by Zoey Castile
The champagne has miraculously not fallen over. She picks up one by the stem, and flips around, moving like a clever mermaid into a sitting position between my legs. I brush her hair over one shoulder and press kisses across her back. Her skin is a warm light brown, radiant in the candlelight.
“To us,” she says, taking her glass and bending it toward mine.
I drink the whole glass in one shot and when I look at her I know I’ll regret not asking.
“Come with me to Vegas,” I say, in a rush.
She spits out her champagne. It’s a good thing we’re in a bathtub surrounded by bubbles. She turns around, her eyes wide open, a smile on her lips that seems to ask “Are you serious?”
Then she does ask, “Are you serious? To Vegas?”
“Like a heart attack.” I brush my thumb on her cheek. “Robyn, I’m not sure about a lot of things. Where I’m living every six months, or if I have health insurance, or where my life is headed. I’m not even sure if we’re ready for this. But I know that I don’t want to be without you. I want to go to sleep with you and wake up beside you and bring you coffee. I want to fuck you every waking moment, and make love to you every other. I know that you feel it, too. I’m not sure how we’ll work it all out, but I know I’ll regret it if I don’t at least ask you.”
Robyn takes a drink from her champagne. She swallows half of it in one mouthful, and I envy the champagne that gets to slide down her throat. She sits on her knees facing me, the ends of her hair floating on the surface like the lily pads we passed earlier. Her eyes are wide and dark and I think I might be consumed by her midnight stare.
She rubs her hand along my chest, her palm sliding through water. She lands on my heart, feeling for my pulse there.
I think I might die in the moments it takes her to decide this.
But then she smiles, and I could die a happy man just looking at that smile.
“Yes,” she says. “I want to come with you.”
16
Follow Your Arrow
ROBYN
The weekend is a daze of sex and kisses and making plans.
I said yes. Fallon asked me to go to Vegas with him and I said yes. Yes to moving across the country with a man I’m falling in love with but have only known for less than a month. In my heart, I know it’s the right thing.
We make plans. He’s going to go out there first. They have a week to rehearse with their new choreographer and look for places to live. The hotel is putting them up for a week, but he doesn’t want me to have to share rooms with all the guys. He’s going to find us an apartment off the Strip.
I’ll finish the year and put my time in first thing Monday morning. I’ll have to tell my parents and Lily. But I’m not sure how that’s going to go. I’ll wait until after the wedding. He’ll meet my parents at the reception, and ask my parents as a formality.
I have enough savings that I can take off half a year, more if I’m savvy. I’ll write for a year and see what comes out of that. When we get back to our building on Sunday night, it seems like the easiest thing in the world.
That’s right, I’ll have to sublet my apartment until my lease is up. My landlord loves me, so I’m sure that won’t be a problem.
“Are you sure?” Fallon asks me one more time.
We’re in my apartment. I look around at all of my things. I haven’t moved in eight years. My apartment is so lived in. But I want a fresh start. I think about what books I want to take. What clothes I’ll pack. What do I leave behind?
“I’ve always wanted to be the kind of person who picks up on the fly,” I say, wrapping my arms around him. He leads me into the bedroom. I lie down on my stomach and he crawls on top of me, buries his face in my neck. He tugs at my pants and I turn my face to kiss him. I’m sore down there, but wet in an instant as he pulls my pants down to my knees.
“Ow, baby. Be gentle.”
And so he kisses and licks my pain away.
* * *
I knock on Lily’s door at school on Monday morning. Her eyes flit to the clock on the door, and I’m a little offended that she has to do that. “Hey.”
“I need to tell you something,” I say.
“Oh my god. You’re pregnant?” she asks dryly, throwing the question back at me from her engagement night.
“Har, har, har,” I fake-laugh. I take a deep breath and decide to come clean. The sooner, the better. Besides, no matter what’s happening between us, Lily is still my best friend. “I’m putting my notice in.”
I wave the official envelope in my hand.
“What?” She walks over to me and feels my forehead. “Are you okay?”
I grab her hand and smile. “I’ve never been better. Fallon’s leaving the week after your wedding. His show got a headlining gig in Vegas and he asked me to go with him. I said yes.”
“Robyn, have you thought this through?” she asks, and her disbelief hurts a bit. “Where are you going to live?”
“He’s getting us an apartment.”
“And you’re just going to—let him take care of you?”
“Hey, don’t say it like that. I have my own savings. He’s encouraging me to write for a little while until I get into grad school. I’ve got one rejection so far, but I can have my cousin Sky pick up my mail and if something changes I can figure it out then! And if I don’t get in anywhere, I think I’m okay with that. J. K. Rowling didn’t go to grad school for writing. I just—I need a fresh start and I’ve got the opportunity to take it. Why aren’t you happier for me?”
“Because, Robbie!” She presses her hand to her forehead, like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. “This isn’t like you. You don’t just pick up and go.”
“I know that. And maybe that’s the reason I’ve been so fucking miserable this past year. I’m not happy, Lil. I haven’t been happy in a long time. When I’m with Fallon, I’m happy. He brings out something inside of me that’s always been there, but now it has room to shine. I’m not afraid to be myself. I’m not afraid to try something new. Who knows? Something good can come of this.”
Lily paces across her room. There’s still half an hour until the bell. The last couple of nights I’ve gotten the best sleep of my life. True, I still don’t want to get out of bed, but Fallon waking me up by pressing his morning erection against my ass is an incentive.
“What did your parents say?”
“I haven’t told them yet. I was going to wait until after the wedding. I want them to meet him.”
“You’re bringing him?”
“That’s what I wanted to ask,” I say. “I still have that plus one.”
“Robbie, I’m worried.”
“Don’t be.” I try to keep my optimism, but she’s dragging me down. “I’ve thought this through.”
“How long? This weekend? You’re ready to make a life-changing decision on a weekend?”
I rest my hands on her shoulders and look her dead in the eye. “I’m sure. I don’t think I’ve ever been this sure, not even when I said yes to Columbia.”
“Thank you for telling me.” She pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. “Well, if you’re sure, bring him. I’ll be happy for you. I just want you to be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I kiss her cheek. “Don’t worry about me. I got this.”
* * *
After school, I stop by Lukas’s office. The staff is mostly gone, but his secretary is still packing up. She’s young, and her eyes roam around the room until they inevitably return to Lukas’s door. Part of me wants to warn her, “You can do better.” But then Lukas is at the door and greets me.
“Ms. Flores.” His hazel eyes never leave my face. “Isn’t this a surprise? Come in.”
I walk into his office but don’t sit. His diplomas and awards are on full display. There’s a baseball, a red marble apple on top of a stack of papers, and a plaque with his name on the desk, in case you forget whose office this is.
“What can I do for you?” He’s all smi
les, as if we’ve never had an awkward exchange before.
To make things simple, I hand him the letter. “I’d like to give my notice. I won’t be coming back next year.”
He stares at the envelope with my letter in his hands. He runs his hand across his tie and sits back. “I see. And what’s the cause behind such a rash decision? I hope it wasn’t because of me. I’ve apologized multiple times.”
“You apologized once, and not to Fallon. You also lied to Lily’s fiancé and said that Fallon attacked you.”
Lukas arches an eyebrow and picks up the baseball on his desk. There’s an autograph on it, but I wouldn’t know which player. He tosses it back and forth. He’s probably a Yankees fan on top of everything.
“Technically, that’s not a lie. He did challenge me to a fight. That’s a verbal attack.”
“Look, I didn’t come here to talk about that night.” I rest my knuckles on his desk. I don’t want to sit and make myself comfortable. “I just want to let you know because, despite your inappropriate come-ons to me, you’re still my boss.”
“Come-ons? To you? Robyn, you flirt with me when you’re late so I won’t write you up.”
“Excuse me?” I stand up straight. “Do you want me to repeat the words you said to me when you hijacked my date with Fallon? Because I haven’t told him, to spare you the attack you claim happened. I believe your exact words were, You look good enough to eat. But it doesn’t matter now. I have a week left before the school year ends. Please stay away from me.”
“You know I can’t,” he says, shaking his head. “You’re my partner at the wedding. You’re honestly blowing this out of proportion.”
And in this moment, I am angrier than I’ve ever been. “Fuck you, Principal Platypus.”
I slam the door on my way out, startling the secretary. She grabs her papers and runs out the door. I’m sure she was listening, and I’m glad. Maybe she’ll be better prepared. Maybe she’ll do what I didn’t do, should he ever behave the same way.
I grab an incident report from the UFT rep’s office, and stuff it in my purse. Then I walk out of the building, and get into Fallon’s car because he’s waiting for me.
Our future is waiting for us.
FALLON
Ricky’s in his office going over a mountain of paperwork.
“After all these years, I still don’t know how you get everything done, brother.” I sit in the chair in front of his desk.
He looks up and his face quirks into a grin. “Passion keeps me young and thirsty, you know what I mean? What’s gotten into you?”
I shrug but am unable to hide the smile on my face. “I asked Robyn to come with me to Vegas.”
“Holy shit. I take it, since you’re smiling harder than the time you had a threesome with Ms. Colombia and Ms. Australia after the pageant, that she said yes.”
I cross my fingers over my stomach and put my feet up on his desk. He hates feet. “How is it that I barely remember that, but you do?”
“That’s the only time I’ve been jealous of you, Zacky.” He stacks a bunch of papers on their ends and adds them to another pile. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy. The boys will welcome her like one of our own. Are you sure she’s a hundred percent on all of this? She’s not going to go all Crazy Jealous Girlfriend on the clients, is she?”
“The only time that’s ever happened was with Aiden, not me,” I say. “And that’s because he really was double dipping. I’m not like that. I’m not going to hurt her.”
“I’m not saying you’re going to hurt her, kid.” Ricky looks at me. “I’m just making sure that you’re going to be a hundred percent.”
“Thanks for looking out for me, brother. What’s all this paperwork? I thought everything was going through the lawyers.”
Ricky gets up from his desk and closes the door behind him. “It is. But something hasn’t been adding up lately.”
“What do you mean?”
He sits on his desk and lowers his voice. “I mean the door numbers don’t reflect what’s on the bank account.”
The first thing that comes to mind is Vinny. I remember the time I heard him speaking on his phone near the office. I tell Ricky as much.
“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice hard. Ricky will put up with a lot of things, but fucking with his money will get you close enough to dead when he’s through with you. Five years ago, he caught one of the guys skimming from the bar, and nearly beat him senseless. It’s the only time I’ve ever been afraid of him.
“I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure what I heard. But it could be him. I know I never liked the kid, but he’s also the newest one among us. His kind of partying ain’t cheap.”
“Let’s see what the cameras say.” Ricky opens up the cabinet with six cameras that show different areas of the club. He keeps them running during the day, and Darla’s in charge of watching them when Ricky isn’t in the office. “There’s a pattern. Every other day. Then three days with no action. Then there’s about a grand in missing money from either the bar or the door.”
“I’d like to think that if any of the guys were in a bind they’d come to us. I have.” Back when my dad was sick the first time, Ricky gave me the money to pay for the hospital bills. I swore to pay him back but he wouldn’t have it.
Ricky runs his fingers along the hairline of his perfectly trimmed beard. He’s tuned out, watching the monitors. He hits pause, then rewind. “The cameras go off.”
“Who has access to this room other than you?”
“No one. But then again, anyone can pick a lock, right?”
“I’m sorry, man. Should we call a meeting or something?”
Ricky slaps my back. “Let me worry about this. I’ll figure it out. You go get yourself a tux that doesn’t come with holes at the bum. Go to my guy in the Village. Best threads in the city.”
I take the card that he gives me. “It isn’t going to be bright purple or whatever acid trip color he makes for you, is it?”
“Just fucking go. Take Aiden with you. He needs to pick up some of his own blazers. He’s going to start emceeing when I’m not around.”
“You got it.”
* * *
“My boy’s finally becoming a man,” Aiden tells me the next day. We’re on the train to Manhattan. I hate the trains here. They’re crowded and smell of dead rats and Cheetos.
“I’ve always been all man, baby.” I punch his shoulder.
But Aiden is distracted. He’s making eyes at a woman sitting in front of him. She’s all class, with a tight pencil skirt and high heels. Her jacket is perfectly tailored to her body. I wonder what a lady like that is doing taking the subway. But I guess that’s just New York, full of inexplicable wonders. I guess I’ll miss it when I’m gone.
“Have you ever even lived with a girl before?” Aiden says, once the woman exits on Fifth Avenue, and he can bother to give me attention once again. “And not with your sister.”
“Not for long periods of time and not officially. But this is new. We both want this. She needs a fresh start and I don’t want to be without her.”
Aiden nods, and bounces his head to the mariachi band that’s entered our car and proceeds to play a tune Aiden seems to know the lyrics to. When they’re done with their song, Aiden and I leave them some bills.
“I don’t know, man. I don’t know how you can settle down with one girl.”
“Woman, Aiden. Woman.”
“Fine, woman. Doesn’t it get tired? The sex with the same person?” Aiden catches the eye of a hipster girl eye-fucking him from the other side of the train.
“No,” I say. “She’s the best I’ve ever had. And I’ve had a lot.”
“I’ve had more.”
I roll my eyes. “Sure. Whatever. Doesn’t change anything. I fucking l—”
Aiden points a finger in my face. “Don’t say you love her. You’ve known her for three weeks.”
“I love being with her. I love the way she smells. I love who I
am with her. I love her, bro.”
Aiden shakes his head and slumps in his seat. “I’ve lost you.”
I laugh and get up. Our stop is coming next. “I can’t wait until it happens to you.”
Aiden looks back over his shoulder and smiles at a full-figured beauty with bright red lips and a pinup dress that hugs all her curves. He waves, then we’re out onto the platform. “Never going to happen. I’m single for life.”
I slap his back and hurry up the steps. “Famous last words.”
17
Heart of Glass
ROBYN
I spend the night at Lily’s house with some of the bridesmaids. T-minus twelve hours to wedding day madness.
Lily doesn’t drink champagne because she wants to be super-fresh in the morning. There’s Sophia and three of the bridesmaids who live farther away, plus Yennifer, Xiomara, and Anise, who are staying to avoid morning traffic. They also work at P.S. 85 but teach in different grades. We go over details like signing off for corsage delivery, making sure the emergency kits and clean pens are in everyone’s purses, limo coordination, tampon supplies, emergency flasks.
When all is said and done and we’re sure (for the fifth time, according to super maid of honor Sophia) that we’ve crossed all our t’s and dotted our i’s, I plop down on the couch with a big glass of wine.
“You look different,” Anise tells me. She’s wearing a Korean face mask that’s infused with roses and honey. Her brown skin is glowing with a scrub she made herself and brought in little jars for all of us.
“Yeah,” Yenni says. “When you’re in school you usually look like one of those memes that hates Mondays. Except every day.”
Anise and Xiomara fall over each other laughing at my expense. That’s okay. I can take it.
“You’re right. I didn’t want to say anything until later, but I actually put in my notice earlier this week.”
They gasp in sync. “Are you for real?”
“For real real.” And my smile is genuine.
