“I’m on board with that plan.”
Chapter Nine
Finn came over to Kurt, holding a plate loaded down with jambalaya. “Your girl’s pretty amazing.”
“Trust me, I know.” Kurt looked down the length of the room bursting with teenagers, their friends, their parents and his teammates. “She pulled all this together and made it into the best party ever. I couldn’t have done half this. I would’ve thrown up streamers in their high school gym and called it a day.”
“This is right. It’s what they deserve. Jasper would’ve loved it.”
“Yeah.” Flynn and the Rajuns mascot were posing in front of the Cup with a teen who was all braces, glasses and gangly limbs. The Rajuns crawfish was on the ground, letting the kid pretend to hold him down with his foot. Edwin hovered two feet away, white-gloved hands outstretched as if ready to buff away any fingerprints that assailed his precious silver trophy.
“I didn’t just mean the party.” Finn jerked his head toward the entrance to Mardi Gras World. “Lisette’s out front, working a miracle.”
Kurt realized he hadn’t seen her in a couple of minutes. Which was surprising, because he didn’t like to let his eyes off of her that long. Ever since their skating date, they’d been inseparable. And it still wasn’t close to enough for him. “What’s she doing out there?”
“Keeping the paparazzi at bay.”
Anger whipped through him, red-hot. “What? The fucking press showed up? This is a private party.”
“Yeah, but it’s also your official day with the Cup, Hawk. It’s on the Rajuns schedule.” Finn waved a hand. “Excited kids talk. Hell, excited parents talk. Word leaked that you’re doing one hell of an awesome thing here. Gotta admit, this is way more attention-worthy than Vance announcing he’s going to spend his day with it at a casino for good luck.”
“I don’t want...they can’t turn this into a circus. It’s special for the kids. I don’t want it to come off like I’m doing this to get publicity.” The press had made enough hay over Jasper’s death and Kurt’s “brave struggle to keep playing.” It disgusted him. And he wouldn’t let them sully this last gesture.
“Which is exactly why Lisette is out there stopping them. I heard her promise them one group shot, with all of us, the kid’s team and the Cup in twenty minutes. She’s hooking them up with food to keep them occupied until then.”
Kurt ran his hand over his crown and down to the nape of his neck, rubbing at the now-building tension there. “I shouldn’t let her deal with those animals by herself. She could get eaten alive.”
“I can handle myself.” Lisette laced her arm through his. “It’s all in a day’s work. I’m on the clock, remember? Taking care of things for you, not the other way around.”
“Can’t turn off wanting to protect you, baby.” He brushed a kiss on her cheek.
“Which I appreciate almost all of the time,” she said with a twinkle in her eyes. “Finn, do you mind if I borrow Kurt for a few minutes?”
“I need to reload my plate anyway. What are these awesome fried round things?”
“Alligator balls.”
His face paled. “Maybe I’ll just get more sliders.”
Kurt laughed as Lisette led him outside to the wide concrete on the edge of the Mississippi. “Never thought I’d see Finn pussy out from anything. Now I know weird food is his Achilles’ heel.”
“This is an abrupt segue, but it’s time.” Lisette handed him a black velvet bag.
“Oh.” He accepted the bag. It was weird in every possible way—about ten miles past horrible to just fucking weird—to think that all that was left of his brother now sat in the palm of his hand.
Kurt and his parents had gone round and round about what to do with Jasper’s ashes. His mom was steadfast in not wanting to keep them in the house, to have to be confronted with the sight of them every single day. What Jasper loved most in the world was hockey, but that didn’t exactly give them options. Kurt finally came up with the idea to sprinkle them into the Mississippi. They’d float out to the ocean and give the teenager a freedom that he never got to live long enough to experience.
Edwin appeared at Kurt’s elbow. “Is this legal?”
“Nope.” He’d checked. He didn’t give a shit. Kurt glared down at the Keeper. To say the man was a stickler for rules was like saying you might get a couple of bruises in a hockey game. “You gonna stop me?”
“No. I, in fact, am going to take a bathroom break. What happens while I’m not here ...well, I’ve got plausible deniability. Just, for the love of God, Lundquist, don’t drop the Cup in the river.”
“Don’t worry, sir.” Lisette clasped her hands in front of her in a great attempt at innocence. “Kurt’s very good at holding large-ish, heavy objects for a very long time. While under quite a bit of pressure to perform.” Then she turned away and covered her mouth with her hands. The giggles, however, still escaped.
Not that he blamed her. The situation was so fucking bizarre that laughter was a given.
Edwin took off his gloves, pressed them into Kurt’s hands and then gave a look of what weirdly looked like longing at the Cup, as though it’d never be the same once Kurt was through with it.
Lisette laid a hand on his arm. “Do you want me to take a video for your parents, Kurt?”
“They don’t want anything to do with this. Dad took Mom away on a cruise so she wouldn’t feel guilt about not being here. It’s been hard on them to move forward. They both look at this as a step backwards, instead of a goodbye.”
Whereas he saw it as the final step. Maybe, just maybe, something that would finally banish Jasper from hanging between him and Lisette like the kid’s smelly gym sock. Kurt had said goodbye to his brother the day, the moment, right before he died. That was the only time that mattered. Everything since then was simply a ritual, a formality. Hollow ones, at that.
“Do you want any of your friends over here?”
“No. Just you.” Kurt smoothed back a lock of dark hair and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “All I need is you.”
Not just during this big, bad moment. He’d been feeling that way more and more about Lisette. That he wanted her around. That whatever he decided about his future, it had to include her.
Telling her, after only two weeks together, would be stupid. It’d scare her off faster than Kurt could slap a puck into a goal. So they’d get through today. Put his hiring her for the party behind them. Work on maybe building something together. While he kept figuring out how the hell to get Lisette a job. Because that guilt rubbed at him worse than his brother’s ghost.
Kurt dumped the ashes out of the bag and into the shiny silver bowl of the Cup. Without looking at them. “I know that Jasper isn’t here. But at the same time, part of me feels complete knowing that, even in some tiny way, he got to touch the Cup.”
“It’s a wonderful tribute, Kurt. Jasper would’ve loved it. You know he would’ve screamed himself hoarse for you the night you won it.”
God, Kurt would’ve given anything to have him there. “I won it for him. Yeah, my whole professional career—every game, every shot—was leading up to it. But I didn’t play for myself this last year. I played every single game of the season for him. Sank every goal for him. Lifted this thing overhead and took a victory lap for him.”
“Do you want to do it again?” Leaning her head onto his shoulder, she clarified, “For yourself this time?”
That was the most on point question Lisette could’ve asked. Because in the end? His decision to stay with the Rajuns or not wouldn’t be based on money. Kurt had enough of that to sit on his ass and do nothing for the rest of his life. And it wasn’t about fame, or setting records. It wasn’t even about what to do for the next year. It’d be based on what would make him happy. Now that he’d given Jasper the promised Cup, he was free to do anything.
Which confused and terrified the shit out of him.
“I’m not sure yet. But I’m glad I have the Cup now, so I can
send off my brother in one hell of a grand gesture.” With the comfort of Lisette’s hand on the small of his back, Kurt hefted the Cup over the guardrail and shook the ashes into the lazy current of the surprisingly blue Mississippi River. “Here’s the Cup you asked for, buddy. I hope you know I would’ve moved heaven and earth to get you anything you wanted. Always. Except for a date with that chick two doors down in the hospital. She was a downer. You didn’t need that.”
As the swirls of gray ash landed on the water, Lisette murmured, “You fought like a real champion, Jasper. I was honored to watch your spirit shine through every day.”
They stood, in silence, for a few more minutes. Kurt kept one hand on the handle of the Cup, unwilling to let go of that last connection with his brother. The other he curled tightly around Lisette’s.
Finally, Kurt said, “He’d want us to go back in and enjoy the party. Hell, he’d be running in circles and screeching at the thought of us missing a second of it.”
“I’ve got just the thing. You said I could bring in some extra entertainment. Well, I arranged for a fortune-teller. I’m sure the boys will all get promises that they’ll grow up to win a Cup for themselves. But I thought, for a lark, you could talk to him. Take a peek at what fate thinks you should do with your future.”
It sure fit the bill as pure New Orleans. He couldn’t walk down a single street in the French Quarter without seeing a neon sign for tarot readings. Or having some creepy bearded guy offer him a glimpse into the future from a dark alley. At least, he hoped they were fortune-tellers. “Why the hell not?”
They let Edwin know his precious Cup was still in one piece and then headed for a card table set up next to a float covered with alligators and pirates. Just the card table. No fancy trappings like a tent or a crystal ball or even a candle. “You sure this guy is legit?”
“I guess we’re about to find out, aren’t we?” she murmured with a twinkle in her eye.
Kurt didn’t believe in this stuff. At all. But it occurred to him that it was at least useful at giving people hope, if not actual answers. And right now? Lisette needed that more than he did. “You know what? You should go. He’ll tell you that you’ll have a new job by Labor Day and you’ll sleep better tonight.”
“But—”
“Go on.” He pressed her into the folding chair. “This’ll be great for you.”
The skinny man with greasy hair across the table pushed a stack of colorful, oversized cards at Lisette. “Shuffle three times, then cut with your left hand and pass to me.”
No hello, no patter—this guy better be the real deal, because he sure wasn’t a practiced huckster. Kurt sat on another chair, started to pull up to the side of the table, but was stopped by an outstretched hand. “Your energy will pollute the reading. Stay over there.” The psychic pointed to a chalk line drawn on the floor.
No style and bossy. Kurt was pretty sure that however much of his money Lisette spent on this guy, it was too much. Still, he held up his hands in apology and scooted back behind the line.
“Is there a specific topic you want to know about? Family, love life, job?”
“I guess whatever jumps out at you.” Lisette cut the cards and pushed them back across the table. “But, um, yes to the job.”
He nodded, took a deep breath with eyes closed and then swiftly divided the cards into three stacks before turning over the top one on each. “These represent your past, present and future. Past is Three of Swords, showing Betrayal. Present is the Tower, which signifies major upheaval. And the Future—”
Lisette waved her hand with a nervous laugh. “Wait. Go back. Betrayal? I think we need to start over or reshuffle or something. Nobody in my past has betrayed me.”
Clammy fingers of dread spread down Kurt’s back. What if this guy actually did know his stuff? What if he was about to out Kurt and the way he’d blocked her from getting the job with the Rage?
No.
No way could a stupid, shiny card with three swords piercing a bleeding heart end up leading a trail back to Kurt’s biggest regret of his lifetime. Biggest fuckup. Either way, only Kurt and Coach Courage knew the truth. His secret was safe.
The greasy blond hair hid the psychic’s face as he bowed his head for a moment. He reached out to cover Lisette’s hand with his. His body jolted as if taking a sock to the gut. Then he straightened up. “This is definitely about your job. You had one, or were about to get one. I see a hawk swooping in, taking it from you with a snatch of its beak. The hawk betrayed you.”
“Well, I don’t work in a zoo. Or an aviary. The only hawk I know is that handsome man over there...” Lisette’s voice trailed off as she looked over at Kurt.
Something in his face must’ve given him away. Did panic turn your face red or white, he wondered? The psychic hadn’t identified him by name. Not a hundred percent or anything. If he laughed this off, called the guy a huckster, everything would be fine.
Kurt had hidden this secret for almost three weeks. The closer he got to Lisette, the harder it was not to blurt it out along with a thousand babbled apologies. The only way he’d been able to live with himself was by trying to come up with a solution. He hadn’t given up since she turned down the job in San Francisco. Kurt had calls out to four different PT clinics across New Orleans. One of them was bound to hire her based on the glowing recommendation of the star of the Rage, right? He could still fix this. And she’d never have to know.
Except that he couldn’t flat-out lie to her. He simply couldn’t. And that look in her caramel eyes, behind the confusion, was definitely a question.
Kurt stepped closer. “Before you finished your interview with the Rage, I asked Coach Courage not to hire you.”
“What?” Her big, dark eyes rounded in confusion. Lisette even looked over to the fortune-teller and back, as if checking that he’d heard the same thing. “Why would you do that?”
The explanation rushed out of him. “I thought you were just shopping around. You were a great hospice nurse. I never imagined that you would’ve quit without another job already lined up.”
Her words, in contrast, came out slowly. Heavily. “I had to, to get recertified in a new concentration as fast as possible. To get away from a job that was slowly killing me.”
It stabbed at his heart to hear Lisette say that. To know that she’d been so miserable. And he’d just piled on, giving her stress by extending the time she was stuck without a job. “Yeah, I know that now. But I didn’t then, or I wouldn’t have stuck my nose in where it didn’t belong. It was so great when we ran into each other. I just wanted to see you more. I wanted you to help with the party. Figured that if I hired you between patients, you wouldn’t lose any work and I’d get—well, it made sense at the time.”
“It made sense?” She shook her head, dark hair spilling across her shoulders. “To obliterate my chance at gainful employment? My best chance at being able to pay rent and afford groceries and not have to go back and work in a field that made me cry every night over the lives I literally watched disappear?”
“I’m sorry.” Shit, he should’ve led with that. But he thought that if he explained, if he explained well enough, maybe Lisette would understand. Kurt dropped to his knees at her side, grabbed her hands. “Jesus, I’m so sorry, Lisette. I didn’t mean to screw things up.”
“Screw me over, you mean.” Her face went dead white. “Oh my God. Is that what this past week has been about? Were you screwing me as a distraction? Or as a pity fuck?”
“No! No, of course not. I didn’t know we’d get serious. I didn’t think there was a chance in hell of that happening, actually. I mean, I wanted you. I wanted—”
“You saw what you wanted and took it, regardless of how that would affect me.”
It wasn’t supposed to affect her at all. It was supposed to be a win/win for both of them. Then it all turned sideways on him. “Look, I’ve tried to fix it. I’m still trying to fix it.”
“The job with the Quakes. That’s why you pu
lled those strings with your old team,” she accused.
“I get that it isn’t right. That it’s a bad fit. But I’ll find you something here. Any day now, I should hear back. I’m pulling strings all over the city.”
“That’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? You used your fame, notoriety, your position”—she spat out each word as if it tasted worse than expired milk—“the very things you say you don’t want and don’t care about, to manipulate me and my career. You say you don’t want it, but you don’t know how to live without it.”
“You’re wrong. My job with the Rage doesn’t matter. Not like you do.”
“Not anymore.” She stood, her chair clattering to the ground behind her. Lisette pointed at the middle card in the trio. “What did you say that Tower means?”
The fortune-teller tapped it with his middle finger. “A major upheaval. It shakes your foundation and makes you question what you think you know.”
With a harsh, bitter laugh, Lisette said, “Spot-on. Give yourself a big, fat tip. And as for you, Kurt...well, you’ve taken enough from me already. You can’t have anything else.” She raced to the nearest door, the one leading away from all the kids and the few parents who’d noticed the unfolding scene and started to stare.
Kurt didn’t know what to do. Rushing after her didn’t seem like the answer. She needed time to cool down. And he needed time to figure out a better way to apologize. Grasping at the only straw in sight, he grabbed at the last card. “What is this? What’s her future?”
“The Nine of Cups. Happiness and satisfaction in all areas of life.”
Shit. The creepy-good psychic had been dead-on with the first two cards. Was this proof that Lisette was better off without him? That her future was full of happiness because he wasn’t in it anymore?
Kurt felt like he’d been checked from behind—since he sure as hell hadn’t seen this coming—by an entire hockey team. Having them wale on him with sticks and fists would definitely hurt less than watching Lisette run away from him.
Check My Heart Page 10
