by Zen DiPietro
When she hesitated, he said, “Be honest. Always be honest with me. Even if there’s something you can’t tell me, just say you can’t tell me.”
“Will that be enough?” She couldn’t decide if she should move closer to him or edge away.
“Yes. Whatever you can share is enough. Just don’t lie to me. Sound fair?”
“Okay.” The electricity between them was enlivening every cell in her body, but she didn’t want him to misunderstand her. “The truth is, my career in the PAC is everything to me. Anything else is secondary. No, not even that. Nothing will get in the way of my career. I like you, but I’m not…girlfriend material. I don’t have time for that stuff. I have to work.”
He caught her wrist and ran his fingers down her hand to twine with hers. “That’s why we fit. I’m not boyfriend material, because I’m determined to finish at the top of my class and make it into OTS. I’m not looking to waste time on holding hands and watching holo-vids, or doing each other’s hair, or whatever dating people do.”
She snickered. “I don’t think they do that.”
She didn’t pull her hand away. In fact, the gap between them was closing, and she wasn’t sure which one of them was causing it.
“I wouldn’t know.” He put his other arm around her, at her waist.
“Me either.” She leaned into him. “I’ve never been interested in anything more than casual dates.”
“Neither have I. I’m way too busy for that stuff.”
“Me too.” She put her hands on his waist.
“Good,” he said, leaning down to her.
“Good,” she agreed, rising up to him.
He kissed her, and she kissed him, and they were definitely not a couple, but that didn’t matter, because they were completely the same.
IT DIDN’T TAKE Val and Jane long to notice Drew. They saw him in the hall of their dorm, and caught a glimpse of Emiko with him on campus. Three months after meeting him, he’d become a constant in her life. They studied together, ate together, and trained together. Somehow they never quite got a proper introduction, though, thanks to differing schedules and odd luck.
“He’s gorgeous!” Val enthused one afternoon when Emiko had gone over to help her neighbors rearrange their furniture. It was a peculiar thing they did every few weeks, made odder by the fact that even in their larger, double room, there wasn’t much space.
“You should bring him to the holo-vid club. Where did you meet him?” Jane asked.
Emiko sat on the edge of the desk she’d just moved. “We just ran into each other on campus one day. We had a lot in common. You know.”
She hoped they knew. Both of them had dated, as normal people did. She was only pretending she knew about romance.
But they nodded knowingly, so she must have guessed accurately.
“Is it serious?” Val asked, sitting on her bed.
“No. I don’t have time for a serious relationship, and neither does he.”
Jane got a sly look. “So it’s purely physical? Nice.”
“No!” As soon as she said it, she knew she should have simply agreed. It would make a simpler story. But she couldn’t define Drew as some plaything. They weren’t a couple, per se, but they weren’t nothing, either. “We just have a lot in common, and work well together.”
“I bet you do,” Jane said with a leer. Val slapped her a high five.
“Nothing like that. I mean study-wise. We’re taking a lot of the same subjects, though our classes are at different times.”
Jane laughed. “We’re just kidding. And kind of jealous.”
Val tugged at her bed. “Help me with this, will you?”
Emiko moved next to her. “Where’s it going?”
“Along that wall.” Jane pointed.
Emiko got a grip on the headboard and pushed it from the wall. A hot knife of pain lit up the right side of her ribcage.
Both of her friends immediately fell upon her. “What happened? Did you hurt your back? Are your arms or legs numb?”
She tried to brush them off. “No, no, I’m fine. Just a little sore from training.”
But they wouldn’t be deterred. Jane pulled up her shirt and hissed at the spreading black and purple bruises she saw beneath.
“What’s this?” Jane demanded as she pulled away the dermacare patch to see the entirety.
“Just training. Like I said. It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” Val argued. “You’ve had severe bruising, and what looks like a hematoma or two. Why haven’t you been to the infirmary?”
“Handling things is part of the job I’m training for. I want them to see that I’m not going to run for help for minor issues. None of this is a serious injury. They go away in a few days.”
Val and Jane exchanged a dark look.
“Okay. You don’t want to go to the infirmary. That’s fine. But why didn’t you come to us?” Jane looked hurt. “We could fix this up for you easy.”
“You could?”
Val retrieved a medkit from her backpack. “Yeah, dummy. That’s what we’re training for. So how about you do what you do, and you let us do what we do? Deal?”
Emiko hesitated.
“What, you don’t trust us?” Jane taunted. “You think we’ll cut off your arm or something while healing some bruises?”
“No, I just…” How could she explain to them that she wanted to prove that she was tough enough for the job she wanted?
“Think of it as helping us out with some practice,” Jane suggested, holding Emiko’s shirt out of the way so Val could run a medical device over her injuries.
“And it’s not like we can tell anyone. Patient confidentiality, you know,” Val added.
Emiko smiled. “Okay, then. When you put it that way.”
They set to work, and in just a few minutes, had healed all of her bruises and sore spots.
“I could have fixed this for you last night after the dinner club. Instead, you’ve been walking around with all this. Just let us know when you get new ones. It’s bad to get new bruises on top of old ones.” Val waved the device at her in warning.
“I will.”
“Good.” Jane looked satisfied. “Now help me move this bed.”
That evening, Emiko added an unscheduled social occasion to her daily activities. She, Jane, and Val met up with Drew and a friend of his on the quad, then had dinner together.
An officer must be flexible, after all.
BY THE END of Emiko’s first year at the academy, she’d found her stride. She battled for top marks in all of her classes, trained hard with Whelkin, and trained still more with Drew. They ran, sparred, and lifted weights together. She hung out with Val and Jane on a regular basis, and they made sure she stayed in peak physical condition.
She’d never been so happy, fighting with all her might to make strides toward the future she wanted.
When the break between year one and year two came, she didn’t want to go home. She couldn’t wait to see her parents and brother because it had been three months since she’d visited, but she didn’t want to live at home again. It would feel like going backward when she only wanted to keep forging ahead.
She’d avoided that for the summer break by enrolling for supplemental sprint courses. Drew had done the same, while Val and Jane had gone to Jane’s hometown to enjoy some downtime.
No classes were offered during the end-of-year break, though. Plus, her parents were eager to spend some time with her. There was nothing to do but go home.
Seeing Val and Jane off was simple. She’d see them in eight weeks. It was different with Drew.
They ran together in the morning, as usual, but didn’t spar or study. They had breakfast, took a walk, and sat on the quad and people-watched. It was the closest thing to a real date they’d ever had, other than the day they’d eaten ice cream and looked at clouds on the quad.
She didn’t want to say goodbye to him, even for eight weeks. After nearly a year of sharing their lives,
the thought of being without him left her feeling bereft. He’d become her partner in the fight to become officers.
He tickled her earlobe. “Cheer up. We’ll be back to work before you know it.”
“I know. It’ll be fine.”
They sat on their favorite bench, under a tall tree. She didn’t know what kind of tree, since she had no particular interest in horticulture. It was pretty, though, with a thick trunk and wide branches that gave them just the right amount of shade.
“It will. And when we start back, we’ll be second years and you’ll get to start flight training.”
She smiled. He always knew the right thing to say.
He didn’t ask where she was going, and she didn’t ask him, either. More and more, over the months they’d been together, she’d begun to believe that he, too, planned on clandestine ops. He was as driven as she was, and threw himself into physical training like no one else she knew.
Well, like only she did.
They managed to be fiercely competitive with each other, always vying for the top mark in the classes they had in common, but always glad for the other when they got it. It was the kind of competition that made them better rather than dividing them.
Everything about being with him made her life better. Which was why she wasn’t looking forward to the weeks ahead.
“And you’ve gone dark again.” He tickled her ear again, but she couldn’t muster a smile.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He put his arm around her. “I’m glad you’re pining for me before we’ve even left. It’s good for my ego. Makes me feel manly.”
She laughed. He had such a weird, ego-free sense of humor that his claiming to have an ego was funny in itself.
He affected a hurt expression. “I say I’m manly and she laughs. I may need to ponder on this. It may lead to some insecurity issues. Possibly a minor complex or two.”
She leaned her head against him. “It’ll be good to get back to work, once we return.”
“Yup.”
They spent their remaining time that way, talking about nothing in particular and trying to hang onto the moment.
3
Emiko’s trip home felt like entering an alternate timeline. As soon as she stepped into her parents’ home, it was like the events of the past year went into purgatory while she resumed the life she’d led before.
Her mother fussed over her with food and tea and making sure she wasn’t cold, while her father tried to ask questions about school that were as broad and unassuming as he could make them.
He knew she was after clandestine ops, and she knew he knew, but they both pretended neither of them knew. He knew the game better than she did, having worked in central intelligence for the past couple of decades. It didn’t introduce any weirdness between them because at home, she was just her parents’ daughter and her brother’s sister.
Those were good things to be, and she liked being with her family. She loved them dearly, and they were unreserved in their affection for her. But after a week, she grew restless. Each day, she trained longer and longer. She focused on weapons training, which she hadn’t done much of thus far at the academy.
At the end of the second week, her father entered their little home dojo as she was finishing up a training session. She was sweating and tired, and felt like she’d accomplished something.
“You’re ready to go back to school, aren’t you?” he asked without preamble.
“What? No, I—” She stopped. She could tell he knew the truth. “It’s not that I don’t want to be home. I love you guys.”
A strand of hair had escaped her ponytail, and he tucked it behind her ear, just as he’d done all her life. It made her feel like she was six years old, but in a good way. “I know. But you’re on the path now, and focused on your goal. You’ll be restless until you meet your goal. I get it. I was once just like you.”
She looked at her father, a middle-aged Japanese man with a chin just like hers. They were so much alike. Of course he understood. “What about Mom?”
“She’ll be upset for you to leave so soon, but don’t worry. I’ll remind her of what I was like at your age. She’ll understand. She’s a career-minded woman, herself.”
At least her brother had already returned to his own school, and she didn’t have to worry about disappointing him.
“Are you sure it’s okay?” she asked. She felt caught between two worlds, both of which were important to her, but one of them felt more urgent.
“Of course. We both know you have your sights on a big goal, and you have to give it your all.”
She hugged him, inhaling the smell that was unique to him. She couldn’t even identify it. It was part yuzu and part synthetic leather, but mostly just unique to her dad.
“I won’t let you down,” she promised him. “I’ll be the best. I promise, it will all be worth it.”
He cupped the back of her head in his palm. “You have never, and could never, let me down.”
She went to her room to pack, and left the handling of her mother to him. She only needed ten minutes to get her things ready to go, but she remained in her room for another twenty to make sure the situation was smoothed over.
She didn’t consider it cowardly. She considered it outsourcing the job to the right person.
Meanwhile, she checked her messages. She and Drew hadn’t promised to stay in touch via the voicecom, like all the other couples who separated for the break. To her, it emphasized how different they were from other students, while emphasizing how much they had in common.
She was certain now that he was just like her. He was hiding his first life, just as she was hiding her own. He had to be aiming for clandestine ops, too. It would explain so much.
Throughout the vacation, they never spoke to each other in real time. Instead, they sent each other short text messages daily. Nothing of substance. Just a sentence or two, usually a funny observation or anecdote. It was enough to say all the things they couldn’t say.
Finally, when she felt she’d given her dad enough time to prepare her mom, she pulled her PAC Academy hoodie over her head and left the safety of her bedroom.
“Everything okay out here?” she ventured.
Her parents were in the kitchen making tea.
“Of course,” her mother said. “You two act like I don’t know what it’s like to be driven. I do work in the diplomatic corps, you know. I may be your mother, but I also know a thing or two about ambition.”
Emiko felt relief wash over her. “Thanks, Mom.”
Her mother made a shooing gesture. “None of that. Let’s have tea, then we’ll get you to the transport station. We’ll be right on time for you to catch a tram.”
RETURNING TO CAMPUS WAS A RELIEF, but also strange. She got off the tram and walked the rest of the way to campus. As she got closer, the familiar bustle of life failed to greet her. Although normally a place of constant activity, the academy was nearly deserted. Emiko saw a groundskeeper trimming some shrubs, but otherwise, she noticed no one else. Once she got to the quad, she saw a pair of students throwing a flying disk back and forth. One of them waved, and she waved back, but since she didn’t know them, she kept on.
Arriving at her dorm felt like a homecoming. More so, oddly, than returning to her parents’ house. Being there had felt like going back in time. Only now did she feel like she had returned to her current life. Like she’d gotten herself back on track.
She was alone, but no matter. She’d get a jump-start on the next year’s work. And she’d weight train at the gym. She had all the academy’s resources at her disposal, and she’d use them well.
She sent a message to Drew. Returned to campus early, so get ready for me to beat you at Year Two.
Smiling, she unpacked her suitcase, putting her things neatly into drawers and stowing the suitcase in her closet. It reminded of her of when she’d first arrived at the academy almost a year ago. She felt like she’d gained about ten years of experi
ence in that short amount of time.
She pulled her hoodie off and hung it in the closet. Smoothing her hair, she decided she’d do some math study.
Before she could sit down in the comfy chair she’d bought when she’d first moved in, her door chime sounded. Someone she knew must have seen her walking across campus. They were probably glad to have someone to talk to. She wouldn’t mind, either, truth be told.
Maybe Drew was rubbing off on her
She answered the door, but it wasn’t just some random student standing there, grinning at her.
“Drew!” She launched herself at him.
He caught her and spun her around. “You recognized me! I thought maybe you’d forgotten what I look like.”
“Almost,” she said as he set her on her feet. “Another week and you might have escaped my memory entirely.”
“That would be a shame. I’d have to win you over with my irresistible charm and wit all over again.”
She laughed and tugged him by the hand into her room, feeling excited and happy. “When did you get back?”
“Yesterday.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” They sat on the bed and snuggled up together.
“I didn’t want you to think I was trying to guilt you into coming back.”
“Hm.” She brushed his hair back from his face. “Do you think I was doing that to you?”
“Nope. If you were manipulative like that, I wouldn’t like you so much.”
“Is that right?” She found that admission interesting. They rarely said anything about how they felt about each other. They just let their actions speak for them.
“I like that we’re completely honest with each other and don’t worry about categorizing our relationship. I like that it isn’t about ownership or expectations.”
She leaned into him. “That’s exactly how I feel, too.”
“Good. So how are we going to spend the next six weeks?”
“What do you suggest?”
His hand slid behind her neck to tickle the skin at her nape. “I can think of a thing or two.”
“Besides that.” She laughed.
