by Mur Lafferty
Kate put a hand on Marcus’ arm. “You saw what he did when Daniel distracted him. This is suicide.”
Marcus shrugged. “It’s suicide either way. One will be faster, that’s all,” he said, smiling wanly. “Let me go before I lose my nerve.”
Kate nodded. “Fine. I’ll grab Daniel when you distract him. Julie, be careful. And remember that we all have more powers than we did when we were human.”
Julie looked at Marcus, who watched Amadeus, his face thoughtful. She walked up to him and kissed his cheek. “Be careful. See you soon,” she said, and then ran off into the woods, but not before she caught his startled glance.
The crow held tighter as Julie wrapped the water skin three times around her wrist, then waited. She saw Marcus walk out into the clearing, stepping over the fallen trees. “Amadeus!” he called. Seeing as she was behind the monster, she couldn’t tell if Marcus had gotten his attention, but she ran anyway and grabbed the vines that made up the hem of Amadeus’ robes. She pulled herself up, and began to climb, her muscles straining, but not as much as she thought they would. These must be those extra skills Kate had mentioned. She pulled harder, and heard Marcus calling Amadeus again.
“You’ve won,” he said. “You’re already the lord of this world. What happened after you tap it dry?”
Julie saw a vine snake out of Amadeus’ robes about ten feet above her and shoot forward out of her field of vision. She heard a crash soon after, and willed herself to climb faster.
He had gotten Amadeus’ attention, but the huge body hadn’t moved yet, aside from the vine. His hands and wings still stretched high, his body ramrod straight.
Another crash, and Julie swore softly. She chanced a look down, and saw Kate running into the woods, Daniel cradled in her arms. One thing down, she thought. But was Marcus okay? She no longer heard him shouting to Amadeus, which might make things difficult once she got to Amadeus’ head. She was about twenty feet off the ground now, and only at Amadeus’ waist. “This is never going to work,” she grumbled.
She shouldn’t have spoken. The vine that had been aiming for Marcus whipped back around to find her. It wrapped around her upper body so fast she had no time to react. It plucked her off the robe and carried her high into the air. The crow flew off her shoulder, screeching.
She heard Marcus call her name, and forced herself to be calm as she was bought in front of the face of her confinement, her nightmares. It was silver; his tree—like self apparently confined to his robe. The eyes had finally focused, staring at her. The face was bigger than she was, and terrifying. Amadeus could swallow her in one bite if he’d wanted to.
“Julie,” he said, the sound nearly deafening her, his breath hot and fetid. “You’ve come back to me. I’ve missed you.”
Julie thought fast. “Yes, and I’m here for you, Amadeus, I love you.” She tried to make the lie as real as possible, her stomach churning in disgust and fear.
He laughed. “I don’t need you anymore, Julie. I loved you. Maybe I still do, but I needed you then, and don’t now. I am this. And you aren’t even fully yourself. What has happened to you, little bird? Why would I need a broken prophet now?” The vine squeezer tighter and she struggled, unable to move her arms.
“You did lead me here, and I am grateful for that,” he said thoughtfully. “I may get lonely after I make this land truly mine. But it seems our physical incompatibility won’t work out in a marriage between a god and a mortal soul.”
Julie barely paid attention to him. She was trying to figure out how to get free so that she could throw the water skin at him, but she was too tightly confined.
“You were always too boring, though,” he said.
“B—boring?” she managed to squeak, mainly to keep him talking.
“Of course. I wanted everything in the world, and you wanted nothing. You had no ambition. You didn’t even try to leave until someone was going to help you.” His hot breath washed his contempt over her. “You would have stayed in that room and rotted, with no attempts to get free at all. You’re not the exciting one, your friend is that. Maybe he should be my companion. But I’ve already broken that toy.”
Julie looked down and saw Marcus sprawled over a fallen tree, unmoving. Blood leaked sluggishly from his mouth.
She choked down a sob and tried to think of a comeback. But her mind was as empty as it had been after Lethe.
“Don’t worry about me, though. I’ll find someone to play with,” he said, and dropped her.
• • •
The crow knew she couldn’t lift a girl. She couldn’t even fly with the full water skin. That didn’t stop her from flying up when the monster dropped the girl. She tried to grab the girl’s shoulders with her talons to slow her fall. They plummeted together, and the crow flapped valiantly, but didn’t make any difference. She finally let go at the last minute, letting the girl hit the ground on her own.
Cawing desperately, the crow circled once and then landed by the girl’s head. The fall had broken her, she lay bloody, unmoving, but amazingly she still lived.
She opened her eyes and saw the crow and smiled, her mouth bloody. “Can’t move,” she whispered. She looked down at her arm, twisted at an odd angle, and saw it still held the water skin.
“Dump it out. Spill it all on the ground,” she whispered to the crow. The crow cocked her head. Why was she saying this?
“Just do it,” she said. “See, we forgot. He’s a plant god now, sort of. He drinks through the ground.”
The crow realized what the girl was thinking, and picked up the water skin, pulling it free from the girl’s arm. She hopped closer to the roots of the monster and dumped the water skin on the ground.
At first nothing happened. Then the ground shifted again, and a crack appeared. The crow felt the land awaken under her. She took flight and chanced a look at the monster’s face. His arms and wings had drooped, and his face was slack. His legs gave out and he fell — to the side, away from her friends, thank goodness — landing heavily on the ground.
The crow looked at the water skin on the ground, and then at the monster, who was slowly shrinking. The goddess Kate stood at the edge of the tree line, focusing on the broken hawk in front of her. In an instant, her lover turned back into a man in long black robes. She ran to attend the humans then.
The crow snagged the empty water skin on the ground and flew to the man. She caught her claws in his robe, and pulled, cawing.
Kate looked up from where she was kneeling over Marcus. “That’s brilliant. Go with her, Daniel.”
The god looked at her with confusion, and then nodded. He ran into the woods, the crow flying behind him.
• • •
Kate stood next to a boy, tall and dark, with a somber, shy smile. She held a crow on her shoulder.
“We have restored most of what we could. I’m just sorry we didn’t realize everything earlier, including your situation,” she said.
“I’m just glad to be alive. Or whatever passes for it. Is — is Julie going to be okay?”
“She is,” Kate said. The crow on her shoulder cawed.
“Does she remember me?”
• • •
Julie woke slowly, eyes feeling sticky and new. The sun beat down on her, which was a novel feeling – the sun hadn’t shown itself in this forest. She licked her lips and rubbed her hand over her face, then realized she could move without pain. She sat up.
They were back at the clearing, Marcus asleep beside her, breathing deeply. Kate slept as well, her head pillowed on Daniel’s leg.
The god smiled at her, putting his finger to his lips. Julie stretched, feeling her limbs strong and unbroken. She walked around the fire and sat next to Daniel.
“What happened?” she asked.
“That’s the question, isn’t it?” he said, grinning. “Well, Kate rescued me and used the last of her power to heal me. After your brilliant move to get the Lethe into Amadeus through his roots — wish we’d thought of that sooner, wo
uld have hurt a lot less — he started releasing his power. Only like your memories, they belonged to Lethe this time, so the crow and I ran to the river to salvage what we could. We got most of his powers, including what he had taken from Kate and me. She was able to heal you two. We brought you back here to let you sleep to finish the healing.”
“Where is the crow now?” Julie asked.
“I had to help Kate bring you both back here, so she’s helping to get the other stones you left back at the battle. Here she comes,” he said, pointing.
The crow flew in, landing on Daniel’s outstretched arm. She spat a pebble in his hand, and then cawed when she spied Julie. She flew off again.
“I dreamed about Kate,” Julie said, frowning at the sleeping goddess. “She was talking to a boy, another one who’s not here, but they were talking about me.”
Daniel rubbed the back of his head and looked uncomfortable. “Right. These might clear that up for you.” He pointed to a small pile of stones by the fire. They were smooth, white, blue, green, and red.
“I can’t believe she’s bringing them to me. She stole one of them before. But gave it back.” Julie thought for a moment about what the crow had given her and looked at Marcus, feeling strange and calm.
“Anyway, we told you weird shit happens when we actually do something big with our divine powers, right? Well, turns out we made this afterlife out of an actual soul. And that soul is the guy you’ve been looking for.”
Julie blinked at him. “The guy I’ve been looking for...”
“Yeah, he had hung onto your world so tightly because he was waiting for you, so he was kind of floating around when we opened the door. So in our usual manner of flailing about with power we don’t understand, we latched onto him and used him to make this place. Do you remember him? He was the reason you wanted to die. To look for him. You found him, congratulations,” Daniel said, watching her closely.
“I don’t remember,” she said slowly.
“That’s why those pebbles might help you,” he said, pointing again.
She didn’t remember the memories they were supposed to contain, but she remembered the red one giving powerful emotions. She reached a hand out and then pulled it back.
The crow returned, then, and dropped another pebble into Daniel’s hand. He made a face. “This isn’t power, this is a memory of how shitty he was to Julie.” Daniel tossed it back into Lethe. “Good riddance.”
Julie held out her arm to the crow. “I guess Kate wasn’t able to put us together again?” she asked. She kind of wished she could turn into a crow again, even though her brief time as a crow had been full of pain and terror.
“No. We’re fairly sure she’s more of an echo of your personality instead of having anything you’re missing. She might have most of the power of the two of you, because she’s definitely more than crow,” Daniel said, reaching out and stroking the bird’s head softly.
“Maybe she should have part of my personality,” Julie said. “She’s earned a bit of individuality, after all.”
“Dude, that’s a big gift,” Daniel said. “Are you sure?”
Julie reached over to the pile and plucked the red one off the top, making a guess. When the emotions washed over her, she winced and held it out to the bird. “Here, take it. Hurry, please.”
Striking like a snake, the crow struck out and took the red pebble, lifted her head up, and let it slide down her throat. As the memory faded in Julie’s mind, she quietly said good—bye to Adam.
• • •
It was like when the god had fed her the first pebble; the memories and thoughts were much stronger when she swallowed the pebble than when she simply held it. The crow looked at Julie one last time and took wing, cawing loudly, and flew into the woods.
The gods had put much back together, restored the energy to the trees, even righting the blight around where the monster had taken root. But the land was still cracked, wide enough for a person to climb out of it. She sat in a tree and watched until she saw strong arms appear at the edge of the crack, then a head, then a strong back, then his legs. He blinked once and looked right at her.
She flew down and shifted form until she had taken the shape she used to have.
“Julie,” Adam said, smiling at her, his wide smile cementing her memories.
She stepped into his arms and he held her for a moment.
“I’m —I’m not her. Not all of her, anyway,” the words felt odd in her mouth, and they hurt to say. But she had to tell him the truth.
“You’re the only one who knew who I was. The gods didn’t even know. You knew me then. You know me now.” He touched his forehead to hers. “I don’t remember everything from my life. I remember you. Meridian. Not much else.”
She looked up at him and kissed him, and nothing else mattered.
• • •
Julie was standing by the river Lethe when Marcus came up behind her.
“Why did you do it?” he asked her.
She didn’t turn to look at him. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she hoped her voice didn’t shake. “Do what?”
“You gave the crow your memories. I was awake, I saw you.”
“Just one,” she said softly. She remembered giving up the memory, and that it was a painful decision. The memory of what it was, and why she did it, was hazy, but she remembered that it was the right decision for her. “I could ask you why you kept my memories of how I felt about you,” she said.
“You got them back?” he said, sounding surprised.
“The crow gave them to me. Before we fought Amadeus.”
There was a pause. Then he said, “I didn’t want you to have to make a choice. If we ever found A— um, him, you’d have to make a tough decision. I’ve known since the beginning who you would pick, so I thought I would make it easy for you. That way you wouldn’t have to worry about hurting me.”
“It wasn’t your decision. It was mine. And I made it. And I don’t even have the luxury of having your memories to see if you feel the same about me.”
He took her shoulders gently and turned her to face him. “You don’t need stones to know the answer to that,” he said.
“I wasn’t sure,” she said.
He kissed her, hesitantly, softly, and made her sure.
• • •
Daniel and Kate were looking at a map when Julie and Marcus returned.
Kate looked up and smiled at them. “Daniel flew around and got a map of the area. This is officially some other gods’ domain now. The boy Adam has become god of this place, and an aspect of Julie has become the crow goddess, goddess of memories.”
Daniel nodded. “And although they definitely would let us stay here, it’s time to go the hell home. So they gave us a map!” He pointed at an unclear spot on the map to the south. “Here is our exit.”
Julie stared at them. “Me? A god?”
Kate laughed. “The aspect of you that was the crow. You’re still you, as wonderful, brave, and innovative as you always were.”
“So what about us?” Marcus said. “Are we still dead? Do we move on, or stay here?”
“I think Meridian needs you. There’s some wild power to tame in the wasteland, some children who need real leadership and care.” Kate went to each of them and kissed their foreheads. “That is enough to get you back from the dead.”
Daniel then did the same, kissing both of their foreheads. “And that should be enough to give you the, ah, skills to handle the wild power that’s still there. Just be nice to the tinkers when they find out what’s happened. They’re going to be pissed that you know more than they do.”
“Will we still dream of you?” Julie said.
Kate smiled ruefully. “I doubt it. All the power that we got back from Amadeus was used in putting everything back together. We made Adam and Julie— crow Julie, sorry – gods, brought you back from the dead, and gave you some demigod—like power. We’re spent.”
Daniel waved his hand like it didn’t m
atter. “Listen, we don’t want it anymore. While it was fun to wreak havoc and make worlds and stuff, we’ve had enough adventuring. I’m dying for a cheeseburger, and Kate really wants to catch up on TV shows.” Julie frowned, not understanding. “Never mind. We’re homesick.”
“But the holy writings say your home was destroyed,” Marcus said. “Where do you have to go?”
Daniel rolled his one eye. “All right, we didn’t use up our power on you kids. Turns out if you give up all – and we mean all — your divine power, absolutely every last drop, you can do some pretty impressive stuff. While you guys were out, we got to work with the other two gods here and, well, we’ll see.”
“It may be another land of dinosaurs and one—eyed boys, or it might be home. We won’t know, but we hope we got it right,” Kate said. She stood, brushing moss off her backside. “Anything else?”
“Is Amadeus dead?” Julie asked, the name tasting like spoiled milk in her mouth.
Kate shook her head. “He’s a powerless soul, wandering the forest around here, blank as anything. All of his power and memories were taken either by us, absorbed by the riverbed of Lethe, or given to Adam and the crow. He’s still here, but harmless.”
“Then I guess we are going back,” Julie said, suddenly loathe to leave her friends. “We’ll miss you.”
She embraced them fiercely, first Daniel, and then Kate. Tears pricked her eyes, but she hid her face in the goddess’ shoulder so that her robe would soak them up. Marcus took his turn hugging the gods, and then they stood back awkwardly.
The gods turned south, waving. “Tell awesome stories about us!” Daniel called over his shoulder.
“We will,” said Marcus.
“Wait, which way is our home?” Julie asked, but the gods were gone.
“The south was unmapped, he said,” Marcus said hesitantly.
“That’s not the way home, that’s their home,” Julie said.
“I think it’s anyone’s home. Remember we’re in an afterlife, not a real world.” He looked up and saw the crow sitting in the tree watching them. She cawed once, and flew a few yards ahead and cawed again.
