“And you were too late,” she says, turning the key, and the engine roars into life.
“Please, don’t go! Give me another chance,” I plead above the noise.
“Ok, I’ll give you a chance,” and by the tone of her voice, I know I’m about to be tested. “Forget your buddies in there, the killing and the crime. Get on your bike and let’s see where the road leads us.”
“You know I can’t go with you now. I have unfinished business,” I say, annoyed at the way she’s goading me. “But—”
“I thought not,” she interrupts and puts her bike into gear.
“You’re being unfair, Jo. Just give me some time.”
“I am being honest, at least with myself, which is more than you’re doing,” she replies, angrily.
“Josephine,” I say, softly grazing the side of her face with my fingers. “Don’t give up on us. Please!” I know I’m begging, but I’m not ashamed of it anymore. All I want is for her to stay.
“There is no us, Flynn. There never was,” she says, then she straps on her helmet, revs up her bike, and does an impressive donut to face the road, then she’s gone. All I can do is stand there, watching her, until the tail light of her Triumph disappears.
Just then, everyone piles out of the diner and Jake and the boys come up to me while the Pirates head for their bikes and roar away.
“What are you doing out here all alone?” Jake asks.
“Just having a cigarette,” I say, trying to deflect the attention.
“You sure?” he says, his eyes boring into me. “You haven’t been banging that chick again, have you? I noticed she was gone,” and the guys all laugh. “C’mon, Flynn. We gotta go. The Pirates are meeting us at our place.”
I laugh with them, not wanting to let my true feelings known. They’re my friends, but as I sit astride my Commander and start the engine, I feel so sad, empty, and alone. Just like the day I came back for Jo.
And for the second time in my life, I’m heartbroken.
* * *
When we reach our rented house, the place is buzzing, and it’s lit up like a Christmas tree. The Pirates have made themselves at home to get ready for the mission. There are men milling about all around the place. Some working busily on their bikes, some cleaning their weapons, and some packing their gear. At the back of the workshop, Adrian and Al sit with their heads together, presumably discussing tactics.
This whole operation is down to Jake’s leadership skills. He never regrets or revisits his decisions once they’re made—qualities I’ve always admired in him, but today, I feel different. I can’t put my finger on it, but right now, he has neither my respect, nor admiration—two feelings I normally have for him. But, then again, considering all he’s done for me over the years, there’s no way I’ll show him the resentment I’m feeling, so I try to keep my face as expressionless as I can. It makes me wonder if what Jo said to me is true. That we’re all damaged and incapable of any real emotions.
Maybe Jake feels that way, but not me. Jo has shown me that I do have a heart, after all. Right now, it feels like it’s shattering into a million pieces, impossible to put back together again, but I must push it to the back of my mind. I don’t have the time to think about it.
“You got any orders for me?” I ask Jake.
“Soon. Al and Arian are working on our strategy to hit the Cobras. Let’s see how they’re getting on. We leave at dawn.” I nod, and we walk together to join them in the workshop.
It’s just after ten-thirty when we finish strategizing. At the end of the discussion, we open a can of beer and share it among us—the four generals of the army seal the deal before Al and Jake go off to brief the troops, leaving me and Adrian behind.
“You’re making a mistake, Flynn,” Adrian says.
“What do you mean?” I reply, confused.
“That girl…Jo. You need to forget her. She’s not meant for you,” he says with quiet confidence.
“Really? How would you know?” I ask, defensively.
“Because she’s just an ordinary girl, man. She may ride a bike, but she’s not a biker. She ain’t like us. We’re the cursed. The damned. You two are poles apart, and you know as well as I do, that if you’re in her life, you’ll destroy it,” he says in a low voice.
“I assume you’re giving up on Dahlia then?” I ask, cocking an eyebrow at him, and he laughs, long and hard.
“Yeah. Dahlia was a bit of fun, and she knows that too. It’s not like we promised each other undying love or anything. But the fun has to end sometime, and then you go back to your life. And this is my life,” he says, waving his hand at the yard full of bikes in front of us.
“How can you be that cold?” I ask, frowning.
He smiles broadly and shrugs. “What can I say? Detachment is an art...and I’m good at it.”
“That’s because you suck at being human,” I add, smiling.
“In that case, you’d better start sucking at it too. Before Jake notices your heart is missing and decides to fill the gap with a round from his SIG Sauer,” Adrian says. Jake whistles for him from the other side of the compound and he gives a thumbs-up then stands to leave.
Suddenly, his words make me realize just how fragile my position is within the club. I may be the vice-president, but there’s no mistaking the fact that Jake can be a heartless killer—especially if he thinks he’s being betrayed—and despite all the years I’ve fought and served alongside him, deep down I know Adrian’s probably right.
“Friendly advice,” he says, putting one hand on my shoulder. “Stick with your brothers, Flynn, and get down to work. Contact our friends in Hardale who can help us out with ears and eyes. The more we know about the Cobras, the better. Make some calls, bribe ‘em if you have to, and make that list of chinks in their armor like Jake asked you to.” Adrian says, shoving a notepad and pen into my hand before he jogs across the yard to Jake.
I look down at the notepad, and the lines become blurred as tears well up in my eyes thinking about leaving Jo…again. It takes me by surprise and I take a deep breath, holding them back, and telling myself to stop being such a pussy. I can’t let any of the guys see me crying like a little kid, so I wipe away the drops that have escaped the corner of my eyes with the back of my hand then pull out my phone and start dialing.
I gather some useful information about the Cobras movements, where they hangout and who’s in their pockets. I furiously scribble everything down, and an hour or so later, I’m satisfied I have as much intel for the mission as I can gather, then I flip open a new page and write from my heart.
My sweet Josephine,
We’ve only been apart a few hours, but I miss you already. I’ve thought about you all day and this isn’t how I thought it would end. It’s crazy, I know, but I daydreamed of us growing old together, sitting on the deck of a cabin with gray hair and failing eyesight, watching the sunset beyond the mountains. But it was just a daydream, and such dreams don’t come true for a man like me.
Losing love hurts like hell, much worse than taking a bullet, and now I’ve lost you twice. But the Bad Breed are my brothers, my family, and you’re right, we should never abandon our family.
If it wasn’t for the MC, I’d never have met you a second time, so I’m thankful for that. When I realized who you were, I can’t lie, my love for you was rekindled. I wanted to be with you and make up for my past mistake, but it seems I’ve failed you once more. At least I’ll go to my grave knowing you’re alive and safe.
The MC has given me a lot, and it’s time for me to give back. We’re going to Hardale tomorrow to take back what’s ours.
I hope you find happiness and peace in your life. That’s all I want for you, my love. We may not grow old together, but I’ll be there for you if ever you need me. Don’t be afraid to call.
You’ll always be my ‘what could have been.’
Yours forever,
Flynn
555-7621
I tear off the page, fold it
neatly and slide it into the back pocket of my jeans, then walk across to Jake and hand him my pages of research about the Cobras.
“Good job, Flynn,” he says as he studies it. “Hopefully, we all come out of this alive. Go grab yourself a beer and mingle.”
“Thanks, Jake. I hope so too. I’ll grab one later. I just need to get some cigarettes, I’m completely out.” I hate lying to him, but it’s the only way to get out of here and deliver what I’d just written.
He eyeballs me, and I can see his mind ticking over, but, thankfully, he lets it go. “Okay but come straight back. We’ve got an early start in the morning and we need to be ready to roll.”
Chapter Twelve
Jo
After I scream away from the diner, I drive mindlessly for a while. When the city lights thin out, only fields all around me, and a long lonely road ahead, I come to my senses. I stop at a gas station, fill the tank and head back to L.A. I can’t face going back to the diner and I’m home by eleven-thirty. I check my phone and see several texts from Dahlia.
She must be worried, so I send her a quick message to let her know I’m ok, I just need some space, and that I’ll be back to work tomorrow. Until then, I just feel like wallowing in my own sorrow and self-pity. Tomorrow will be a new day, but tonight, I just want to pull on my pajamas, crawl into my bed and curl myself up into a ball.
The bed is still unmade. The wrinkles in the sheets from where Flynn had been lying, still there. I bury my face into them and inhale deeply. I can still smell his masculine scent and my tears start to flow. I just lie there, crying like a baby, until I fall asleep from sadness and exhaustion.
* * *
When I wake, the sun is up, lighting up my room through the thin curtains hanging at my bedroom window. I get out of bed and text Dahlia to tell her I’ll be at work, and not to worry. I shower and get dressed, all the while telling myself that everything that happened yesterday was nothing but a bad dream. Today would be a fresh start, but the empty feeling inside, and the ache in my heart tells me otherwise.
I try to brush it aside by keeping myself busy, so I make the bed, manage to eat a corner of the toast I’d made, down a large cup of coffee, then head for the door. I pick up my bike keys from the stand and I’m about to open it when I see a folded piece of paper lying on the floor. I pick it up and my heart races. There’s no name on it, but even before I open it, I know who it’s from.
I walk back into the living room, settling on the recliner then I unfold the letter and start reading. It’s from Flynn. At first, I smile, even laugh at his humor, especially where he talks about growing old with me, gray hair and failing eyesight. Then my tears flow like a waterfall again, streaming down my cheeks and onto the paper. The raw sincerity of his words twist my heart into knots.
By the time I reach the end, I know any hope of me going back to a normal life is out the window. Nothing would ever be the same again, because I don’t feel the same. He’s changed me deep inside, and as I finish reading for the third time, my decision is made.
I get up from the recliner and walk to the bedroom. I pack the letter, a few clothes, and things I’ll need for a couple of days into a rucksack. I stuff whatever money I can find, and the only credit card I own into my pocket, then lock the door and head to the diner.
* * *
“Have you lost your mind?” Dahlia screams when I tell her of my decision. Steve’s keeping himself out of our conversation, but I’m sure he’s listening to every word. He stares ahead and continues cooking some bacon on his grill, but I see him shaking his head.
“Don’t just stand there like an idiot. You heard her. Say something!” Dahlia screams as she turns on him next.
“Dahlia’s right, Jo,” Steve says, looking over his shoulder before returning to the grill. “It’s a bad idea to have any association with Flynn, or any of his boys. It was bad enough when they were here, but now you’re going to follow him to Hardale? That’s madness. I’d hate to see you disappointed.”
“Not to mention death, or worse.” Dahlia added.
“I’ve thought about it, and I know what I am getting into,” I say, confidently.
“No, you don’t. Forget about all these crazy ideas of yours. Now, get to work. You’re not going anywhere,” Dahlia says, sternly.
“Don’t treat me like a child,” I retort. “I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but sometimes I think you forget I’m a grown woman.”
“Then stop acting like one,” Dahlia snaps. “Oh, I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. It’s just that I love you, and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“Thanks, hon. I love you both, too. Let’s not fight over this. I’m a big girl now. Just give me a hug and wish me well,” I plead.
“Let her go, Dahlia,” Steve growls, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to him as she starts to cry.
“Oh my God. There’s nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?” she says, sniffing and wiping her eyes.
I shake my head, slowly. “My mind’s made up. He may come across as a badass, but he can be so sweet, too. I love him, and I have to find out if there’s a future for us, or I’ll end up regretting it for the rest of my life,” I say as tears flow down my own cheeks.
“I don’t like it, but if we can’t persuade you to stay, then all I can say is, be careful. Now, come here,” Steve says, pulling me to him with his other hand and he kisses the top of my head. The three of us stand there, huddled together, none of us wanting to be the first to let go.
Eventually, we break our group hug, and after they make me promise to call when I get there, and stay in touch, I’m finally ready to go. I start my bike and smile at the two dear faces standing next to me. I flip down my visor, give them a final thumbs-up with my gloved hand and zoom off.
* * *
As I ride into Hardale, I realize I have no idea where to find the Bad Breed. It’s not as if they have an office downtown, or the friendly old lady at the Post Office would know their address. It’s a small town, but with no idea of their whereabouts, it’s still going to be like searching for a needle in a haystack.
I ride along the main street and park in front of the general store. I take off my helmet and gloves, and as I enter the cool interior of the store, I notice the guy behind the counter eyeing me suspiciously as I walk around. I guess they don’t like strangers around here? I pick out a couple of T-shirts, water, mint gum and a bag of potato chips then walk back to pay.
“New in town?” the man asks as he totals up my items.
“Yeah,” I reply, and leave it at that. I don’t have time for chit-chatting with him since I know it’ll only lead to more questions, and I want to get out of here as quick as I can to find Flynn.
“Looking for someone?” the guy probes further, and the intrusion is becoming annoying, but I guess I can use all the help I can get.
“Maybe,” I say, eyeing him, warily.
“Then maybe I can help?” he says, smiling.
“Ok. I’m looking for some bikers. Have you seen any around here?” I ask, stuffing everything I’ve bought into my rucksack.
He looks at me, even more suspiciously than the first time. “There’s a whole bunch of those headbangers in this town. What do you want with them?”
“I can’t say, but I need to find them. Well, one of them in particular,” I add, and immediately regret it.
His eyes soften. “Are you in some kind of…trouble?” he asks, with a knowing look, his eyes lowering to my belly.
“Oh, um…no! No, nothing like that,” I stutter out, mortified at the thought. “Can you tell me where I might find them?” I ask, hoping to divert the conversation away from his line of questioning.
“Well, they normally hang out at the Starlight, but believe me, it’s no place for a woman.”
“Thanks, but I can handle myself. Where is it?”
He looks at me, hesitating, then says, “Turn left out of here, and it’s two blocks down the road. The
re’s a red sign by the roadside. You can’t miss it, but I really don’t think you should go there, miss. For your own safety.”
“It’s ok, they know me, and thanks a lot.” I give him a wave then walk out of the store. I have all I need for now. I just need to find Flynn.
* * *
The guy at the store wasn’t wrong about the Starlight. It’s a sordid-looking place situated at the end of a filthy, litter-strewn street. I park my bike out front with all the others, though I don’t see Flynn’s Commander anywhere. Perhaps he came here with Jake or Adrian?
My heart does a summersault as I jog up the entrance and push open the door. Inside, the crowded bar is filled with bikers in jeans with long hair and leather jackets. I must be in the right place.
I ignore all the stares and whistles as I ease my way to the bar and order a bottle of Bud Light. I settle onto a high stool at the end of the bar from where I have a good view of the place while being partially hidden behind a pillar. I sit, nursing my drink, looking for a familiar face, but as I look around, I don’t see anyone I recognize, let alone Flynn.
“Just passing through?” The bartender asks with a friendly smile as he leans over the bar.
“Depends,” I say, guardedly.
“Oh? On what?” he asks, wiping his hands on his jeans then offering his hand to me. “The name’s Ralph.”
“Jo.” I respond, taking his hand in mine and shaking it, but before I can answer his question, I feel a hand on my side. When I turn around, I find a grubby looking man, smelling of beer, leering into my face.
“You alone?” he asks.
Oh god, really? I haven’t been in the place five minutes and I’m being hit on already? I think on my feet with a story I hope will see him scurry away.
“No. I’m waiting for my boyfriend, and he’s six inches taller than you and weighs twenty pounds more. Oh, and he’s a professional boxer,” I add, looking fearlessly into his eyes.
“Sweet,” he says, sliding onto the stool beside me.
“Crack, leave the lady alone,” Ralph says, disapprovingly.
“Slow down, my friend. I see what you’re doing. You want her all to yourself, but this lady here is so out of your league.”
Bad Breed (MC Romance) Page 9
