by Paris Rose
I quivered at the mention of him getting off to the thought of me. He was quite persuasive. Maybe signing the contract would make things better for both of us, at least in terms of our sex life. I knew that he had the skill and the power to satisfy all my desires, and to help me discover desires I didn’t even know I had.
I know I’m not a submissive person, nor will I ever be, but perhaps I should just submit to him exclusively. I might actually gain something from it… Maybe?
I drew a deep breath to try and settle my conflicted thoughts. “That’s not the part that scares me, Trevor. In fact, I like that part, but I don’t want to have to defer to you on all the decision-making. I like being my own person.” I pulled my shoulders back.
“Giavanna, there is no need to fear deferring to me. All the decisions that I make for you will be in your best interest. And, of course, I will always consider your wants, needs, and preferences in every decision that I make. As your Dom, it would be my job to keep you happy, and I intend to do just that.”
I sat quietly as I thought about the things he had said. He had a valid and persuasive counter-argument for every objection. I could see why he was so successful in business. Even though I was really against it at first, in this particular moment, signing the contract seemed like a good idea in my head. But for some reason, it didn’t feel right in my gut. I just wanted a normal and healthy relationship. But I guess normal and healthy was asking for a bit much, considering I was in a relationship with a man who was a creative genius. Both geniuses and artists are notoriously eccentric, and many are a little unhinged. I knew that Trevor was different from the beginning, but I just didn’t know to what extent. I was starting to sense that there was more darkness lurking beneath the surface than he’d let on. He was so good at pretending to be normal, but I knew him enough to know that he had many complex layers, many of which I had only seen a glimpse of.
Trevor was anything but normal. That’s not to say that he wasn’t amazing. In fact, he was almost superhuman. He was an extraordinary and impressive man, and he always treated me like a princess. Part of me felt like I owed it to him to sign the contract. He had given me so much, it was about due time I gave something back. But I knew there had to be a way that I could make him happy without becoming his submissive. All relationships take work. There was no reason that he and I couldn’t meet in the middle if we really tried.
I drew a deep breath as I thought about what I wanted to say. “You know what, Trevor? I believe you would be a good Dom, and I know that you would take really good care of me. But I’ve never done this before, so I’m not completely comfortable with it. Why can’t we just have a normal relationship, where we both make each other happy, with no contract, and no dominance and no submission? Can’t we just stick with a traditional relationship and make an extra effort to see each other more? What would be wrong with that?” I pushed.
He leaned back in his seat. His jaw was clenched, and he furrowed his brow. It looked like he was thinking so hard that it physically hurt. His eyes glistened. The way his energy shifted made me feel sick. Clearly something I said pained him, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. He looked away for a few moments before swallowing hard and clearing his throat. I’d never seen him react that way before.
“Giavanna, I would love to be able to give you the type of relationship you’re asking for. And Lord knows you deserve that and more. But the problem is, you’re asking me to give something I don’t have. I’m just not capable of maintaining the type of relationship you’re describing. I’m really sorry. But it’s best you find out now, before you get too emotionally invested.”
I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach, and the changing altitude didn’t help. A wave of nausea made my head spin. “Trevor, where’s the bathroom?” I stood abruptly.
“It’s the door right before you get to the curtain. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just need a moment.” I took a deep breath and scurried off to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me. The bathroom was luxurious and clean. I had never seen anything this nice in an airplane before. I sat on the floor and rested my back against the door. I swallowed hard as I struggled to keep the contents of my stomach where it belonged. My breath caught in my throat as I tried not to hyperventilate. It sounded like Trevor was going to break up with me if I didn’t sign the contract.
What did he mean, it’s best that I find out now before I get too invested? I already am invested. I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself to try and hold it together. After a few moments, I closed my eyes and realized I was overreacting. He didn’t say anything about breaking up with me. Maybe he was willing to make at least some sort of compromise, even if it wasn’t the exact relationship I was looking for.
After my stomach settled, I pulled myself to my feet and decided to go out there and talk to Trevor about how I was feeling instead of being sick over it. I grabbed a paper towel and dabbed the sweat from my brow. Thinking about the contract really stressed me out. I took a deep breath and joined Trevor again on the sofa.
“Babe, are you feeling okay? You don’t look so good.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just starting to feel a little airsick, but I’m okay now. And to be honest, I was rather hurt by what you said. It turned my stomach a little.”
“Why’s that? What did I say?” He looked genuinely perplexed.
“You said it’s better that I find out the truth now before I get too invested, but the thing is it’s already too late for that. I really want this to work, Trevor.”
“Well, if you want this to work then you’ll agree to be my sub. I’m just as invested in this as you are, or at least I’m trying to be, but my feelings can only go so deeply with the type of relationship we have right now. Like I’ve told you, this is the longest I’ve ever maintained a traditional relationship. I really do care about you, but it hasn’t been easy. I want you to be mine, to do with as I wish, and right now, I feel like I’m still courting you and you don’t really belong to me yet. I want to make what we have real. I want you to belong to me, and in return, I want to give you all I have. But I can’t do that unless you let me.”
I had a sneaking suspicion that Trevor had been holding some things back, but I had no idea how tortured he was in our relationship. The fact that what we had wasn’t making him happy pained me. I felt a lump grow in my throat, and my face flushed. I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. “Trevor, why didn’t you tell me you were unhappy? Why didn’t you speak up sooner?” I croaked as I choked back tears.
He put his arm around me and pulled me in close. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
He spoke softly. “I didn’t tell you how I was feeling, Giavanna, because I knew that you didn’t want to hear it. I figured it would upset you. I feel like I’m probably giving you mixed signals right now, but I want to be clear. I do want to be with you. You revived a part of me that I thought had died twelve years ago with my last real relationship. But what I’m saying is, I can’t go through the motions with you anymore. I want to take what we have to the next level. I want you to be my submissive. Will you let me train you to be my sub, Giavanna?”
I was grateful that Trevor was finally opening up and being honest with me, but he was right—I didn’t like what I was hearing. It was pretty clear that neither of us wanted to let the other go, but we both wanted different things. “I want to meet you in the middle, I do. But I can’t understand why you can’t just be my boyfriend, Trevor. Why? Why is having a normal relationship so difficult for you?” My tone was more accusatory than I’d intended. I felt Trevor’s muscles tense and he took his arm from around me.
“It’s a really long and unfortunate story Giavanna…one I’d rather not share. Besides, it won’t do either of us any good to overanalyze why I do what I do. The fact of the matter is I’m just not good at relationships. I don’t want to be this way but I am, and you poking and prodding at me isn’t
going to change that. So please stop asking so many fucking questions.” He spoke through gritted teeth and his eyes flickered with contempt. I had really set him off. I deeply regretted prying. I didn’t intend to upset him. I was simply trying to get to know him. I would have taken back the question if I could. He stood abruptly. “I need a beer. Do you want anything?”
“I’ll take a Bloody Mary if you have the mix.”
“Of course I have Bloody Mary mix, Giavanna. I have everything. When have I ever not had something that you wanted?” he snapped as he prepared a drink for me.
“I don’t think you want me to answer that, Trevor,” I snapped back. I didn’t appreciate his tone.
“I dare you to. I’ve always given you everything you asked for and more. I know you can’t say otherwise with a straight face.”
“Bullshit. I just asked you to be in a normal relationship with me and you said you had nothing more to give!” I exclaimed. The words just fell out of me. I immediately regretted what I said, but it was too late to take it back. Trevor glared at me.
“You little bitch.” He spat his words. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but nothing came out. I stared at Trevor with my heart racing and my mouth agape as he continued. “Why don’t you just take everything, then accuse me of giving you nothing? How selfish and unappreciative could you possibly be? I can’t believe you’re going to sit here on my private jet, drinking my Bloody Mary, on the way to my family’s house, and treat me this way—when I already told you I’m trying the best I can! Fuck that.” He slammed his hand down on the table. “I really don’t need your shit right now…or ever, for that matter. Enjoy your drink,” he said coldly. He thrust the Bloody Mary at me, grabbed his beer, and disappeared behind the curtain that separated the sofas from the bedroom area.
This was the first time I’d ever seen him really lose his temper. Usually I was the overly emotional one and Trevor was more subdued, even when he was furious. But this time, he really flew off the handle. He’d never talked to me that way before, and it was lucky for him that he hadn’t. I could be just as nasty as he was if I wanted to be, but in this moment, I was too stunned to retaliate. I was furious that he had been so disrespectful to me, and I was also hurt. His words cut deep. Even as angry as I was, part of me still felt guilty for provoking him.
Maybe Trevor was really trying and I was actually the selfish one like he said. Or maybe he was just an arrogant asshole… It totally had to be the latter.
I was so upset I wanted to scream. I chugged my drink to try to take the edge off. My face was hot with emotion and my stomach was in knots. I took a deep breath and allowed myself to cry. Holding it in hurt too much. I probably would have been better off to have just signed the contract. I was really stressed about the fact that Trevor and I were going to be together all day every day for four days straight and he was mad at me. I could always stay with my parents, but the thought of being with them and my sister for close to a week caused me even more distress than the fight with Trevor. Actually, both scenarios were equally bad. Not only were Trevor and I fighting, but we were going to have an audience. I really didn’t want to argue in front of his parents. They would of course take their son’s side, and I would look like the evil girlfriend.
I closed my eyes as I tried to stop myself from shaking. I couldn’t believe Trevor raised his voice at me. I didn’t even know how that fight happened. Everything escalated so quickly. Trevor and I rarely fought, at least not like this, but then again, we were rarely together. I took a few sips of my drink and pulled out the contract. I read it to myself twice.
Trevor’s right, he has been good to me… at least up until this point. I should at least try to accommodate his needs…I suppose.
I finished my drink and stretched out on the couch to clear my head. I laid there and wept quietly as I tried to figure out what to do about Trevor. I didn’t want to ruin Christmas with his family, so I figured I should be the bigger person and apologize, even though he was the one in the wrong. I made a mental note to be more careful about not pushing his buttons. It wasn’t fair that I had to walk on eggshells around him, but I really didn’t enjoy fighting like this. If I sign the contract, maybe he won’t get angry so easily.
The idea of signing the agreement was starting to seem more appealing, but for some reason, my gut told me it was a bad idea, so I decided not to sign it until I had more time to think about it. I never ignore my instincts. I was usually pretty intuitive, but with the stress of the holidays and the tension of having a long-distance relationship, I couldn’t think clearly.
Why do relationships have to be so complex?
I stood up and stretched. I hoped that I had given Trevor enough time to cool off. I was ready to make up, even if only for the sake of making our holiday more bearable.
I slowly pulled back the curtain. Trevor was wearing his noise cancellation headphones and scribbling furiously on a notepad. It looked like he didn’t want to be interrupted, so I quietly closed the curtain and went to sit back down. I pulled out my iPod and put my ear buds in.
I decided to listen to some Aus Deutschland. German industrial rock always had a therapeutic effect on me whenever I was frustrated. They did all of my screaming and growling for me so I didn’t have to. And the driving guitar riffs really resonated with me when I was upset. Aus Deutschland was the best. Christoff’s melodic baritone vocals always delighted me.
The sound of his voice stirred so many memories. The last time I was on a private jet was six months ago when I was interviewing Christoff, on the way to Chicago from L.A. He had really pissed me off that night, but somehow we ended up hooking up before we even made it to Chicago. No matter how much time passed or whom I fell in love with, I could never forget that night. It changed my life. I wondered what Christoff was doing at that exact moment on the other side of the world. Maybe he had just had a fight with his girlfriend. Or maybe he was still single. Or, knowing Christoff, he probably had multiple girlfriends.
I shook my head and smiled as I realized I’d made the right decision by choosing Trevor over Christoff. Christoff was a playboy and had already broken my heart once. I’d be a fool to let it happen again. Trevor was definitely more long-term material. Even if I did have to take part in his alternative lifestyle, at least he wasn’t a player. And I definitely wasn’t with him for his money, but I really did enjoy the lifestyle he provided. His jet was far bigger and more glamorous than Christoff’s. Not that those kinds of things mattered to me, but I did notice. I hope that being with a multi-billionaire isn’t turning me into a snob… Nah! My tastes have just become more refined. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to get lost in the music.
I don’t know how much time had passed, but all of a sudden I felt someone touch my knee. I jumped and my eyes popped wide open. Trevor sat down next to me. His hair was messy, but he looked like he had calmed down. In fact, he looked rather gleeful. I pulled my ear buds out. I was suspicious. “Giavanna, thank you!” His tone was bright. I was so confused. Less than an hour ago he was screaming and swearing at me, and now he’s thanking me? Strange. Is he clinically insane?
“What are you thanking me for?”
“For being my muse.”
“What?” I scrunched up my face. Yeah he is crazy…well, at least he isn’t yelling any more. Perhaps I should just be grateful that the storm has blown over.
“My current album that I’m supposed to go in the studio to record early next month was one track short. I had the music, but not the lyrics. Some of the things you said to me stirred up some emotions that I had been having trouble accessing. The fire that you ignited spurned me to write what I think is lyrically the strongest song on the album. I couldn’t have done it without you, so I suppose I should thank you.”
Trevor is so weird, but for some reason, I’m crazy about him. “Well, you’re welcome. So does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?” I sat up and looked into his eyes.
“Well, I’m not happy about some of th
e things you said earlier, but for now, I’ll let it go. And I’m sorry you had to see that side of me. I realize I was being an asshole. You did need to hear some of what I said, but I guess I didn’t have to raise my voice at you. You know I’m usually not like that. It’s just our conversation reminded me of some issues that I try not to think about too much. It’s shit that happened long before we met, and I know it’s not your fault, but I do need you to try to be more understanding.”
“I’m sorry, too, Trevor. When I realized that you were upset, I shouldn’t have continued to provoke you. I really could have handled things better. I’ll forgive you if you forgive me.”
“Deal.”
“You know, I’m not totally against signing the contract—I just need some more time to think about it, and I need you to understand that.”
“Fair enough. Let’s just let the issue rest and enjoy Christmas. I’ll expect a decision from you on or before New Year’s Day, but until then, I will just do my best to be the normal vanilla boyfriend that you’ve known for the past two months. How’s that sound?”
“Sounds good to me,” I beamed. Even though I was still hurt by the way he disrespected me, I was relieved that he and I were on good terms again.
“Good.” Trevor kissed me softly on the lips. My heart fluttered. He kissed me again. This time his lips lingered. He caressed the side of my face with his palm as he drove his tongue into my mouth. I massaged his tongue with mine. A wave of pleasure washed over me each time our tongues touched. I ran my fingers through his hair as he pushed me backwards and climbed on top of me. He kissed me deeply and passionately as his hands explored my body with firm, deep strokes.
