by Loretta Lost
“I’m exactly what you are, Carmen. A concerned future aunt to Helen’s baby. And I’d love to be there as much as she’ll let me be. But I am also something that both of you girls are not—someone who grew up without a father. Someone who grew up in foster homes, with several incredibly shitty fathers. Now, your dad is a freakin’ saint. He bought everyone here, including me, plane tickets to come and support Helen. He’s just so lovely, that I don’t think either of you can imagine what it does to a person to grow up being abused and neglected. If Liam’s not going to be there for your baby…”
“He will be,” Helen says. “Liam would never hurt a child. Or neglect a child. I know that much, for certain. He’s a doctor. He cares about people.”
“I hope you’re right,” I find myself saying. “Because I just met Liam’s father for the first, time, and if Liam is anything like him…”
“Oh, god, no,” Helen says, with a horrified expression and a laugh. “No, absolutely not. I can see why you’d be so worried, Sophie. But Liam despises his father, and he is deeply ashamed of that man.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m happy that you care so much, Sophie. And I’m happy that my baby will have two wonderful aunties looking out for him or her. I’m just anxious, that’s all. The timing is really off—nothing is going as planned. But that’s just life. It’s messy and imperfect, so you have to seize each opportunity when it arises. I do love Liam, and I know we’ll get past this. It will take time.”
Carmen and I look at each other, and we know there is no point. You can't talk a woman in love out of making a foolish decision.
When a male voice clears his throat and enters the room, I turn around. It is David, the friend Helen was traveling all over Europe with. He looks sad as fuck, and totally crushed, but he is trying to smile, anyway.
“Can you ladies give me a minute with the bride?” he asks us quietly.
We nod and exit.
Standing outside the room. I find myself leaning weakly against a wall. I feel dizzy, like I have just gotten off a carnival ride. There is a decorative mirror in the hallway, and when I look into it, I can almost see a different person staring back at me, for a second. Sibyl.
She has red hair. But then she vanishes.
I try to move my fingers, and they respond a little. I think I am regaining control.
“You okay?” Carmen asks, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“Yeah, just dizzy,” I tell her, leaning against the wall.
“Sorry if I was a bitch in there,” Carmen says. “Just trying to play devil’s advocate, you know?”
I try to respond, but I still feel out of it. The world is still fuzzy.
Carmen sighs and leans against the wall beside me. “I’m trying to be strong and happy for her. Having Owen helps. But my husband just killed himself, not too long ago, and Helen warned me not to marry him. I just have this funny feeling in my stomach, like I’m supposed to warn her.”
“Your husband died?” I ask her.
“And I lost a baby,” Carmen whispers. “The doctors said I might never be able to have another. I’m sorry, I know this isn’t about me.” She waves, her hand in dismissal, clearing her throat, trying to push it all aside. “It’s just hard seeing her have it all, so easily. Well, I mean, it’s not easy. Liam was a real piece of work… but now, look around. Look at all this. She gets to live happily ever after, with the father of her baby, if she chooses. He won’t fuck with her, because he’s broke, and my dad drew up a pretty good prenup, considering all the money Helen’s going to eventually inherit. And if she chooses otherwise, there’s another great guy in that room behind us, and she can choose him, too. There’s really no wrong choice. She has it all.”
“I lost a baby, too,” I tell Carmen.
She turns to look at me, with a sad smile. “I guess I should be extra happy I get to be Auntie Carm so soon. And hey, I can just be the fun aunt, and I don’t have to push it out of me or get it cut out of me, so that’s a win, right?”
“Yeah.”
“But I was happy, for like five minutes. When I thought I was going to have something of my own. And that was all a lie. This monster poisoned my husband, poisoned me, killed my baby, abducted me, and ruined my whole life.”
I am still not feeling completely normal after the switch to Sibyl taking over, but I try to speak. “I am sorry that happened to you. I was abducted, too.”
“You were? Where were you taken? This dude took me to the Ukraine.”
That surprises me. “Oh, so you were like really, really abducted.”
“He was like a sex and drug trafficking type,” she explains, “and there was an orthodox cathedral. You know those ones with the gold roofs? It was messed up. Let me just tell you that getting on a plane to come back to Europe was not easy—and Owen had to babysit Liam, so he couldn’t even fly with me. I got totally drunk on the plane and cried in front of my dad. Humiliating.”
“That’s an exotic abduction,” I tell her, as I try to push myself off the wall to stand on my own. “At least you got a free cultural experience and to see some interesting architecture. I was just in a dungeon below a farmhouse that looked exactly like my childhood bedroom.”
“Childhood bedroom?” Carmen asks, with raised eyebrows.
“Yes.” Reaching down, I lift up my dress, showing Carmen the large, stitched up scar on my thigh. “He tortured me for a while. I was pretty sure I was going to die.”
“Oh my god. Girl, that looks fucking recent.”
“Yeah. It was like a few days ago. Weeks ago. I don’t know, they put me in a psychiatric facility after that, and time was passing strangely. I couldn’t stop sleeping.”
Carmen reaches out to give me a hug. I am surprised. But I hug her back.
It isn’t like Luciana’s hugs—suspicious, seductive, possibly intended to manipulate or control.
It’s just a real hug. It’s kind and sisterly.
And soon, she probably will be my sister-in-law, too. That makes my heart feel warm.
It seems like I’m getting a lot more out of this wedding than just one big brother of questionable character.
“Who was he?” Carmen asks, pointing at my scar.
“He was my father. The man who adopted me, when I was nine.”
“Oh my god,” she breathes, and I see tears gather in her eyes. “Don’t tell Liam yet, okay? He’ll blame himself, that your life was like that. He’s a bit of a dick, but not so much of a dick that he would ever want something like that to happen to you.”
I nod.
“And let’s try to keep it from Helen, for now, okay? She is already freaking out in there—but maybe we can get drunk tomorrow, and have a proper unbachelorette party, and get rid of the guys. Owen and Liam can take your Cole, and they can go see strippers or whatever guys do, and we can just relax and talk?”
“That sounds nice,” I tell her. But truthfully, I’m scared to get too drunk. I might switch out, and let Sibyl have control again. Was Sibyl able to take over more easily because I'd had a few drinks? The experience that just happened was a little rattling. I know I must have done the same thing to Serena, a million times. But I always thought I did it in a way that was kind, and gentle, and that she barely noticed. I never tried to rip her out of her body when she didn’t want to go, or make her watch when I had control, just to rub it in her face that she didn’t.
Carmen reaches for my wrist, studying the snowflake tattoo. I took the bandage off earlier, and applied some concealer to the redness around the edges. I realize that she is looking past the tattoo, to the scars on my wrist, and I pull my arm away in embarrassment.
“Do you ever think,” Carmen murmurs softly. “That rape is just part of the female condition?”
I stare at her closely. Her wispy blonde hair and piercing green eyes.
“All the time.”
Chapter Fifteen
The room is covered in white roses, as Helen and Liam stand at the
altar, making their vows.
The florist came in while we were all getting ready, and began to set up the arrangements, everywhere. It's a beautiful play on her pen name, Winter Rose, and she seemed so moved by the gesture when she walked into the room. Her father got it perfectly right.
The bride and groom took some beautiful photos before the ceremony, against the backdrop of the mountains, holding bouquets of the fragrant white roses. We all changed into our evening wear, and the professional makeup artist helped all the girls look their best before doing family photos. I felt a little embarrassed joining them for family photos, since I barely know any of these people—other than maybe Helen, and only because I've read her books.
I am wearing the same dress that I got on Fifth Avenue with Luciana, but I love the way it makes me feel. Cole is beside me, and as I listen to the romantic words shared by the couple, I try to imagine us doing the same. I lean my head against his shoulder as we sit and watch, and he links his fingers with mine.
"Liam Larson and Helen Winters," the priest is saying. "You have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and wife.
I haven't been to many weddings, but this is a rather nice one.
"You have kissed a thousand times, maybe more. But today the feeling is new. No longer simply partners and best friends, you have become husband and wife and can now seal the agreement with a kiss. Today, your kiss is a promise. You may kiss the bride."
I must admit, that I get shivers running down my spine at his words.
And when the bride and groom share a kiss, both of them with tears in their eyes, it makes my heart swell.
The whole room claps and cheers and whistles, and we rise to our feet.
Cole squeezes my hand. “A little nicer than our wedding was, huh?”
“Yeah. No kidding. I don’t think we had a single flower. They have twenty billion.”
“But we could do something about that,” Cole says.
“Hmmm?”
“Next time, we’ll have a proper wedding, with all the flowers.”
“Sure,” I tell him. “We can definitely do that later.”
“Let’s set a date,” he says. “Any date you want.”
I wonder if I’ll even be around for the wedding. I wonder if he’ll even be marrying me. “Why? We are planning to travel again soon, and we don’t even know where we’re going to be living. That doesn’t make sense. Let’s get settled before making any plans.”
“Okay,” he responds, placing a kiss against my hair.
There aren’t a huge number of people in the room, so when the bride and groom circle around to thank their family members and exchange hugs, they quickly arrive at us.
“Sophie,” Helen says softly, giving me a hug. “Thanks for coming. It means the world to me. I wish someone had told me this was happening, to save me from nearly getting a heart attack, but it was a nice surprise.”
“I hope he makes you so, so happy,” I tell her as I hug back, feeling a little guilty about Sybil’s warning earlier. But Sybil is a prophetess who can tell the future, so maybe she knows what she’s talking about? I am not yet sure if this disorder means I have magical powers, but I am hoping to find a therapist who can determine that.
Liam hugs me next, and he is very misty-eyed. But when he looks at me, he does a double take.
For the first time, he suddenly notices the strange necklace hanging around my neck. He reaches out and touches the bones carefully, frowning before looking back up at me in surprise. “The atlas and axis,” he muses. “C1 and C2 vertebrae?”
“Yeah—just like you suggested,” I tell him. “It’s the first fashion choice my biological brother ever assisted me with.”
He looks at me in confusion. “Sophie, these are real human bones?”
“Mayyyybe. Congratulations on your wedding!”
He looks at me suspiciously, but Helen pulls him away laughing, as they continue to thank everyone in the room.
“I told you that necklace clashes with the formalwear,” Cole remarks.
“Whatever. Luciana said it was pretty. It’s my favorite piece of jewelry ever.”
“Hey, hey!” Owen says as he greets us both, with Carmen by his side. “So, after we have an amazing dinner, and I make an amazing best man speech, and Carmen makes the best maid of honor speech, we’re all going to crash. We figure some people might still be jet-lagged, and we need to get some rest, and let the bride and groom enjoy their wedding night. But tomorrow, around noon, we are all planning to meet up and do a thing with just the guys, and another thing with just the girls. Maybe go out and explore the town.”
“Sounds good,” I tell him, with a smile. “What are you all planning?”
“No idea yet,” Carmen says, “but I’ll do some research and see what’s around. Maybe we can go to a spa for massages? It can’t be too wild, for Helen’s sake.”
“Massages sound good,” I remark. “Owen, what are you thinking for the boys?”
“Why?” Owen asks innocently. “Are you afraid Cole is going to come back covered in lipstick and stripper glitter?”
My eyebrows lift, and I give Cole a look of warning to make him aware of just how I feel about stripper glitter.
He laughs nervously, putting a hand in his hair. “I’m down for anything. Like, even a friendly game of Go Fish or Connect Four. Pictionary and Monopoly are always fun. Oh! Battleship and Risk are both great for sharpening the mind.”
Everyone stares at Cole in confusion.
“He also likes Legos and 3D puzzles,” I contribute.
Carmen whistles. “Damn girl, you really have this one whipped. Teach me how to get a man to behave himself like that?”
“I’ll give you and Helen some pointers tomorrow.”
“Broski,” Owen says, reaching forward to clap Cole on the back. “Someone really needs to show you how to have a good time. Just leave it to the Owenmeister. We’re going to have the best unbachelor party, ever. But first, I’m going to give a speech about my best buddy Liam that will make everyone cry. Get your tissues ready—actually, get your mops and sponges—because I’m about to throw down some emotion that will flood this place with tears.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Okay,” Cole says, as we lie in bed together, sniffling. “He wasn’t joking. That was a fucking amazing best man speech. I cried buckets.”
“All the stories about their college years? Liam is such a good friend,” I say, wiping my nose on the sleeve of my pajamas. “Owen kept getting himself into such adorable pickles, and Liam was always there to help him out.”
It may be possible that we both had a little bit too much to drink during dinner. But it was an emotional night, and neither of us need to drive—it was just a short walk to the hotel room. We thought it was a good opportunity to relax together.
“Who will speak for us at our wedding?” Cole asks. “We don’t have any friends who can tell sweet and emotional stories about us, do we?”
“Kind of! There’s Roddy and Lucy…”
“I don’t know if Luciana counts. She’s more of a work friend,” Cole says. “You need someone from your childhood.”
I shrug. “Then I guess I don’t know. Unless you count the voices in my head.”
“I guess I also have Levi,” Cole says, thoughtfully. “He’s my oldest friend. You’ve known him for a long time, too.”
“Sure,” I say with a chuckle. “Levi can tell awkward stories about when I dated him for a hot minute, in college. When you were being a dick to me.”
“Okay, come on, Scar. It was like one date. I put a stop to that fairly quickly.”
“You were such an asshole back then.”
“I’m sorry.”
Growing quiet, I lift my hand, and study the ring that Cole bought for me.
“I did have a friend once,” I tell him. “Before I met you.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Didn’t you say she was a heavy user of heroin who would have probably overdosed anyway? Didn’t you just convince her to take a little more than usual?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. I made her overdose, Cole. I killed her. If I was a good friend, I would have tried to get her help. I would have flushed her drugs down a toilet.”
Cole moves closer to me and puts his arm around my middle. “You never told me much about her.”
“I know. I couldn’t bring myself to think about it. She was such a sweet girl, Cole, with a history even more tragic than ours. Her father sold her. She was kept in a tiny room on a mattress, and sold by the half hour, for extremely cheap to hundreds of men. She didn’t even get any of the money.”
“Jesus,” Cole whispers.
“They just got her hooked to heroin, and…” I sigh. “Maybe it wasn’t her fault, you know? I blamed her, for being weak. I couldn’t understand her continued drug use. I looked down on her, for it. She got away from those men, why would she keep doing it? You saw my arms after I escaped from Benjamin. I mean, I was already healing up by the time you found me. But did I go seeking out my next hit? No. I detoxed. I dealt with the withdrawal on my own, and didn’t put any more of that shit in my body.”
“Not everyone is as strong as you are,” Cole says, kissing my shoulder.
“I tried to help her,” I say. “But I was just a kid, and I didn’t know half of the things I know now. I just demanded that she quit. We lived on the streets together, and I wanted to get her off them. I didn’t want to leave her behind. But she just refused to make her life better. She continued selling herself to men for pennies, twenty bucks under a bridge, that sort of thing. Then she would spend it all on heroin.”
