by Ronica Black
“I should go.”
Genie glanced at Kat in surprise. “You don’t have to you know. You’re welcome here.”
“I know, I just have errands, and my brother…”
“No, don’t go,” Kat said softly. But Brynn wouldn’t look at her and she was smiling, but Kat could tell it was for Genie only.
“I’m afraid I have to go.” She and Genie squeezed hands. “Thanks for letting me visit and for…accepting me, you know, with my history, and—”
“What you did shows who you are,” Genie said. “That’s all that matters to me.”
Brynn nodded and gave a half smile. “I wish it were that way with most.” There was a pause, a heavy silence. “I’ll keep praying for you all,” Brynn said. She left Genie and glanced up at Kat as she walked by. “Shoulder feeling better?”
Kat watched her and she wanted to speak, but she wasn’t going to stop to listen. “Yes,” Kat said as Brynn walked out the door. Without a second’s hesitation, Kat went after her. This was the second time she’d seen her leave, and it tore at her just as it had the first time. And for the second time, she felt powerless in stopping her.
“Brynn, wait.” Kat jogged to her, catching her before she reached the elevator. The movement hurt her injury, but she winced it away.
Brynn stopped and turned. She looked shell-shocked and anxious. Like a rabbit frozen in the gaze of an approaching predator. She didn’t speak, just glanced at her a few times but ended up averting her gaze.
“Thanks,” Kat said, standing next to her. “For stopping.”
“How can I help you, Sergeant?” She crossed her arms over her chest, and Kat knew she was protecting herself. She was obviously still hurt about their last encounter when she’d decided they shouldn’t see each other. It had hurt Kat, but she’d respected her wishes, not wanting to cause her any pain or do anything she didn’t want.
“Why won’t you look at me?”
Brynn did and the gaze nearly floored her it was so cold.
“Are you upset with me? Have I done something, said something?”
Brynn bit on her lower lip. “No.”
“Okay…then please tell me what it is.”
Brynn shook her head. “It’s nothing. I just shouldn’t be here. This is your family, friends. Not mine. I just feel responsible and I feel so bad about him, and—” She started to cry. She turned and covered her mouth. Her shoulders shook. But just as quickly, she straightened and took a deep breath. Kat touched her shoulder which made her jerk with surprise.
“You are not responsible,” Kat said. She lifted her hand. “I am.”
Brynn turned and faced her with watery eyes. “You?”
Kat felt her own tears come. She had to clear her throat to talk. “I, uh, I have these dreams about it, you know? And I see him there and he can’t take cover because of his seat belt. He tried to get it off, but they fired at him first, then me. I tried, I tried so hard to get him down. But I didn’t. I failed him. I failed his family and friends.” Kat turned, not wanting to cry in front of her. She rarely cried, rarely caved, and she was upset at herself for doing so in public. She had to be strong, for Genie, for Damien, for everyone. If she lost it she feared they’d all lose hope, or worse, baby her more and keep things from her. As if she were too weak to handle things because she was female. She’d always resented it and so she’d steeled herself to face anything without emotion. It was one of the reasons why she was so good at her job. Now here she was losing it in the hospital in front of the first woman she’d been drawn to in a long while.
“Are you okay?” Brynn asked.
Kat wiped her cheeks and turned to put on a smile. “Yes, I’m fine.”
“It’s not your fault either,” Brynn said softly. She was looking at her with such concern, almost as if she wanted to touch her. She even lifted her hand, but then dropped it along with her gaze. “You shouldn’t blame yourself.” The soft look was gone, vanished just as quickly as it had come.
“Yeah, well, easier said than done.” They stood in silence for a moment. Kat wanted to ask her to go for coffee after her visit with Damien to get both their minds on happier things, or to dinner later that evening where they could have a beer and relax. But it was obvious Brynn wanted nothing to do with her. And as emotional as Kat was already feeling, she didn’t want to risk being rejected on top of it.
“I need to get going,” Brynn said. She walked to the elevators with Kat right on her heels.
“Damn it, will you just wait?” Kat felt lost, helpless. “Why are you being so cold with me?”
Brynn laughed. “As if you don’t know.”
Kat blinked. “Know what?”
Brynn shook her head and pressed the down button. “Nothing.”
“Brynn, please.”
“Why do you care? I mean why care what I’m thinking or feeling?”
Kat fought for words. “Because I care.”
“You care?” Brynn looked at her in disbelief.
“Yes.”
“I see. You care, but from a safe distance, right? Safer that way?” She nodded. “You’re right, it is safer. After all, I’m contagious. And the bacteria of trouble that follows me around might somehow rub off on you.”
“What?” Kat studied her, trying to follow her meaning.
A ding sounded and the elevator opened. After a couple of people in scrubs exited, Brynn stepped in. “There’s someone down the hall who needs your caring. Go to him and don’t worry about me.”
The door slowly closed, and Kat was left at a loss. She had no idea what had just transpired. It was as if Kat had said something to her about her family or her status. But Kat had said nothing, only followed her wishes.
Shouting came from down the hall, and nurses scrambled, two running into Damien’s room. Genie stepped out of the door and called to her.
“Kat, he’s waking up!”
Kat took off down the hall, Brynn Williams still tucked in her mind.
Chapter Eleven
Brynn hurried around the house, carrying the ironing board, wearing her good jeans and a black lace bra. She entered her room and set up the ironing board and placed the already steaming iron on the end. Her wet hair was wound up in a towel, and music blared from an old handheld radio she’d found in the basement. Thankfully, she had music and her favorite shirt was still in the back of her closet. It was a lavender button-up, and everyone loved how it looked against her hair.
She ironed the shirt and wiped the sweat from her brow. She left the board to stand in front of the box fan. The AC was working, but they really needed two units to cool the entire house. But that was a problem for another day. Tonight was hers. She was in bad need of a break, and she’d decided she was going out, come hell or high water. She had called Holly after her visit to the hospital and they’d decided to drive to Charlottetown and hit a bar. Holly was still upset about her missing car, but she knew it wasn’t Brynn’s fault. She’d actually been excited in hearing from her, and she’d been more than willing to go to the city for the night. Brynn knew she was probably hoping for more than a drink and a dance, but Brynn didn’t care. She wasn’t going to worry about it. The woman she wanted she couldn’t have, and there was no sense in crying over it. It was just the way things were. A cop and a Williams just didn’t go together. Everyone seemed to believe that but her. Even her own family and neighbors had commented on the cop who had dropped her off. They didn’t want them around, and Brynn had to assure them it wasn’t going to be a regular thing.
She plugged in her hair dryer and stood in front of her floor-length mirror to do her hair. She decided to wear it down and, pleased with how it looked, she started in on her makeup. She didn’t wear a lot. Just enough to accent her eyes and accentuate her lips. She was blessed with a good complexion and didn’t need much foundation either. When she finished, she sprayed on a unisex cologne, and slipped into her shirt, leaving it unbuttoned low enough to see winks of her bra. Then she stepped into her leather an
kle boots and laced them up. She switched off her radio, turned off the iron and light, and breezed by Billy in the living room on the way out.
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she said, having already discussed her night out with him.
“Okay.” He waved at her, never taking his eyes off the television. “Have fun.”
“I will!” She was determined to, and she smiled as she pushed out the screen door and hurried down the steps to Holly who sat waiting in her old Nova.
“Come on, girl, let’s get outta here!” She revved the engine and laughed as Brynn climbed in. “Mm, you smell yummy.” She leaned over to kiss her, and Brynn pushed her away, causing more laughter. “Aw, come on, a kiss for the ride?” She backed up and drove up the dirt road.
“We’ll see,” Brynn said, buckling her lap belt. She smiled at Holly. “You look nice.”
“Why, thank you.” She smoothed down her black v-neck tee. Her blond hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. Her jeans were faded blue, almost white and skinny fit. She gave her a wink. “You look hot. I always liked that shirt.”
“Thanks. It’s about the only nice thing I’ve got left.”
“Well, girl, you sure can wear it. And hopefully not for long.”
Brynn laughed. “From your lips to God’s ears.” She needed to get a little wild, have crazy passionate sex with a like-minded woman. She could already imagine the release, over and over again.
She settled back and closed her eyes as Holly pulled on the highway. The car was loud and she could smell the gasoline. She loved it and ran her hands over the black vinyl seats. Holly had had the car since high school, and they’d made out more than once in the backseat.
“Thinking about old times?” Holly asked.
“Mm.”
Holly looked in the rearview mirror and changed lanes. “Why didn’t we ever get serious? We get along so well, and the sex, it wasn’t half bad.”
“We deserve better than half bad.”
Holly looked over at her. “I just worry I’m never gonna find anyone.”
“No one is better than someone who’s wrong. We’ve both learned that lesson.”
“Don’t you ever wonder if you’ll find the one?”
Brynn stared out the window into the twilight. “I think I already did.”
“What? Who?”
Brynn shook her head. “No one you know.”
“So why aren’t you with her? She in prison?”
Brynn laughed. “No. She…she’s a cop.”
Brynn watched as Holly’s jaw dropped. “Say what? No way. Not Brynn Williams. Jesus, ya’ll all hate the police. And after you went down for Bea, I thought you’d hate the whole lot of them.”
“I’ve never really had anything against the police,” Brynn said. “I got upset when they came around because they were usually bringing me a stoned Bea or a shoplifting Billy. I was never pissed at the cops.”
“Have you told anyone else? Because they’re gonna shit.”
Brynn looked down at her hands in defeat. She suddenly felt hollow inside, and the thought of having fun began to dissipate. “Her friend sort of let me know he didn’t approve either.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No. And it’s for the best really. At least I think it is. That’s what everyone says anyway.”
“What do you say?”
“I say…I wish I lived a different life in a different world where my name and family didn’t matter. Where I didn’t have to worry about my name and my family. Where I could be free. Free to fly. Fly to her and be with her.” She closed her eyes again and let the warmth of that thought overcome her. “I just want to fly, fly far away.”
* * *
Blush was crowded. Brynn awoke to a honking horn and a cussing Holly.
“That’s my space!”
Brynn straightened and tried to check herself in the rearview mirror as Holly swung into the one and only parking spot left. “I slept the whole way?” She didn’t remember falling asleep, and she felt kind of bad about it. Holly had to drive the forty-five minutes in silence since the Nova no longer had a functioning radio.
“Just about,” she said, nudging Brynn over for her own once-over in the mirror.
Brynn climbed from the car and stretched. Night had completely fallen and yet it was still muggy as hell. Cars huddled in lines, and behind the lot, lightning bugs hung in the air. Brynn looked up for the clouds. She smelled rain.
“It’s gonna pour isn’t it?”
“This late?” Holly waved her off. “I wouldn’t say pour.”
“I bet it does,” Brynn said, seeing no stars. Holly was right. In the summer, storms usually came in the afternoon. But she had a feeling about this one. It was definitely brewing, having built up for so long, biding its time. It was damn near ready to burst.
“I bet it doesn’t.” Holly walked by her side as they headed for the door. “I’ll bet you a fine cigar it doesn’t.”
Brynn shook her hand. “You’re on.”
The live music could be heard before they hit the door. Blush shown in red neon over the door of the old brick building. Years ago it had been a warehouse, then a sports bar, and now…the gays had taken control. Brynn smiled as they walked in, loving the music, the space, the low light. She held on to Holly’s back as they headed for the bar. The inside was plush with deep purples and reds. Tables circled the large dance floor and lounges were toward the back. Black-and-white photos hung on the wall, the owner an avid photographer. She sometimes walked the floor, asking people to come sit for her. She had a good eye for models. Brynn loved looking at the photos of the beautiful models with angled jaws, high cheekbones, and wicked eyes. One of the photos, one of a blonde with slicked back hair, actually looked a lot like Kat Vander. She pointed to it and started to say something, but Holly pointed toward the stage where a small indie band from the area was playing. Brynn had heard them before. Their lyrics were dark, brooding, vampire-ish. Four women singing about sucking on another woman’s skin, yep, that did it for her. And she guessed it did it for the others as well since they were back performing.
She bounced next to Holly and placed her elbows on the bar. “What should we have?” she asked her.
Holly was bobbing her head, grinning. She grabbed her head and yelled in her ear. “Tequila!”
“No kidding?”
Holly jumped up and down. “Yes, let’s do it.”
Brynn ordered, shook off the Cuervo, and pointed to the Patron. They took their two shots each, found the salt and waited for the limes. They did the first two shots back-to-back and danced. Brynn signaled for another. Her face started to warm as they did the third one.
“I can’t even taste it,” Holly said.
Brynn paid and led her to the dance floor. They searched the crowd, like sharks waiting for the scent of blood. There were many attractive women, but Brynn found that she really didn’t want to dance with any of them. Instead, she took Holly’s hand and led her out under the lights. Her buzz was coming full on and she felt so good, so light, so warm. She moved into her and they throbbed with the others, in sync with the lights. Holly kept throwing her arms up in the air and yelling. Brynn laughed and did it with her a few times. They danced to song after song, and soon the lights dimmed even more and the strobes slowed as the lead singer cuffed the mic and belted out lyrics with low, deep music.
“How about that kiss now?” Holly asked.
Brynn leaned into her. “What?”
“That kiss you owe me.” She laughed, and before Brynn could stop her, she had pulled her in and planted her mouth on hers, seeking with her tongue. For a split second Brynn fell into it, having not had any human contact in four years. But Holly was going too far, grabbing her ass and holding her fast while she tried to swallow her whole.
Brynn finally managed to pull away. She started to yell at her, but she saw a face behind her. It was spotlighted in blue, light, slicked back hair, angled jaw, high cheekbones. Brynn inhaled sharply as her
heart flooded with hot blood. Kat Vander was standing there, skin ashen, hard look on her face. Holly caught Brynn’s stare and turned. Vander eyed her, then looked back to Brynn.
The singer crooned out dark words. Words that penetrated, piercing Brynn’s heart, making her bleed.
Your clit, sharp and dangerous,
Slices into my mouth,
Making me bleed
Hot blood. I drink
With your hot come
And I swallow, and
Swallow, and
Fucking fly, touch the ceiling
With you, as you come
As I feed…
The crowd was silent, hanging on every word. Someone whistled and Vander seemed to awaken to her reality. She turned and hurried toward the lounges where there was an exit.
“I have to go,” Brynn said. “Don’t wait for me.”
She left Holly with questions and ran after Vander, winding through the crowd. She grabbed her good arm and pulled her to the wall in the darkness.
“Don’t,” Vander said, turning to glare at her. “Just don’t.”
Brynn could barely make out the angles of her goddess like face in the dim light. But she was able to see the hurt. The pain. She couldn’t bear it, not on her and not in herself. Not anymore. She shoved her against the wall, harder, tighter.
“I have to,” she said. She could feel Vander’s heartbeat beneath her palm. It was racing, competing with her own.
The lyrics finally ended and the crowd roared. Brynn pressed closer.
“What do you want?” Vander asked, voice high with emotion. “Just tell me what you want, Brynn Williams.”
Brynn leaned close to her ear and said what she’d wanted to say for so long. “To make you come.”
Brynn felt her shiver, felt the moist sweat of her skin against her cheek. And then, as quick as lightning, Vander latched onto her, tugged her in close. She kissed her neck, sucked, licked. Brynn groaned, her own skin dimpling from the sensation of a hot mouth. She fell into her, grinding herself against her strong thigh. They were heated, panting, out of control. Words were spoken, rasped, ragged.
