by Savana Jade
“Justin?” I giggle. “I admit there was an attraction with Justin, but my heart always belonged to you Gabe.” I remember that night well. I begin to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” He asks with a curious smile.
“There were girls in the bathroom at the club.” I admit, the confusion on his face grows. “One of them was persistent on having you in her bed that night. Don’t you remember her?” He shakes his head.
“I remember you dancing with him and my blood boiling the entire time.”
“You don’t remember the brunette sitting on your lap with her tongue down your throat?”
“Oh,” His face wakens up. “The one I sent to Justin to keep him away from you?” I smack his chest. “Ouch.” He laughs.
“You did that?” He raises an eyebrow at me and shrugs.
“I was willing to do whatever possible to keep you with me. What I wasn’t planning on was waking up the next morning alone.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t know what was going on.”
“Yes you did. You just didn’t want to give into us. I still have the letter to prove it.” He shifts under me. “I believe it said. ‘Gabriel, I love you more than you know. But I’m afraid to give into what my heart is telling me. So I’m leaving for a few days to try to forget you, but we both know you’re too irresistible for that to happen.’”
“I don’t think that’s exactly how it went.” I joke trailing my hands down his chest. “But it’s definitely close.” I lean in kissing him before we begin where we left off in the water.
~~~
Today has been utter bliss. Gabriel has been the perfect fiancé. He set a goal for me to not move a finger. Which is exactly what I plan on doing. After our bath, we had a small breakfast, cuddled on the bed and watched “Pretty Woman.” He said he told everyone that I wasn’t to be disturbed and they all agreed with him. He said they are hanging out by the house pool for the day so they can rest and relax as well.
“Miss me already?” A set of lips land on my cheek. I stretch in my lounge chair as he wakes me from my short nap.
“Always.” I sit up, letting him slip in behind me. “What took you so long?” Leaning back against him. The sun is shining brightly down on us and there’s a cool breeze coming up from the ocean.
“I was just making sure Matt was going to make your favorite dinner. And I had to convince Todd that it’s actually okay for us to take over the kitchen for the day. He was adamant against it, but I promised that the cooks can have it back tomorrow.” I can hear the amusement in his voice. “I also needed to tell mom and dad about the good news before Ash got a hold of them. And I was making us lunch.” He points to the side table that holds two BLT sandwiches. Great. I decide to ignore the food comment and focus on the news.
“Why didn’t you just tell them here in front of me? I would have loved to have heard what they had to say.” A little hurt that he chose to do so separately. It’s not like I have anyone to break the news to.
“Angel, you were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you. I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t thinking. We can call them back after lunch.”
“Can I just go back to sleep?” I tense up, really not wanting to eat, his body stiffens from under me.
“Jenna.” He scolds.
“Gabe.” I counter.
“We’ve spoken about this.” He sighs heavily. I sit up and turn to look at his face.
“Who’s spoken about this?” I decide not to hide the agitation in my voice, because frankly, I’m quite pissed.
“Jenna Relax.”
“I told you yesterday…” He takes my hand gently interrupting me.
“You promised me yesterday that you would eat. Last night you didn’t barely ate anything. And a few bites of fruit doesn’t count as a breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry! God! And last night, we were rudely interrupted by my father. That would make anyone lose their appetite” I pull my hand away from his.
“You won’t eat, you don’t sleep. You can’t blame us for worrying, can you?”
“Us?”
“All of us Jen. I spoke to Drew last night after you finally fell asleep.” I begin to push myself off of him, but he grabs my arm and explains. “I wanted answers. You tossed and turned for a few hours after we… Well, anyways, once you were sound asleep, I went to talk to him.”
Pulling away from his hold again, I stand and reach for my tank top. “I don’t understand why you can’t come to me Gabriel. And I don’t get why my eating and sleeping habits are so intriguing.”
“Well, if you would talk to me, I wouldn’t have to go to Drew.” He pulls his leg around to the side of the lounge chair to stand.
“I do talk to you.” I snap and raise the tank top over my head. He stands, takes my hands and holds them in place above my head.
“Bullshit Jenna.” His eyes glare down at me. They are filled with more hurt than anger. “You don’t. That’s the problem. I get that he’s your sponsor, I really do. But for fucks sake, what am I to you?” I open my mouth to speak, but he continues. “Answer me this Jenna. How long have you had your phone back?” My eyes tear up as I look into his. He knows I’ve had it for a while. I’m sure he’s heard me speaking to Brennan.
“That’s what I thought.” The hurt in his voice cuts through me. “Did you ever think about how hard it was for me?”
“I… I’m sorry. I just didn’t think that the phone was a way to talk things out.”
“No. But it would have at least been nice to hear from you. Even if it’s in text. I got nothing from you Jenna. We could have talked about the weather for all I care.” He takes a deep breath. “Look, I’m not jealous of Drew, but you’ve got to give me something to work with here. You don’t talk to me, and you sure as hell haven’t been there for me when I needed you the most.” I stand silent, letting a few tears trickle from my eyes. “I understand you weren’t in any position to talk to me when you first left. I get it. You took your best friend and left.”
“You are my best friend.” I correct him. He continues as if I didn’t speak.
“I know. But where was my best friend when I needed her the most?” His glossy eyes stare down at me. “I know you are dealing with a lot of shit here, Jenna. But I need my best friend too, almost just as much as you needed yours.” He drops our hands. “I had Brennan and my mom, but they weren’t enough. I needed you, Jenna. I needed you to hold me in your arms, I needed you to tell me that it would all be okay.”
“Gabe.” The tremble in my voice is unavoidable. “I’m sorry, I obviously wasn’t myself. I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s okay.” A tear falls from his eye. Instinctively I reach up to wipe it away, but he takes my hand and stops me. “Jenna, for years, I’ve waited for you. I’ve given you all of me. Everything in me belongs to you. Can’t you see that?” He drops his head and continues.
“Words can’t describe how hard it was to watch you leave that day with him. I felt my world coming to a crashing halt. I had Carmen in the other room ready to pounce, but I wanted to be the one upstairs when you woke up. I deserved to be there with you. But Brennan and everyone else told me to leave you alone. And because I love you so much and I felt guilty for putting you through it all, I put my feelings aside and didn’t fight them. All I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I am happy Gabe. I’m happy with you.” I hold his face in my hands and force his head up to look at me. “You mean more to me than anyone in the world.”
“I know I do.” I brush a tear from his eye. “But sometimes, I wonder if it’s enough. Sometimes I feel like I can’t compete when it comes to Drew. Don’t get me wrong, I love him like I do Brennan or Matt, but sometimes I wish it was me that you would talk to instead of him.”
“I love you.” I cry. “I do talk to you.”
“Save it Jenna.” He takes my hands and pulls them away from his face. He’s angry. It’s not very often I actually see him angry, and at me no le
ss. “I know you love me. That’s not the issue…” He shakes his head, looking out at the water before returning his glare back to me. “Save it for when you truly are ready to talk to me, okay?” He drops my hands and turns toward the sidewalk leading to the beach.
“Gabe wait!” He pauses momentarily, but shakes his head, waves his hand away from me and continues to walk away. Tears stream down my face as I watch him walk away until I can’t see him anymore. Feeling defeated, I sit on the edge of the chair and stare out at the ocean and begin to cry.
~~~
“Wanna talk about it?” Brennan startles me, leaning on the corner of the small brick and wrought iron fence made to separate the patio to the rest of the house and the ocean. I glare up at him and shake my head. He pushes off the fencing and makes his way toward me. “You know, I could follow him and kick his ass for whatever he’s done to hurt you.”
“He didn’t do anything. It was all me this time.” He sits beside me.
“Well, that’s reassuring. What’d you do now? Give the ring back?” He chuckles at his own joke. I begin to play with the piece of white gold that sits heavily on my ring finger. “Jems, I was just kidding.”
“I know.” I rest my head on his shoulder. “Brennan?”
“What is it Jenna? Whatever it is, I’m always here for you.”
“Do you think it was a good idea bringing Drew on?” I ask for an honest answer. Of course Brennan knows better not to lie to me.
“What do you think?” I glare up at him waiting for a response. He sighs before finishing. “I think bringing him on was exactly what we needed.” He pats my leg. “What’s brought this on?”
“Gabe.” We both say at the same time. He chuckles and I try to smile.
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on. But watching your man make his way along the shoreline without you makes me begin to worry, for you both.”
“He says I don’t talk to him.” I say spinning the ring around still. “He went to Drew last night to talk to him instead of coming to me. I… I kind of snapped at him.” He laughs “What?”
“Jems, don’t get me wrong or anything, but talking to you is a lot like trying to get a splinter out of your nail.”
“No it isn’t! I talk all the time.” I defend myself. “I talk to you all the time.” He stands and takes my hand.
“C’mon, let’s go for a walk” Not giving me a choice, he pulls me out onto the sand.
We walk side by side, hand in hand. Gabe is nowhere to be seen, soI’m assuming he walked the other way. The sand is warm, but the water is cool enough to provide an equal balance.
“Sis, the only time you really talk to me is times like this. But look at who had to come to who? Part of it is my fault. I was always too afraid to talk to you, Will was more than willing to take on the task. So of course, I let him.” I drop my head and watch the sand sink under my feet as I listen to him. “Guess Drew picked up where Will left off. There’s nothing wrong with it, but don’t forget you just agreed to spend the rest of your life with Gabe.”
“He’s my best friend Brennan. Besides you of course. He holds the key to my heart. He always has.”
“I know that. Gabe does to.” He reaches in his pocket and pulls out his phone and smiles. I’m assuming Ashley has sent him a text. “I think we both take Drew for granted sometimes.”
“You don’t think Gabe is jealous of him do you?” He shakes his head immediately.
“No. I don’t. I do think that Gabe feels like you’re holding back sometimes. I feel the same way. I know it killed him when Drew locked us out of his room in Kansas. I know this, because it killed me too. I’m your big brother Jenna, your blood, and I’m meant to protect you and keep you safe and sound, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t take care of you. So I turned to the one person who needed me the most.”
“Gabe?” He nods.
“After you left, he went crazy. Broke a few of his mom’s things. Went into town and kicked that kid’s ass for selling you the drugs. Then he had to deal with Carmen.”
“I’m such a shit.” I admit. He pulls me into his arms. “I’ve been so focused on myself, I never thought about him. I was so angry at first.”
“Shhh.” He caresses my back. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, but maybe you could try to open up to him?” I wipe my tears and nod. “So, is this your first official premarital fight?” He chuckles, but I push him toward the water quick. He laughs and raises his phone in the air so it wouldn’t get wet.
Suddenly I’m lifted in his arms and begin screaming. “Put me down!”
“Okay.”
“No! I change my mind! Brennan! Don’t put me down!” I cry, holding onto his neck for dear life. “BRENNAN!” He walks into the water to his knees. I still have his neck in a vice grip. “I swear to God Bren…” His laughter is contagious, so I begin laughing with him. He turns and places me down ankle deep in the water.
“C’mon lets go.” He jokes. “I wouldn’t get you wet.” He says.
“Liar.” I push him.
“You’re right.” He pushes me hard and I land in the water. “You really didn’t think I would do that, did you?”
“I really hate you!” Splashing him with water. “Help me up.”
He reaches his hand down toward me. I take it and he pulls me up. “Sorry sis, I couldn’t resist.” He puts his arm around my soaking wet shoulders.
“I know. If it wasn’t for your phone, you would be just as wet as I am.” I laugh wrapping an arm around his waist.
We take our time back to the house. Once we get to the small boardwalk, I stop.
“Maybe I should go find him.”
“No need.” He waves his phone. “Ashley said he came back a little bit ago. He’s at the pool with the family. Go easy on him.” I begin biting my nails out of nervousness. “Stop that.” He pulls my fingers away from my mouth. “When did you start biting your nails again?”
“I don’t know. Didn’t even realize I was doing it.” I shrug. “Sorry.” He takes me and pulls me into a hug. “Like I said, go easy on him Jems. Just think about what he’s been going through. Okay?” I nod.
“Okay. Thank you Brennan.” He smiles and takes my hand. We slowly make our way toward the gate. Once we walk through, he releases my hand and makes his way toward Ashley who happens to be standing right beside Gabe. His face is filled with sorrow. He’s leaning against the wall with a beer in one hand while his fingers work on peeling the label. It’s something he always does whenever something’s bothering him.
Ashley looks up and smiles when she makes eye contact with Brennan. She pats Gabe’s arm before leaving him to meet Bren. Once they embrace in a hug and kiss, she takes him to the outdoor bar, but my eyes remain on Gabe’s. He watches his sister walk away and glances my way quickly before dropping his head back to the beer bottle. I look around the pool area and take note that Drew is sitting with his parents watching me. His face scrunches in confusion. His eyes ask if I’m okay and with a small smile from me, he knows I’m fine. Matt and Danika are sitting on the first step in the pool. She splashes water on his face and giggles every time he wipes it down.
I finally take a deep breath and focus on Gabe. He looks so sad. It breaks my heart knowing I’ve put this on him. I slowly make my way to him and stop just a few steps away from him. He’s refused to look up even though I know he knows I’m here. “Hey.” The shakiness in my voice is unavoidable. Finally, he raises his eyes to meet mine.
“Hi.” I bring my fingers to my mouth and begin with my old nervous habit of biting my nails. “Jenna, stop biting your nails.” He scolds. I drop my hands and bring them in front of me, playing with the ring. His eyes follow mine and the sadness that once filled his face just a few seconds ago are covered in worry.
“Gabriel.” I take a step toward him. He raises his eyes to meet mine. “I’m so sorry.” I take my last step and rest my hands on his chest. “I love you.”
His body tenses at my touch and he remains sile
nt. We continue staring at each other for what feels like forever. I can feel his heartbeat beneath my hands and its pounding about as fast as mine is. I can’t take this silence from him. I grab his bottle, set it down on the nearest table and move directly in front of him again.
“I love you too and I’m sorry.” He whispers, resting his hand on my hips and making small circles with his fingers on my skin.
Immediately, I shake my head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong. I should have been more considerate of your feelings. Brennan reminded me that from now on, it’s going to be you and me.”
“Is that still what you want?” His voice is shaky.
“How could you say that?” I reach up and rest my hands on each side of his face. “Gabriel, being with you…” I don’t know if I can get the words out. “Marrying you is what I’ve wanted for a very long time. I’ve dreamt about it.” His face shifts slowly and a shadow of a smile comes across his face. “I want this.” I promise. “I want you. I want the good and the bad. I want to learn things with you. I want to fight with you so we can find out how good it is to make up.” He raises his eyebrow.
“Make up sex?” His voice is seductive. I roll my eyes, but eventually nod in agreement. My thumbs caress the puffiness under his eyes and his face turns serious. “I dream about a future with you, almost every day. I want a house on a ton of property so Brennan can stay close because it’s important to you to keep him close by for you. I’ve had visions of us in our own rocking chairs in the nursery with our twin babies in our arms. Our little girl will look just like you. With eyes that glow as brightly as yours do.”
“And our little boy will smile like his daddy and immediately, he will have me wrapped around his finger, just like his daddy does.” I wrap my hands around his neck and play with the back of his hair like I always do.
“I do?” He asks amused. I smile and nod. He pulls me closer and kisses me softly. “I love you Jenna. Forgive me?”
