we couldn’t work out.”
“Demons?” That didn’t sound good.
“I love your momma,” Cephus groaned. He was sitting in one of the winged-back leather chairs in the corner of the vestibule, with his face buried in his hands. “I didn’t have any demons.”
“You know.” We made our way back to the elevator. Mary Anna pushed the DOWN button to take us to the basement, where the morgue was located. “Daddy did drink his weight in beer.”
“I could use an ice-cold Stroh’s right now.” Cephus smacked his lips together and stood right between Mary Anna and me as we rode the elevator down.
“Momma worried about money, Daddy drank it away.” Mary Anna kept her hands busy by rolling the scarf around her fingers.
“I took care of y’all,” Cephus whined.
“I’m sure he took good care of you.” I wanted to make him feel a little better. There was nothing sadder than to see him listen to her talking about him and her not knowing he was there.
“He did, in his own way.” She looked up at me. The edges of her eyes turned down. She said, “Sometimes it’s been easier with him gone though. Momma hasn’t had to worry about money since. And now that she’s dating.”
The elevator bell dinged and the doors opened.
“Dating! She is dating that sonofabitch Terk Rhinehammer. I knew it when I saw his car parked in front of that fancy coffee shop.” Cephus stormed out of the elevator, wringing his hands together. He pretended to have someone in a headlock and giving a noogie. “And my boy. He’s a big-time wrastler?”
beyond the grave 03 - a ghostly demise Page 3
