by Beth Andrews
“Stop,” Irene said, holding her hand out, “I’ll have nightmares.”
“Is that why you’re up so late? Bad dreams?”
Her mom turned the flame on under her teakettle. “Actually, I haven’t been to bed yet. I was finishing up some paperwork for the store. I thought a cup of tea would help me unwind.”
“You were working? This late?”
“Hmm.” She retrieved a teacup and saucer from the cupboard, got a tea bag from the canister on the counter. “My hobby does keep me busy.”
Though it was said lightly, Sadie winced. “About that...I never should’ve said that.”
It wasn’t even true. These past two weeks, Sadie had witnessed how hard her mom worked to make WISC a success, how many hours she put in, not only at the store itself, but also in the home office she and Will shared. She’d been at the store just that morning working the Labor Day sale before coming home and hosting the picnic.
Sadie had brushed aside her mother’s business as nothing more than a way for Irene to fritter away her time, a way to spend her husband’s money.
Sadie swallowed, but it felt like a shrimp was stuck in her throat. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I’m really sorry.”
“Oh, honey,” Irene said, bending to give her a hug. “What—”
“What on earth is wrong with me? What did I do now?”
It was what her mother always asked her. The first thing she’d asked when Sadie returned to Shady Grove.
“I was going to ask what was wrong,” Irene said, brushing back a loose lock of Sadie’s hair like she used to do when Sadie was a little girl.
She leaned her head against her mother’s shoulder. “I’ve made such a mess of things,” she admitted. “I’ve screwed it all up.”
“Screwed what up?”
Everything. Charlotte still wasn’t talking to her, hadn’t said one word to her since that night at O’Riley’s. She’d even skipped the picnic today, had told Irene and Will she had to work.
Sadie would bet money Char had volunteered to stay at the E.R. just to avoid her.
Plus, Sadie had barely begun to save enough money to get across Ohio, let alone the country. She’d gotten drunk in front of her boss and then there was the whole James debacle... She sighed. She’d made a complete idiot of herself in front of him.
“I’ve screwed up my life,” she said. “God, you must think I’m such a joke.”
“I think no such thing.”
Sadie snorted.
“I don’t,” Irene insisted. “I just wish you wouldn’t jump into things without thinking them through first, that’s all. Sometimes it’s safer, more practical to have a better sense of where you’re going before you head out on that highway.”
Sadie stared at her mother as if she was a stranger. Well, in a way, she was. They’d never understood each other, not the way Irene and Charlotte did with their common love of lists and schedules and goals and plans.
“That’s just it. I’m not practical. Even the thought of being so gives me the heebie-jeebies. Sometimes I wonder where I came from. I mean, look at us—” She gestured between them. Though it was almost midnight, Irene’s hair was smooth and glossy, her freshly washed face shiny with moisturizer, her silk pajamas and matching robe expensive and demure.
Sadie touched her messy ponytail. She didn’t own a robe, had on fuzzy pink socks and bright green-and-white polka-dotted shorts. And James’s T-shirt. “Are you sure I wasn’t adopted? Or switched at the hospital?”
Irene’s mouth twitched. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but no.”
“I’m not disappointed.”
Irene watched her in that way moms had, as if they had some sort of window into your soul simply by virtue of being a card-carrying member of the mom club. “Are you sure?”
Sadie dropped her gaze. She wasn’t disappointed. She loved her mom. Loved Will and Char, too. So much. She just wanted more out of life than they did.
The teakettle whistled and Irene shut it off, poured the hot water over her tea. “You came from me, and though you resemble me, you are and always have been your father’s daughter in every way that matters.”
“I know.” Sadie picked out a shrimp and nibbled on it as her mom sat next to her. “I guess I’ve never been sure if that was a good thing in your eyes.”
“I loved your father, oh, Lord, I fell for him so hard. He was so...alive. So full of life and charm. No one could resist him.” As if remembering, she smiled. Dipped her tea bag up and down. “When he set his sights on something, he was unstoppable, nothing could deter him. You get that from him.”
“He always seemed so huge to me, bigger than life. I always thought it was because I was so little when he died.”
Irene laughed. “No, he really was bigger than life. Always on the go, always smiling and ready for the next adventure. He was...hypnotizing. When we first met, he scared me to death. He was so much. Too much. He wanted me, came after me with a single-minded determination that was—”
“Flattering?”
“Frightening,” she said softly. “‘Here,’ I remember thinking, ‘here is a man who could make me give up all my carefully thought-out plans, all my goals. A man who could change me. Who I am, what I want...’”
Recognition slid along Sadie’s skin, raised goose bumps on her arms. Those were the same thoughts, the same fears she had about James.
Maybe she and her mother had more in common than she’d ever realized.
Irene sipped her tea. “Victor must’ve asked me out—for dinner, a movie, drinks, coffee, any number of endless activities—a hundred times before I finally said yes.”
“Well, as I’m here living and breathing and eating some really good leftovers, can I just say how glad I am you gave in?”
Irene patted her hand. “Me, too.”
“Though, to be honest, I can’t imagine anyone refusing Daddy.”
Victor had been so charming. So persuasive. Why would anyone want to refuse him?
“It wasn’t easy, believe me. And it wasn’t just his looks, though he certainly had those to spare. It was everything about him. His easy smile, his Southern charm, the way he looked at you, as if you had his entire focus, as if there was nowhere he’d rather be other than with you, listening to every word you had to say.”
“I remember that,” Sadie said. “How he’d sit on the floor listening to me tell him about my day, as if the goings-on of a third-grader were the most exciting things he’d ever heard.”
“He loved you so much. I’m sorry you didn’t have him in your life for long, but I am so very, very glad he gave me you.”
Sadie’s throat tightened. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Goodness, I almost forgot,” Irene said, setting down her cup with a soft clink. “I have good news.”
“You found Will’s secret stash of dark chocolate and are going to split the loot with me?”
“Please,” Irene said regally, “I’ve always known where he hides his chocolate. As long as he thinks I don’t know, I can monitor how much of it he’s eating.” She leaned over, lowered her voice. “If he knew I knew, he’d go off and cheat on his diet some other way.”
Sadie grinned. “Mom. I’m impressed.”
Irene inclined her head in a small bow. “No, my good news is that I might have found a home for Elvis.”
Hearing his name, the dog stood, walked over to press against Irene’s legs. “I...I don’t understand. You found his family?”
“I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen. It has been several weeks after all. But, this morning when I was at the store, Molly Snow came in—you remember Molly, don’t you? Her daughter Janine was in your dance class? Anyway,” Irene continued when Sadie just shook her head, “Molly and her husband recently lost their
dog—cancer. She was crushed and had sworn she’d never get another dog, but when I told her about Elvis, she was intrigued enough to ask if she could meet him. Isn’t that wonderful?”
Sadie glanced down at the dog, her chest tight. “Yeah. That’s...that’s great. I mean, it would be great, except we can’t just give him to someone. What if his family contacts us? They could be out of the country and not know he’s missing.”
She couldn’t give him up. Not yet.
“It’s an option. One we need to consider. It’s not as if he can stay here after you’re gone.” She stilled. “Unless...unless you plan on staying here...permanently?”
She sounded hopeful. Excited.
The thought of it, the idea of never getting out of Shady Grove, of living her mother’s life, made Sadie break out in a cold sweat. Her fingertips tingled then numbed.
Of course she couldn’t stay. She’d spent most of her life trying to escape this town. Desperate to escape the type of existence that killed one’s individuality and dreams. She had to leave. If she didn’t, she would fail herself.
Worse, she would fail her father.
But for the time being she was stuck. She glanced at her mother, noted the way the diamonds in Irene’s wedding band caught the light. Sadie straightened. She was stuck, unless...
Unless she did the one thing she’d never done before. The one thing that was so humiliating she’d never, not once, stooped so low.
She could ask her mother for help.
It would mean admitting that she hadn’t been strong enough, smart enough to find a way out of this mess on her own. That she was terrified and desperate. It would mean swallowing her pride. But for the sweet taste of freedom and the possibility of getting her life back on track, she’d gladly choke down that damn pride and ask for seconds.
“Actually...” Sadie said, “I’m thinking of heading out to California. I have a friend out there who owns a winery.”
“A winery? What would you do there?”
“I’m not sure. I could manage the office. Or work in marketing.” Both of which she was good at and had experience. “The thing is...” She traced her fingertip over the table, made a figure eight then another one. Forced herself to stop and meet her mom’s eyes. She clasped her hands together in her lap. Inhaled deeply. “The thing is, I don’t have enough money to get out there, won’t have enough for weeks.” Possibly months.
And that would not do.
“I hope you know you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like.”
Sadie smiled weakly. “I appreciate that but...it seems silly to prolong the inevitable. Especially as Phoebe—that’s my friend—could use my help sooner rather than later.”
She waited, held her breath, but her mom remained silent. As if she had no idea what Sadie was trying to ask. As if she had no desire to fill in the blanks, make this easier on her daughter.
Crap.
“If I had the money now—just a few thousand dollars,” Sadie said, “I could leave right away. I’d pay you back,” she added. “Every cent. Plus interest.”
Irene sat back, her shoulders snapping against the chair as if someone had shoved her. “You want me to give you money so you can go to California?”
“Loan me some money. Loan.” Not give. God, give was too close to a handout. “Like a...a business transaction.” She leaned forward, laid her hands on the table, palms up, beseeching. “We could draw up papers if you’d like, make it legal... Anything you want. Whatever you need.”
Whatever it would take.
“You know Will and I want to help you in any way we can,” Irene said, clasping Sadie’s hands in her own. Relief flowing through her like a balm, Sadie shut her eyes. “Any way,” her mother repeated, squeezing Sadie’s fingers, “except that.”
Sadie’s blood went cold, her fingers went lax. “What?”
“I won’t give you money.”
She yanked her hands free. “Why not?”
Sadie stared at her mother’s back as Irene stood and carried the teacup to the sink. What had just happened? She’d lowered herself, had gone against her principles and none of that even mattered? Since walking away from this house all those years ago, Sadie had never, not once, asked her mother for anything. And the one time she did—the one, single time she needed her mother’s help—she was turned down without ceremony, without care.
Her stomach burning, her chest aching, Sadie slowly stood, the sound of the chair’s legs against the tile floor scraping across her already-raw nerve endings. “I don’t need much,” she said, not caring that she sounded angry. Frantic. “Just enough to tide me over for a few weeks. I could probably make due with a thousand. Fifteen hundred at the most. That’s nothing to you and Will.”
But to Sadie it was everything. Enough for her to start a whole new life. Again.
To escape this life.
Irene, her back still to Sadie at the sink, just shook her head.
Sadie shoved her hands through her hair, only then remembering it was pulled back. She yanked the band out and threw it onto the table. “I don’t understand. You spent almost one hundred times that on Charlotte’s education.”
Now her mother turned, her eyebrows raised in that condescending way Sadie hated so much. “If you want to go back to school, Will and I would be more than happy to finance your education.”
“Sure, you’ll drop over a hundred grand if I decide to become a teacher or a nurse but you won’t give me a lousy fifteen hundred dollars to do what I want?”
“What you want?” Irene asked with a humorless laugh. “Do you even know what that is?”
“I want my own life. That’s the problem, isn’t it?” Sadie’s voice rose, her shoulders tightened. “I don’t want to live in Shady Grove, I don’t want the life you have and this is your way of punishing me. Of keeping me here.”
Irene sighed, hung her head for a moment. “I’m not trying to punish you, honey. And I can’t stop you from leaving. I never could stop you from leaving. But I refuse to enable you.”
“Enable me?” Sadie asked, her eyes wide. “It wouldn’t be enabling. It would be helping me to go after my dreams.”
“If I thought that was true, I’d write you a check this instant.”
“It is true,” Sadie cried, crossing to stand in front of her mother. “How can you even doubt that?”
“Because you’re not following your dreams,” Irene said with a sad smile. “You never were. I used to think you were running from us—from me and Will. From Shady Grove and small-town life...” She touched Sadie’s cheek. “But over the years I’ve come to realize you’re not running away at all. You’re chasing after your father.”
Sadie’s head snapped back. “That’s ridiculous. Dad’s gone. He’s not coming back. You think I don’t understand that?”
“Understand it? Yes. But I don’t think you’ve ever been able to accept it. Not fully.” Her mother’s voice was soft and filled with so much compassion Sadie’s teeth hurt.
And she wasn’t done yet.
“You’re not following your dreams,” Irene repeated. “And you’re not living your own life. You’re living his.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
“SADIE,” JAMES SAID flatly as he walked into the office Wednesday afternoon and found her sitting behind her desk. Max trailed in behind him. “You’re here.”
She didn’t even look up from the computer. “Nothing gets past you.”
He clenched his teeth. “It’s after four.”
“Yes. I realize that.”
“Then why are you still here?”
Damn it, she wasn’t supposed to be. She was supposed to be gone at four. Hadn’t he spent the past fifteen minutes driving around before coming here, giving her plenty of time to finish her workday and be on her way
?
She lifted her head long enough to give him a bland look. “I’m using the computer.”
“What’s wrong with the computer at your mom’s house?”
“Not a thing.” She looked up again, noticed Max behind him and grinned. “Hey, Max-a-million. What’s shaking there, handsome?”
Max, shy and quiet as his dad around most people, kept his head down. Shrugged.
“What’d you do wrong to have to spend time with this guy?” she asked, jerking her thumb at James.
Max raised his eyes and stepped closer to James. Sent him a worried look.
“She’s kidding,” James said, grabbing the file with the order numbers he needed.
“Not even a little.” But she winked at Max. “Don’t worry about Elvis,” she continued when the dog came over to investigate the boy. “He’s a big old teddy bear. Do you have a dog?”
Max shook his head, held his hand out for Elvis to sniff. The dog licked his arm and Max looked up at James. “He’s bigger than Zoe.”
James nodded, pulled out his phone and dialed the number for the distributor. “I need a few minutes to call this place, then we’ll get going. Okay?”
Max kept petting Elvis. Glanced up at Sadie then at the floor. “Does he like to play fetch?”
“Loves it,” Sadie said. “But he hates when I play. Says I throw like a girl.” She gave an exaggerated eye roll and Max grinned.
He scuffed the toe of his sneaker along the concrete floor. Scratched the back of his neck. “Uncle James has a brand-new pack of tennis balls in his truck.”
Sadie clapped her hands onto her thighs and stood. “Well, how about we break into them? I’m sure Elvis would be grateful to have someone throw the ball who can actually aim it properly.”
Wide-eyed, Max stared up at James. “Can I?”
James almost told him no, but then realized that response was only because he was still angry with Sadie. Because he didn’t want to be around her.
