by Susan Reid
V. Starling
The last conversation between me and Ilka, after I finally had no choice but to confess, weighed heavily on my mind as I made my way back to my room.
Her reaction and words were not what I expected but I couldn’t make her keep this a secret either. She wouldn’t.
She told me I had to tell the elders in my assembly soon or she would be forced to do it. I understood her dilemma but at least she was sort of sympathetic, at least that’s what she appeared to be to me. I know she was right and I trusted her but I was frightened.
The few people that I bothered to notice or glance at from the corner of my eye were looking at me reverently now, but I felt as if everyone already knew or could see that I was pregnant, even though my stomach was still flat.
I didn’t say a word to Spencer, Kaia, or Brynn, leaving them all to wonder about the diagnosis in my silence. I left Ilka to give the report of my clean bill of both physical and mental health, which was essentially the truth anyway. I mumbled about heading to my room to get a change of clothes, bathe, and then nap for a long time. Even though they all three followed me out of the medical quarters, they left me to find my way back to my room alone, which surprised me and I appreciated it.
I was still dazed. I hadn’t even called out to Cam since earlier and I know he was probably going crazy with worry. I didn’t even know what else to say or do at this point.
“Starling! Oh my God!” I heard a high-pitched squeal from behind me.
Footsteps were quickly tapping towards me.
I managed to turn around just in time for Lira to slam into me, wrapping her thin arms around me in a firm hug. It was a touching greeting and it made me instantly smile as I hugged her back.
“I’m so glad you’re back and you’re okay! We thought you were gone forever!” She gasped, half laughing and half sobbing, which turned into spasmodic, hitching breaths.
Tears glistened in her big, brown eyes.
“Nope, I’m back.” I smiled while forcing back my own waterworks.
She paused to wipe her face, sniffing and hiccupping with a broad smile.
“Lira, I’m really sorry about what happened.” I then began.
“Sorry? What are you apologizing to me for? That was the most fun that I’ve had since I’ve been here.” She laughed and sniffed again.
“Really?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Most definitely!”
I sighed. “Still…”
She waved off the start of my self-deprecating speech. “Forget about me. You’re back and that’s what matters. I thought you were…” Her bottom lip and chin began to quiver and she began to cry all over again.
“Come on, no more tears. I made it back and I’m not gonna allow that happen to me or anyone else again if I can help it, okay?” I smiled.
She nodded with a weak smile.
Though I really could care less, I asked anyway. “Is Jamie alright?”
Lira beamed through her tears and wiped her face. “Of course she’s alright. It’s you we were all worried sick over. Thank you for saving her.”
I pressed my lips in a tight smile, feeling guilty. I hadn’t set out to save her entirely. I was careless and not thinking when I did it but I was glad that she was safe.
“What about Durien? Have you seen him today?” I asked her then.
She shook her head no. “I haven’t seen him since he and Spencer made it back.” She said softly.
“He didn’t get in trouble, did he?”
I would be righteously ticked if he did.
“No, but he blames himself for you getting taken. He left and he hasn’t been back here since then. I’m guessing that he’s at his place in the human realm.” She told me.
“He shouldn’t blame himself. No one should. Does anyone have a portal gem to his house?” I asked her.
“I don’t know. If you set a guest list with the alchemists and give permission, then those who are on it have access to portal gems to your home. I think Anthony and Gabe might be on his list. Do you want me to find one of them?”
I sighed.
“No, I’ll ask them myself but thanks. In the meantime, I’ll be in my room for a while. If you do happen to see him before I do, will you tell him that I’m back?” I told her.
“Of course.” She smiled, “Can you meet us in the dining hall before you retire to your room though? Everyone has been asking about you since you came through the portal.”
I really didn’t want to see or talk to anyone else right now. I just wanted to be alone to think about what I was going to do but the glimmer in her eyes held hope and excitement that I couldn’t rain on. She seemed to be among the few who were genuinely happy about my safe return so far.
I nodded. “Okay.”
~~~~****~~~~
I don’t know what the foul crap was that Cam had smeared into my hair but it took forever to wash out. I grumbled about it to myself as I combed through my still damp curls and fought with multiple tangles. Obviously there was no conditioner or blow drying mechanism here and these combs didn’t really do the job well. I couldn’t wait until I was able to venture back out into the human realm and establish my own home.
If I made it that long.
My hair has been a hot mess since the Eternal Lake skinny dip and then bathing at Cam’s place. Maybe I should take Spencer and Sean’s advice and just cut it. They said it would be like a handle to the fallen if it wasn’t tightly wound into a bun of some sort anyway.
It was so surreal knowing that a baby was growing inside of me right now. This was yet another experience that I never got the chance to have while I was still mortal.
What was I going to do though? What would I end up giving birth to? A supernatural or a human being? Or both? All of those questions scared and confused me. Regardless, I’m going to be a mother and that realization began to stir up an automatic protective instinct within.
Once I finished fixing my hair, I lingered in front of the mirror and stared at my reflection. I narrowed my eyes to fixate on my aura out of sheer curiosity. The bright, white light began to form a soft halo around me but there was something different now.
There were dark smudges in random spots that broke the solid continuity of the light surrounding me. The darkness smeared into my aura was definitely noticeable, and it was nothing that I could even attempt to hide. With another deep sigh, I closed my eyes.
“Starling.” Cam’s voice returned to me in a soothing, somewhat seductive tone.
The sound of his voice in my head when he said my name automatically created a frenzy of erotic sensations throughout my entire body. I could still feel him inside of me, and the phantom aftershocks of the multiple orgasms that left my legs feeling both rubbery and too weak to even kneel.
My breath caught. I was already literally craving him again.
I bit my bottom lip, keeping my eyes closed and answered him softly. “I’m here.”
“I couldn’t wait anymore. Are you alright?”
“Yeah.”
“What did the succor say?”
“She’s leaving it up to me to confess. If I don’t then she will, which is fine. I plan to. I don’t have any other choice.”
I heard him sigh softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you in this predicament and make you compromise what you were destined to be and have chosen. I don’t regret any of it though. I’d do it all again. Everything.”
“I don’t regret anything either and stop saying sorry. I’m not.
Then I paused. “Do…” I hesitated to ask the question because for me there was none, but given the fact that he kept apologizing about it made me wonder.
“Do you want me to get rid of it?” I asked softly.
“You can’t be seriously asking me that.” He sounded hurt.
“I just want to be sure, that’s all.”
It was silent on his end for a moment. “Are you sure? Though I’d do everything in my power to convince you otherwise, I�
��d understand if you…”
I would have been offended if it wasn’t apparent that Cam really wanted this child. I could hear it in his voice.
“I won’t lie to you, I’m am afraid but that thought never came to mind as an option. This baby…no matter what he or she is, will be a combination of the both of us and will have the same free will that all beings have.”
“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone. In fact, I’d rather you be here with me anyway.”
I paused. I believed him though I still felt an emotional tug at my heart.
“I know. I just didn’t think as an immortal…that I could even get pregnant or that you as…a supernatural spirit being could…you know.” I don’t know why after all we did together both in the spring behind the waterfall and in his bed, that I couldn’t even say the words. I felt silly.
“Though we fallen can still switch back and forth between our original spirit forms and physical flesh at will, ultimately we’ve been condemned to endure for eternity in flesh form, which means that I’m no longer perfect. Everything that comes with being of the male species applies. You’re female… and still human.” He explained.
It was then that I finally understood why he was so apologetic. Because he was keenly aware of all of that and I was clueless. I had to wonder if Cam had planned this. Fallen wanted female warriors to breed with and I assume that’s why they were all after me, especially Morning Star. But why just me when they could create whatever dual race of beings they wanted with other female warriors? Have they been able to? What made them think that they’d be able impregnate me? Well—Cam had been able to.
I didn’t want to follow where my mind was going to next. I didn’t want to believe anything bad or negative about Cam but he was a Fallen, and I was told never to trust anything that a Fallen did or said. But what if… no, I wasn’t gonna even go there and think that at all. I swallowed thickly, my heart pounding slow and hard. Warm tears began to pool in my eyes.
There was an air of silence and sudden curiosity gnawed at me again. “Will you tell me why you fell now?” I asked.
“No.”
Was he serious? Why was he keeping it such a guarded secret? This was going to drive me crazy. His evasiveness about it was making me suspicious, which wasn’t helping given my current thoughts.
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to continue to talk about this like this. I need to be able to see and hold you.”
“I won’t see you at all until you tell me.”
This time, he was silent for a long time. I thought he had abruptly ended the conversation for the sake of maintaining his secrecy and it was slowly breaking my heart.
“Ok, you win, but afterwards you’ll owe me something.”
His response surprised me but it made me smile. Maybe I was overreacting and jumping to conclusions. I’d almost forgotten that Cam is an incubus. Whatever that something was, I was certain that it involved physical contact—not that I wouldn’t have given in to him anyway.
“I suppose.” I agreed softly.
“You don’t even know what I want.”
“Um, yeah, I think I do.”
He laughed. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay.” I smiled to myself.
Returning to my room to put my things away before heading to the dining room to meet the others, I stopped short in the doorway. Sitting on the writing desk, next the notebook for my journal, was a simple crystal vase filled with small white, bell-shaped flowers, surrounded by long, slender, vibrantly green leaves. The bouquet was beautifully arranged and a hint of fresh floral dew clung to the air. It struck a memory of springtime, filling my room with a relaxing, soft scent.
I raised a brow of curious surprise as I walked over to examine and smell them up close. Was this a welcome back gift or something from Lira and the others?
“Those are lily-of-the-valleys.” I heard from behind me.
I turned around to see Jamie, leaning against the doorjamb with her arms around her middle. She appeared softer, more toned down. Her long, dark brown braid hung loosely over her shoulder.
“They’re beautiful.”
She nodded. “Those should last a long time too.”
It was almost as if she were having a hard time maintaining eye contact with me, like a sheepish avoidance.
“Did you leave these here?” I asked her.
She shifted and inhaled. “I thought you’d like them. They’re…sort of a…welcome back thing…and,” She glanced at the floor, shifting her stance again, and then to my surprise— she began to cry.
VI. Cam`ael
She had me in the palm of her hand, already wielding the power that women had over men…that she had over me. It didn’t take long. I’d do anything for her.
I smirked to myself.
I was going to have to be seductive and clever to get out of telling her my history. She wanted to know what I did to fall. It wasn’t that it was horrible, I was both embarrassed and ashamed of it. Even more so, by the existence and activities that I took part in thereafter. I was already wearing my shame, seeing the permanent black marks whenever I revealed and spread my wings. Wasn’t that enough?
The dark symbols that ruined my once great wings, and my formerly gold brandings, now cursed to blood red, were more than visual proof and constant reminders.
Edanai, Ry, and Rahab were the only ones who knew the basic truth, but no one knew the whole truth in its entirety except for Elohim. Of course, Morning Star knew much of it too but he was the last fallen that could judge or measure any of our sins or disobedience against his own. I didn’t want Starling to see me as desperate and foolish, and in my opinion it was pointless anyway.
I sealed and hid the book that Berith gave me behind the largest bookshelf in my bed chamber. I would need a good amount of time to attempt to read it and I may not even do it here or the human realm.
I decided that I would head into another dimension later, a place that would offer quiet and privacy. A place that Morning Star and his clan knew nothing about—so that it would remain safe from his eyes and repossession.
I was cloaked and only a few feet away from the border of the sanctified grounds of the Divine hall while we were engaged in our mental conversation. I had to see what was happening up close. Though I had already been detected by the all-white, strange animals that roamed freely on the grounds, and a few of the warriors, none of them made any move or attempts to confront me.
I began to retreat, slowly backing further into the trees of the neutral zone, still listening and watching. A sudden streak of white luminescence whizzed past me, embedding itself deep into the trunk of a tree right next to me with a solid thump. Wood creatures and implings chittered and scampered away to hide in the leaves and bushes.
I tensed and abruptly whirled around, wielding my sword but remaining cloaked, just as another projectile zipped right over my head. Thrusting a palm forward, I conjured a shield of dark energy in front of me, which stopped the next five shots dead in their tracks. It allowed me to see what they were more clearly too.
Glowing silver bolts.
It was obvious that the attacks were meant to get my attention. Whoever it was would have had a clear shot the first time. Though I had an idea of who these belonged to, I wasn’t taking chances.
The trapped bolts, leaving them suspended in the field of dark energy that formed my shield, until they finally began to dissipate into wisps of bluish white smoke. Durien stepped out from behind a wide-girthed tree several yards away.
He cracked something in his fist and made a motion of throwing it down. A portal shot upwards, glimmering in a kaleidoscope of muted colors. With one last glance over his shoulder at me, he ventured through and I followed him.
~~~~****~~~~
There was already a fracture in the protective wards surrounding his place, so I simply ghosted in. He was standing at the panoramic window, looking at the evening sunset over the water in the distance. His feet
were planted shoulder width apart, fists at his waist, and I could feel unstable anger wafting off of him.
“I guess you must have forgotten that you guys still cast shadows when the sun is high.” He spoke first, not turning to face me yet.
I smirked. That fact was the main reason we cloak at night. In the darkness, it was near impossible for the warriors to see or detect us by sight. So, the hall did manage to offer these future warriors something of value.
“Ah, that explains your extremely bad aiming then but I could have been any one of the others.” I reminded him.
He grunted sarcastically. “Your scent is distinct. You don’t smell like all the others. No one in your circle does.” He stated flatly.
I nodded, approaching him slowly and stopping halfway just as he turned around to face me.
“You just don’t quit do you, man? Now you’re hanging out that close to the vicinity of the hall? For what? If you’re looking for Starling…she’s gone! She got taken and she ain’t coming back, okay?!” His teeth were clenched and he was fuming.
Durien looked like…shit.
His eyes were bloodshot and there were worry lines between his eyebrows that made him look a lot older than his young age.
He was upset with me, that much was clear and I knew why. He slowly relaxed his arms but his fists were still clenched so tightly, prominent veins protruded from the tops of his hands.
I kept my eyes on his and debated joining him at the window.
