“Shaun we have to look for her.”
“We can’t David. She’s gone,” he said dryly.
He tried reasoning with me but it was futile. We struggled out of the car holding on to our back packs and slid down the sand and dust to the bottom of what appeared to be the remnants of a lake. I pulled a sack that said sand written on it. It was the remains of sand that was used to shore up towns inundated with flood water.
I read in my mother’s books and magazine that it use to rain in some places near rivers and the river would overflow and they would use sand to keep the river at bay. Standing in the middle of something that could have been someone’s yard, I set my gaze in the direction I thought the house would stand. “Maybe Sarah’s somewhere near,” I said pointing at the frame of a house.
“She’s gone. Get that into your head we will never see her again. Just like my family, I will never see them again.” Shaun’s eyes now steely and cold.
“I won’t believe it until I know for sure. Either you come with me or you can go on,” I said.
“You know I can’t do that.” I knew Shaun would never leave me. I did know that we had to find Sarah. We turned and headed back in the direction of the valley where we had come from. We walked and shouted out Sarah’s name. No sign of her.
Darkness descended and we spotted the place where we first saw the old red car. Its tires scattered and its bumper laying where it became air born.
“We’ve searched everywhere,” Shaun said his hand shaking with a nervous twitch.
“We’ve got one more place and then we can go.”
We headed down the highway and before we got fifty feet I saw a campfire below us. Maybe someone had found Sarah and she was safe in their camp. “Shaun. There is a camp down in that valley, I said pointing to my left. “I can see the fire.”
“Don’t you think we should wait and see if they’re friendly,” Shaun said backing up. His eyes wide with fright.
“The longer we wait Sarah may be dying somewhere. We could get them to help us look for her.” I tried to reason with Shaun but he felt he couldn’t trust anyone. I felt the same but I needed to find my sister and I didn’t care what the risks were. Blind with fear from everything and everybody, I knew what I planned was stupid but I had to try.
Nevertheless, I did take Shaun’s advice and waited. We lay on our stomachs peering down below from the highway, and then I saw a little girl. Shaun had fallen asleep near me when I tugged at his shirt.
“It’s that girl. The one with the boy you killed.”
“That does it. I’m not going down there for her to point out that I killed the boy or worse, her brother,” Shaun said.
How was I to convince them if I didn’t have Shaun beside me? I didn’t know what to do next. We needed to get down there and search around for Sarah.
“We had survived and she is younger than us. She’s a child. I have to know whether she’s alive or dead before we go on. My mother sacrificed her life and the baby’s life for her,” I said pleading with Shaun, but he was unsure of how they would react to him.
It was getting dark and we watched as they lit a fire. Then they sat around a pot like my family had done once. They were cooking and ready to serve dinner. “They have food. They have food,” Shaun ranted. I put my hand over his mouth.
“Be quiet,” I said bringing my hand down and lying face down to keep anyone from
spotting us. I glanced over and Shaun was licking his lips as if he was waiting for his turn to be served.
5
Our need for food and water was basic, great, and all consuming. We watched in silence as an old gray haired woman took the black kettle and dished out something to each member of the family. They all held their bowls with trembling hands. The old hag of a woman ladle out pieces of meat into their bowls. “Look. Meat! Where did they find meat?” Shaun whispered. We lay there watching a feast. Our hearts raced. “Let’s join them. Maybe they will take pity on us and feed us,” Shaun said with his glance wavering back and forth. I saw the look on his face and he had forgotten about the dead boy just that fast.
His hands grabbed my shirt and pulled. “Let’s go down there. I can’t take this any longer. It doesn’t matter anymore. If we don’t get something into our stomachs besides what’s left of the dried meat from those bats, we are dead anyway,” Shaun said.
“Think about what you’re saying?” I said. “It was my idea to go down. You said don’t go and that made sense. Now you propose begging for food after killing one of their members.”
“I know what I’m saying. We have nothing left to eat. All we have is a few containers of water,” Shaun said pleading with his swollen red eyes.
“We have water. We can make it to the well,” I said pulling out the map. “See.” I pointed to markers that had been made by my father and others before him. “It’s to the east. No more than two miles. If we don’t find Sarah in the morning, I promise you, we will go to the well and then we can stay there, build a camp, and then come back and look for her.”
I stopped Shaun for a few minutes and I saw relief cover his face. He knew it was crazy to go into a camp of hungry adults especially since they looked fit. The adults’ bodies had fat around the middle or were their stomachs swollen from malnutrition? Shaun knew the truth when he heard it.
We made ourselves comfortable enjoying the smell of meat cooking.
“I wonder what it is,” I whispered to Shaun since he had more experienced with that kind of thing. When I grew up all manner of animals had disappeared in our area. Shaun, a few years older than me would hunt with his father and my father. I never ate fresh meat. What little meat my father brought home, I gave to my mother and sister.
“I’ve smelled all types of animals and it has the smell of a pig. Maybe they found a wild boar?” He said tilting his head and sniffing into the rising air. A small smile broke on his face. I hadn’t seen Shaun smile in some time. It was a pleasant surprise.
“If that’s what pig smells like then I’m sorry I never got the chance to experience it,” I said returning a smile. My eyes narrowed and my brow furrowed. I remembered the reports from the government that most animals had died in this region because the dams were dry and the mountains had no snow. I questioned Shaun’s senses, “Are you sure it’s a pig?”
“Positive.”
“Look around there’s no water. How does that happen?” I said to Shaun.
“I don’t know. I’m tired and hungry. Let me enjoy the aroma since I can’t eat.” I stared at him with a questioning glance. He returned the glance, “Maybe the well is closer than you thought. Maybe we can go down there and tell them that there’s a well, and we can take them to it if they give us something to eat, “Shaun said looking at me like a wild eyed child who wanted another ride on the Farris wheel at a carnival. My mother’s books were filled with children who had that expression Shaun wore this moment.
I mulled over what Shaun had said. It was pure hunger pulling at my stomach and confusing my mind. I stood and Shaun stood when something caught my eye.
It was Sarah sitting down to eat some of the meat passed around by that haggard old woman who could be in her thirties. I shouted and waved. “Sarah. Sarah it’s me.” My heart rose with appreciation of life. I had my family back. No longer could I carry around the thought and guilt of losing my sister.
The group didn’t hear my feeble cries. They were occupied with their dinner.
“Quiet. Lay down,” Shaun said pulling me to the dirt.
My little sister whom I had played with and said that I would always feed and protect. She was alive. “She’s alive. She’s alive,” I said soft and low with my fingers digging into Shaun’s shoulder with a vise like grip.
I stood on my knees and turned to Shaun saying, “Let’s go down and greet these people. They’re feeding my sister. There is humanity left in the world.”
“Wait,” Shaun said rising and holding on to my hand. “Don’t go. Don’t go down there.” H
e shook his head.
“But why? I questioned. He didn’t say a word but took a deep breath then exhaled slowly, closed his eyes and said, “That’s not Sarah.”
“But it’s her dress. That pretty yellow and white sun dress with the blue butterflies. Her favorite. My mom made it for her. She was wearing it when…” I choked. “It’s her,” I insisted.
“It’s her dress alright, but it’s not Sarah wearing it.” I turned and fell on my stomach leaning over the cliff to get a better position to see. “You saw what your mind told you to see. You’re not thinking straight. You want her to be alive. Now believe your eyes,” Shaun said to me.
My head fell into the dirt and dust. Shaun was right. It wasn’t Sarah. I turned my head to him still not convinced, “Then why is she wearing Sarah’s dress?” I said in a dry wail.
“Do I have to tell you? Don’t you know?”
“Then…” Before I could ask the question Shaun stood and pulled me up with him.
“It’s not her. And that meat they’re eating is Sarah,” he said in a detached voice as if she was a dog that had been abandoned by its owner freeing him from the guilt of having to kill it.
My body wracked with hunger caused my knees to buckle and the little strength I had, drained from me like an old man taking his last breath, and I fell full face into the dry lifeless ground. I don’t know where the tears came from but I felt water on my cheek. My hand touched my eyes and then the ground.
My face was wet. I couldn’t have cried. I didn’t have any water today. I dug my fist into the moist ground. “What are you doing David?” It’s time to go.” He reached for my shirt to set me upright.
“There’s water here,” I whispered.
“Where?” Shaun asked stooping to get a better look. His hands searching where my face had been.
“You’re right,” he said smiling for a second time.
I dug into the mud when a puddle of water came to the surface. I bent my head and sucked the water and more flowed up. I moved to let Shaun get his fill as I searched around for life. Where there’s water there’s life. And I began to feel around for worms. When I brought my hand up, there were worms swimming in the mud and roots from plants.
I didn’t know what kind of plants and I didn’t care. If they killed me, then that would save me from a terrible death only hunger can bring.
Just as quickly as the water pooled it disappeared. We had no shovels for digging. Those were left in the truck. In my state of severe hunger and thirst I had forgotten about my sister. At one point in madness of hunger, I admitted to myself that I considered joining in on the feast. The only question was what do we do next?
We knew without speech. We pulled the backpacks over our arms and trudged in a line out of sight of the family of cannibals. The picture and smell of my sister’s flesh cooking remained in my nostrils long into the night. We kept walking and never spoke of what we saw.
I think if I spoke of the unforgivable reality, I wouldn’t be able to put one foot in front of the other. But we managed to get out of that God forsaken area with its heat and orange sky and dust.
The breaking of dawn brought in a new reality. There appeared to be a change of weather in the place we now traveled. There was a different sky when the morning came.
It was as if we were in another universe. The sky was gray and the yellow haze appeared to cut through the sky. It looked like the sun had reached a sliver of the earth’s surface.
We were exhausted. We had walked out of that valley and we were miles high now. There was no way we would go on any further. “I need sleep.”
Shaun fell to the dirt and rocks and placed his sleeping bag in front of him, opened it and crawled in. We hadn’t eaten since we found the earth worms and roots, but our stomachs were full of water and that would keep us until we woke.
I hadn’t had a bowel movement. That wasn’t a good sign. Maybe I did and didn’t remember the last time I took a shit. It was days I know. We were running out of food and water. We could live without food for weeks but water was different. We had to have fresh water. I took a look at the map before I hid in my sleeping bag. I guarded my LED light like a thief. We couldn’t risk a fire. What if the Donner family had spotted us on that ledge? We had to be careful.
I referred to them as the Donner family and Shaun knew because he had read about a wagon train of people headed into these mountains going to California with no food and resorted to eating each other after the food gave out.
Would we turn on each other? I asked myself.
All questions big and small entered my head. I had to do something to keep from thinking. Thinking was making me afraid at every turn of the road. Afraid that there was no water or food. Afraid that we would turn on each other. Afraid to wake the next morning.
It appeared we would reach the first well tomorrow if we were lucky. I gave out a loud “yes.” We were headed in the right direction. The feeling of sadness about Sarah crept into me and the only thing that could ease my fear and sadness was sleep.
6
We woke to the sound of thunder and wind ripping away at our sleeping bags and threatening to carry us down the mountain ledge. I never felt such cold in my life. My teeth, arms, and legs involuntarily shivered. I had to place my arms around my chest to get control of my body. I managed to nudge Shaun on his shoulder. He buried himself deep inside the blanket and bag, curled up in a fetal position, and appeared to want to remain there.
“Leave me alone.” He shrugged my hand off of him. “Just let me die here,” he shouted.
“Get up Shaun. The shame of it is we will suffer from hunger before we die and that is probably worse than anything you could imagine. Now get your ass up.” He didn’t budge. I shook him and he finally move his head and glanced up at me with weary eyes. Eyes red and full of mucus. He appeared sick. Sick of everyone and everything. I thought it was the poison from a bad bat.
I had stopped eating them and went back to the dried meat and worms. We had only a few rations between now and death. It took more water and food to die easy and we didn’t have enough for that transition, which meant that death would be hard.
“What’s the use?” We will never reach there like this. Look at me.” He had a point but I wasn’t ready to give up and I couldn’t make it alone. I needed someone to talk to just to keep me sane.
I tried to think of something that would encourage him and get him to his feet. I lied to him. “We have only a few more miles to go before we reach the well and then I know we will have some kind of food. “Do you want to stop here when it will take us only hours?” I glanced at him gauging his reaction.” Remember where there’s water there’s food of some kind.”
Shaun slowly emerged from the bag and stood. He looked at me letting out a large sigh, and then he packed up his gear, strapped it to his back, and without food we walked into the cold gray dreary day heading for something that may exist. Only God knows and I’m sure we would be the last he would tell.
I caught up with Shaun as he walked like a soldier who had seen death. One foot in front of the other willing his body to go on. His eyes dazed and his hands hanging to the side. Once and a while his hands curled into a fist as if he was talking to someone. Who? I don’t know. Maybe himself. Could he be delusional? I read that lack of water affects the mind. I called out to him.
“Stop Shaun. We need to turn at the fork in the road.” He turned, his eyes wandering around, his head pointed in my direction. He was lucid it showed in his eyes and he asked a question I had posed to myself over and over.
“How do you know for sure?”
“What?” I asked.
He pivot on his feet, making a step in my direction, glaring at me with anger. His eyes ablaze. “How do you know that there will be a well?”
“It’s in the map,” I said trying to calm him.
“How do I know the map exist? You show me a piece of paper and says it’s a map and expect me to believe. Now I can’t believe anything. I ne
ed to see it,” he said with his mouth curled downward as if a tear would fall at any moment. But there wasn’t enough fluid in his body not even enough to take a piss.
I sat hard on the dirt in the middle of the road. My mind and eyes wandered around searching for something and finally settled on a road sign. It said route 66. I picked it up. “See Shaun,” I said holding it up so he could see it. He lumbered slowly over to me, bent his body forward, leaning on my spent weakened shoulder, like an old man tying his shoes, and picked it up. He examined it and threw it down. I picked it up again like it was gold and wiped off the dust.
“Look Shaun it’s on the map,” I said begging him to take a second look. He sat beside me and examined it.
“David, that map has nothing to do with wells.” I looked at him in disbelief.
“What do you mean?” I said to Shaun.
“This is the direction to the nearest gas stations that someone mapped out in the nineteen thirties,” he shouted. “I could have told you before we started in this direction, but you kept this worthless thing a secret.” Shaun threw the map, and I caught it in the air as it began to drift.
“Father said not to show it to anyone. It was too valuable.” We sat there facing each other rocking in each other’s arms not knowing what to do or where to go.
I remembered what my father had said. “A leader can never show defeat to those who follow him. He has to keep a positive attitude and press on even if he’s not sure, even if he knows that they are doomed. He has to keep moving because no one knows what tomorrow may bring.
I stood and grabbed Shaun by the collar and pulled him to his feet. “We are taking this route. If all those desperate people can travel it so can we. We’re worst off than they were. If nothing else we will find out what we are made of. If we survive this then so can others.”
Shaun glanced at me with questioning eyes, but he lumbered behind me all the same. I turned to see him and knew he had just about given up. His head lowered, his feet moving through sand like they were stuck in cement, “Pick up your feet Shaun and don’t slow down,” I cautioned. “It’s not far. Keep moving, keep moving and we will be there soon.”
Well 2 Page 3
